Zelda: My "anniversary" came and went

and the voices in my head and heart have been urging me to reconnect with this precious sorority (Thank you Goldfinch - I think I'll adopt that).

I induced my prolapse by working too hard. I felt indebted to a friend that had helped me financially... my husband and I had separated and I was having a hell of a time making ends meet. I worked last June to clear 3 miles of irrigation ditch to help my friend and was pretty done in after days of hard work, when I tried to start my old lawn-mower and the thing wasn't tuned well and I got stubborn in my new "independence". I finally gave up and went to take a shower to wash the sweat off... Horror of all horrors finding my stuff hanging out in the shower. I suffered the clarity of hindsight most exquisitely.

It took me some time to find this website. Honestly ? I found it looking for the perfect surgeon.. the best of the best, and how much would that cost ? The search made me realize how little I trusted the medical establishment, or testimonials. I didn't submerge myself in the carnage of it all, one photo of surgery was enough for me. Finding Wholewoman.com made me just weep with relief. I have no way of expressing how valuable this community was in those dark angry days.

I grieved a lifestyle I was certain I would never again manage to enjoy. I felt I had to accept this loss entirely because the denial cycles only aggravated my symptoms and I was terrified things would just progress - no matter what I did. So I backed off from my beloved hiking and worked to accept my fragile condition. It does not suit my nature to be a wallflower and let life pass me by, and what ? am I going to honestly ever quit gardening ? So I've played games with myself and in bits and bites have continued to do many of the things I enjoy. I can honestly say I accept my real limits but am always pushing the envelope, 'cause it's my nature. My "down" days still make me sad, but no longer send me into spirals of panic and fury. I'm kinder and patient with my new pace.

I am happy to tell you I just went back-packing and carried 35 lbs. 10 miles round-trip!!! I paced myself and focused on posture and my mental attitude.. I couldn't back out and wreck all the planning and fun, so I had to make it work. I was so scared it was all a monumental mistake and set-up for heartache and humiliation. We are planning our next trip.

I've managed to keep my house. my dear dear MIL helped me out of foreclosure and now the work is flowing in and I'm gradually paying debts off. My marriage is stronger than it really ever was, but is still my greatest challenge and often heart-ache... we are just ever so different. I am learning to practice the art of acceptance in so many many ways. I think it may be at the heart of my lessons in this school of prolapse.

I am Happy much of the time and have shed a number of negative relationships and lost the high threshold I had for drama-queen GF's. The most toxic relationship I had was with my Mother, and I'll admit I wish it wasn't so.. but I accept I am stronger in her absence. I have several precious women in my life and feel blessed with such wealth of heart and love. This community is the Mother-lode of thoughtful
beautiful women. I'm so grateful. I found my strength here and reclaimed it - after ya'all helped me redefine it.

I'll try to touch in more often - ease my sense of indebtedness by giving something back - I hope. I wouldn't have left but for my dedication and discipline to making money and cleaning up this mess we had gotten ourselves into. Apparently I missed some tough times here - growing pains from the sound of it.. and from one red woman to another I support you 100% Christine. I will always believe our bodies are most capable of healing Without intrusive surgery. I will never ever consider it, and think it's a cop out for people who don't want to take responsibility for their own health and recovery. yup -that's my judgement, and I think Lannie's (?Sp?) ground-rules for this community were right on and overdue. So keep the faith - your work is valuable beyond description and anyone who gets in the way of that should be directly educated.
Love to the new members and great big hugs to all my dear friends here ! You're encouragement meant so very much. Thank you.
Zelda