Thanks to everyone for your help

Submitted by clareb2014 on September 25, 2014 - 3:35pm
Body: 

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't been online for a few weeks, but things have been so much better for me with my constipation, as a consequence of all of the lovely advice that everyone has given to me on here.

At times I was spending upwards of 90 minutes sat on the toilet trying to go - but I haven't had that problem for ages.

The most frustrating thing - and not sure if anyone agrees - is the incomplete emptying when you only manage a pebble, and you are having to stop and wipe your bottom, even though you still need to go. This still happens occasionally unfortunately.

I still can't have a bowel movement in a cubicle at work and have to hold on until I get home - but I don't think I'll ever be able to resolve that problem!!!

Clare

Forum:

Surviving60

September 26, 2014 - 4:36am

Hi Clare - I am glad to know that things have gotten better, and would love to hear what helped and what didn't. That is really what this forum is all about, so please share! - Surviving

clareb2014

September 27, 2014 - 3:43pm

Hi Surviving,

Thanks so much :)

I think the vast majority of my problems come from my toilet anxiety - and unfortunately my fear of not being able to go, was actually preventing me from going. So I'd sit on the toilet - worry that nothing would happen - and then I'd strain and it wouldn't come out, which would create a loop and my anxiety would go up - increasing the problem and difficulty.

If any of the forum experts can explain what happens with the muscles when you try to go with that kind of anxiety problem that would be really helpful for me to know.

The improvements are really from increasing the amount of fibre I have been eating, which has made it easier to have a few successful bowel movements, and to stop the anxiety loop from building of worrying about not being able to use the toilet.

Work toilets are still impossible to have a successful bowel movement on though - what do you do if somebody uses the next cubicle when you are trying to go? Do you have to wait for them to leave?

Clare xx

lifegoeson04

September 28, 2014 - 2:10am

Hello,

To me though it sounds like your not in control of your constipation because where you described a pebble, that sounds more like your still constipated and I used to worry so much about being constipated I wouldn't want to go the toilet as nothing would happen. Still think you need to work on that because of you could just go without having to strain it may take a way worry. About work they don't know who is in the cubicle and we all have to go so just try to ignore it and wait for them to leave. But if you get your bowels better you may be able to get a routine like I normally go just once in the morning now instead of 4 times a day. I know you've had lots of suggestions on improving diet etc so will leave that with you just wanted to share my thoughts. Take care

Surviving60

September 28, 2014 - 4:45am

Hi Clare - I admit I had the same reaction as lifegoeson, it didn't sound to me like you had made any progress with the constipation. Adding some fibre isn't much of a solution, and pooping out a pebble is, well, better than nothing, but not much. I still think you have some dietary changes to consider. There is a vicious cycle going on here.

Public bathrooms are just a fact of life. There isn't a person on earth who doesn't prefer the comfort and privacy of their own bathroom. But you can't live that way, especially if you work full-time, so somehow you must "get over yourself" and realize that the person in the next stall doesn't care what's going on in yours. Up until I had kids, I virtually never pooped at work. After kids my "plumbing" changed completely, and never again would I have the luxury to wait around all day so that I could go to my own bathroom. I go too much and that will never change. My office bathroom is as familiar as my own, and I feel extremely thankful that I have the kind of job that allows me to get up and go any time and as often as I need to.....because many working women do not have that luxury. - Surviving

clareb2014

September 28, 2014 - 10:24am

Thanks Surviving - I always appreciate your help.

My constipation has improved - it's not perfect - but it's better than it was a couple of months ago. Much less straining required, and I have far less failed attempts at having bowel movements.

Still not perfect though. I still get - and I'm not sure how to describe this or if anyone else gets the same - what I call "slip back", which is where you can move the stool down, but can't pass it, and it keeps retreating back up again. Hugely frustrating.

What would you do in the following scenario Surviving and Lifegoeson?

You really, really need to go - but as soon you sit down in a works toilet cubicle you realise that you're having major problems getting started. Then somebody comes in and uses the next cubicle.

What would you do?

Thanks Lifegoeson also for your help.

Clare

Surviving60

September 28, 2014 - 2:57pm

I sit there until I go, or if I can't go right then, and I'm concerned about being away from my desk too long, I'll leave and come back when the urge is stronger and/or I have more leisure to sit. My bowels frequently don't cooperate, but it has little to do with what's going on in the next cubicle.

I think if you would sort out the constipation with some dietary measures, the phobia about public restrooms might improve on its own, at least a little. That part of it is totally mental, but the constipation must be dealt with. If you do not have a prolapse now, you will, with all that straining. - Surviving

lifegoeson04

September 30, 2014 - 3:20pm

Well I have that feeling if I am constipated and sometimes if I can't empty my bowels. Normally if I get it right I have to go and don't not even if I am in a public toilet because it will then just get worse and if I don't go then I normally lose the urge and then will be constipated when I finally go :( hope you get it sorted though, when you say it feels like it's going back up is that only at work, not at home I assume

clareb2014

October 1, 2014 - 3:41pm

Thanks lifegoeson :)

The "slip back" happens whether I'm at home or at work. It's frustrating more than anything else, because you keep thinking that things are happening, but then have to relax and... you're back to square one again!

Does this happen to anyone else?

Aging gracefully

October 1, 2014 - 4:33pm

This is a pretty common symptom of constipation, Claire. And, your added anxiety of public bathrooms only adds to it. If you are still getting pebbles, then you are still experiencing constipation. You said that you have been getting better. Can you tell us specifically what you are doing for the constipation?

Surviving60

October 1, 2014 - 4:43pm

Yep, happens to me usually when I'm rushed. But since I'm not chronically constipated, it usually sorts itself out on the next bathroom visit. To be honest, Clare, though you came here asking for help, it seems like you really just wanted to talk about your constipation and trade stories, not really address it. Aren't you tired of it? What are you doing about it? - Surviving

clareb2014

October 1, 2014 - 5:44pm

Hi Surviving and Aging,

Three things really - more fibre, occasional suppositories, and trying to find ways to relax when I'm sitting on the toilet.

Sorry to keep talking about my constipation - but I've found it really helpful to talk with people who suffer from/have suffered from difficulties with using the toilet.

Clare

Aging gracefully

October 1, 2014 - 5:52pm

Claire,
Adding fibre and suppositories doesn't seem to be the best solution for you so far, because you are still constipated. Too much fibre can also just cause bloating and possible diarrhea. Also, suppositories can be a fine solution on occasion, but I wouldn't rely on those for long term. I think more dietary changes need to be made. You aren't even at the tip of the ice berg in alleviating your constipation, and no amount of talking to us about is going to fix that. More conscious work needs to be done on your part.

Surviving60

October 1, 2014 - 5:53pm

Clare, these steps don't seem to be making a huge difference, as far as I can tell from your recent posts. And you were already taking fibre supplements, so maybe all this bulk is working against you instead of helping. You got lots of dietary suggestions on the original post. - Surviving (Posted same time as you, AG!)

clareb2014

October 5, 2014 - 2:24pm

Thanks Surviving & Aging,

Do you think this might be a contributing factor?

I wonder whether I might be inadvertently locking my anal sphincter closed whilst trying to have a bowel movement, due to my anxiety about not being able to go. Kind of like pushing against myself.

Would that make sense do you think?

When you are having trouble going, do you have any particular techniques that you use when you are on the toilet? Do you sit for a long time? Read a book? Try any different sitting positions on the toilet? What do you do?

Aging gracefully

October 5, 2014 - 3:15pm

Claire,
I understand that you have this anxiety that may contribute to not being able to relax enough to have a proper bowel movement, but if you take care of your bowels properly through a good diet, drinking plenty of water, possibly getting the good bacteria back into your gut through eating fermented foods, etc., etc. you can overcome all this, because your bowels will move wether you are holding tight or not. Proper moving bowels with a good peristalsis can't be held back.
Pebbles equals constipation, and as long as this continues, you will not have that proper bowel movement feeling.
Claire, tell me what you are eating in a given day, not what I want to hear, but exactly what you are eating. Give me a list. This is where we should start.

Surviving60

October 5, 2014 - 4:43pm

Exercise too, Clare, are you getting plenty of that? Essential for keeping sluggish bowels going. - Surviving

Aging gracefully

October 5, 2014 - 4:49pm

So true, surviving, but it seems as though Clare wants to keep going back to the end result, not what comes before that. And, I have to wonder why that is? I feel like we are in this endless circular conversation that never goes anywhere.

Surviving60

October 5, 2014 - 5:29pm

Well, I tend to get a little peevish at times, whereas Aging Gracefully is known for her infinite patience. If you see her coming the end of her rope, then you can bet it's time to stop dilly-dallying and dancing around this issue. Take some action, please!! - Surviving

ActiveandLapsed

October 6, 2014 - 1:38am

Surviving60 and AG you guys are great.

What about buying the vluva care DVD Clare and the Saving the Whole Women book. There is lots of info about food and herbs on the DVD and info in the book. If you get things going up you could do the exercises that the women talk about on her and walk in posture. That is what I do and I try and be zen and trust that things will work eventually and I have two young kids so to use a quote from on here 'put on my big girl pants' and get on with things.

Surviving60

October 6, 2014 - 4:47am

Apart from warning Clare what all this straining might be doing to her pelvic organs, we haven't had a serious talk about posture and WW principles. I am sure that even if she does not have prolapse now, surely she has become aware of the issues from reading this forum. At least I hope. I would love to help her look at the big picture here. But all she wants to talk about so far is her fear of the toilet. Time to get beyond that, solve the constipation problem and move on to how she can protect her spine, hips and pelvic organ support system for life. - Surviving