i am just sad here

Submitted by howdidthishappen on March 7, 2007 - 12:29pm
Body: 

i am sad these days. so struggling with my body that i barely know what to do or think.

so now it seems i am leaking a lot at the moment. i mean...WHAT??? WHAT NEXT? what is going on here and what am i to do? i feel so down and crummy about this, trying to figure out how to help myself when it seems just to be snowballing into more and more problems. honestly, what i want to do is sit and cry away, and yet i can't seem to get the tears to come. i am 43. what is this going to look like for me in six months? a year? 5 years?

the specifics with the leaking now are when i stand up, fluid seems to come out. now is doesn't SMELL like urine, but i just don't know what else it could be. it's not any sort of thicker discharge which might make me think it's some sort of infection or even hormonal -- though i guess it is about when i'm ovulating, though i don't discharge such watery stuff usually.

right now, i am feeling pretty hopeless. i know. this isn't helping me at all, but i just can't put a good spin on all this in my brain right now. my head tells me i'm still young, but i feel as though my body is falling apart, that i'll never have ragingly hot sex again and it just saddens me so damn much today.

crap.

just a vent, everyone. i needed to get this out.

thank you all for being here.

xxsusan

wenz

March 7, 2007 - 1:12pm

If I were you, I would consider seeing the doc about the leaking thing. It may not be connected with your prolapse at all although I have no idea what it might be. Don't forget the support you have here, it will help keep you together. Don't despair. I know kegels aren't popular with many on this site, but others have said it helps with bladder incontinence. Do you do kegels at all? I could help explain how to do them if you like.
Cheers,
Wendy

UKmummy

March 7, 2007 - 1:14pm

Susan,

I am with you, just sent you an e mail. Hang in there!

Michelle x

granolamom

March 7, 2007 - 1:46pm

I went through a very leaky phase too. It didn't smell like urine, but it wasn't like typical vaginal discharge either. just thin and copious, no smell. I don't remember how long it lasted, only that it was a while. this was before I started to see any improvement with the cystocele (I didn't see any improvement for a looong time).

at some point the discharge started to change in consistency and I noticed it was related to my cycles. then one day I realized it was gone.

so I hope yours follows a similar course. of course if it smells odd or you have any other symptoms have it checked out just in case, you know.

sounds like you're headed towards rock bottom, and I'm sorry you're in such a lousy place. good news is, at some point the only way to go will be up. things will get better. they always do.

we're here for you in the meantime.

Lilly Anne

March 7, 2007 - 6:39pm

I know exactly how you feel. I was leaking last week and this week, its gone. Was it urine? Was it discharge? I don't know. I was pretty upset as well. Then I went out to dinner with a friend and she mentioned to me that most women leak at one point or another. I am not sure what it was that I was leaking but it stopped. Perhaps your leaking is cycle related. Or, are you wearing tight pants that are trapping in moisture? That would be something to think about as well.

I honestly think that this will pass. You have been under a lot of stress lately. Stress can hit us in so many ways.

You my friend are in my thoughts...

Hugs

- Lilly Anne

reka108

March 8, 2007 - 1:48am

I am so sorry!!!!

I have no idea what this can be but it might be worth checking with your doctor...

Hang in there, it WILL get better!

Lots of love,
Reka xxx

howdidthishappen

March 8, 2007 - 5:06am

really, thank you so much for all you comments and thoughts. it really means so much to me.

and lilly anne, you really have been so much of a champion for me. it means so much to me -- just has gotten me through. thank YOU especially.

you know, i know a few of you have mentioned getting it checked out with my gyn. here's how i feel right now. i have always been really fastidious about being that go-to-the-doctor type, you know? do my yearly paps, mammos, blood work -- i'm just that type. right now, though, it seems like all this starting after my surgery in october when i had my d& c and polyps removed. yes, my periods had been insanely heavy before that but jesus! i was managing it, you know? and even the tests my gyn did for the surgery felt so invasive (not to mention some of them hurt!) that i just feel like this is all too interconnected. and so i am reluctant to go to my gyn now. what would she do? she would probably order up a bunch of invasive tests and then tell me what? my urethra is dropped? my bladder? and that i need surgery? that just all feels so wrong to me that, no, i can't go there right now. i am not in pain, there is no blood. it's the mental piece that is hard for me really and, knowing my hyper test obsessed gyn who has a tendancy to want to think the worst and want to rule it out...i need to find a more gentle, thoughtful way with this right now.

i am seeing the pt this morning. she has a good sense of what's what. i will speak to pam about it. i also need to note that this just started after that damn fall a couple of weeks back andd there's probably some connection and so there are things i can do and/or settle down, calm down. i suspect, though, that i also need to look around for a more holistic, less test happy gyn. that is something i am going to do within the next month, i think. someone who can hear me say: i am not interested in surgery. i do not want that invasive test. when i was with my present gyn, she did a transvaginal sonogram and saw the polyps and immediately did the hytersonogram -- which hurt quite a lot as they put a catheter in my uterus to fill it with fluid and she had a hard time getting the catheter in! no discussion of the test, no discussion of my choice to HAVE the test. do you see where i'm coming from? it was traumatic.

and so, this fluid -- i am pretty sure it's urine. there is no smell, nothing burns. i will see my pt today and think about what she has to say and take it from there. it occurs to me that i know a midwife who might be good for well woman care as well. i think i'll call her later and speak with her.

just wanted to explain all this, everyone. i appreciate everyone's thoughts. my plate is too full right now and, actually, metaphorically, it makes sense things are leaking out right now. i need to look at THAT piece and trust that my body is really basically quite strong and okay. a rough patch now? oh yes, you bet. and is it extremely difficult and scary for me? yes again. but i do need to remind myself of it's basic strength. we'll see how the day goes, how the pt appointment goes. i'll do the best i can slogging through today.

great love to you all.

xxsusan

Grandma Joy

March 8, 2007 - 3:38pm

Hi Susan,

Sorry I haven't been able to write you, I've been out of town a great deal this past week and since Murphy's Law has been in effect around here, everything just ends up being a total surprise!

There is also a possibility your body is just getting rid of some toxins. Someone else wrote that sometimes we just leak. We all may be going through a "healing crisis" at times where the body does throw off toxins, be it flu-like symptoms, a runny nose, an achy feeling or breaking out in a sweat or maybe even having diahrrea where there doesn't seem to really be a cause for it. I know, too, since you have been aggressively addressing all your issues, that you may be going through several "healing crisis", mainly because of the vitamins, you take, the organic food you've been eating and the probiotics you've been taking. Each item I mentioned done separately would cause a healing crisis and this is good - it means the body is functioning right. Even taking a new load of vitamins will put your body into a toxin release syndrome. But since you have been doing several things, your body is trying to keep up with the cleaning up process.

I fear this doesn't sound like much help, but believe me, I think it's part and parcel of us learning and doing the things we are so eager to do for ourselves.

Much love,
Grandma Joy

Lilly Anne

March 8, 2007 - 10:12pm

As you know, life outside of our website has been traumatic at best. (I'll address that with you off line). Anyway, even though I haven't written that much this week I have been thinking of you often and feel just awful that I haven't been more present to help. You've picked me up so many times. I am just so drained by my work stuff that I haven't been able to put my thoughts into words. I will write to you this weekend as I want to catch up with you.

I really meant what I said in my earlier post. Last week I leaked and this week I am completely dry. I noticed the same thing last month too. I think I stopped leaking though after my dinner with my friend. She explained to me that most women leak now and again. I just felt so much better after she said that. So was it nerves, was it my cycle, I just don't know. I am just happy that it subsided. I think yours will too. I felt better using a panty liner. It made me feel cleaner. Perhaps carry one in your purse and use it when you feel necessary. I HONESTLY feel it could be temporary.

Also, perhaps something else to consider is switching doctors. In my lifetime I have been to some great doctors and some not so great. It sounds like you have lost confidence with yours. Who could blame you! Ask your friends or family who they use and if they like them. Interview them first. When I went for my 3rd consultation I went to a practice in a local hospital. I didn't know any of the doctors. I described myself as a very emotional patient. I asked who would have the most patience dealing with a cryer. I wanted to make sure the doctor wouldn't dismiss me. He ended up being very nice.

Susan, you are definately in my thoughts. I'll write to you off line tomorrow as I am just so spent.

- Lilly Anne

howdidthishappen

March 9, 2007 - 4:38am

grandma joy and lilly anne...

huge hugs to you both. HUGE!

as you know from the e-mail i sent you, grandma joy, i think your sense of this is really quite accurate. and, as you also said, if you thought this was something that needed medical intervention on, you would say so. i would also go to an md if i thought so as well. but i do actually think this is a passing thing -- and lilly anne, it's interesting that this is happening this week because i am ovulating this week, so there could very well be a connection with this. (it occurs to me that this has also happened before, albeit very briefly, and had i noted it, i might have seen a hormonal connection.) but i think that and the detox notion makes sense.

the trip to the pt was reassuring for me because i have yet to get a good sense of where things are -- in terms of the prolapses, that is and what they look like on me. (time to pull out the self exam article perhaps?) she was objective about it, has seen me a lot over the past few months and said things looked really fine -- rectocele as its been, bladder very minimally dropped. as she put it, the cystocele looks like what it does for any woman who has had a vaginal birth. but she did also tell me that i need to get to a more accepting place with this -- which i agree with -- and that i need to get more realistic about what i do. that is, when i think about it, the downshift happened when i was just feeling so GREAT i was pretty much forgetting all about it and doing things the same old way -- lots of time at the gym in addition to miles of walking outside. her point to me was not that i can't do these things anymore, but that i do need to THINK about it and not do all those things in one day -- and people on this site have gently suggested similar things (ahem ahem) but i didn't want to listen. or accept that. and i honestly don't know that i will accept it today but i know i need to move towards that and, even if i DON'T accept it, i need to know its truth and listen to the wisdom anyways. my acceptance will happen when it does and i don't think i can MAKE that happen. but i have a friend who likes to say she can act-as-if about things and it helps her a lot. so i can ACT like i accept it, and heed the smart advice and know that i'm doing the best things for myself. or i can keep ignoring it and go through longer,more extended periods of feeling shitty. i mean, i may very well still feel shitty today, but i think i will act wisely about tending to my body, at least. we'll see what that does for me.

this is all such a trip, isn't it? i can't believe i'm on this. and, that this is forever. whew. acceptance? uh...don't think i'm there yet. but then, i do get back to thinking about this place that i have found and all these truly extraordinary women i have come across. extra extra ordinary. even in this virtual medium, i feel bolstered by you all.

love to all.

xxsusan

alemama

March 10, 2007 - 9:34am

I have struggled with the what next question for the last couple of months- that is until I read a recent post from Christine. She said the worst thing that could happen is a softball sized protrusion outside of the body-
So I have spent some time visualizing this- I have meditated on it- I have even dreamed about it-
I have imagined what it would be like to have this inside part of me on the outside- (even though I know with the posture and lifestyle changes that this will probably never happen to me) all the pain it would cause, the exhaustion, the leaking, the frustration. And I believe that I am in the process of getting okay with it. If the worst thing that is going to happen to me is this softball sized protrusion - I can deal. I will be okay.
Is my body falling apart- yep
but it can only fall so far. (thank goodness)
as to sex- well- I guess I am in that baby having stage of my life and so I am patient with sex. It took me about a year after my first to have ragingly hot sex. A little less time after my second - and I'll keep you posted now that I have POP with how it goes- for now I am content with gentle, loving, satisfying sex.
I am 27- I read something recently about younger women having more trouble with *that bulgy feeling*- well duhhh- we have longer to live with it - and we know that things only get looser- so we are more anxious about what will come- add to that the lack of wisdom that comes with age and the demands of motherhood and tuhdah you get full on panic mode from the younger set.
I know the worst- my uterus bladder and bowl could all prolapse- but I will still be here- still have a quality of life. If it gets awful I'll shove it all back in and lie down and read a good book.
So many women make so many sacrifices. I will draw on their strength.
Susan- I would like you to try this
try to spend 15 minutes every day meditating on the worst thing that could happen- feel the panic and you might just find the calm.

howdidthishappen

March 10, 2007 - 7:24pm

yes indeed you are.

you know, i was the one who had e-mailed christine that question about how bad can it get. i was glad when she posted it on the forum as well as it did reassure me. i thought: okay, i wont be walking around and suddenly find my bladder sliding along the side walk between my feet. or -- maybe worse yet -- the image of it dangling at my knees. yes, the softball size notion was -- gulp -- sort of tolerable.

and, thank you for commenting on the notion of younger women having a harder time. though i'm not as young as you are, i do think even at 43, it's different experiencing a prolapse than it might be for a woman in her 60's or 70's. i think. i may be wrong here. but, as you said, we have a loooooooooong time to go with living with this and i think that does shift things. not to mention the sense of ease many woman both your age and mine experience with their bodies -- that is different for us now, isn't it alemama. and, well, i think that SUCKS, plain and simple. but it is what it is. however, your image of just "shoving it back in" and lying down to read a book did make me laugh my ass off. yeah, you're right. okay. not what i had planned but i can handle it.

my older sister's husband had a major health crisis last year. she calls the way things are in their life now as the new normal. i have always liked that term. and i am finding my way with my own new normal. operative words there: still finding my way.

thanks for all these great posts of support. you're all amazing.

love to all.

susan

granolamom

March 10, 2007 - 7:51pm

thanks for your post. I was starting to worry about what will be post baby and meditating on 'the worst it could be' is strangely calming.

I agree with you about the younger group panicking more, as we have longer to go with this. just wanted to add that there's also the 'its not fair, its not supposed to happen like this' feeling too. I've heard of prolapse before only assumed it only happened to little old ladies. I think the women who've posted here who are in their 50's, 60's and so on, are not little old ladies either. we always seem to think 'it can't happen to me' and when it does, well, where do you even go from there?? its maddening as hell.

around the time I noticed my 'celes, my younger sister (she's 32 now) began to lose her hearing. just one of those things that 'shouldn't' happen to a young woman. and it sucks big time. I told her I think its worse than prolapse. she was quiet for a moment and said softly 'I don't think so'. so I guess we do learn to live with our new-normal and fear anything we haven't spent time learning to accept.

thank G-d for this supportive forum. I couldn't do it alone that's for sure.

{{{{hugs}}}} to you all

a6a25725

March 10, 2007 - 9:34pm

Hi Everyone,
I had to put my comments in here too. I don't know if it is that much different for an older woman when she gets a prolapse or not. I can empathize with the feelings of everyone who posted here about their feelings when they realize they have a prolapse. When I discovered mine I didn't even know what a prolapse was and was sure my insides were falling out. I was a nervous wreck, then the first idiot doctor I had told me I was turning inside out. i really started to feel panicky. He of course said I needed surgery but I could try a pessary until he could arrange the surgery. The pessary of course made me feel almost normal and the panic started to subside. When I got home
I searched the internet to find out more about prolapse. I still thought I would need surgery until I found this web site.
I guess once the mystery was no longer a mystery acceptance comes a little easier because we have already learned to accept things we aren't too thrilled about.
You no doubt do have to live longer with your prolapses but we still have to live with ours for the rest of our lives however long or short they may be.
Thanks for letting me vent a little because I still think at time "why me."
Flora

Lilly Anne

March 10, 2007 - 11:04pm

I'm 40 so I guess that puts me smack in the middle of this discussion. There are some ladies younger and some older. Before being diagnosed I had never even heard of prolapse.

Right now my prolapse is considered minor. I am so afraid of what menopause will bring. What will it be like in 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now. I am afraid of living a life in discomfort and becoming incontinent.

Right now other then feeling a little paralyzed in fear my life is quite normal. I am single though and I do fear what sex will be like. I also wonder, how will I get a boyfriend who wants to deal not only with the prolapse issues but also with the IBS issues. Being constipated or feeling droopy just doesn’t feel sexy to me.

Ladies, I just really needed to vent. Is anyone else single out there? How do you deal with dating and prolapse? When do you tell them? How do you tell them?

- Lilly Anne

Therese

March 11, 2007 - 8:49am

Lilly Anne,
I am married but I would think that you should never tell anyone about any personal thing that you deem private and concerning until you have a level trust and a real desire to be together long term. My mom always says "Do not throw your pearls before swine" to remind me not to reveal things that another does not need to know! I think you would follow same rule as a person should revealing anything that is very personal. This is not a SCAR but a PEARL Lilly Anne. This is something that is special and unique about you and something that someone who really cares will need to understand about you. You are going to want to meet a man that cares about Lilly Anne and not Lilly Anne's body parts...! He will be a person that wants to care for all of you!!
You are NOT a vagina...you are a person first period end of sentence...In my experience men are simply not that terribly interested in the perfection we seem to think we are supposed to offer and the media tells us that we MUST offer!...I remember being horribly ashamed of my stretch marks and my husband cared less than zero about them...way less than zero!
Take care!!

UKmummy

March 11, 2007 - 3:10pm

just wanted to add to the ongoing baby, fears, and regrets conversation.

I still LONG to have another baby, but it looks increasingly like we wont.

It seems that my husband is now the main spanner in the works. I really feel as though I could do it prolapse wise now, although I am sure like you Granolamom I would have some fears. My husband is though pretty adamant that we cannot for various not particularly valid reasons in my opinion, have another. As you would imagine, this is causing some fairly significant issues in our relationship, though not any which wont ultimately be resolved over time. I feel like I am giving up a lot here and don't know really what to do with all of this, anyway, don't mean to belabor my marital conflicts....

I so wish that another baby was on the cards for me, and I guess my main point is that even with the fears of worsening things, I know that I would do it anyway now. That is a BIG step for me, truly. It has taken me a long time to get to this place. Whatever could happen prolapse wise would I feel be worth it for another little baby/ child!

granolamom

March 11, 2007 - 7:05pm

I've been there too. Once I reached a point where I felt confident enough in my body for another baby, my dh was adamantly opposed for a number of reasons..none of which were going to change anytime soon, if at all.
I had a really hard time accepting that, especially because in my heart of hearts I felt there was another soul waiting to join our family. I think it was nothing short of an act of G-d that he changed his mind. well that and my using every brain cell I have thinking of a way to convince him to go for it.

so (((hugs))) to you, I do know how hard it is to feel denied another child. so painful and all encompassing.

but congrats on reaching this point, feeling confident enough in your body and in your ability to stabilize/manage/live with prolapse that you'd consider another one.

I hope things work out for you, I came dangerously close to letting it weaken our marriage. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

UKmummy

March 11, 2007 - 7:14pm

Thank you for understanding dear Granolamom! :)

I think deep inside me I know that if we are truly meant to have another child, we will! There will be a place here. When I look at it like that it feels better.

Lilly Anne

March 11, 2007 - 9:50pm

Therese:

Thank you very much for bolstering my confidence! Since being diagnosed with a prolapsed bladder I have stayed away from dating. I decided the other day that I had to stop walking around as if I have a termainal disease.

I have been afraid to get physically close (i.e. dating because I didn't want to reveal or have anyone pick-up on the fact that I am dealing with a health issue). I like the way you phrased it though, not a health issue, but a pearl. From now on I will try to think of it as that. THANK YOU!

When I meet the man of my dreams or others along the way to meeting him I will and can keep the pearl to myself. Not their business!

Thank you!

- Lilly Anne

Therese

March 12, 2007 - 8:11am

I had a tendency to "spill my guts" with anyone who asked me a question...I think it is common for women to feel that way especially. It would later be used against me at times and I would be so hurt and angry thinking I had been so "honest" etc. and then my mom told me I didn't "OWE" the whole world everything about me and she showed me that Bible verse and I said "but certain things about me aren't pearls...these were YUCKY things--things I thought to be yucky" then she said though that they were important things to me, things I would not want to be revealed or misunderstood...Ah...yes a pearl to me really...
I just found out my sister has had stress incontinence for 14 YEARS yesterday!!!!
What the heck!! I told her all about me and everything and all kinds of info and she never said a WORD and now last night she tells me...
Cognitive disonance??
Anyhow, will e-mail Christine's intrucs for those special "kegels" she has...she can't walk in the afternoon after work without some leaking...I was like Whatever!! I went through a whole list of other things to look for etc...my nephew was over 12 pounds when she delivered and she had a huge epi...when I found out about prolapse--which was when I was diagnosed I told her about it specifically because I know she had that horrible epi and then I know she is like me--constipation is a problem and told her NEVER to strain...
The things we find out!
Hopefully she will get some relief!

alemama

March 12, 2007 - 1:43pm

I love this thought. It really brings me to my knees (literally where I am right now) to think that this will all be normal after some time. My new normal. Today my kids were talking about how the first (a girl) doesn't have a sister but that the second (a boy) has a brother and a sister- anyway then the oldest (4) said "when mommies body is ready we will have a new baby and then I will have a sister". I'm like WHAT did you say? This child is so intuitive. Not only (according to a 4 year old) will I have another baby, but a girl. GO FIGURE. and here I was getting cool with whatever happens - happens. No definite. Kids are so amazing.
I can identify with all you women out there thinking, wishing, praying for another baby. Just the other day I loaned out some maternity clothes and when I opened the box I almost lost it. All I could think was that I may never wear those again- I know it was silly - but I allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to never be pregnant again and it was ok. Not ideal- but okay

I am so amazed at where this thread went. It started with a simple admission of sadness and went a so many different ways. I love how women think. If this was a mans forum they would still be on topic- or moved on anyway.

howdidthishappen

March 12, 2007 - 2:38pm

it's funny, alemama, as i was watching how this thread was morphing and shifting, i was thinking the same thing: that is, not just are women so cool but the women HERE are amazing and i feel real love for all of you. seriously. real love filled with relief and gratitude.

i just came from my acupuncturist -- whom i really do love -- but he was just so adament that women my age don't generally get prolapsed. his point was that he feels there's a big connection between the surgery and the prolapse -- to which i would agree -- but i most certainly didn't agree with his assessment about being too young. i thought of this site, of the very wide variety of ages of women here (wasn't there a women in her early 20's at one point?) and just thought: you are so wrong. so so wrong. but i didn't feel like really getting into it with him -- i just don't want to debate it, you know? and i can come here and know i don't have to debate or defend anything.

and, yeah, that new normal thing. my sister really helped my with this by talking about that with me, that smart one, she. and that is what it is. this is my new normal. okay. i guess i can do this.

love to you all.

susan

granolamom

March 12, 2007 - 6:37pm

Flora...you make some interesting points

internet community's a funny thing, I assume everyone's my age!
another funny thing is how 'old' is a matter of perspective. I remember when my mom turned 40 I thought she was so old and 40 doesn't seem old at all to me now.
and when I lost my dear grandfather at the age of 84, it seemed so unfair to lose him...he was so young!
so I agree with you.....you're always too young to develop a prolapse!

and its good to hear that learning to accept things we aren't thrilled about gets easier with practice, though I hope not to have too many opportunities to hone that skill!

Lilly Anne

March 12, 2007 - 8:14pm

I am learning so much from this site. Some about prolapse and lots about other things such as diet tips, exercise tips, and personal growth advise (i.e pearls - that was a huge one for me). I just wanted to thank you all for contributing, for listening when I vent and for being there.

You are all very special women!

- Lilly Anne

threekids

March 13, 2007 - 7:49am

I've been lurking around here for quite a while, so even though you don't know me, I feel like I know you quite well. You're all so positive and helpful, and somehow, I see all my questions addressed before I ever need to ask them!!!

But, UKMummy, I'm going through what you are, and what you, granolamom did, with dh not wanting another pregnancy, and me wanting it desperately. GM, how did you convince him to go ahead? I'm willing to try anything.

UKmummy

March 13, 2007 - 9:52am

Hi threekids,

I am assuming from your name that you are hoping for a fourth child? It is hard isn't it when our wishes do not align with out partners, especially over things as major as having more children.

I hope that you manage to resolve this. Is it because of prolapse that your husband isn't keen or are there other reasons?

I had a dream last night, (again), that I was pregnant. I get these regularly, have done for a while.

granolamom

March 13, 2007 - 12:52pm

it was not easy convincing dh to go ahead for number four. first, I prayed ALOT. prayed for acceptance, prayed for strength, prayed to believe that this was G-d's will and not dh denying me another. prayed for an 'ooops', prayed for dh to come around, prayed for the right words to convince him.
for me, it came down to really understanding his concerns & fears, some legitimate and some, in my opinion, not so legitimate, and then addressing them one by one. finding the right words, the right attitude, the right timing was key.
we have a saying in hebrew 'chochmat nashim banta baita' which means 'the wisdom of the woman builds the home'. I really believed I was purely motivated and that if it was meant to be, G-d would help me convince him. and if he would not have budged, then I would have had to believe that it was not meant to be.

so that's my story, I don't know if its helpful at all to anyone else. people are all so different. but {{{hugs}}} to you and ukmummy and anyone else going through this. its painfully hard. My only advice is to try to see this as part of a greater plan to avoid resenting your dh and creating all sorts of other problems.

threekids

March 15, 2007 - 4:59pm

It's a combination of things for us. He's concerned about the money (we don't have much), he's concerned about our age (I'm 38, he's 40), and he's concerned that two of our kids have behavioral problems, and he doesn't think adding another will help things. And on top of all that, the prolapse thing. It's all very frustrating.

granolamom

March 16, 2007 - 2:58pm

I tried to email you but you're user account says you are not accepting emails. If you change that, or contact me, we can chat about this some more. our situation was similar.
and if not, that's fine too.
I'm available if you want to talk about it, I'd just rather not share more about this on a public forum.

bertilsgirl

March 16, 2007 - 11:42pm

I want to second Flora about older women and prolapse. I think it's a shock at any age, and the idea that it won't last as long because you might die sooner is not terribly comforting. Also, the English language notwithstanding, I don't think anyone IS an age. We're too preoccupied by it. No one is defined by a number without her consent.

Lilly Anne, I too am single and wondering if I ever do date will I be too embarrassed for sex or will the man be repulsed by it - not dating now because I'm not interested, spending too many hours at work and have a daughter to see through college. However, I don't rule it out if it should happen and there could be a relationship that lasts rather than living alone. But for now, not looking.

Generally speaking, I find I feel better when I have managed to take my mind off the problem for awhile. However, I DO need to keep my mind on training myself to hold the posture.

wenz

March 17, 2007 - 12:12am

Really just wanted to say I too have a daughter going through college and am single again after a marriage split a year and a half ago - I am not dating either and although I have met some men, I have been pretty unimpressed with most of them, partly because I don't think I can face another relationship just yet. So, like you, I feel if it happens, it happens, I'm not going to bust a gut trying to make it happen. I too wonder about the sex and the prolapse - it didn't bother my ex husband or me for that matter when we had sex after we split, but I stopped doing that because it was doing me emotional damage having a physical relationship with him when he kept on refusing to consider a reconciliation, not to mention the other woman he was seeing at the same time. However, like you, my focus is on getting my daughter through college and keeping well, physically and mentally. My prolapse is fine, I don't have any symptoms most of the time now so it has got better with time and taking care of diet, exercise, and posture. I still do a few kegels, but only because it makes me feel more toned and comfortable. Good luck with everything.
Wendy

a6a25725

March 17, 2007 - 2:14am

I think we all need to vent and this forum is a great place to do it. Finding this site and starting to do the work is a positive step in the right direction, which I think carries over to other parts of our lives.
We should all give ourselvesa pat on the back for coming this far. I think it means we can go the distance.
Thank you Christine for this site and sharing your knowledge with us.
Regards to all.
Flora.