the silver lining

what a great topic, sarahlove!

there've been silver linings for me too. I've learned to slow down and really really *be* with my kids. I've learned that I'm strong enough to cope with loss, which was a good thing. recently I've begun to lose my hearing and I already had a toolbox full of coping strategies. I've learned to count my blessings and appreciate the wonders of the human body, to appreciate all that I *can* do.
I've learned that I need to prioritize my needs, to take care of my own health or I will be useless to those around me.
and of course, I've gained all these wonderful online sisters.

so yeah, I wish I didnt' have this prolapse, but I'm grateful for the lessons learned.

Yay, Sarahlove

You are absolutely right. eg, I have always loved bodysurfing, but I think I like it better now because I can still do it and I know many women my age who would no longer dare to! *And* I now do it in a comfortable one piece swimsuit, instead of risky teeny bikini I used to wear! I don't do the really big waves any more, but who cares? There are advantages to not being perfect. I no longer aspire to perfection. Good enough is good enough for me these days, and much more rewarding.

Cheers

Louise

I am profoundly thankful that I'm a woman at home. ( I could not imagine running down the hall of an office, bent over, holding my vagina and moaning!) I'm 53 and have homeschooled my only daughter who is now finishing her first year of homeschool-highschool. Until the uterine prolapse and first degree cystocele happened this April 14th, everything has been fine. There is a part of me that feels that I'm in a nightmare that I cannot awaken from, and yet, I am so grateful that I am at home with my daughter. She loves homeschooling and we only have three years to go and it's been the most wonderful time of my life.

I came to motherhood late in life (39) and when I look at her and ask myself if having her is worth the daily bouts of pain, there is NO question. Life is Wonderful, even when it is difficult and painful. Finding this site has been a genuine blessing for me----sometimes I feel so ashamed of my bouts of fear and self-pity when I read about women much younger than I with young children to care for.

My mother died when I was only 13 and my father died 10 months later. This site gives me lots of "moms" to talk to and is a God-send.

Hi BungalowDweller

Interesting perspective. I hope that in time you can learn to manage your prolapses to a point where you will thrive on going out and joining the world, and can share that joy with your daughter.

I am the unexpected only child of my Mum who is 96 and my Dad who died when I was 16. They were 41 and 47 respectfully when I was born. I felt so wanted and loved as a child, and eventually learned to share. Life is good, though now I have three children of my own and can see the way they interact, and am a bit jealous at times of what I have never had.

Cheers

Louise

this is a beautiful thread...thank you ;-)

i have a few!

I am grateful that my prolapses have made me so healthy. I've always eaten well and walked a lot, but now i really eat well (add to this my LS, and my eating has gotten near saintly!) & walk as much as I can. Early on with my prolapses I decided that if they made me healthier so that I avoided other, far worse things, than they were worth it. and for the most part, my body does feel healthier than it ever did.

my pop make me treasure carrying my (now getting big!) baby, because I know I won't be able to forever and because I also feel like he's helping my body to get stronger and stronger.

and, like granola mom, it's helped me to slow down. with DS1 I was taking him lots of fabulous places, constantly out the door together. Now, I spend a lot more time at home just playing, & will continue to (our local train station has loads of stairs and I can't carry the stroller up and down them). Instead of feeling guilty I've learned to discover the joy we can have just playing with his bear in the kitchen--over and over again ;-)

so, whilst I wish I didn't have these, I thank the world for the silver linings and lessons they have given me.

and thank you sarahlove for inspiring us all to remember the good! (are you a katie byron fan? it's a lot about looking at the good in life--but you don't get to say the "but i wish i didn't...", so i find that bit rather hard...)

Kiki

Hmm, there certainly times when DH stands for things other than darling husband! Likewise with DS1, DD and DS2. As for me as DW (dear wife), I have many personae. Lately I have felt more like Destructive Whirlwind at times, but Delicate Wallflower sometimes appears, as does Dancing Well! This week it is Lindy Hop and Balboa.

Cheers

Louise

Lindy Hop is interesting, cos it is very grounded and very low, bent knees, with lots of butt out the back, more WW than I thought. Yes, if I was thirty years younger and into competitive dance, there would be no way. Lots of bouncing and being in the air a lot (and landing!). You would need a whole wardrobe of pretty knickers, cos you would have them showing a lot. But not this old girl. I'm just gonna be too cool for all that showin' off! More like the Turtle Hop, really.

DH and I were in New York this time last year and went dancing with the Manhattan Ballroom Society one night, in a little church hall in 76th Street. There were people of all ages there, and we were made very welcome, but I was particularly impressed by some obviously quite well off, elderly groovers who were still Swinging and Salsaing into their old age. They were having a great old time. I guess nobody had told them to act their age? I wanna be like that when I grow up!

There are people way over 60 playing tennis, cricket, golf and maybe field hockey who have dicky knees, a lifetime of skill building and cunning brains. They play a totally different game, whatever they play. They move very efficiently, have hair-splitting aim and use their strengths to enhance the team. They are frustratng to play against, cos they are winners through and through, and they never seem to tire out, cos they never get a steam up. And they have learnt the art of spinning the ball, so intercepting or returning their shots is nigh on impossible. They don't play A grade any more, but they do play Veterans' A grade! They have nothing to prove to nobody, so they are invincible.

I think it is so sad to hear somebody who says, "Yes, I used to dance, but I can't/don't any more." I hope to be able to dance into my old age. I won't be fast, and I won't be doing aerial work, and I might not look as graceful as the younger ones, but *I will be there*, and I think I will find it more rewarding than playing Bingo.

Cheers

Louise

I can't really even pinpoint all the changes I have undergone in the last year and a half. The biggest change is this deep sense of connectedness I feel with my body now. What I eat, wear, drink, how I move and how these things reflect in how I feel. I am mindful of these things and how they impact my life. I have developed a mindfulness that I am sure I would never have known. Most importantly I have learned so much about my own body. I now know what the inside of my vagina feels like. I can mark any changes. I am so much more aware of how I move through space- how I get up and sit down.
almost equal in importance is the fact that I don't force myself to do things just because I can. Sure I can lift my kids into the vehicle but I don't anymore and I know I am better for it- prolapse or not. I don't strain myself or run around crazy doing too many things. I put my feet up more and I don't fight it as I did in the past. I ask for help frequently and let others in my family pull their load (even if it doesn't get done how I would want it to).
And I feel more still. The strength I have gained from the turmoil of this condition and the coping techniques I use serve me everyday. I am able to identify with loss. Now some would not see this as a strength but I do. I know that this small loss is a joke compared to the losses a person can expect to live through in a lifetime.
I am so thankful for all of you who supported me and continue to support me.

my great uncle is the world's greatest dancer. well, at least the best dancer I know. he's well into his 80's and loves teaching the youngest generation all the 'old' dances. and he's always last one dancing on the dance floor at weddings. I love that guy. another one of my great uncles is turning 94? or 95? soon, and he's got a 'hot chippy' (his words) of a girlfriend (she's in her 70's) and they go dancing all the time.

maybe I ought to learn how to dance...

This is a beautiful idea and I could write you a book.
I will get some thoughts together and try to post soon.

Thanks for doing this, Kit

Why not Gmom? You are so lucky to have these elderly rellies who live their love for dancing.

I don't do Christine's ballet workout often enough, though I enjoy it when I do. I didn't dance at all from my single days right through until about four years ago, and spent my adult life sitting on the sidelines at weddings and other occasions, only able to do Barn Dance and Pride of Errand, and 'free-jiggle'. Quite honestly, it just would not have been possible to learn dancing while we had little kids, then it just got busier when they got older. Now they are independent it is much easier. Your time will come, Gmom. I wish the old Saturday night dance traditions had followed through to my time, as each generation learnt dancing from older community members as a part of each child being raised by the village, so each child could social dance by the time they grew up, and knew the protocols which made dancing a wonderful way for young people to interact and meet members of the opposite sex. I think the loss of this aspect is really sad. I think TV and Rock n Roll came along, and kids wanted to do their own dances to their own music. Young musicians learned to play different instruments and probably had too much 'attitude' to conform to the old tempos. That's life.

About four years ago I finally convinced DH to learn partner dancing with me, which was great for our marriage, and great for our bodies (beats pumping away at the gym). The Argentinian Tango is something else altogether!! And the Rhumba is just divine as a dance of love. After a brief marriage breakup learning the Tango and the Rhumba was a vital part of our reconnecting with each other.

It was also really good to get into the music of past eras, right from the 1920's through to 1960's(?) and everything in between, with really modern electronic music getting a berth as well. I have, so far, been able to assimilate WW posture into any sort of dancing I have taken up. DH and I both enjoy music, both classical and modern, and have just started going to music festivals, where we can really pig out on the music and dancing too. We still jiggle too, but there is little point when we can dance proper steps with a little bit of skill, that have a history of their own along with that particular music we dance to, and connect us physically, which jiggling doesn't really do. Hope to take in more festivals in future.

I have also taken up bellydancing (mainly classical Egyptian which is very sensual) as women's dance, particularly for the isolations and pelvic mobility aspects, but I am also really enjoying the cultural side of this very female activity, and learning alongside younger women and girls. It is very multi-generational.

I think you really just need to take the opportunities you can at the time, and I would encourage you to take advantage of any classes that come your way and challenge the standard ways of using your body if you have to, to enable your prolapses to cooperate.

Dancing for me is a developing story. I don't know how far I can take it, but will take it as far as I can. I am not into competitive dancing; I just don't seem to be able to stand still when there is music in my ears that is seducing me into movement.

Cheers

Louise

a college friend of mine knew how to bellydance. her father is moroccan and all the girls grow up knowing how to bellydance. you should've seen the dancing at her wedding! It was awesome!
so yeah, learning to bellydance is on my list of things to do. right after learning to play the piano.
one of these days....