Wahoo!!

That's great! I definitely feel much more positive about life in general when I'm feeling good down there.

Glad to hear it, Anita!
For the roids, you can try green clay and a salve w/st.John's wort(try the salve in the morning and the clay at night-it can be messy)

Hi there Anita, hey don't get down that your joy was shortlived. I have been there. It is a tremendous sign that you had an asymptomatic period (even if shortlived), it really is. If you had had no such period I would think that would be reason to be down. Cos I've been there so much. At the beginning of my healing two or three years ago, I was getting the same thing - short periods of relief and then more grief. I guess we have to be careful comparing ourselves with each other admittedly, but it's possible your healing may occur in the same way as mine, so why shouldn't I offer you support? Anyway, keep up your spirits won't you - I know this thing is bound up with your emotions and spirits, but try not to be too hard on yourself - on my journey to where I am now, it did get me down, it was a downright nagging nuisance in fact but when I had "up" times, when it became asymptomatic, I was always relieved, hopeful and happy. I hope your dh is backing you up - I haven't been reading some of the posts recently but am catching up now. I know you had a period when he was not able to understand fully what you were feeling. I pray that he is offering more comfort to you now.
Cheers,
Wendy

That is great re. your husband. I would be pleased with that too. I wish I even had a husband, don't forget how lucky you are! It's Sunday here today. I'm just typing this in my bedroom. My two rats (my girls) are snuggled up asleep together, they look so wonderfully content. They are in their cage, but I let them out regularly. They are a marvel to watch. I used to be scared of rats and sometimes still, if I let my past fears come back up, I get a twinge of revulsion. They are just innocent creatures, beautiful in their ways. Interesting isn't it that pet rats have suddenly become so popular?
How I got onto that topic I don't know. Hard to think of a way to relate it to the everpresent "prolapse" debate. On yet another tangent, my ex has said he'd go for a coffee with me today but I had to beg him to. Hurts the pride a bit. My own fault though. He's always copping an avalanche of emotion from me. I don't seem to ever learn. Must try and knock that on the head. Grief, hurt, anger, and all that stuff, seems to bring everyone down. And aren't we all supposed to be in pursuit of happiness? Anyway, there are certainly happier things to think about than a failed marriage. Like why the sky is blue. Laugh out loud.
Wendy

Anita, that is sad about your rats starting biting. Not nice for you or the rats.
Thanks for telling me about your heartbreak with your earlier fiance. Some guys are harder to get over than others, maybe sometimes you never do get over them. I had that coffee with my ex. Was a bit unsettling though, we fooled around a bit. Everyone says no no, don't go there with your ex, but I've been there a few times, fool that I am!
Hey, anyway, look forward to seeing your next post on here - I must try and stay on topic, but really nothing happening re. my prolapse that I haven't already told you all about, pretty nice to be asymptomatic, but trying not to be smug about it.
Cheers,
Wendy

hey, anita, that's great news! try not to dwell on the fact that it was short lived. the good days are few and far between in the beginning. at least for me they were. and then they starting happening more frequently and more regularly until I was no longer counting the good days but the bad. so you're on the right path : )

and as far as ex's go, I'm awful at letting go. my dh and I dated for a long time, we broke up a few times and it was baaaaaaaaaad. I always tell him that if he would ever leave me I'd stalk him to the end of his days. its hard to let go of the man who has your heart.

((((((wendy)))))

Hi there, nice of you to mention me in your last post. Quite true, when you've lost your heart to someone, you always have them knocking around in your mind/heart/soul. Think it is because my ex lives so close and is accessible, plus I must have contact with him for various things, plus we were together so long (23 years), plus I still love him and want to make love to him. All make for a weird situation. Not to mention the fact that he's got a girlfriend too. Ah weel, as they say in Scotland. Had better go and have my bath, so must dash. Love your posts about your baby and all the PT stuff you know. Wouldn't it be great if we could all meet up some day - hits you sometimes doesn't it how you only know everyone here via typed messages. All of us sitting in our places all around the world, alone and typing our hearts out to people we only know through their words. Seems like a different world, seems like my old life was just a dream...
Cheers,
Wendy

Hi Wenz

My heart goes out to you. Here's my bit of Great Aunt Louise advice.

I can only encourage you to wear your very worst Grandma knickers *whenever* you are in this man's company, especially as you had to 'encourage' him to meet you for coffee. Otherwise you could find yourself in the position of being the other woman, and encouraging him to cheat on his girlfriend. I suspect he is playing games with you, and guess what he wants? (The fact that you do too is beside the point!) He may even be teasing his girlfriend, or boosting his own ego, and you will probably be the one who ends up in tears over it. You can do better than lusting over this man and hurting another woman. Stay away from him for your own good.

Good memories of a relationship lost are a great aphrodisiac, but they can lead us into doing things we know will not make things better, especially as he lives closeby. Please be careful Wendy, that you don't get used. He is potentially cheating on his GF. He would do the same to you. Could you ever trust him again?

Don't waste your heart over this man. He is currently spoken for. Go have a cold shower, and look for somebody better. You are worth it! Sorry if it was boring advice. I know you didn't want to read it, but it had to be said.

Love from Louise

You girls have been busy posting ! Oh Anita ! I was so glad to hear you had a wee bit of relief. Like
Granolamom says I'm guessing you will gradually have more and more good days.
It feels like a miracle when good days happen, I know. My first few were almost anxious because I
was sure that it was a fragile balance and didn't want to do anything to undo it ... Now I'm pretty relaxed and grateful when
these good days visit.
I had 5 days in a row of no POP after the acupuncture, divine intervention perhaps as I had a tremendously
difficult trip on nearly every level. The car auction was a nightmare. Everyone is jittery about recession
suddenly and the owners mostly had high reserves on everything which meant most weren't selling. I had to
make the awful leap of faith and make no reserve. I could not come home with it. I am on the edge of foreclosure.
It sold for enough to catch up my mortgage and partially pay friends and family back. What's been so hard to take
is that the auctioneer seems to have been taking care of a buddy in the audience as he suddenly took a bid and
said sold when things hadn't hardly slowed. I have had so many of these experiences dealing with big sharks
over the years of liquidating my Dad's stuff. I seem to have a target on my forehead identifying me as an
"innocent, gullible, dummy, so screw me".

I didn't really have a choice to leave my 16 yr. daughter here to be in school, and her job, and to take care of the
cats. What a disaster she was barely here, I came home to the stench of garbage and anxious hungry cats. I have
been raising my thresh-hold with her for some time. I wrote her a note she has the choice to move out and be
emancipated or start living by my rules. I've had it. Battles on nearly every front..

I am angry and can't figure out what to do with it. I am also having supreme difficulty not drawing a parallel to
the next great disappointment. Selling my house, if I'm lucky. The market is so bad here, I'm hearing stories of
ridiculously low prices being offered - and taken. I am feeling like the car is a taste of what the rest of this nasty
medicine is going to taste like. And that is the better of alternatives...

I'll take all this agitation out on the filthy pit my house has become.
Zelda

Hi ladies, emotion packed posts these. Makes me wish I had much more to offer.

Wendy, Louise’s ‘love from Louise’ speaks volumes. She gave you her heart in that one. I think I would have loved to have met Great Aunt Louise. Take care with your heart Wendy. It deserves your protection. Wrap yourself in the clarity and strength that these ladies have offered you here. Love will seek you out, but you won’t see it clearly when it comes if you’re still clouded by the past. I know that's easily said, and harder done. But it's a hardness that is keeping you from your happiness.

Anita, it is so wonderful to see you gaining ground. I had no doubt that you would. And it would seem that your husband is rising with you, a sweet step up by letting you sleep in. I know you celebrate the better days. Everyone celebrates your better days. When the heaviness comes, have faith that it will pass. Please look up...not down there so much.

And Zelda, you are so fierce and strong. Life is punching you but you will still be standing in the end. I get the most visual pictures of you sometimes as you travel through your moods with such powerful sincerity. I believe that you were just venting as to the ultimatum to your daughter. We all know that the world is not a safe place for one so young. The momma tiger picks up her young and places them where she will, but she keeps them safely close. You have so much wisdom, you will find your way with her. Sit on your cub if you have to, but keep her with you. She needs you and you her for a while longer.

Love, Kit

I agree Wendy, I think you are settling for the shadow of what was, and
it WILL prevent you from discovering a new relationship with someone in
the position to value and RESPECT you. Go girl, as I'm sure you have way
more to offer than illicit thrills.

Louised I admire your conscience and truthiness. Great Aunt ( you ain't Thhat old).
But I'll just say that with my newly orphaned status I've dreamt of what any self-respecting
orphan would... JUST What kind of a Mum would I want, since I don't have one ?
One Like you, and with a nice big bosom, a laughing , loving Earthy Man-Loving Woman.
I'm just certain. now don't go worrying, as I'm sure I'll be seeing the Mother in other faces
and places, now if you would just sign the bottom of this form, don't mind the small print.

Nice to see you here Kit. As usual you are the kindest of voices, the gentlest side of any of
us, is where you come from. I often get to thinking of archetypes around here, and what we project
on others as we read and write the mythologies of our lives. This is illustrated perfectly by
your description of me being strong and fierce. I've been faking it so long I suppose I got the language
down.
Gradually the hope that I will be left standing has shrunken down, I'm grieving my loss of innocence.
I am a very genuine person and am ever so often taken advantage of because I am too transparent.
I have a way of carrying myself that seems to irritate some and they project every pampered princess
they've known on me. Oh well. Life is beating any traces of the princess out of me, and maybe I'll
finally attain enough guile to "work" situations like the auction better. My last chance to prove this
little survival skill will be selling this property. I'm starting to wonder if I don't have a learning disability.
And all this hind-sight clarity is wearing my confidence down.

I better go it's noon, time to hack and slash.
I Love Y'All. Gems , each and every one of you.
Zelda

When our own mirror is a bit foggy, a friend comes along and shares hers that's all shiny and windexed. I'll stick by fierce and strong...and add loving and vulnerable, as well. Sometimes we're challenged to grow into and accept who we are...you will be standing, and you will be strong, you will be all of it. And I will not say I told you so. I will do the happy dance with you...maybe some of that belly dancing if I can get my hips to move again. My husband would enjoy that. It’s good to share, you know. Love, Kit

Hey Zelda

No forms and fine print necessary. It is a privilege to be useful as Great Aunt Louise. I think there is a bit of Great Aunt Louise in so many of us. As Kit so wisely said, "Sit on your cub if you have to, but keep her with you. She needs you and you her for a while longer." That one really rang true with me.

Sometimes I could wring the neck of DD, but once they are gone, they are gone. Thankfully my cub keeps coming back with love, and is slowly getting wiser. We all need each other. We all have our own wisdom to share.

I can see us all as really old wise crones, about 30 of us at least, sitting cross-legged around a really big camp fire in the desert somewhere, all wrinkly and wrapped in blankets, dispensing wise advice to all the women who bring us food and look after our needs for shelter. When they all go to bed, we can at last open up to each other, take off the mantle of cronehood, and share good jokes and stories, and laugh until our sides hurt.

Cheers

Louise

Zelda,

Hang in there. Sixteen is a really rotten time for kids and moms. Just when you think all is lost, they turn seventeen and it's better. At eighteen they are nearly human, and by twenty they are pretty normal again.

I had to have my third child arrested. The second one nearly had me arrested, and they all did their outrageous acts one by one to break my heart. But the crazies do leave and things do improve.

Today I am best friends with my girls, and they are solid citizens and responsible adults. We laugh about their "formative years." But it's a nightmare when it happens, and you can't help but blame yourself.

I think the break with mom is harder on those who have great moms like you. Somehow leaving a nest of a wonderful hardworking woman with lots of zest and love for life is harder than leaving the nest of a dullard, so the kid stamps her foot and makes a mess and tries to do outrageous and even dangerous things, and your heart breaks.

My husband used to blame me and say "If you were a decent mother..." and I would cry harder and look at other women and their daughters and wonder why it was so hard. Know what? By far my kids have turned out better than my friends' kids even with all the hullabaloo in their teen years.

So hang in there. Ignore what you can ignore, and remember this too shall pass.

Affectionately,

Judy

I'm not even sure how to post about it. I mean I could write pages analyzing the different
aspects to the family drama here. The rules of the cold war have long been dictated by my DD and now a
few "I will NEVER" statements from my H, seal the deal.

It was the crux I could never get around. The bad feelings between my daughter and her step-dad. I have
held a fair amount of resentment that my H couldn't handle it better - as he IS supposedly the adult here.
I mostly accept it as who he is now and with us living under different roofs, much of the tension is avoidable.
But it WAS why I made him move out. I could see that with much more of that, she was going to self-destruct.
I ran away at 17 for identical reasons - that I was being abused emotionally. My H seethed with resentment and
was a Passive - Aggressive Jerk. It was a nightmare vicious circle. I still don't see what other options I had.

The subtle difference here is my D is a formidable force. She is the most singularly stubborn person I have
ever known and she outclasses every one in an argument. So what has gradually happened is we do it her way.
Everything at this point is hinging on Making both our house payments and I can't get H to move back in and rent
out his house. I have my house on the market with no help around here, this is just where she recovers from
her busy school/play schedule. She has a BF and they are at it like bunnies. She's missing too much school
and NOTHING I do makes a damn bit of difference, aside from making my face red from effort.

She has always stubbornly not participated in the family, always kept to herself. I feel used, abused and punished.
I feel like she has been laying the ground-work to be rejected , just so she can blame me. This has not been a fun
past two years and her incredible lack of compassion and team-spirit has me losing the will to participate. I
am facing survival and she is not on my side. I'm so disappointed in how she handled things while I was gone.
My cats mean a lot to me. I'll take abuse but mess with my cats and it's war.

It's sweet how we all see the goodness in each other around here. but I know I've been much less than a good Mom.
A point my D has not hesitated to point out in detail. I've been self-absorbed with fixing my marriage and this POP business
really topped it. I haven't provided a very secure environment which is what kids need. My ex is a selfish SOB
and increased child support by 100 bucks after my begging... now I get 305.00 ! I would have to get a lawyer to expedite
things and he knows it. He HAS the money but doesn't want to pay, partly because she won't stay in touch. The reason it's so
low is that when we split I had just inherited my Fathers Estate, and he had just started a new career. my fault for not wading
through the form that takes about a year to get thru the system. In vain I hoped we could sort it out.

not so pretty, my life.
Zelda

Hi Zelda,
Apparently that is what the teenage brain is If you google teenage brain it will take you
to several web sites that report on studies done on the development of the teenage brain.
It may help you to understand what may be going on in your D mind.
Hard to fathom but I guess we all went through it. I know I was a pretty screwed up teenager.
About all we can do at times like that is to stand by and let them know we love them, and will try to help them
when we can.
I know what you mean about cats my two are still helping me return to normal.
Take care.
Flora.

He hasn't been feeling well for some time now. And since
I've come home he cries at me plaintively until I sit down and
then balls himself into my lap and I'm worried about him. My DD
KNEW that before I left. And she still neglected him.
I'm going to get some more rescue remedy today. I've been
out for weeks, maybe it's emotional, his glands feel fine.
Too much typing with one hand...
Calling all angels. He is pure Love.
Zelda

your description of your dd sounds so much like me at that age. long story very short, I grew up in chaos, dad was emotionally abusive, mom a gentle soul trying to hold it together. me, powerful, stubborn. too powerful. its scary for a kid (and she's still just a kid) to actually get things done their way, even when that's what they lobby for. no good for you either. resentment builds on both ends. the good news is that I finally did begin to build a relationship with my mom once I was older (and on my own!) so don't give up entirely yet.
and my unsolicited advice to you is to pick one small issue and let it be known that you will do it YOUR WAY. stick to it. and I bet you gain some respect. your dd is still a child, to borrow Judy's metaphor, she needs her mama to sit on her a while longer (love that, Judy!)