so upset

Yes there is hope, yes it can go away. Or at least get to a point it's no longer annoying or uncomfortable. Start by ordering the book and/or DVD and then in the meantime read all you can from past messages here on the forum. I don't think the pain is from the prolapse. Did you have any tears or skid marks during birth? From what I've heard from friends' experiences, sometimes birth itself can leave the area down there a bit sensitive for a while, even if no tears or cuts occurred.

Hi Samantha, you are still healing. It can take up to 2 years to get back to normal, or whatever the "new normal" is going to be. This can be helped along by adopting Whole Woman posture now, restoring lumbar curvature while your body is still in healing mode. Kegels aren't the answer, they work the tissues in all the wrong ways. Read Christine's blog post:

http://wholewoman.com/blog/?p=1497

I've found that staring at our parts doesn't help (though lots of people do it). Use plenty of lube for sex and do some experimenting with positions to ease any discomfort. You need to get your organs forward in the lower belly, that's the science behind this work. It does help but it isn't just a now-and-then thing, you will need to make some new habits. It can make all the difference in the world. Good luck! Start now. - Surviving

Could it be plain and simple dryness? You're still a few moths pp after all. I remember I bounced back quickly after my first, but with each subsequent birth, my postpartum time period felt longer and more difficult. I had the dryness issue for a long time after my last birth - which makes sex with the prolapsed front vaginal wall pretty uncomfortable without additional lubrication.

Btw, I had my kids back to back. My first was only seven mos when I got pg the second time! I did not plan it that way, if anything,I wanted at least three years between each kid. I feel like it has definitely taken its toll on my physical well being, and yet, I feel better now, during my fourth pregnancy, than I did in my previous pregnancies. Not just prolapse wise, but whole body well being. I get sciatica pain down my lower back and leg during pregnancy. It seems like proper posture has erased that this time around (so far!). There is hope in wholewoman- this has definitely been true for me.

Are you still nursing? With babies that nurse often, night and day, you might not ovulate until the baby is maybe 12 months old. So your oestrogen levels could still be low. The other possibility is that you have menstruated, but not yet ovulated.

You might not be able to measure cervical mucous during menstruation, but it will progressively become clearer and more stretchy as ovulation gets closer. Your cervical mucous will be the consistency of egg white at ovulation. It will go quite tacky after that, until the next menstruation. That week when you are coming up to ovulation may be the only time of the month when you are well lubricated instantly.

If you are on the Pill, your vagina won't be as well-lubricated either. Some Pills can also interfere with your libido. Libido is a strange word. I heard it defined the other day as 'willingness to have consensual sex'. I have always thought of it as 'wanting to have sex', which I think tells a different story. Ability to become aroused can be related to libido, or it can be different.

Vaginal lubrication will happen as long as you get into a state of arousal. Long foreplay or simply preparation before coitus will get you juicy. There is nothing quite like anxiety about potential discomfort and pain to stop a woman from being aroused. If sex happens quickly, with little foreplay, your vagina doesn't have time to prepare itself. I suggest that you both take a bit more time with sex. With a baby? Yeah, sure! But you understand what I mean, don't you?

Can you relate to any of this?

Louise

... you are doing what your body is designed to do. Isn't it clever? Your nursing is keeping your oestrogen levels low, so you don't go and get pregnant again too soon.

I know that lowered libido is a side effect of the Pill, but I never really thought before about how this happens. I guess it is to do with low oestrogen?

The mood will return, believe me! You probably don't have a lot of time or energy for sex, as you are pretty involved with this little baby of yours. I know that I felt really 'all touched out' when I had babies and little kids. I really didn't feel like being touched at all by my husband, which was a bit weird at the time. I felt really guilty about it . I think there can also be a double standard about what breasts are actually for, and whose body it is, anyway. Breasts are actually for fun and sustenance! I can imagine that some men would get quite jealous of their babies, getting all the cuddles and getting to play with Mummy's boobs. Depends on the man, really. I think it would be good if you talked about it with your partner.

Men are kind of different from us. (Yeah?) But kind of the same. Your partner may be feeling a little rejected, especially if he is very sexually driven. Can you find ways of letting him know not to take it personally if you don't get aroused easily, or that you find sex not that hot at the moment?

I am sure that making the effort to buy, and use, some lubricant will show him that you are making an effort, both for him and for you.

Nursing bras aren't generally very sexy either. Perhaps you could just get yourself some sexy new knickers or other underwear. Or new tops that show off your lovely 'active' boobies! Dressing in ways that enhance your femininity may also make you feel more female and more sexual. But be prepared for the extra sexual attention you will probably get!

If all else fails, just wait. Your mojo will return by itself.

Louise

Yes, you will learn to live with this and you will learn to learn from this as well. It is not easy and there are so many emotional sides to all of this. I am wondering if you think your husband would benefit from reading Lanny's article. It is directed to the husbands or partners of women who are facing what we are. He is a wonderful writer (and speaker I imagine) and it just might be the thing that could help you in this situation. You are not a ruined woman, you just wait. You will feel stronger soon. Are you living WW posture by the way? Love and Best wishes to you.

You will find it in the Library under Lanny Goodman articles. Also, maybe you too will feel better when you read it. It is a man's perspective and so beautifully stated and understood. Sending you the very best!

Hi Samanthar, I can completely relate to what you are saying. After both of my births I wasn't really all that interested in sex until about 2 years after. This was well after I had stopped breast feeding (both til about 15 months). Although it sounds like it was different for you the first time around. With my first I had an episiotomy and I was petrified everything was broken. Add to that all the stuff that Louise mentioned (being touched out, being tired, having low estrogen) did not make for a lot of mojo! The thing is, this would not have bothered me in the slightest if it wasn't for my partner. I was in love with my baby and that was enough for me. And I didn't actually realise for quite a while how much it was bothering my partner. We had to really work on it. It's still not perfect but we've come a long way. I've mentioned the Rosie King book, Good Loving Great Sex on here before. That really did help us. I guess I'm saying firstly, you are not alone and secondly, if it is not a problem for you partner, then you could leave off sex for a while, but if it is, he will need to understand where you're at before it can start to be better for you. All the best!