Peri-Menopause

Body: 

I haven't been tested or anything, but since I've always had regular periods and now they are starting to do wierd things like I'll have a 28-32 day cycle for months and then go for 60+ days before I get a period--I assume I'm getting into the peri-menopause stage of life (I'm 47.) I also spot once in awhile now, which NEVER happened except in the beginning of my pregnancies (implantation bleeding, etc.)

I've always gotten kind of 'sick' in the PMS phase (monster migraines, nausea, VERY tired, etc.)---and now, in addition to that----I'm getting the awful hot flashes with it. (It sure doesn't feel like a 'flash' to me!! It feels like a fever---I feel shaky and sick with it.)

Anyway---I'm wondering if any of you have found natural/alternative ways of dealing with the symptoms. (I don't want any kind of HRT or "medical" solutions, if you know what I mean.) I've read that the soy idea is not good because the whole idea is to get your body used to less estrogen, not switch to a different source. (I can't remember for sure, but I think it was Dr.Christine Northrupp...?)

There are medications they 'say' are for menstrual migraine, but I cannot take that with other medications I take (and don't know that I would want to anyway.) But this month I had a cluster headache, gradually worsening, for over ten days. It finally started to let up this afternoon---after I started bleeding. They're SO bad that I can't read or do anything---my face swells and my eyes also. Sometimes I cannot see well when this happens.

I know it's migraine--I've been to specialists, etc. and I've gotten them since childhood. (When I started menstruating a pattern developed.) Usually it was only a few days before my period started and now----since all this 'change of life' (or crazy-pause, as someone so aptly put it!!) started----the symptoms last longer and longer. Sometimes I think I have a sinus infection because they last SO long and the hot flashes feel like I have a fever---but I know it's the hormone thing. (Sinus infections don't just "go away" when you get your period!)

How do you all deal with your symptoms? My mom was in "menopause" for like 20 years (seriously!!) because she was on all kinds of insane hormone concoctions, so I have no 'history' to go by for this, as far as how long it will last or when my periods will stop.

I apologize if this is not an appropriate subject here, or if it should be in another section. But after the last ten days of HELL I wanted to ask for advice or ideas from women who hate going to the doctor as much as I do~smile~ (Actually it's more like asking for ideas from women who have a wider scope of reality and know that doctors aren't 'god' and that answers and solutions don't have to be "medical" to be effective.) It's really wonderful to be able to freely talk about my 'femaleness' (for lack of a better word) and know that those who read will understand and even relate to my own experiences.

Blessings to you all,
S&G

Dear Snug,

You are my instant re-play. Just spent 7.5 years in the trenches. Yes, yes, yes it's the worst thing that will ever happen to you.

You don't need some quack to diagnose you. It's a forgone conclusion that you are probably moving through the tunnel, and it is a tunnel and you will get through it - just bury your box cutters in the back yard.

Let's address the migraine first. Like you, I started migraines at puberty - 11. I suffered two or three a week with TIAs and an inability to coordinate speech, my whole left side numb and dumb, and no vision in my left eye. When I was young I met the most wonderful doctor who shoved the children's headache diet in my hands and said, "Get a clue." I will post the diet tomorrow. I have hard copies at school. What you do is remove all the foods listed for ten days and then slowly add one at a time to find your trigger. My trigger was yogurt.

My son's triggers are Mountain Dew, yogurt and cold meds. Worst migraine I ever heard of he had - they found him in the fetal position not breathing. After a battery of tests at Yale U, they said - migraine! For me it was easy. I cut yogurt out of my diet twenty two years ago and have never had another one.

I firmly believe migraines are caused by food allergies. Most of these allergies are to what we call living foods or foods with bacteria like yogurt. Vinegar foods, fermented cheeses, meats like hot dogs and sausage and ham, yeast breads including donuts, a lot of high potassium foods like bananas all seem to trigger migraines.

Drink lots of water during crazypause. Try drinking eight gulps of water every time you pee. Leave a cup in the bathroom.

Everyone has their own migraine treatment. For me a scalding tub and a soak up to my nose really helped. Some people like cold, but I found the really hot hot relaxed me. I could feel the migraine go. Then I quietly toweled off and got right into bed with four Advil. Then I SLEPT! My body was telling me I was on overload.

One of my dearest friends developed migraines during peri-crazy pause. Crazypause is better spent getting out as much as you can with other people and by God talking about how you feel!! I was such a such a and suffered quietly for years over this. Find someone else who is going through it and compare notes. Try to laugh. Go hug a child.

For hot flashes, try green tea. If you can't abide the taste use the green tea anyway and pop in another flavor tea like blackberry or cinnamon or my favorite, peppermint, which is good for nausea. These little nightmares will last about two years and then mostly go. I had about 300 a day and you're right they are debilitating. Put your hands into cold water to relieve one. They say black cohash works to eliminate some of the crazy.

Wishing you well,

Judy

Hi 'Snug'

I'm in the same space as you, but 54, and not getting classic hot flushes. Just other stuff like sore boobs in weeks 3 and 4, and those wierd 'milk letting down' sensations. Same pattern as you with missing periods every few months. Blood pressure going heywire with weight over the last year or so (just figured that one out, and now doing something about weight gain and hoping the BP will settle, but Judy tells me it may settle down by itself once my hormones stabilise a bit. Have made cardiologist appointment). Sometimes the black dog visits me around ovulation time or week 4, and I just avoid contact with others so they don't have to suffer my verbals, and I am not a very nice person to be with either. Other than that, not a lot of regular problems. Prolapses are OK. Getting less sagging just before a period, I think.

Nothing stays the same any more with this body of mine, but I have learned from a lot of women here, esp. Judy, that most of it will pass. I just gotta survive it, and survive it I will, confidently knowing that my body is doing what it is doing because that is what the instructions tell it. It really is like transition in labour. It is the worst bit, and ya just gotta ride it out. I wouldn't say I am 'suffering', just that I have felt better.

I would suggest that you do some reading up on hormones at menopause. Christine's new website, www.lichensclerosisanswers.com has a big document she has written about LS, that contains lots of info about hormones at menopause and beyond. There are other sources too, but many of them are pushing HRT and are not very informative about what happens *after* menstruation stops. I have found that being more informed makes me more able to deal with symptoms without losing my mind, and not be scared of them, or menopause. I think I have some websites tucked away in my Bookmarks too. I'll try and dig them out.

Cheers

Louise

S&G, In addition to the combined mega-wisdom of Judy and Louise, I’d just like to add that ground flaxseed (two tablespoons ground fresh daily) totally eliminated my super-intense hot flashes within a couple of weeks. It has been my daily regimen for almost 15 months, although now I can skip a day or two. If I go much longer my body starts reminding me, although in a much gentler fashion than pre-flaxseed.

Judy, I have trouble with green tea. It makes me feel jittery. I would love to benefit from its wonderful properties. Any ideas for me? Kit

Hi Kit

Yes, green tea can be very bitter. I make it weaker. I guess you can get the same benefit from 2 big mugs of very weak green tea (one in the morning, one later in the day) as you can from one cup of normal strength, and you get about 400ml extra water, which has to be good. I often add a little honey.

Cheers

Louise

Guys,

Green tea is so good for you, I'd hate the taste deal and jitters to keep you from it. Try decaffeinated green tea, and I use a whole other tea bag with it - usually peppermint. It does make me kind of sick in the a.m., so I reserve it for afternoons.

judy

Thanks Ladies. I am going to brew some half-black and half-green for iced tea and see how I handle that. I'm not one for hot tea anyway. Do you see any difference, health-benefit wise, to drinking it cold? And the honey idea is a good one. I really need to acquire a taste for local honey. Kit

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and solutions with me. I know how "good" green tea is for us---but just don't like it that much. I have a whole box of de-caf green tea, but when I think of a nice hot cup of something---it's never green tea! I'll have to try your idea of making it with another flavor. I already add honey and a tiny bit of brown sugar (it's the only way I can stomach it.)

I can't believe how much better I feel today. As soon as I "started" yesterday--I could feel the headache beginning to slowly go away and by this morning I was fine...facial swelling gone, etc. I always used to lay down with a hot pak on my face (the cold seemed to make it hurt more) but now with all this hot-flash crap that doesn't feel as good anymore. I also get VERY cranky during the 'before' phase and say things in the not-so nicest-way. I seem to have precious little patience, also. It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels emotional symptoms as well as the physical.

I guess that's what bothers me---what used to be a week at the most (of 'before' time) has turned into 10 days to 2 weeks out of the month! It's like spending 1/3 to half my life feeling horrible. Thanks for reminding me it WILL end at some point~smile~

I'm going to try drinking the tea every day and see if it helps.

Peace,
S&G

Check out the book Wise Woman Herbal for the Menopausal years by Susun Weed(Ash Tree Publishing)
She also has a website with lots of good info
Also Christine Northrup's book on menopause

I take flax seed oil in a supplement every day, so there must be something about the seeds themselves that help with the hot flashes. How do you eat it? On cereal, in yogourt? I'm definitely going to try this in addition to drinking the green tea I'm not crazy about. (Maybe I need to think of it as a supplement instead of as a 'nice hot cup of something'...)

I'm VERY sensitive to caffeine and any stimulants---I cannot take ANYthing with ginseng (sp?) in it. Lipton makes a naturally de-caffeinated green tea that you should be able to drink without feeling shaky or get the jitters.

Thanks for the flax-seed idea...
S&G

S&G, I have been astonished by the power of flax seed. It has many benefits. It took me a while to become friends with it, but it is certainly on my buddy list now. I grind one to two tablespoons of the whole organic seed in a small coffee grinder. I add it to chocolate milk, to juice, to smoothies, whatever I feel like for the day. You must grind it well, then mix and drink quickly. It thickens very quickly, you will see if you try it. Just drink through a straw and it will be easy. It has a nutty taste, not bad at all. I think it would be best if you had a small amount, a couple of times a day, maybe ½ tablespoon to let you and your body acclimate to it. Drink lots of water as you will be adding a lot of fiber to your diet. I get my flax at the grocery store in the organic section.

Some add it to salads and such, but that does not work for me. It might for you.

I did have to start viewing some things as supplements and not food in order to come to terms with them. Whatever works, I say.

I will try the decaf tea. Thank you. Kit

I agree Kit. I know Christine says it needs to be ground fresh and consumed straight away, as it oxidises readily. I buy it as linseed in Australian and get it from the breadmaking section of my supermarket. I have a friend who says she cannot eat multi-grain bread that contains these seeds unground, as it gives her anus a hard time on the way out the other end.

She thinks it is the nasty point on the end of each seed. I figure that if the seed case is still intact on the way out, it definitely needs grinding or it is no nutritional use, just physical torture!

Cheers

Louise

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I'm going to go to the store today and get some (I hope they have it...we only have one grocery store here, so it's not always easy to find some things. Otherwise, I suppose I could always order it online or go to a health food store...) I have a coffee grinder somewhere---I'll be digging through the cupboards to find it today!!

Some of the medication I have to take can be very constipating and I try to eat a few dried plums (prunes) with each dose...or I chew up a FiberChoice tablet (a fiber supplement containing inulin--the fiber found in fruit like apples) to make sure I get enough extra fiber with the meds. But I would like it so much better if I was getting it all from foods and natural sources.

Also, thank you Stella, for the book suggestions. I love to read and learning all I can helps me feel more in control of what's happening to my body. I haven't "quite" accepted all of this yet (especially the cystocele and how I feel about myself sexually...)

Thanks again for being here---everyone!
Peace,
S&G

Judy:
When you have a chance, would you post a copy of the children's headache diet that you mentioned in your 2/25 post? I would like to read it for myself and also for my daughter. Thank you.
Wishing you well...
Goldfinch

'Life is not holding a good hand; Life is playing a poor hand well'

Hi S&G

I'm curious to know how are you going with the flax seed. Is it any help? Re the hot flashes, it appears that I have been spared these, but I do get some wierd hot and cold things happening during the night, which are manageable, even if they do keep me awake for a while, while I fling blankets around, get myself a drink and toss and turn a bit. DH sleeps on. I had these things before I started taking flax seed anyway.

I do have ground flax seed most days in my muesli. I just grind up the flax seed in the mortar and pestle, and chuck in some whole almonds, some raw sunflower seeds, a couple of tablespoons of oats or commercial raw muesli, a chopped apple, sometimes the juice of a lemon and some milk or natural yoghurt and eat the resulting mixture straight out of my big granite mortar! I probably look like the wicked witch of the west eating brekky, but who cares? That bowl of muesli carries me through to a late lunch, no worries.

I think I am a bit less moody the week before a period, but it is hard to tell. I am sure it does help my rectocele though. I am much more regular if I have flax seed every day.

Cheers

Louise

I was able to find some flax seed at the grocery store and started using it, but I wasn't sure how fresh it was so I bought some more at a store where they have an organic section and knew it wouldn't be old, etc. I eat it on my cereal and can hardly taste it. (Usually on shredded wheat or raisin bran...) I don't know about the hot flashes yet, as I usually don't get them until the second half of my cycle. The extra omega-3 can't hurt, though. I grind it up in a coffee grinder---but not too finely. Once it's not cold outside I'll be adding it to 'smoothies.'

I mix the green tea with Constant Comment-De-Caf (an orange-spice type tea made by Bigelow--one of my favorites) and it really helps the green tea taste better. I'm trying to switch over from a teaspoon (used to be tablespoons!!) of brown sugar in my tea to using Splenda. The "You" books say it's the safest (other than agave nectar) of the sugar replacements. The sugar is one of the hardest things for me to get out of my diet completely. As much as I like it(and as much as I've eaten over the years!!) I'm damn lucky I didn't become diabetic. It's in my family---my grandmother controlled it with diet and my aunt 'nurtured' hers along with a lifetime of serious alcoholism. (I LOVE sweet stuff...ugh.) The "You" books also say that oolong tea is high in polyphenols and good for us. I like the taste even less than the green tea, but I'll drink it...

Thanks for asking---I don't post much because typing is a pain generator for me. Sometimes I just have to, though. I'll keep you posted about whether the flax seed extinguishes the hot flashes.

Peace,
S&G

Hi S&G,
I would suggest trying a natural sweetener like stevia leaf or agave nectar. The stevia is the most benign, because it is actually an herb, and does not affect your blood sugar levels. It does have a bit of an odd flavor though-takes some getting used to. Agave is the next best option, but it must be raw and unprocessed. It has a light delicate flavor. I would stay away from the splenda.
Also, there are so many varieties of green teas with all kinds of interesting herbal combinations like ginger or chai spices...
Good luck with the sugar-it truly is an addictive substance-much like cocaine in that way(really!) Switching over to one of the alternatives I mentioned might help to break that cycle of craving.

I also recommend motherwort tincture for pms and menopausal symptoms. Also, red clover infusion and chaste tree berry(vitex) help balance hormone levels. There are some wonderful holistic and herbal books out there about menopause.

Is motherwort and/or red clover beneficial post menopause for more than symptoms? I've no hot flashes or night sweats anymore, no mood problems, but I'm looking for things that strengthen and build health.

Where do you order yours?

Have you taken any herbal courses? I've very interested in Susun Weed's classes, but the expense is a big consideration for me.

I second the advice against Splenda. I just don’t trust it.

I love reading your posts about herbal helpers. I’m trying to learn all I can. Thanks, Kit

For health building, I recommend a daily infusion of nettles for every woman. These strengthen the blood and the adrenal glands-contain vitamins, minerals...very nourishing...red clover is also nourishing.

Yes, I have done 2 herbal apprenticeships(many years ago) as well as many courses and workshops over the years. I have studied with Susun Weed(and other teachers). I also worked for her as her assistant. Where are you located? Susun offers one day workshops that are not expensive. She is here in upstate NY.

I'm so glad that my posts are helpful to you!

Kit,

Believe everything Stella says. She's brilliant and has helped me so much. The Susun Weed site is really interesting. It's worth a lot of time to browse.

Judy

It is so true that the earth holds our deepest healing!

Oh, thank you, dear Stella. At my weakest, I found Susun Weed's site and read and read there. I started on oatmeal and flaxseed per suggestions from her menopause book. We've a field of beautiful red clover and I wanted to make the infusion but just never tried. Do you make your own per her directions? As far as nettles, is rose mountain a good resource? I know it is time for this next step and I am so ready. I feel like I have come home to myself.

I'm way down south, our daffodils are blooming!! so I would need to take an online course. I had to quit working when the prescription made me so ill, so that is why I am careful with what I spend. I think I will take her 52 herbal course, though.

My two great desires coming out of the past couple of years are to study herbal food/medicine and energy medicine...and then I'd like to pass on what I've learned.

Thanks all of you, and yes, Stella's is a wise and trusting voice. I noticed her gentle interjections long ago. It is so good when someone’s voice is both teacher and nurturer. I aspire to that as I grow up…I’m just fifty…there’s still time.:-)

Stella, I did not know you were so herbally accomplished. As such, you are a true gift to all. I did not realize such a gift was so near at hand. I have been truly counting my blessings of late, and I have been amazed at the wealth around me. You are one more example. Goodness abounds.

Thanks again, Kit

Thank you ladies for the kind words. They truly touched me. When I come here and read the posts of so many wise women, I often wish that I had more to offer. Now that I know that I am helping some of you, I will make sure to keep adding!
You made my day.

I am not familiar with any herbal sources in your region. I get mine from Jean's Green's here in NY but they do ship nationwide. You can look them up online. There are great ones on the west coast as well. Just make sure when you get them, that the nettles are green and not brown or stale. Also, check that they are organic or wildcrafted.

To prepare the red clover, I would pick the flowering tops when they look their best(you can get much more specific about this regarding moon phases and time of day.) Make sure that you pick them on a dry day. Then you can spread them on a screen(even a clean window screen will do) and keep in a dark, dry place until they are thoroughly dry. For an herb like nettles, you can tie them in bunches and hang in the attic(make sure to wear gloves to pick nettles-they sting!)

Also, I always like to ask permission to the nature spirits before I pick, as well as to thank them. Your intentions when harvesting and preparing herbs are important.

...Also, I always like to ask permission to the nature spirits before I pick, as well as to thank them. Your intentions when harvesting and preparing herbs are important...

That is lovely, Stella, I will remember. Thank you for the additional direction, also. I hope to get started soon. I am going to do one thing at a time, as per Susun Weed. Rose Mountain, or Mountain Rose is mentioned in her reference material so I’ll order from them. And I'll try my hand at harvesting the red clover this summer. I am not familiar with the nettles plant, so I don't know if we have that growing. We have an abundance of plants that I am not familiar with. We have some natural area and a large spring fed creek, and it's a joy to wander and see what's growing. I need to learn more of what we have. Thanks so much, I still can’t believe I have access to someone like you. You made my day!
Please post often.

Kit

Any herb company that Susun recommends will be good. She has very high standards.
Nettles are an abundant weed that LOVE to grow in damp places. They are pretty easy to identify because of the sting! You can actually see little tiny "hairs" on the leaves and stalk. Do you have a photo of them? They are also excellent to eat when they are young-you can cook them up with some onions and garlic. Yum. If you learn what is growing around you, you will be amazed at how many nourishing wild herbs there are to eat. You can even eat the clover blossoms. They contain b vitamins and protein. Throw them in your salad.
I should mention too(since you got me going, Kit!)that also for those of you who are having bowel trouble, DRINK NETTLES!
I am so happy to share what I know. I hope that I can help more.

I just realized that you were probably asking about preparing the infusion(as opposed to harvesting the herbs?!)
If so, then yes, I would follow Susun's instructions. An infusion is much stronger than tea. You brew different herbs for different lengths of time depending on if they are leaves, flowers or roots. Generally, leaves(like nettles) brew around 4 hrs. More for roots and less for flowers.

Yes, I was asking about the infusions but I'm a real sponge for this so you could tell me anything and I'd be happy. I'll be away for the weekend but I'll be back soon to see what other gems you've left. I cannot tell you how much I want this. Thank you so very much for being so generous, Kit

...nettles photo...I have one of Susun Weeds herb books, I'll look and see.
Soon, Kit

Hi Stella

It is interesting to read that nettles grow in damp places. We have them growing on the site of an old chook pen, where there is probably a lot of very old chook poo. Maybe it has made the ground acid. It is an area that is in dappled shade, and it is next to a creek line, but very well drained and not low-lying, so I doubt that it is damp. Having said that, nettles germinate here in Western Australia with the first winter rains, and keep growing until spring, about early October, when the rains ease off. Then they dry off. So I guess it is damp, cos it is winter when they grow. I must harvest some next year. What growing stage is best quality?

Cheers

Louise

Make such lovely tea. It is my understanding that the longest day of the season is the best time to harvest. Noon would
be another substitute. With Nettle try to get it before the flowers go to seed. New Nettle shoots are very nice steamed.
I wanted to be an herbalist when I was younger, Just one more way to take the reins from those dumb know-it-all Doctors.
Zelda

Stella,

I've gotten the nettles, but the only thing I could find at this point in the winter were encapsulated ground nettles which I opened into a cup of hot water. I like the taste. Is this nettle tea or is this just junk?

I've been using the capsules to make a turmeric capsule for one of my teachers with psoriatic arthritis who hates the taste of turmeric, so it's not a complete loss.

Looking forward to spring,

Judy

I am always wary about encapsulated herbs because I don't know how long they have been sitting on the shelf-they can lose their potency over time. You should be able to find an herb company to ship you nettles. They dry and store them and a reputable company will only send you ones that have been stored properly and not for too long. But for now, use what you have. Glad you like the taste!

What is a chook? I love learning your Australian lingo! My favorite word so far is nutter!

I am suspecting that chook is chicken?? Yes, the nettles would love to grow on some good compost if that is what you are referring to. They are a weed, so grow easily.

Harvest in spring when they are young and tender for eating, and later in summer when they are tall and full for drying or tincturing. Don't forget your gloves!

Nettles are wonderful to make a part of your daily routine. Besides being so nutritious and restorative, they can become a self-nourishing ritual.

Yes, you can actually get quite detailed about harvesting...according to astrology, time, weather and many other factors.

It's never too late if you still want to be an herbalist!
:-)

I grow all kinds of herbs, collect many wild, make my own tinctures and salves and tea blends.
Nettle is a long-time fave I adored it when nursing, but there is some reason you should limit it... can't remember.
My latest education has been with Homeopathy and flower essences. I am suspiciousof pharmaceuticals. Their ads do amuse me though.
Zelda

I don't know anything about limiting nettles, though my theory in general is everything in moderation. The only thing I can think of regarding the nettles is that they do have some diuretic properties. When I drink a lot of them , I pee a lot too!
I am also a fan of homeopathy and flower essences. I used to make some flower essences. Have you made your own? It is a lovely process...

Stella,

In the recent catalog from Hammacher Schlemmer there is a Perfume distiller for sale. Bit pricey, but interesting. It's to be used with flowers.

Yep, chickens. I thought they were called chooks everywhere! We call baby ones chickens, the mummy ones hens, the daddy ones roosters and the teenagers pullets. Collectively they are known as 'the chooks', eg "just going down to feed the chooks". The word is also a word of association, as in the chook bucket where we put all the kitchen scraps to take to the chooks, or the chook pen or chook yard or chook shed, where they live. It can also be used as a nickname, usually for men with the surname Fowler. I know a few Fowler men, and they are all known as "Chook" and most of them are related to each other, so it gets a bit confusing.

Cheers

Louise

hi blue

sorry this is all in lower case and not very well-punctuated. i am peck-typing lefthanded today in an effort to give my dicky right wrist a rest from keyboarding (highly scientific research in progress).

i saw you apologising for posting continually (or something) in the pelvic health forum and thought it might fit better here in the menopause forum, so here is my reply.

going back to your early posts it looks indeed like crazypause is stalking you in a very insidious way. i too have felt very vulnerable and irritable over the last day or so, and have thought of you often. i am 55 and had a period exactly two weeks ago, so my body is probably trying to ovulate at the moment, hence my black clouds which i diary. this helps me to keep real about it, because i can now identify black clouds at ovulation and the last few days before bleeding starts, almost every month for the past 18mo or so.

i see perimenopause and menopause as a kind of pupal stage in a woman's life. try this for size. we are born out of a woman, are babies for a while without much use of our legs, much like the baby bee which is kept in a cell and fed until it is developed enough to come out and be a proper bee. we grow into girlchildren until puberty when we go into the first dreadful and awesome external pupation stage called 'teenager' where, unlike the lucky insect that locks itself away in a little turd-like capsule while it learns about hormones, menstruation, boys, pimples, bitchy behaviour, testing boundaries, boobs, body hair, sleep and eating disturbances, hips, thighs, moodiness, unpredictability etc, the pubescent girl has to learn about all this *in public* while the rest of the humans in her life have to adjust around her, to this new being, every day, until about ten years later she emerges as a totally unrecognisable, fertile adult woman, and all is reasonably stable for many years, albeit cyclical.

at the other end of her reproductive life she does a similar external *public* pupation, except backwards, from a powerful, competent, fertile woman to a wise old crone, still able to enjoy sexual love but no longer stalked by the prospect of hatching another child, and able to hand back her delightful child companions to their parents at the end of the day and sleep deeply in old age. on the way, however, the physical morphing involves reversal of many of the puberty-related changes, drying out, descent of tissues outside and in, loss of reproductive power, and the same hormonally-based emotional upheavals as puberty, but this time accompanied by a feeling that there is more behind her than in front of her. like the teenager she loses track of who she is, neither woman nor crone for about ten or so years of external pupation. her partner too wonders if this pupa he is married to is the same woman. she indeed sometimes diplays brown, hard, small turdlike characteristics (tmi?)

then (so the wise women tell me) the hormone fluctuations even out and she is at last a fully-fledged crone and becomes more emotionally stable again, as she was pre-puberty. maybe that is why children and grannies get on so well together; they are actually on the same wavelength!

teenaged girls and peri/menopausal mothers, on the other hand, are possibly meant to be kept in separate enclosures and fed with thick gloves on.

just go with it blue, hanging out here with all of us, trying to make sense of it all, like a mob of pimply teenagers at a sleepover, talking all night (interesting concept, using teenaged girls as role models!). it will pass, so they promise me.

this lack of confidence and trust in yourself (prolapsewise and otherwise) will pass as you assimilate your new ways of dealing with your body, the same way as you have to wiggle the key in an old dry lock, or remain locked out for ever. treat carefully and oil it well and it will work fine. just try not to take your own emotions personally. they will try and trick you all the time.

cheers

louise the pecker

ps that was fun. i think i will stick to lower case for good. that darned control key under the shif6t key just adds unneeded srrors (grrr!)

EDIT: Blue, nobody needs to apologise here for expressing themselves, venting, or airing their feelings. The only reason for apologising is if you think you may have hurt or wronged another person. We are all in this boat, and it can be a long and frustrating learning curve. Stay with us on the journey. We accept you just as you are.

Blue,

Roller coaster rides with hormones are not fun, and nobody can help you with this. I tried. The only thing that helped was a kind knowledgeable word which were RARE and far between!

Hormone rides effect the whole person. They make us wonder if we haven't just had enough of life and if death wouldn't just be a better solution. Don't listen. I stood in my kitchen with a box cuter at my throat several times during crazypause, and nobody even noticed. I'm a Catholic, so taking off my own mortal coil would have cost me big time!

This is a daily battle - mine lasted 7 years. It does lift, however, and will do so suddenly. It's like draining a tub of precious oil. You watch the oil drain away and lament it, and then when it's gone, it's gone, and the drama is over and you can get on with your life. But like anything lost, it's not something you dwell on every second.

During crazypause, I would recommend that you take some time for yourself every day when no one is around. Sit in your favorite chair in the silence and drink a cup of nettles tea and think about all the things you love about your life. Think about all the things you want to do, and how many things in your life you are grateful for. Be as positive as you can.

Know that my little ones are praying for you today; from the mouths of children, God finds perfect praise.

Judy

Thank you so much for your perspective. Counting your blessings. Such good advice. Now then. How do I respond to my mom who is in crazypause and won't admit it- or maybe she doesn't really know. Not that she isn't in touch. Just more like in denial- kinda like she used to swear up and down that she never had PMS but we all knew to avoid making her mad that week :) Man I love her so much. these last years have been hard on us though. She is really defensive and at the same time can say whatever comes to mind (and it is some far out stuff) in criticism of me. And she is a little unhinged. She creates drama- this is not at all like my mom- and she is so sensitive.
argh! how much longer until I get my mom back?

quick I want the last stage Louise describes.

my mom was like that for about 4 years. maybe 5. not sure. but it passed and she's back : )

try to think of it like a passing phase, like two-year old tantrums. I found that once I realized my mom was menopausal, I was better able to let the crazy stuff roll off my back. she complained that I was patronizing, and maybe I was, but I'd try to smile and repeat my mantra 'this too shall pass'.

good luck with your mom. I hope it passes quickly.

Send your Mum here. We'll sort her out. Ouch!

:-)

Louise

Ladies,

It took me seven years from start to finish. I was never afraid of anything in my life and suddenly I became very very fearful, weepy and unsure of myself. It was slow and painful.

In stage two I began to physically respond to my fear. My blood work came back completely out there, and I was accused of having everything from diabetes to kidney cancer. My absolute hatred and fear of doctors was made rock solid at this point.

Then the hormone roller coaster attacked my muscles, and I couldn't walk for nine months without real #10 pain.

I was sleepless, insane, scared, over tasked, under appreciated and in pain 24/7. My kids were tired of me whining and weeping and my husband didn't notice me at all - typical. I became desperately lonely and stayed at home when I wasn't working. i was one inch tall, and everyone around me had a sledge hammer. I stayed home and wrote a series of five novels that are the darkest most disturbing thing anyone has ever read.

Does any of this sound familiar?

The last and probably worst of it came at the end. I believe it's called the "review" stage. As a horribly abused child, I began to ask myself "Why was I hated? What was it that made them hate me so much?" I reviewed all the hurts in my life, all the pain, the big questions of love came forward. Those were the suicide days. I was completely convinced that nobody in the world had ever loved me except my children. I had been a daily communicant for over ten years, and I suddenly quit going to Mass altogether.

Looking back, I think menopause is a time to stop look and listen. It's a time to realize that yet another stage of life is coming our way - a good stage - not a frightening nightmare, but a more relaxed, less eager perhaps, more contemplative stage. I wish I had known. I wish someone had told me. But people don't tell each other; they just get mad. I don't think a lot of women know until it's over and they can reflect.

Lots of women are lost and try desperately to reach out. It might be very clumsy and very harsh, but it is reaching out. What we are asking is if you still love us.

As Louise very rightly compared it to puberty, I agree. Puberty for me came at 10. I was all grown up at 11. So I haven't undergone dramatic change for 46 years and I didn't know how to get through it. I had to learn all over again.

So if your moms are reviewing, they are pretty close to the end. Listen to them and comfort them. Don't say, "Aren't you over that yet?" They are putting the hurts and feelings and thoughts about a very important part of their lives into perspective for the next part.

Menopause needs someone to say, "I know you are suffering; I'm here to listen."

Judy

Hi Louise,

Say, I want to express how appreciative I am that you, 'dicky' wrist and all, take such time and care to help like you do. Thank you so much!

'Crazypause' and my hormone pingings could be what's tripping me up, causing me to make mountains out of prolapse bulges... I know I'm sometimes taken for quite a ride where predictability flies out the window with all rational thinking on its tail.

It doesn't help that it's trickier to track hormone cycles these days, not having had a period since September (thought since Nov, but rechecked). What with your post's focus, and being led over here to the menopause forum, it dawned on me that despite the cessation of my periods things are nevertheless still astir, not to mention somewhat amiss. I'll do my best to cut myself a break whenever I get to feeling too overly wound, a bit wounded, or ever mangled up in tangled up knots.

Anyway, thank you for the wonderfully poetic spin, kiddo; for taking me from babee through soaring crone. Wow! On another bright side, albeit small and brief, I had a wonderfully light, carefree-feeling moment wash over me at 9:34 this evening - noticeable enough to make note of the time. lol Needless to say, I enjoyed every second of it... Perhaps it's a sign of the good things to come... of the " fully-fledged crone" that I strive to be. Thank you again, Louise, I can't wait to earn my wings and fly. ~ : )

(((PericronalHUGS)))

Be good

~♥Blue

P.S. Best wishes for a speedy wrist recovery, Louise.

Thank you for YOUR "kind knowledgeable word"! It does help. ~ : ) (((HUGS)))

"I'm a Catholic, so taking off my own mortal coil would have cost me big time!"
... Oh, I hear you, Judy... a life-saving grace, that awareness. I'm so glad you held on and made it through the raging river... for He said, "...Take My hand -we will face this together, for My plan is not over but through."

Life's light -You're right, that's exactly what I need to do more of, focus on the blessings that are mine... It's funny how the good things in life can seem so out of sight sometimes, so out of reach. I'll make a point to take time to reflect.

Thank you and your little ones for your prayers, so greatly appreciated, every one. I'll keep you all in my prayers too. ~ : )

Breathe,
~♥Blue

I get wobbly sometimes too. There is great comfort here. WW is like a garden I am planting for the tough times that may be ahead of me when I finally do stop menstruating.

Yes, make the moment of those little glimpses of carefree moments. They are like gold, to tide you over the bad times. I can relate that to seeing little glimpses of adult thinking in my kids as teenagers, when they were otherwise acting like, well, teenagers! It gave me hope that the glimpses would grow in size and frequency, and they have, touch wood. I really needed to recall those tiny glimpses at times when I would have otherwise cheerfully disinherited them!

Cheers

Louise