What does it feel like?

... we all feel the symptoms kinda differently. Mine makes my bottom kinda ache but mostly its the grape sized lump (that was the size I last checked it!) is right down at the opening tucked just inside. Its not that its high up and droops down low but that it is REALLY low and it pushes right into my urethra and irritates it. It makes it feel swollen down there and when it is pushing against the front wall it almost feels like a wet squidgy mass up there. Its hard to explain but nevertheless its annoying and uncomfortable and it feels like its about to fall out sometimes.

Yuck yuck yuck!

A

I think we must have the exact same rectocele! but I don't get the urethra irritation in the posture.
Hey about your other post- I think the "worse" feeling happens for me when my decending colon fills up but isn't quite ready to empty. I recently had the feeling an entire day and then the next morning had relief afer a bm. Usually I don't feel that feeling b/c I am so regular-

And just so you know- almost a year and a half later I don't think "yuck" anymore.

Its such a hard thing to describe but sometimes it feels like a great big slug has slithered up there and taken up residence on my front wall. I know that sounds really gross but thats what I think when the rectocele is bothering me. I actually thought that the front wall had finally given way and I had a full blown cystocele so I finally plucked up the courage and had a feel around and the front wall felt pretty much the same but I had this new grape sized lump on the bottom of my back wall and then above it is what felt like a vein running up the back wall.

I guess over time I will get used to it and stop thinking yuck. I really do hope this doesn't get any bigger as it will almost definatley protude out as it is so darn low - its literally right inside the opening.

I actually have stopped being so regular again since this lump appeared and I know this is not helping the situation. I think I am going to have to add more fruit and veg to my diet. I must admit I am slipping in that department and I do love my white bread and cheese. I had to take a mild laxative the other day as I hadn't been and I knew that meant trouble but even then I only produced a small amount the next morning ... sigh...

I've had a terrible cold and cough again this last week and that has put lots of pressure down there. Its hard to brace yourself for a cough when they come so suddenly and voilently and when in bed at night it is hopeless.

Does your rectocele remain about the same size?

A

I don't check my rectocele because that just stresses me out and it doesn't change anything. One thing that helps me for coughs is to bend right over 90 degrees and then I know my organs are supported. In bed I'll roll onto my tummy. BTW my rectocele is right inside the opening too I think but the cystocele pushes against it like a natural pessary to keep it up.

so my rectocele is right at the opening and it gets smaller- and even disapears (I thought it was gone once for 2 weeks but then it reappeared in full force- go figure)-but it gets to the size of a large grape- and then down and up and down- funny thing

MommyNow, did you find my long reply post to you under Bodywork? Just wanting you to know I didn't forget about you if you haven't found it yet. I haven't been posting much lately. It feels very strange, but I've found myself without much to say. Wonder if others go through times like this? Kit

I am still in the dark! Had another examination today by the new PT and she couldn't find any weakness in the posterior wall. This exam was of course performed lying down as she refused to do it standing up as she said it wasn't her speciality whilst agreeing that the the best position for looking at prolapses is standing up. Madness!

Why then can I feel hard matter, almost bony in nature, if I need to have a BM and haven't been for a while and then after I have one, this goes? This can sometimes extend from just inside the opening to as far up as I can feel. It can also disappear as well. She did admit that she is sure that she has a rectocele but both GPS have failed to diagnose it. I would just like to know if I have one or not for my own knowledge of my body.

Frankie x

I too have these lovely Kit where I find I have not much to say but just want to visit the site and soak up the kindness and support that is always there. I find comfort in this site, even if I am just reflecting on what others are saying. It is our tangible connection with each other that strengthens me.

Frankie x

Hi Frankie,

My PT only examined me on my back too, though at least when I went to a urogyn she had me standing up and could see my prolapse. But my most mild POP, the uterine one, is the only one she mentioned when the cystocele seems most obvious to me and bothers me the most.

So, even though I've been to a few people I've found that the best judge of my POP is myself. People who examine you don't know your 'pre POP' body and POP, positioning makes a BIG difference (eg. lying down things seem 'normal.'), and POP can change from day to day.

I just had a feel around to know where my body's at. At first I wasn't keen on the idea but it's nice to understand my body a bit better.

My cystocele is most pronounced and I can feel it at the front wall and see it if I bend down to take a look. The urethrele (sorry about spelling) is in the centre and I can only sometimes feel it. The rectocele is at the back and it just feels like a hard lump but it comes and goes. Sometimes I can see it if I haven't had a BM for a while.

It sounds like it may be rectocele from what you describe! There's also info on this site on self exam (and in the book).

Hope that helps a bit

Thank you very much mumwithone for describing the different prolapses.
I have had 5 internal examinations now in the space of 7 months, one was standing, and still no further clarification of rectocele. So many of you seem to know exactly what is going on inside of you, but I am still having problems figuring it all out. I have looked at the book and the self- exam, but I can't get my head round it and apply it to myself. To me my prolapses don't look like the pictures.
I also have no pre- pop reference as I didn't routinely examine myself before this all happened and also I stopped using tampons years ago.
I definitely know where my cervix is and I know I have a cystocele, but exactly what bump it is, I am not sure! My urethra seems to be first ( I think) and then there is a small bulge which I can see, followed by squishiness and softness in the front wall. If the hardness I can feel on the back wall sometimes is a rectocele, then that is quite scary as it can extend all the way up from just inside the opening to as far as I can feel- ie the whole back wall. It is definitely not a small grape size!

I know it is how I am feeling symptomwise is most important and I normally live like this and feel a lot better as a result...guess I am just trying to put names to bulges and know my body more. This is why I get so frustrated when even the so-called professionals can't tell you what's what.

Frankie x

Hi Frankie,

Weeks ago when all this started to happen to me I did need to splint a couple of times to be able to go and I could feel a hard mass that went from the opening all the way up to the top of my vagina. Now I am not sure if this was a rectocele or whether it is normal when poo is travelling down. As soon as the bowel had emptied the hardness went and the back wall was smooth. Now over this last week to 10 days I have developed a definate buldge the size of a grape right down at the opening with what feels like an enlarged vein running up the back wall, so now I definately have a rectocele.

It is all very confusing and unless we put our fingers up there and examined ourselves regularlarly pre-POP then we will never know what was normal for and what is not.

Its annoying isn't it as we just want to know what is going on but like you say it is more important how we feel symptomwise.

Take care,

A

Hi Frankie

I have almost lost complete faith in the ability of anybody medical to diagnose celes accurately, as I have had several different diagnoses from different professionals.

I look at it like this. My celes obviously manifest themselves differently at different times, depending on different times of the month, what I have been up to physically, how dry and draggy my vagina is at the time, how long since a BM, and what my constipation status is at the time. So I have the most complete picture of what is happening in my pelvic area, and I know that it changes.

Also, prolapse is simply a "sliding down and/or forward" of something (noun or verb). Nothing is missing (except perhaps some muscle mass) and nothing is added. It is just a different positioning of organs relative to where they are normally without prolapse. Each of our bodies, and the fascial damage done to them, is individual. Each of our bodies has its individual way of moving, its own build, and its own strengths and weaknesses.

As it is a big mass of jello, it is natural that all the organs are relatively more mobile than the unprolapsed pelvic organs would be, so of course the organs feel different at different times when examined. It really doesn't matter what celes we have, and to what degree. It is just important that we get to know our own, and know how to manage them to prevent further damage, and to minimise or eliminate symptoms they give us. This can only be done by continually being curious and making observations about our bodies, and sharing information we find out with other women to increase overall knowledge.

It is a bit like carrying a bulky and awkward load on your back. It shifts about and needs continual re-adjustment to maintain stability.

Anita, re splinting. Try having a feel in your vagina when your celes are behaving well, or at their best. Also, try splinting when your rectocele is not obvious to you and you should be able to feel what an empty bowel feels like on the back wall. It may give you a more complete picture of what is happening.

Cheers

Louise

Hi Frankie,

My awareness didn't come overnight either so don't worry about not understanding where everything's at at the moment. I don't know how I 'looked' pre POP either because I had no reason to go checking things out before.

I can't say I can see how my POP resembles the pictures in the book either. I think it can be a bit hard relating sketches to real life and I think from what others say it can be different for everyone, and vary from time to time.

Sometimes I wish I didn't know my body quite so well LOL!

Hey Frankie- one thing you can check is the mobility of your pelvic organs- Now there is some debate about how much movement is "normal" but if you have a feel around and increase abdominal pressure and you can feel your organs move- You can decide what is normal for you I guess.

by all your kind and informative responses. Thank you.

Alemama - Have to say I am very scared to try the mobility test, in case they keep moving and are worse then I originally thought! Know it would give me more information about my body though.....maybe one of these days I will lose the fear and try it.

A- You are describing my back wall when you talk about the disappearing back wall! I too have aches in my buttocks , sacrum and sometimes back passage, which I all attributed to my uterine prolapse, but maybe it is a rectocele after all. I will try and work out whether or not I have one.

Mumwithone- I guess it does take time to get to know your body and all its new bulges and figure out what's what. I go through stages of wanting to know exactly what is going on inside and then more often than not, not wanting to explore too much and concentrate on making it all better, by diet, exercise, and always the posture. The life cycle of living with prolapses!

Louise- I have lost faith with gynaecologists and uninformed midwives, particularly since the bumbled labour of my first child and this is where my prolapses first came into being as forceps were used. I guess I was brought up to believe that 'doctors know best' and whilst I am and have been for a number of years, a strong believer in other aspects of medicine including complementary medicines, osteopathy, meditation and the power of the mind and body to heal itself, a vestige of that belief or more likely hope remains, that someone in a white coat who is supposedly an expert could give me some accurate answers. Women's health issues are severely underdeveloped in the Western medical health profession.

Frankie x