Rejoice with me, ladies...

Since my last baby was born, I've been too afraid to poke around down there too much. I was just too disgusted with my body. Which was heartbreaking, because I've always been very connected spiritually and intuitively to my body. I listen to it and it tells me what it needs, it leads me where it needs me to go. And yet, for the past 5 months or so, I've felt betrayed by my body, like it has let me down (much as I did after my first birth 7 years ago), like I wasn't whole, wasn't complete. For the first time in years, I had no idea what was going on with my body, and I was scared.

I've had a slight rectocele since after my first birth (hospital episiotomy/forceps fiasco), but it never caused an issue until a few months after I had my third baby (my second and third births were *perfect* homebirths, unassisted, less than 3 hour labors with no pushing, I was upright the whole time, no tears, etc, etc), at which point I could tell the rectocele was getting bigger, and I was sure everything else was trying to fall out as well. I had the typical egg/golf ball in the vagina sensation, where I felt the need to keep my legs crossed all the time.

Well, I gathered my courage to do the self exam recommended on this website...I feel it was good news, and I feel very uplifted.

There's a definite rectocele that I pushed back into place (golf ball feeling is gone now), around my urethra is spongy and feels like a small mound BUT there's no movement or pressure anywhere around/behind it no matter how hard I bear down. But the best part is my uterus, which I was most worried about since I want to have lots of children: It's a full finger length inside me, above the PC muscles. My uterus is tipped the right direction (which I assume is good), and while it moves when I bear down, it doesn't slip down much at all, although I can definitely push it up higher.

I have the feeling that all is not lost after all, like there is hope, and I feel like rejoicing. And since my youngest is only 8 months old, maybe I'm still healing. I'm so excited and I wanted to share my good news, but I haven't really talked to anybody in real life about this and this is the only place where people will understand.

Thank you, Christine, for your work. I've been applying the postures, and while it hasn't been easy, it's getting *easier*. And thanks to the rest of you ladies, for sharing your experiences. I feel like you've taught me so much already.

This is what I've learned: That my uterus has served me well, given me healthy children, trouble-free pregnancies, worked with me so that I could birth my babies at home, by myself, without fear or doubt. It's sacred. My body has given me so much, and now it needs something from me. It needs me to not hate it or fear it, but to continue to listen to it. It needs me to work towards balance in my lifestyle and my diet, and to respect it enough to make sacrifices in those areas if it needs me to. It needs me to nurture it as it's nurtured babies in my womb. And mostly, it needs me to remember that I trusted my body with my babies' lives, that I trusted it enough to not go to a doctor or midwife to give birth, and that if I could trust it to take care of the things that mean more to me than anything in the world, I can trust it with this. I can trust my body to take care of itself, if I give it the tools to do so.

In my toolbox are the Christine's postures, exercises, and womb dancing, as well as a healthy diet of mostly raw foods, along with a small amount of beans and cooked greens every day. I'm using healing tonic herbs, toning and uplifting essential oils, and homeopathy. As I'm a big believer in the powers of visualization, I do that several times a day, visualizing everything lifting and tightening, things knitting back together where they've become loosened. These are the tools I feel led to use. I'd sure love to hear what's in everyone else's toolbox. :)

Thanks for listening to me ramble. Like I said, I feel optimistic for the first time in months so I needed to get this out.

Shayla