Can you tell me?

Submitted by wenz on November 23, 2006 - 1:59am
Body: 

Hi, I haven't posted for a while but have been reading every day what people are saying and feeling about their prolapses. I put in a rather smug post last time about how kegels had "cured" my prolapse, but that was just one of the many "remissions" I seem to have - I still do kegels because I feel more toned because of it, but the fact remains that the little bulge I get comes and goes - sometimes I go for days without any symptoms, then I might get the slight discomfort coming and going several times a day. Although I have reached menopause (am 51, two children) I wonder if I might still be getting hormonal changes that used to bring my period and hence the uterus might be dropping a bit around that time. But even at its worst, it is a very slight bulge so would you say it is "mild" prolapse? I think it must be because sometimes there's no bulge at all. I have read on other posts that the uterus can be very mobile so that would explain the coming and going thing. The other thing I watch like a hawk is that I don't strain on the loo - I think in my case there is a definite connection between that and how comfortable I am going to be that day. Anyway, would be interested in what you think - I am also watching my weight and walking at least 20 mins a day, briskly.
Cheers, Wendy

louiseds

November 23, 2006 - 7:36pm

Hi Wenz

I think you might be spot on about menopause. We tend to think of it as an event, when in fact it is just the cessation of bleeding that results from gradual level changes of several hormones over a period of maybe several years. Why should the hormonal changes stop dead when the bleeding stops, even though the uterus seems to still produce hormones after menopause? It makes much better sense that any hormonal changes would continue to happen gradually.

Yeah, I wondered if you would have second thoughts over the 'Kegels cure' ;-). I like Kegels for the body awareness they give me. My cervix seems to still come and go a bit for me too. All this Wholewoman stuff is not a cure, but a way of minimising prolapse symptoms. If the symptoms are not there 85% of the time that's good enough for me. I may as well not have prolapse. It is constant management, but it's a darned sight better for me than having my nether regions rearranged surgically over and over again for the next 30 or 40 years.

I think this prolapse thing is the single most influential factor for me in looking after my body these days. It is so tied up with my feelings about my body as a woman, and that carries over into how I want my daughter to respect her body for the miracles it can enable, and the loveliness of a woman's body. Not very well-expressed, but you get the idea.

Cheers

Louise

wenz

November 24, 2006 - 5:08pm

It was good to get such a sensible and caring reply, thanks. I think your feelings as regards our bodies is so true, I am actually quite terrified of surgical options as regards my uterus and pelvic floor area. And I so agree that putting up with minor niggles with my prolapse is far better than being surgically rearranged. However if I had a lot worse problem I don't think I'd find it easy to refuse surgery so it's never that simple. My husband left me over a year ago which was when my prolapse first became noticeable to me (but I don't think that was the reason he left, even though it may have helped him make up his mind). However, I do know that sex isn't a problem with such a mild condition, so at least that's one thing I don't have to worry about in the future (unless of course it gets a lot worse). Does anyone know if prolapses do tend to get worse or not? I seem to remember someone saying that they don't but I'm not sure about that.
Cheers,
Wendy

louiseds

November 26, 2006 - 7:48am

Hi Wendy

I've been a member of Wholewoman since October 2005, after being diagnosed with a slight uterine prolapse about 20 years ago, and an updated diagnosis of all three about August 2005, and told to have surgery soon, ie in the following 12 months or it would get worse, and the surgery would need to be much more complicated.

So I have been using Wholewoman methods for just over 13 months, and it is definitely better to the point of not being a problem 95% of the time, rather than worse, and there is no way I can see myself needing surgery at all. The unknown variable is, of course that I am 53 and still having regular periods. When my periods stop it may be a totally different game.

There are women out there who have been a part of Wholewoman for much longer than I have, and who may have similar or different stories. Wise women, where are you? Does it ever get worse without surgery if you do all the Wholewoman things? What about the effect of menopause?

Anyway, the bottom line is that it is getting no worse, and I can put up with this level for another 40 or 50 years if I have to, or maybe a bit worse. If I choose to have surgery at some point in the future I will make sure I try all the non-surgical means first, and then I will go into surgery with a positive, informed and realistic outlook.

Cheers

Louise

MeMyselfAndI

November 26, 2006 - 7:57am

August 2005

And I can also say that 99% of the time I feel nothing now (I would say the 1% counts as I only know it's there cos I hafta do my 'icky' feel to check if I really do still have it!

I do less than ten Kegels a day as they have helped with urinary incontinence amazingly - Other than that - It is not something that controls my life any more :) And that is fantastic :-)

I reckon as life goes on it will at some point attempt to rear itself again - Who knows - When it does I will check myself - And move on :-) Checking posture and stuff - Thinking and checking that everything is as it should be

I think I would try the Pessary as my mother has one and said it has given her great relief from dragging feeling. She has had it about a year next Feb.

Unless my life becomes intolerable and I wish myself dead (I have Death-o-phobia so would hafta be bad for that!) Then I will try every non-surgical route on this planet and beyond :-)
Sue

mommi2three

November 27, 2006 - 9:55am

Hi Wendy,

I noticed your comment about your husband and I am sad to say that I am in that very situation now. My husband is divorcing me after 13 years and 3 children. I am in my thirties and my youngest will be 2 yrs. old December 1st. This comes about after one year of discovering my prolapses. Like your husband, this probably isn't the only reason to want out. He couldn't deal with my whole process of pain and acceptance of my condition. He didn't agree with my choice for a nonsurgical route. The stress of 3 kids under 5 yrs old. broke the camel's back. After all these years I feel that i have nothing to show for it. The kids are great but I don't even have the choice of being the mother by their side everyday. How did you cope? I hurt everyday that I am away from them. I only hope to be stronger but I can't stop longing for the family that I don;t have anymore.

Christine

November 27, 2006 - 3:28pm

Oh Mommy2three :-( I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your marriage. It may be for the best, though, if he can’t or isn’t willing to support you in the ways you need to be supported. I grieve with you at the loss of time with your kids. I know some mothers prefer breaks from their kids, but I NEVER wanted to be away from mine until I had to be because of divorce and day care. Luckily it wasn’t too long before I was able to be a mom-at-home again. The universe has a way of showering us with gifts when we least expect it! Please stay strong, create your future by your present state of mind, and fill your heart with thanks for all the blessings you do have.

Lilly Anne

November 27, 2006 - 7:14pm

I was just reading your posts and they made me so sad. I don't have a lot to offer other then that I am so sorry about all that you are going through.

My situation is very different and I'd like to share it with you, because I just feel so sad. I am 40, divorced (10 years ago) and both of my parents have passed away. I have no kids.

One of my biggest fears after my father died was getting sick and being so all alone. Other then IBS which I learned to ignore I have been very healthy. (Ignoring the IBS evidentially was my downfall).

Now I have a prolapsed bladder. My doctor said it was very minor and to just ignore it being that I have no symptoms. Since that visit I seem to have symptoms. I have done so much reading that I am not sure if they are real or imagined. I am making myself crazy. I decided today to make an additional appointment with a urogynocologist. I am just wracked with anxiety that it has gotten worse.

I also fear due to the prolapse that I will never date again. What will go through random date guys mind when he goes there? Will I still enjoy it? Will it hurt? Will he think its gross?

I just really needed to vent. I do feel your pain ladies!

-Lilly Anne

wenz

November 27, 2006 - 7:45pm

I didn't cope very well at all when my husband went. I went into shock and it felt like I was going to die of fright. I was 51 when he left over a year ago. He went straight into a relationship with a woman who has had a hysterectomy (he told me this) and who is a smoker (which is something he hates). So I don't think he made a move for the better but he's still with her. They were both insensitive to my pain at the time and my ex insisted on my daughters (both of them) associating with this woman only weeks after we separated. I still miss him terribly and was weak enough to be persuaded to have sex with him a number of times in the months after he left. Incidentally, the sex was great and the minor prolapse was not a problem - that was almost the only thing that was reassuring about it. I don't advise anyone to have sex with their ex, particularly if they think it will bring you back together, that is what I thought and I was hurt all over again when it didn't happen. I have now accepted that it is over and there will be no more intimacy for my own peace of mind. I can only say to you, mommi2three, that you will survive and there is life after your separation. It hurts like hell, but you will make it. All the best from someone who is older and wiser from her experiences.
Cheers,
Wendy

granolamom

November 27, 2006 - 8:19pm

so sorry to hear about your divorce.
my parents divorced shortly after there was a fire in our house (no one was hurt but we basically had to live in a trailer in the driveway for months, it was awfully stressful). I know that's not *why*, but my dad couldn't handle the stress. Turns out (very long story) my mom's a whole lot better off now.
I hope you find the strength to cope with the trying times ahead and the ability to find peace and joy once again.
((((hugs))))

AnnW

November 27, 2006 - 8:24pm

Mommy2Three,

I'm so sorry to hear about the end of your marriage. I'm sending you thoughts of strength and wisdom. I hope that you find that this to is a transition to something beautiful. It's hard to see it that way when you're in pain. I love Christine's thoughts below and found strength in them. Hope you did, too. Big hugs to you,
Ann

AnnW

November 27, 2006 - 8:35pm

Hi Lilly Anne,

I'm so happy you found this site and I hope that you've found some strength from reading the posts and the wealth of information. Take heart in the fact that your case is mild and that there is so much you can do to help keep it from getting worse. I've found the posture, diet and fire-breathing so helpful.

Regarding sex...My prolapse is/was/can be (it's so fluid, this thing) bulgier than yours and sex is not a problem at all. My husband says he can't feel a thing. When you are lying down and in the throes of passion, everything goes back to it's rightful place. That's how my Physical Therapist described it. Really, your next lover will not even know the difference. To me it's proof that our bodies know the way back to their original, healthy state.

And I can completely relate to obsessing over it and perhaps creating the symptoms mentally. My sense of how lifted things are can depend entirely on what my PT or doc says. All I can say is that, just be aware that the mind plays a huge role in all of this. Why not channel all those thoughts into imagining your bladder lifted up and supported. I'm telling myself this as much as I'm telling you, by the way...

Good luck and know that we are here for you. Let us know what your gyno says.

Ann

Lilly Anne

November 28, 2006 - 7:22pm

A friend of mine once gave me sage advice that I would like to say to you. You just dodged a bullet! Your ex sounds like a weak man. He ran from one relationship right into another. He was too weak to feel! Who needs him. You deserve better.

As far as the sex that you had with him, rock on! You loved him and your heart was in the right place. When it comes to sex, men don't think with their hearts.

I had a really bad day overthinking my prolapse! I'm sorry if my email seems harsh! You seem like a great person and you deserve a man that can bring more to the table!

-Lilly Anne

Lilly Anne

November 28, 2006 - 7:35pm

Thank you very much for your supportive response. You offered me some very good advice that I will really think about. I know that I am making my symptoms worse by overthinking them. I can't even tell if its IBS or bladder at this point. I know that the mind plays a very important role in healing or in my case making the symptoms worse.

I think your advice about imagining my bladder lifted up and supported is better then obsessing that it is going to fall out completely.

I was wondering about PT. How often do you go and what are the appointments like?

Thank you again, I had a really bad day and its good to know that you ladies are here for me as I am for you.

- Lilly Anne

AnnW

November 28, 2006 - 8:24pm

Hi Lily Anne,

I've been seeing a PT for just over a year. At first, I went a couple of times a week, but that was because I was still healing from my tearing, and she was mostly doing internal massage, soft tissue release and trigger point release to help me heal. After about a month, we started with strength work.

She taught me a number of exercises to engage the PF that go beyond kegels. She also did bio-feedback to measure how my strength was improving. She also continues to do soft tissue massage to release tension and holding. For me, it's been a matter of strengthening and releasing.

I now go about every six weeks.

I think it's really important to find a PT who specializes in pelvic health in women.

Hope this helps.
Ann

Lilly Anne

November 28, 2006 - 9:56pm

Ann:

Thank you for your PT info. This definately seems like something that I want to find out more about. I have an appointment with a urogyn in 2 weeks even though my gyn thought it was crazy (I'll ask him about a recommendation for PT). I just need to be in control of my own body. In this respect, I know best. Even if this appointment ends up being best for me mentally.

Thank you for your info. and support!

Goodnight!

-Lilly Anne