I felt the need to vent!

Submitted by Heather_H on December 3, 2005 - 1:08pm
Body: 

Hi everbody,
It has been a while since I've checked on the website but I felt the need to vent about my urogynocologist appointment last week.

I have to say I was impressed that she said she wouldn't push a C-section if I decided to have another child - she said to go for the vaginal birth if that's what I wanted.

However, I still ended up walking out of that room feeling like a crushed, blubbering idiot. Why do doctors push Kegels so much? It's their answer to every pelvic floor question/problem. First of all the dr. had a resident with her (another female) and they proceeded to look up my vagina, pointing and prodding with what felt like a pen -my imagination I'm sure - and talking in their almighty doctor speak, like I wasn't even there. This was only after downtalking to me ("We here you're having troubles with your 'bottom'" as if I wouldn't know what "prolapse" meant or would be offended to hear the word "vagina"). She asked me to contract my pf muscles (not the easiest thing to do when you have your feet in stirrups and your butt hanging off the table, not to mention an audience and a dr's fingers up your vagina! Well, I squeezed, and she said "There's nothing. Can you do a Kegel?" I tried again and she said "Nothing. Well, 1 in 3 women can't contract their pelvic floor muscles." I responded, pleading my tears not to come, "It's a good thing I went to physio for 5 months" and she said, "Oh, you've been to physio? That's what I was going to recommend". My tears came, damnit. "Maybe if you'd read my chart you could have been a little more sensitive" was what I was thinking. She told me not to feel like a freak (who said I felt like a freak?) Anyway, she went on to say I had to think of myself as vulnerable to prolapses just as a woman with cancer in her family would be vulnerable to cancer (nice analogy!) and that I'd have to adjust my life accordingly . . . i.e. not lift 10 bags of groceries at once, not shovelling the walk, not gardening, not picking up my son when he cries - go down to his level instead!!! Teach my son to get into his high chair himself!!! Is this woman a mother!!!! And then she went on to say that I should feel sorry for my neighbour when I see her carrying all her groceries, knowing she'd be in to see her (the dr.) when she's 60 and to be happy that I was there at my age. I was so mad when I left. Can you tell? I don't even care if any of you got down this far in this long hot aired email because I feel better having typed it out. I should start keeping a journal I guess!

Anyway, I got home and picked up my son and gave him a big hug. Thanks for listening to my venting - those of you who made it this far.

Heather

Christine

December 3, 2005 - 3:57pm

Dear Heather,

I know that was a difficult experience for you, but what a gift you

ann.helen

December 3, 2005 - 6:10pm

Heather - great post!

It's infuriating to be prodded and poked and and spoken to rudely, brusquely or worse.

Funny, having had all my past experiences as unpleasant to upsetting, regular professional, ordinary niceness and straight polite patient listening and talking from the urogynocologist i went to last week felt like some extra-ordinary event to be shouted about from the rooftops.

Here ye here ye Normal Gyne encounter!! I think i even asked Christine could we mention Gyne's we find helpfull/ or very unhelpfull.

And Christine, but becuase you're such a rock for all us gal's I do forget that you're also doing you're own healing and need to vent etc.. But as they say in the states - you go girl! (woman :))

(And by the way Christine - do you think this is a good idea, legal, ethical, to mention our gyne doc by name? Or is it something you think is suitable for this board)

On another note, i did read dotted in abound the net, posting's of women discussing their feeling that gentle rebounding was definately helpfull for their prolapse.

Though a few voiced concerns about the pressure of the excercise.

I could dig them out those paragraphs if you like.

Best Wishes to all

aprile

December 4, 2005 - 5:26pm

Oh Heather I felt so sad reading your post. I guess all of us at the site have been victimized by the very doctors who we trust to "treat" us. I remember when I went to see my doctor to confirm what I already knew. My doctor did all the usual things to my body to confirm that indeed I did have a prolapse (cystocele and slight rectocele) and then he went on to "stage" me. Although he said stage 2 cycstocele and only a slight rectocele, he encouraged surgery anyway. After all, "it's way down there" he said to me, and went on to explain how it's ligaments that are stretched out. Thankfully, I came upon this fantastic, supportive site and my thinking and heart went in the exact opposite direction of my doctor and my even family who seem to think of Doctor's as Gods. By learning from what other women have to say and listening to Christine's inspirational words and heartfelt story is what keeps us all interconnected in a very special way through cyberspace. Keep the faith Heather...this work will pay off. Try the sea sponges too. They really work great for those times when you are on your feet for long periods of time, helps a lot with the pressure. After all, it's only gravity separating us from those without prolapse! Take good care, April

Christine

December 5, 2005 - 5:19pm

Thanks so much, Anne-Helen and April. You both are great.

I was considering starting a "bad doctors" list, but after weighing the potential liabilites, let that idea go in a hurry. I think it's probably best not to mention them by name at all, for as Bob Dylan sang, "You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows." I'm glad at least you found a supportive practitioner, Anne.

Indeed, please tell us who is talking about jumping - we need all the info we can get!!

:-) Christine

Heather_H

December 5, 2005 - 7:09pm

Anne-Helen, April, Christine - Thanks for your posts. It's so true, such supportive, inspirational women are here on this site. It feels so good knowing you all are out there in this great big world.

fullofgrace

December 5, 2005 - 7:14pm

Heather,
I think the most damaging part of prolapse is the "death sentence" doctors pronounce on women with their list of prohibitiions. How ridiculous to think that a mother would not pick up her child?! But I've been there with that advice. Let her crawl up into her car seat--uh, okay four feet off the ground into our minivan. Besides the fact that she hates her car seat. Come ON!

I still pick up my 5 year old to give her hugs and kisses. To think that all the daily things we have to as far as lifting and stuff is concerned we have to abandon is intolerable. I have really found success with the posture.

Christine, why not a list of good doctors? It won't take up much space...LOL!

I went a go GP who is the best doctor I have gone to. He was my midwives back up doctor. I saw him twice during my pregnancy and went back to him when I discovered prolapse. When I called him all distraught, he called me back AT HOME--FROM HIS HOME! He talked to me and scheduled the appointment for me HIMSELF! I was absolutely floored. At my appointment he showed me pictures of the change in the structure of the vagina after birth and that really brought me comfort and helped to normalize the changes I was seeing. We knew I had dropped some, but that some of the change was just the result of natural birth. AFter my appointment I had some more questions and he called me at home again. Pretty good service from a man I had only seen three times. Sadly, he is an hour away and it was not practical to continue seeing him. But if I ever had a symptom develop that my normal doc was treating to my satisfaction, I would call him in a heartbeat.

Jane

granolamom

December 5, 2005 - 7:29pm

oh Heather!!!! lots of {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} to you. What an insensitive (and ignorant)dr. I'm so sorry you had to experience that.

Christine

December 6, 2005 - 6:11pm

Well...let's bring on the short list, then! Hopefully it will inspire doctors and surgeons to be more discriminatory, judicious, responsible, and accountable. ;-)

Heather_H

December 9, 2005 - 7:37pm

Jane - That doctor sounds amazing. My jaw is seriously on the floor . . . I guess that treatment is "old school" as all the "new school" doctors call it. One family doctor I recently tried out (and will never go back to) actually stood typing at her laptop with her back to me during the whole conversation part of the visit. Apparently this chartless idea (i.e. pen and paperless . . . i.e. depersonalization!!) is the direction the "new school" is going.

AnneH

December 10, 2005 - 7:19am

I hate that! One of my doctors did that and it completely disconcerted me. You're TYPING notes while I'm talking to you?? Jotting something on a pad while maintaining repeated eye contact is fine; typing into a laptop is a whole 'nother thing. It made me feel like he was relating to the computer, not me.

Anneh

aprile

December 10, 2005 - 9:11am

Hi Jane,

Boy do I know what you mean. I have an 8-year old boy who weighs more than half of what I weigh and he STILL likes me to pick him up every now and then! Ha! We certainly can pick things up and move things that are heavy (with help) if we use proper body mechanics. I have changed my posture to the point where I don't even think about it anymore. It is so natural to me! I have learned so much from Christine about the things that work and those that don't -- like avoiding eating heavy foods that are hard to digest which causes the cystocele/rectocele to worsen. I truly feel that with the correct posture, support when we need it (like the sponges), and a positive attitude we can all get by just fine! Be well everyone!