bewildered

I am a 53 year old who is suffering from rectal prolapse. I had my first daughter in 1988 via c-section at age 34. Following it, I never had an inkling of a problem. Then, 4 years later, in 1992, I delivered my second daughter vaginally. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. I requested to have a subsequent c-section because with it, I had 22 hours of labor with 2 hours of pushing, only to have an emergency c-section. You see, I couldn't dialate enough to deliver her. I have a very small pelvis (I was and am 5', 95lbs). I was told by a gynecologist when I was 18 that I should have c-sections because of my small pelvis. Well, after my first daughter, I knew that the doctor I had at 18 was right.

When I requested to have a c-section with my second daughter, the doctor (a different one because we moved out of state), dissuaded me from the c-section and stated that subsequent deliveries were EASIER. Not the case! Not only did they take her with forceps, make a tear before administering my episiotomy, but the pain (even with an epidermal) was excruciating. Also, the delivery was intense because my daughter was not responding right away. The aphgard test was low too. My husband described my hemorrhoids to be the size of 3 golf balls. They were excruciating for weeks. In addition, the difficulties of the recooperation period were much worse and much lenghthier than c-section. In the days and weeks to follow, I started to have signs of prolapse, developed a fissure, and was just plain miserable. My uterus was starting to come out - everything was not working right. I ended up getting a hysterectomy, along with a enterocele, rectocele and cystocele repair. As a result, I started to have pain upon intercourse. This was in 1993. In 2000, I ultimately had to have another cystocele and rectocele (done via a graft augmentation). As a result of those, I have had severe vaginal pain with and without intercourse. No doctor has been able to help rid me of this pain, and I have been to numerous doctors. Now, in 2007, since February of this year, I have been trying to do some therapy for my pain with dilators. As a result, the pain did subside minimally, but now my rectocele has come back. It has been gradual, but now it is like it was years ago before surgery. I guess the graft didn't hold! I also suffer from pain in my lower back, hips, thighs, abdomen and vagina. I am a mess! I feel so hopeless and depressed. I don't know where to turn. I've been to 2 doctors who say they don't see any rectocele problem upon examination. I know it's real. I emailed a specialist who said that sometimes rectoceles can only be detected by an MRI, and she also said that doctors don't seem to know what to do with these rectoceles. I get the idea that most doctors hesitate to do any kind of rectocele repair because they probably know that they don't help in the long run. What do I do now? What do I do without surgery? I struggle everyday - I feel handicapped in some ways. I've been a stay-home mom all these years. Was thinking of finding a part-time job to get out of the house, but now I don't feel comfortable to do that, physically.

I so wish I had the c-section I wanted in the first place, but I let a doctor talk me out of it. He said the cost and recooperation period of a vaginal birth would be less than the c-section. How wrong he was. He should have read my prior delivery medical records, and realized that I was too small to deliver vaginally. I resent him to this day. And I know that a subsequent c-section would have avoided me all these physical problems. I was fine for the 4 years following the c-section, right up until the vaginal delivery.

Woman know their bodies better than doctors do in most cases. Do what you think is right. Don't let a doctor tell you differently if you feel strongly about something.

Hazel