HELP!!!

welcome to the site

believe it or not, there have been women here in their early 20's who haven't yet had children and for some reason had developed a prolapse. they haven't stuck around to keep us updated, but I'm assuming they just got busy with life. my point is, you aren't alone.

I hear the panic in your post, take a deep breath. your life isn't over. if there is one thing you need to know most about pelvic organ prolapse is that YOU CAN control it to a large degree. a dr's visit is always a good idea to rule out anything else (to be honest though I never went for an official diagnosis) but really, YOU are the one who needs to become the expert here, because it is YOUR body and the things YOU do can and will impact it. If you have the time to read through the posts here, you will find story after story of women who have brought about reversal of some degree through posture, exercise and some lifestyle modifications. many of us have gone on to have more children without the prolapse getting any worse (I have). I can only imagine how devestating it is to find this at such a young age. I thought I was too young for this when I found it, I was in my early thirties but already had three kids. but you have youth on your side. your perineum is intact, you have no tears or bad episiotomy repairs to deal with. no overstretched fascia from pregnancy. loads of natural estrogen coursing through your blood. you're still able to build muscle relatively quickly, and your skeleton is still laying down bone. so good for you that you aren't burying your head in the sand, that you posted here looking for advice. because now is a good time to take control of this. so.
if you can, get christine's book, saving the whole woman (get the second edition) and/or the new dvd. if you can, I'd get both. this will explain how/why a prolapse develops, and what you can do about it. also, there are some good exercises in there as well as a full overview of the posture.
read the faq's here and try to learn the posture. the posture will help reposition your pelvic organs over bone rather than over a hole. the pelvic floor is not meant to be the bottom, it isn't really a floor. its supposed to be the wall (think of where a cats anus/vagina are - not underneath her but behind). our culture teaches us from a very young age to tuck our bums and suck in our bellies, to crunch our abs. all these moves push our pelvic organs into a precarious position. so you've got to undo that.
do you struggle with constipation? because if you do, controlling that is the first positive change you can make. the more stool in your colon = more pressure on everything else.

try to take this one day at a time. it really shouldn't impact the rest of your life. and any guy who'd want you otherwise would still want you. I think the only time prolapse gets in the way of good sex is when it takes over your mind. I can't recall anyone here reporting a partner's having a problem with it.

stick around and ask any other questions you might have.

don't let that phrase scare you.
the only noticeable changes in my lifestyle are my diet and my posture.
the key is the posture. once you learn the posture, you can do anything, so long as you try to stay in posture. I know there are some runners here who've gotten back to running. walking is for sure ok, in fact, if you can get your walking done in posture its wonderful! careful on the exercise bike, you need to check the position of your pelvis. I know biking's been discussed here too. bowling shouldn't be so terrible either.

You CAN cope helpme_please. Calm down, accept what is happening and try to realize that you can take control of your body and make things better. There are lots of things you can do to help yourself, but you need to take a deep breath and take control. It's hard, believe me I know, but you can do it.

I would suggest stopping the kegels, at least for now as it is possible they are making things worse. Get into WW posture, eat very healthy (I avoid meat and pasta..works well for me) and follow the WW exercise program in Christine's book. Stay well lubricated (WW Bliss Balm is worth it's weight in gold) and again, do not panic! There are many women here that have been down the road you are traveling and they are here to help you, and give you support every step of the way.

In no way am I trying to dismiss how upsetting this kind of problem is. It is a difficult thing to accept at first. But I believe you can get a grip on it all and make things better naturally, or you will come to the conclusion that it is worth the risk (even greater problems) of surgery.

Keep reading, posting and learning. You're going to be fine.

Regards,
~Mae

From your two posts I can see that you are acutely upset about these prolapse things. The language you are using tells me that you have got some really negative stuff happening, and you are expressing yourself in terms of failure, almost willing yourself to suffer and be helpless and hopeless. This may sound a bit over the top. Sorry if it does, but hang in there.

You say you are depressed. Have you sought any treatment for your depression? It sounds to me like the depression is blowing your POP experience right out of perspective. Your language about your POPs sounds like you are hanging from the top of a cliff by your fingertips, screaming out for help with the sharks circling below, and nobody is running to help you.

Think rationally.

1 POP will not kill you. It will not come anywhere near killing you or turning you into an invalid for life. You can manage it, but you will need to find some positive things you can do about it. They are here on this site, and the DVD and book Christine has written.

2 It is said in many places on this Forum that you will need to give it a fair trial. I am not talking about using WW posture for two days and almost writing it off. This is a whole change in the way you do your body, diet, clothing, exercise and enrironment in which you live. You haven't even scraped the surface yet. Get yourself started, and don't even assess your progress for a month. *Don't check your POPs daily* (Checkerama does not improve POPs. It just increases the anxiety). Expect setbacks, and deal with them. POPs improve again after setbacks. It happens to all of us.

3 There are posts on the Forums from young women who have not had babies, but it is a bit hard to find them. Somebody will probably respond, but yes, it does happen and more often than we would like to think, and it sounds from your description of your low cervix as a teenager that you have had some POP for some time. Many women have it for half a lifetime and do not know it. It can develop so gradually that progress is not easily discernible, so nobody really knows how prevalent it is in younger women and girls. It is not *something that happens only to older women*.

4 You do have people who will support your and who will listen to you. You have a large membership of these Forums. This is why we are all here, to get support and lend support to others.

5 You can have babies with POP, and come out of the other end none the worse, as long as you do labour and birth right. Many members have proved this.

6 POP need not affect your enjoyment of sex, but not feeling OK about yourself *sure will*. Penetrative sex is very good for POP, and plenty of it!!

7 Men cannot see POP when they are first attracted to you. They don't see women with POP wearing a sign saying, "I am undesirable". They see a woman, and men like to see women. Make sure you look attractive on the outside, and care for the inside of your heart, which will then radiate your loveliness. I have yet to meet or hear about a man who is in the least bit worried about their partner having POP. It is simply irrelevant to them. This is my experience with my husband of 30 years.

8 If you have depression, as it sounds, you and only you can do something about it, and need to do something about it before you can address problems in your life. It will try and paralyse you and stop you from recovering. Depression will give you anxiety about the future and your ability to cope with it. It will destroy positive thoughts. It will also play tricks on you about how you perceive others, and how bad everything is for you and the whole damned universe. Until you get some counselling, medication, exercise, and taking baby steps to your recovery, you will not get on top of your POPs and life will go on in its drab, grey awfulness. You will not have the perspective to tackle it unless you get professional help. Depression is also a personal experience of mine. POP is enough to depress the most resilient woman, and the grief that results is almost universal. Deal with it, get some strategies in place and you will eventually resolve it. You won't be like this for ever. You are not your depression. Your depression is not you.

9 Don't blame yourself. Nurture yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Take baby steps and give your self credit for every little success.

10 How you respond to this POP thing will determine what it will be like for you in the future.

11 How you respond to this depression thing will determine what your life will be like for you in the future.

8 Only *you* can take steps to recover and heal yourself in all respects. Nobody else can do it for you. You can eventually be strong again.

There we are. ((((Hugs))). That's Aunt Louise's little pep talk for the day. Now go get a tissue. Wipe those tears. Breathe deeply in ... then out. Relaaaaaaxxxxxxx. Make yourself a cup of tea and start planning your future.

Bye for now.

Louise

please dont be scared..i know its easy for someone to say that but we all here are in the same boat...i was scared when it happened to me but the information and suport ive had from this site has been a tremendous help...i do think its more of what you dont know and understand thats the worst fear and once you have grasped that you will start feeling a lot better...

Hello young person needing help. How are you feeling now? Please post and let us know. I know what it's like to have a mom you can't talk to (long ago) but you have tons of moms here - and aunties - to give you support. I also know what the anxiety and depression thing is like and I know that you can come out the other end and feel good about yourself. I'm old, wrinkled, with my bits in a less than perfect state and men still find me attractive! With youth on your side, you are a mile ahead of me!

Some times prolapse brings good things to you (!????!!!). Yes it does. Like the friends you have met here. Maybe it'll bring you the right man who really loves you. You just never know. In the meantimes, rest assured it won't put off all the frog princes who want to kiss you too. Good luck and let us know how you are getting on.

Sally

Dear Helpmeplease
The other wise women on the site have already given you some practical advice and tips - as a relative newcomer the best advice I can give is to trust them.

but I just wanted to add that although it's hard to imagine it now, those awful panic feelings - that make it all so much worse - really are going to pass too! I'm relatively young at 36 (though much older by comparison with someone as youthful as you!) and when my rectocele showed up a few weeks ago, I was totally beside myself with anxiety. I'd find myself staring at my new baby in a state of mild panic at what the prospect of another 30+years of living with it, then I wouldn't be able to stop panicking, and I'd start panicking that this anxiety would never end and I'd feel like this for the rest of my life. Anxiety is an awful downward spiral - but you *can* break that pattern.

one of the things that has really helped me break it - apart from all the warmth and support of the WW ladies - is distracting myself. As soon as one of the 'downward spiral' thoughts creeps into my head I literally jump up from whatever I'm doing, stick the radio on, stick a good DVD on, grab a magazine or a book, ring a friend, sing a song loudly, whatever it takes to stop that thought in its tracks. I felt a bit daft at first (especially the singing - I'm no Leona Lewis) but I've found this really helps. Now even the thoughts don't come anything like as often as they did, and when they do, I can move on from them much quicker. Sure, I still panic sometimes - like this weekend (see the panicked postings in put on the site!!) but I recover faster. You will too.

I'm also sure Louise is right to suggest seeking some help for the depression because it saps your hope and makes it harder for you to take the positive steps to improve how you feel - and you have *every* reason to be hopeful. You're young and strong - and you'll be even stronger once you've started getting to grips with this (and the best kind of men love strong women!)

In the UK you can seek cognitive behavioural therapy - not sure what it's known as in the US - but it's basically some mental exercises with a therapist that help you change your brain's bad habits and break negative patterns of thinking. And I know from personal experience that it can be really effective.

So, take deep breaths, sing your favourite song at the top of your voice, seek some help and keep going. You won't feel like this forever!

all good wishes and massive hugs from London

Mumtogirls London

I would agree about the Cognative Behavioural Therapy. There is a great book called Mind over Mood. You'll find it on Aamazon. I didn't go for counselling, I just worked through the exercises in the book and it did the trick for me. No-one need every know (except us) if you don't want them to. I use the techniques still and as MtoGinL says, distraction is a great one for breaking the cycle of thinking about it all the time.

Another great book arrived today - Christine's! And the dvd. Nice to see you Christine. Certainly made me feel like part of the POP sisterhood. Looking forward to getting started.

Sally

Hi Helpmeplease

I think I can see you drying your tears. That's a good start. :-)

Hey, don't worry about the skin. You will figure that out eventually. Either that, or it is of no consequence. You are probably hyper-aware of every little change, and you may have only just noticed it cos its position has changed and it is now more obvious. You can always ask the doc about it later, when you are feeling braver, but s/he may or may not have a plausible explanation. I would guess it is a hymen remnant.

I think the book Tiny suggested would be a valuable purchase. I too have had very positive results from CBT, but I did a 10 day intensive course as an outpatient at a private hospital (with the help f private health insurance in Australia). It has had major, longterm benefits for me.

My depression made its first major appearance as a teenager, and has reappeared about every seven years. Since seeking treatment (CBT was only a part of it) I have now been free of it for about 10 years, with no signs of its reappearance. Teenage years are classic for being hard on mental health. The human brain doesn't finish its development until about the age of 25, so your brain may still have some maturing to do as well, before it can work most effectively with all the 'buffeting around' that adult life entails. I have noticed two of our kids experiencing those lasts changes to adult thinking at that age. The youngest is only 22, so he has a bit to go yet. We love'em all.

Mmmm, the bulimia is probably part of the whole depression thing. We have had a few young Members who have had eating disorders. Not sure whether any of them are posting currently. Hope they are, and that they can also encourage you. Yoo-hoo! Anyone out there?

How long will you be able to manage without surgery? None of us really knows, but as WW posture improves the way the organs are supported, it is a whole new ballgame which brings stability to the whole pelvic area. I cannot see how that can be compromised, unless the ageing process changes my posture so I become stooped, and can no longer maintain the position of shoulders and upper back. My Mum has very good posture at the age of 97, so I cannot see how my posture will change grossly. I am happy to have another 40 years of experimentation.

Generally we find that the POPs will find a worst position, then stop falling backwards and changing. It is hard emotinally when it keeps getting worse, but it is better to have all three POPs in a way, because they turn into what we call 'nature's pessary', and simply block the exit together. Non-WW posture will allow them to fall lower than WW posture. Get your posture established and it really takes the pressure off the descent. To my knowledge we do not have any members who are experienced with WW who have organs hanging out below the vulva on a continuing basis. There are times when my organs come down and bulge at the vulva, after long periods of strenuouus activity, but after nearly 5 years of these techniques I now trust my body, and know that it will get better again in a couple of days.

Once you have POP, you have it for life. Surgery is a temporary fix, and subsequent surgical repairs are not as successful, often leaving women worse off in the longrun. 'Wait and see' is a pretty attractive alternative for me.

Re "haven't had children yet" and "heard natural birth is best" and "i would get ripped apart by a large baby", whoa back there! Don't even go there! That is a whole new world. You can seek and get positive reassurance here if and when it happens, but just cut those thoughts off at the ankles at the moment. e Wringing your hands about having babies is not productive thinking and will only reinforce your depression . This is exactly the type of thoughts that Mumtogirlsin London is talking about. Put on a good CD and will yourself to think about something else.

Hey, you have taken the baby step of posting here! You have made a good start. Keep it up. Tiny, baby steps, all the way to recovery and healing.

(((Hugs)))

Louise
ps No apologies needed. That's what we do. You will probably be supporting others too, in a few months.