An update

It's not that we don't believe you, Clare, but I think you have neurosis that centers on your bowels and inability to relax enough to go on the toilet. Surviving can speak for herself and give you advice as she sees fit, but I simply don't know what else we could tell you that we haven't all ready.
We are simple lay people that developed prolapse, not medical professionals by any means.
Have you considered seeking out a doctor that deals in mental or sociological disorders? They may find a way to help you learn to relax enough to go to the toilet, or find the root cause of your anxiety.
Because, this seems like more of an anxiety issue rather than a physical one.

Goodness no, it was never an issue of believing you or not. But you were given many practical suggestions, primarily dietary, to get things going, and we never got any feedback or any indication that you were trying to better your situation....other than talking about it. You were just getting more and more stressed out.

As AG says, we don't give medical advice, we are just women dealing with prolapse. But between you and me, "functional constipation" sounds like a real cop-out diagnosis. Basically meaningless. If you have a longer transit time between eating and pooping, that shouldn't be a cause for constipation. You need to fix this with diet and stress management. No one at work cares what's going on in that bathroom stall except you. So, eat fresh fruits and veggies, drink plenty of water, exercise, try magnesium citrate if you haven't already.....you are stuck in a vicious cycle right now. We are fresh out of new ideas.

And though I know nothing about the medication you mentioned, I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that drugs aren't the answer here. - Surviving

Clare, although you don't have prolapse now, we have suggested many times that in addition to deaing with the constipation and constant straining, you need to adopt Whole Woman posture as an additional measure in getting things under control. This posture correction is not just for prolapse stabilization, but for the overall health of the spine and hips as we age. It improves everything.....when the organs are properly aligned, everything just works better.

But it has been just another suggestion of ours that has fallen on deaf ears. - Surviving

We have covered straining many times in your older posts. It would be a good idea to go back to your older posts and reread them.

I agree - everyone needs to increase pressure sometimes when going - that is where body position and WW posture come in. You can push a bit if you are protecting lumbar curvature, and hopefully by now you know what we are talking about there. Hard straining is different - especially if your lower back is flattened. - Surviving

ClareB2014 I have read some of your posts and I have the exact same problem as you. I'm not sure if it's partly ibs, or an inability to properly relax my pelvic floor, or a prolapse, but it's a nightmare to manage as it causes so much anxiety straining and wondering if I'm done or not in the bathroom on a daily basis. I too don't know anymore if I'm using the wrong muscles and over straining to try and empty as it feels like I can't close my spinchters properly (not sure if that is just my imagination or not). However I have now over the past few weeks decided to stop trying to keep emptying my bowel when maybe I really don't need to as I am thinking that my poor posture ( C shape) could be contributing to this feeling of thinking I need to go when I dont, and iam trying really hard to fix things with walking and standing straight. It has helped a bit as I'm not straining as much. I Think biofeedback is a good help for pelvic floor inability to relax so maybe asking GP for referral for that might help you a bit. Wishing you well. Charlene.

Charlene, were you ever able to figure out the posture? I read back on some of your old posts and you were having a lot of trouble relaxing your belly. Straining in bad posture is terrible for your prolapse. I don't think Clare is even working on her posture, but we would be interested to know if you have made any progress. - Surviving

I found this post with both Fab and surviving giving excellent advice on this issue:

https://wholewoman.com/forum/node/4584

And, I also agree with surviving that this could be a postural problem as well. I myself had a lot of problems going until I was really working on the posture work and strengthening exercises, as well as regular walking and dietary changes. Getting better and better at posture seemed to unkink and relax everything, and then movement became so much easier.

Thanks Aging Gracefully for pulling up that old discussion with Charlene. Charlene, it seems that we pretty well established that your problem in the bathroom was because you couldn't tell the difference between the pressure of the prolapse, and the need to empty the bowels. You were not having much luck adopting the posture, but you were able to make that pressure go away by getting down on hands and knees. You said you were not constipated, and yet I guess you were straining on the toilet because you still felt full after you had moved your bowels. Maybe next time this happens, you can get down on hands and knees and see if this tells you anything about whether or not you really need to go.

Meanwhile......you need to figure out this posture. Do you have the First Aid for Prolapse dvd? Can you relax your belly and pull up your chest? - Surviving

Clare, with all that straining you do, I can pretty much guarantee that you have a pelvic organ prolapse in the making as we speak. You post on here from time to time, but you don't seem to read the answers, nor do you seem to be aware of postural issues, despite that being our main theme here - Surviving

I am flummoxed. I keep rereading Clare's post, and all I get from it is that she has an extreme anxiety issue about public toilets to point that she won't allow herself to relax enough to go, and then when she gets home she has held it for so long, she is then too constipated to go. Such a vicious cycle to be in. This kind of straining is definetly going to lead prolapse, and I don't really know what we can tell her to relieve her anxiety. Maybe just seriously delving into the posture work will help her to relax. Give it a try Clare, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing the whole woman work.

If I know I am going out I allow enough time, so that I am not rushing in the morning to drink water and eat my breakfast, so that my body will eliminate after then if not before.
I give it the best chance then and if nothing does happen I wait until the next day or go whenever it happens. If there is any extra difficulty, not resolved by normal pushing I try never to force.
Working out a routine and reading your body Clare may help...
All the best,
Aussie Soul Sister

Well, of course. If I'm in the stall for any length of time, there might be 2 or 3 people coming and going from that next stall. If it's one person, and it's otherwise very quiet in there, I might possibly decide to wait and come back later. It's just a fact of life that we'd all rather poop in the privacy of our home than anywhere else. That person next to you is probably just as self-conscious as you are. Up until I had kids, in my late 30's, I would avoid going anywhere but home. I could probably count on the fingers of ONE hand, the number of times I'd gone when I was out somewhere. After kids, and after prolapse, the changes in my body no longer allowed me the luxury of dictating to my bowels in that way. I usually do what's necessary for my health and comfort. Just getting too old to be that self-conscious, I guess! - Surviving

If something's not going to happen within the first 5 minutes or so, I leave and come back at another time. I don't sit there and strain and push. And I certainly can't just vanish from sight in the middle of my working day. Time, moving around, and a few more gulps of warm tea usually do the trick.

All the tensions and feelings you describe are natural and normal to have....we all do. No one likes to poop among strangers or co-workers, or feel rushed. But you can't let these things completely control your existence. - Surviving

Clare,
There is no amount of time sitting on the toilet that will make constipated bowels move. You really need to get beyond this way of thinking. Our bowels are moving all the time, not just when we decide to sit down on the toilet. You do realize that. Don't you?
The reason why this gets so frustrating is that you keep asking the exact same questions, and we keep trying to give you a lot of really good advice that you don't seem to be reading at all.
Some kind of therapy might be good for you, or relaxation techniques, or meditation, or even whole woman workouts--they are very relaxing! Anything but what you are doing now which is obviously not working.

Clare, I'm going to ask you one more time, and I want you to answer. Do you know what WW posture is? - Surviving

The thing is that I do know what it is like to be chronically constipated, having had it most of my life. I know that feeling of having the stool just sitting there uncomfortably in my rectum for days at times. Straining so hard that not only does it not come out but seems to slide back up. I completely understand this. But, once you take control, it won't control you anymore.
If you take all of our advice that we have been giving you over the past few months, and just started applying it to your life, you would find that you aren't going to be able to help but go, wether someone is in the stall next to you or not. Your body will just take over. It will start to regulate into a really good routine, probably even eliminating shortly upon waking and then you won't have to have these panic modes at work.
The thing is though, you would have to actually start taking our advice. And then you wouldn't have to keep coming back here and asking those two exact same questions every time. You could move on from all this anxiety and fear which is legitimate, but so unnecessary in the bigger scheme of life.

I understand what Clare is going through. I have had this same anxiety. Mine started as a child that was forbidden to go #2 in any place but home. I know my Mom didn't realize what she was doing to me, but it really messed me up. We were also told NOT to ask to go to the bathroom when we went places so I developed anxiety over peeing too. I am sure some of this contributed to my prolapses. Once I figured out where this stuff came from I was able to address it and give myself permission to be human! Its okay to go in public and its okay to ask to use a bathroom. I carry around with me some 'poop" spray that gets rid of odor and I use it. If you gotta go, you gotta go. I tell my granddaughter to NOT hold either no matter where we are! It is a cycle you can break, but it will not happen over night. Be patient with yourself and use the posture at all times, especially on the toilet. No one can make you relax, but you. Breathe and drink lots of water to keep things going. Eat properly and I use Aloe capsules when I get hard stools. Its easier to go when you keep it all soft. You said your bowels don't contract properly and there are herbs that can help with that. Your life will get better when you decide not to hyper-focus on your elimination habits. I have been where you are. It can be overcome with some work and strong resolve that you no longer want to be a slave to your bladder and your bowels. I am glad you posted your problem cause I thought I was the only one in the whole world that suffered with this. I don't feel like such a freak now! Get into posture and do the fire breathing and other resources here on Whole Woman--you can do this. Hope this helped you---I would have given anything to know someone else had the same problem I had most of my whole life. Don't be afraid to get some help from a mental health person. It will benefit you greatly---but most of all--copy the Whole Woman Philosophy.

hi , I also had a hard time going to the bathroom. what I do is ,warm about 2 oz of prune juice and drink it down then I have I cup of coffee . and about 5 0r 10 minutes I get the urge to go. it works good for me. I also have the book . Saving the whole women . I have been working on my posture which helps.
I have a Bladder Prolapse.

Here is my recipe for regularity. 1 pear, handful of raw pumpkin seeds, tablespoon of chia seeds, 1/4 avocado and add coconut milk blend in a juicer or blender. It works!!

Wonderful additions to the list ladies, but Clare's problems are more on the psychological level rather than the physiological, although if she doesn't start doing something, she will end up with prolapse before this is all said and done.

AG is so correct - Clare has been given countless suggestions to keep things moving along, in hopes that if the constipation was sorted out, she would no longer have this bathroom anxiety at work, with its accompanying problem of not being able to go once she got home either. But she has never responded on any of our suggestions, she only comes back on to talk some more about how long she spent sitting on the toilet today, etc. etc. It is a vicious cycle. - Surviving

I hope Clare comes back to the group and reads my post. I understand the psychological block she is having. You ladies are right. Unless that issue is addressed, no amount of suggestions will work for her.