First time talking about this....

Hi Kim,
First huge congrats on your baby! And I"m so sorry for where you are at. it is, i know, so hard.
so a bit of reassurance...13 weeks is still soooo early. so much will change in the coming year.
I developed a stage 3 cyst at 3 weeks, followed by an equally bad rectocele and mild uterine prolapse. it was horrid, and as you said--everything felt like it made it worse. just standing made me bulge. lifting my baby, doing dishes, you name it, i bulged.
i had everyone saying it would get better, but i couldn't believe it.
but...

i did the posture, really improved my eating (was already good, but got better!), saw an accupuncturist, took herbs, homeopathy, physio (which is kegels--no idea if they helped, but the physio was as good as a therapist and gave me so much reassurance!), and here i am with a 20 month old. my prolapses are now "mild" according to every gyn i've seen recently. i lift my babe as much as i need, though if i'm feeling bulgy also hand him off to others. i am on my feet all day, work, walk tons--basically get on with life! and they don't bother me. i have to eat really well due to the rect, and occasionally use a tampon for support, and i don't lift heavy things (other than my babe) but really...compared to where i was at i can't even compare! I never believed it could be this much better. i remember thinking i would never walk comfortably, hike, play ball, stop thinking about it, have sex... and now i do all those things!

so have faith!!!
i noticed the most improvement at perhaps 5 months+. I kept noticing improvement until about a year, at which point i felt like i plateaued. but, having said that, it's definately better than it was then.
i used a sling for most of the first year (only stopped as he doesn't like it), am still breastfeeding, and try to regularly lift my son as I figure he's my best weight training i can do as i have no time to exercise at the moment (that and i love carrying / cuddling him!). at some point the bulging with lifting him stopped, though i can't say when (8 months or so???)

it's so hard, as this affects your whole identity as a woman!
when i saw my physio, she gave me homework to go have sex. she said i had to get it over with, that it would not make anything worse, and that (as many women say here) they won't notice.

re more pregnancies, i can't comment but i know there are lots of beautiful stories here of babies post prolapses that you'll hear!

so hang in there--and hang out here! it's an amazing community of support and wisdom, and has really changed so much for me.

take care,
Kiki

I have no idea about the stages....when my bladder decided to "meet in the middle" with my rectocele I was devastated (you can read my posts here all about that I was a mess). I had just kinda gotten used to the idea of the rectocele and bam out of nowhere I find the cystocele. Christine was very honest with me and described that as the normal progression- when one goes they sometimes all go- so I prepared myself for the next "drop"- my uterus- but it never really came. Then I started doing the firebreathing, dvd, and exercises from the book everyday. Then I got into Bikram yoga and my whole body felt wonderful. I was also having a weekly massage and chiropractic adjustments. Man my hips were so out- I guess from the pregnancy and birth-
By chance in the bathtub I discovered this amazing type of breathing that pulled my front wall tight (cystocele gone) and after a few days of playing with it I typed ab vacuum into youtube and found Nauli.
Over a short period of time my cysocele was gone. GONE. So I am living proof that you can reverse a cystocele. Mine was pretty "noticeable" if I looked in a mirror- and it moved when I increased pressure-
I will say it was much more uncomfortable without the cystocele. I finally realized that it was because my rectocele was enjoying the support of the bladder.
I have never had any trouble with sex from the prolapse (I have a lot of scar tissue from a serious tear during childbirth that makes things pretty sensitive for about 6 months to a year after the birth- it even hurts to wipe so you can imagine how careful we are during that healing time) in fact sex really helps my prolapse.
So maybe another 6 months or so after the cystocele was gone the rectocele had shrunk to the point that I could not see it from the outside- and if I felt for it- it was a very small half marble.
Picking up your baby is fine. Just watch your posture.
You are on the right track.
And it does get better.
And it is a long road. But I just figure- what else do I have to do?
I have three kids- and I do think my prolapse worsened with each pregnancy and birth- but then went on to improve postpartum each time.

just read your post, only have a moment, my ds is waiting for me to put all his school supplies together for the first day tomorrow

had to let you know I had a stage 2 or 3? even initially. now its probably between a 1 and 2, but I can't say for certain because I don't go looking for it anymore.
so YES mine somewhat reversed
after starting this work my prolapse STABILIZED and I felt CONFIDENT and SECURE that I could handle another baby. and I got pg again, and had a wonderful homebirth. Initially the prolapse got as bad as it was when I first found it, but now its smaller than it was pre pg.
I know its depressing and probably hard to believe me, but

YOU WILL FEEL BETTER ONE DAY

and many of us have found that things were at their worst at 3 mo pp. you are at rock bottom now. it will get better, so hang in there

and congrats on the baby : )

There is a post here by Christine about the new yoga for women - read it - Bikram can be done- just only do the postures that feel good and modify the rest. I recommend getting very comfortable with the posture first- walking, sitting and standing before attempting to do yoga.
I did spend some time here describing how to get the Nauli breathing down- see if you can find it in the search box. But it was random when I did it- but I remember doing it as a kid.....
oh man sex/ Lets see you are 13 weeks out right? I say go for it. Be very gentle- use lots of lubrication. There were certain positions that worked for me after my first birth and others that were old favorites that we had to throw out the window-
actually sex after my first baby was a pretty amazing thing- my body had all these new sensations- more sensitivity (both good and bad)- but I had to speak up about what I wanted and what was working for me- before I just took it for granted and we had a good time no matter what happened- but after -it was all about me. What I needed to be comfortable. That felt so nice to be loved and taken care of in that way. To be treated so gently. To be considered first.
oh man that sounds goofy-
Have a drink to break the ice-
I say give your man some lovin- they listen better when they are happy :)

and my births- well the first one was a circus- birth center- they broke my water and then had me pushing a little over an hour (even though I didn't want to and begged not to)- I was leaning back on my husband- I guess semi- sitting- had a pretty serious tear-
the second was at the same birth center-same position- pushed 10 times maybe-the tear was not nearly as bad.....
the last time at home in the bath tub- pretty much full squat. My body pushed twice (not me)- did not tear as the head came out and refused to push the shoulders out (midwives freaked - because the baby's head was out under the water and I wouldn't birth the rest of him) So they had my husband climb in behind me and yank my knees back right as his shoulders were coming out and of course I tore- the stitches did not hold and now I have an unstitched tear....
So no medical interventions (well aside from the stitching) but not optimal birthing positions for sure the first two times...
You can have the birth you want. You can find some pretty wonderful pain management techniques. You can handle natural childbirth if you choose. And you can have a no push birth.

don't give up on another -natural- birth
but for right now, I'd just focus on stabilizing the prolapse. anyway, its kinda early to be planning another one. so take the time to take care of yourself, to heal. emotionally too. I found the emotional impact of POP far more serious than the physical. I was literally a mess for months.

as far as sex goes, I'm nodding my head as I read alemama's post. wine, lube, lots of time. sex is good for you : )

Hi Kim

Well my dear, have a (((hug))). The change from Blossoming Young Woman to Unyummy-feeling Mummy of One takes us all through many doors, only one of which is childbirth. Suddenly, we are a fully grown and experienced woman with a tiny, helpless babe, fruit of our loins, and a besotted partner who really has no idea what has just happened. There are demands everywhere and so many things that need doing. So little time for yourself, maybe too little sleep, a body that has changed

Then there are those hormones that are betraying the fact that you are in mothering mode, not sexpot mode. And rightly so for the survival of babies, who do not do well when abandoned and left to the mercy of the lions and tigers. That probably induces some guilt in you, which is not really rational, even though you might feel mean saying no all the time. Maybe the your prolactin is stomping all over your testosterone? The mother/child in you needs to be cared for and nurtured. However, some good, long, gentle, caring loving is probably what the grown woman in you needs. I think other members have given you some very good advice on what that means. :-)

Little babies are not little for very long. I am sure you and your man can get on with having a sexual, loving relationship if he understands what is happening for you, how your body has changed, and what you need to be loving with him. It might not happen tomorrow, but you will feel like a sexual woman again once you feel a little more comfortable as the woman and mother you now are. You have done something sacred and wonderful, and need to appreciate that.

Cheers

Louise

Hey tsmom. I know (as does everyone here I'm sure) how you are feeling. I think its the feelings of failure (as a woman, mother etc) that prevent women from telling each other they have experienced a prolapse. Consequently you are unprepared for experiencing it and feel so alone. Thank goodness for forums like this with people who are willing to share and make us feel normal!
I had my first son at 34 and despite over 2 hrs of pushing was transfered out of the birth centre and ended up delivering him via forceps in theatre (some 2.5hrs later). I discovered my cystocele/rectocele and slight drop of my uterus about 5wks pp. I couldn't walk without supporting myself with my hand between my legs (much to the embarassment of family and friends). I was devastated. Things pretty well continued that way until about 4-5mths pp. Then things seemed to improve quite alot -and until then I had only done kegels and listened to my body (not being on my feet for long period of time, trying not to get constipated and when I did using glycerine suppositories - stuff like that). It improved so much that I often didn't notice it and we even decided to try for another bub (am 10wks pg now).
As for sex - I too have increased sensitivity and this has led to some great sex! When you feel ready just try not to focus on it. My partner swears he doesn't notice it (I couldn't believe it either!) but we put it down to the fact that it is mostly noticable when I'm standing, and when his head is down that way I never am.
As having a prolapse has such a big impact on how you feel as a woman, the other thing to consider is to do things to treat yourself and make you feel positive/feminine/sexy. I found that helped alot. Look after yourself. :)

Hi again Kim

I just reread your first post. Getting prolapsed pelvic organs to behave postpartum is definitely slower than when you have grown children. Your body after pregnancy is like a balloon that has been blown up, then deflated after some time. Parts of it are soft, saggy and stretched. It may take 12 months for your body's internal structures to revert to their pre-pregnant state, and in 12 months your stage 2 *may* be back to stage 1, though all women are different. The aim for me is not to get back to how I was before that dreaded lying on my back, epidural, episiotomy and forceps first delivery in 1982. My aim is to keep my organs up as high and forward as I can. I can make them all peek if I straighten my lumbar curve and bear down. Not a good look or feeling. So I studiously avoid that position. If I have a PAP smear I don't really have to do anything other than bend my knees up to straighten my lumbar curve, and it is all there, conveniently right in front of the doctor! I doubt that he even needs a speculum! ;-)

Like you, I will always have POP, but most of the time I certainly wouldn't even know it. I hope you can get to that stage as well, but give it time. I cannot see why not.

I look at POP as being a little like putting on a fitted jacket, but in a real hurry, so the shoulder are still halfway down your arms and the buttons won't do up. It is very uncomfortable and hangs down too low with pressure points that threaten to rip the fabric. All I have to do is wriggle around a bit, do some shoulder rolls and bend forward a little and my body will wriggle into it perfectly. I don't even need to do up the buttons for it to fit well and stay neat. Even if a seam gets ripped a bit I can still wriggle around and get it onto my body. Any time I put it on it has the potential to go on wrong, but I can always get it right again by doing the right things with my body. Your jacket is currently more like your husband's wet woollen pullover, so it is harder to get it to sit right. In a few months your body will feel more like an easy-fitted pullover, still stretchy but OK in fit. This time next year it will (touch wood) be like an easy fitting skivvy if you do the right things with it. It just takes soooo lonnngggg!! When you start your mensstrual cycle again you may find your POP's feel lower until you get a period, then they tend to go up again until the next period is on its way.

Doctors talk about having a six week postpartum checkup to check that your body has recovered from birth. Your lochia may have finished, but your body has only done the first stage of recovery. The rest takes many months but obstetricians aren't really interested in your body during that time.

Yes, POP does cause acute sense of loss, of 'what you were' and 'who you were', and it takes time to get used to 'how you are', after birth of your baby. It is easy for me to say, but try to be patient.

Cheers

Louise

Hi Kim...it sounds like I had a pretty similar birth. My contractions were soooo painful, and I endured them for about 18 hours before giving in to the epidural (I was only 4 cm at the time). I only pushed for about 20 minutes, though. Did they have you begin pushing shortly after you reached 10 cm of dilation? I started pushing with all my might right away...and now I'm thinking I should have waited! I'm reading about a technique called "laboring down" which means that you don't start pushing (and then gently) until the baby is distending the perineum. I hate that doing a little research ahead of time or waiting another hour or two in the delivery room could have saved me a lifetime of discomfort. I'm wondering if most doctors tell women to start pushing right away or if mine was just in a hurry to get home that night. I want to have more kids too...and have been encouraged by some of the stories here. I was really afraid to have sex as well...tore pretty badly. It's definitely different than it was before the birth...but not bad. Like other have said...wine and lubrication help a lot.

kath333