Help - I need a comfortable bra

Body: 

I would love to make my own clothing following Christine's guidelines, but with two small children it would be impossible to find the time at the moment. I am having trouble finding comfortable clothing. I can't stand having anything tight around my torso (jeans, pantyhose) as it feels as if my insides are being pushed out. I also find wearing a "properly" fitted bra unbearable. I get chronic heartburn and neck and shoulder pain. I feel as if I can't breathe. I'm wearing oversized maternity bras at the moment. This is not a sexy look! I couldn't go bra-less either. My boobs are so droopy now, I would feel really self-conscious. Can anyone recommend a particular make or design of bra that is comfortable?

I can’t offer bra ideas but do wish we could get past clinging to the unrealistic ideal of high boobs – although I do understand your not wanting to let them all hang out. But as a general discussion, the difference between high and low boobs is identical to any other comparison between teenage and mature adult. Why can’t we as a culture get past this? Who else agrees that a beautiful, fit mama with low-slung breasts is far more attractive than one with Barbie boobs? Breast health is actually the other side of Whole Woman, I just haven’t gotten there yet.

Well. Hmm the bra- ok there is a company that will mail you a custom fit bra based on your measurements taken at home and sent to them- I can not remember the name of them- but will dig for it if you are interested. The cost is pretty average. I woman I know did this- I never have. Another place to look is the sexy bra store- they sell interesting bras with nipples cut out or fabric that only covers the bottom half of the breast-
Sarebear- do you have big boobs? I have no clue what to do with big boobs- before kids I was a small C and while pregnant and nursing I am a large C/ small D- I don't care for bras as everyday wear- I like to wear them when I dress up and of course if I am exercising. All other times I wear these undershirt things- they are tight but not constricting- come down to my hips- have thin straps and come in tons of different colors. they are almost pantyhose material but thicker. I have some that have a seam by the breasts-and V neck and these are the most flattering. In the summer I just double them and pretend they are outerwear. I know when my breasts are full of milk I am more comfortable with a supportive bra- but that is only for the first 3 months or so until my supply regulates.

And Christine I don't know. Right now my breasts are round and high and I love it love it love it! It feels so good to have full breasts- and sexy too.
before I got pregnant this time I had very low body fat and my poor breasts were tiny and empty and sad. When I put on a bra to create cleavage you had better not look too close or you could see the wrinkles upon wrinkles. Of course the best part was there was no need for a bra since my boobs didn't weigh anything at all. And if I had to add droopy to that I think I might have had to have body image self talks ( I think I probably don't have the size to be droopy) .
I am not sure that droopy is even possible if standing in the posture- When I stand that way my breasts are at attention- nipples almost tipped up-

I'm with you about the porn star fake boobs though- I don't find them attractive at all and certainly would never put an implant anywhere near my boob. But then I like my boobs- even when they are empty and wrinkled (in my twenties dang it).
The thing is it is hard for me to judge women who do-I have friends who after having a few babies and dropping back to normal weight have this crazy looking bunch of skin under the belly button that no matter what they do won't go away- I would not ever have a tummy tuck- but then my skin has been pretty elastic and always seems to just bounce back to prebaby appearance with in a year or so (well with the added beauty of the stretch marks that is). If my body didn't bounce back the way it does I don't know how I would feel- all jiggly and loose skin that hung off me. I might consider wanting it gone- Same for if my boobs were huge and hung way down- I would probably feel like it was a high maintenance situation. Always needing a bra so my back didn't hurt- or so dresses would fit properly.

I am not sure the quest for the high breast is about wanting to be young looking- for me it is a sign of fertility like those goddesses with their round tummies and big round milk jugs- heavy breasts are good looking to me. Sling them low and I think it is still probably a pretty good deal- but empty and flatten them and you are a prime candidate for the cover of National Geographic.

Thank you for your reply Christine and for helping me see the true cause of my discomfort. I suppose until I can accept my body as it is, I will not be truly comfortable in any sense of the word. I hadn't really considered how much I feel the need to conform to the so-called ideal of feminine beauty. It is sad that self-esteem can be so dependent on how we want to appear to others.

I suppose I have to accept that there is probably no such thing as a comfortable bra because the very purpose of a bra is to hoist and squeeze our breasts into an unnatural shape. As usual Christine you have given me a lot to think about.

Many thanks for your support - no pun intended!!!

Hi Alemama

I've just decided to stop breastfeeding my 20 month old (second child) and am feeling a bit strange about my breasts. I am slim and am usually a D cup. Whilst pregnant and in the early stages of breastfeeding I went up to an F cup. It felt great to be so voluptuous! I haven't paid that much attention to my boobs during the last year or so. I have viewed them more in terms of playing an important role in nurturing my daughter. I guess now I have made the decision to stop breastfeeding I feel that I can focus a bit more on myself and appearance. I am suddenly more conscious of the fact that my boobs resemble a pair of spaniel's ears (or a tennis ball in a sock - to coin another choice phrase!!!) I don't know whether they will improve or just get worse. They are not huge and do not cause the problems (back ache) that you mentioned. I guess I'm just finding it hard to come to terms with the changing shape of my body. I have this strange stretchy skin on my boobs and tummy. My husband doesn't seem to notice or care about it about my squashy bits and is still pretty keen to get jiggy with it!

I like the idea of the vests you described. I have tried the integral bra vests, but end up looking like I have one continuous breast! The ones you described made of a pantyhose material sound a bit different. I live in the UK and haven't seen anything like that here. Do you know any online US retailers who sell them?

Don't get me wrong - I have no desire to look like Pamela Anderson. I remember seeing a picture of Goldie Hawne at the Oscars. She looked great and clearly was not at all bothered about having less than pert breasts. On the one hand I know I shouldn't be bothered either, but on the other having a bit of lift and support does help me feel more shapely, feminine and therefore more confident.

Cheers!

Sarebear

if you are in the uk you could try m&s non underwired t shirt bra, however they are slightly padded, not sure if that's what you'd need. But they are comfy and I struggle with underwired ones now!

Well, I chuck in my two bob's worth. I am now 55, and my boobs are lower than they were, C or D cup, and not too difficult to manage. By that I mean that if I am not wearing bras you can tell I'm not, and the young would probably "avert their gaze", but they are not pendulous. I do like wearing bras, for two reasons.

The first is that I like to look female with a female shape, and my boobs are very important to me, so I like to dress them well. I would prefer that they don't flap around when I run, and I get chafed nipples unless I wear very soft cotton shirts when they can move freely. I also like to wear very light clothing in summer, and would prefer that people looking at me feel comfortable with what they see, ie have the good manners to not offend them. This includes our young adult kids who are just as likely to say, "Mum, put some clothes on!" and walk out of the room. When I am at home by myself it is a different story entirely. But that is another story.

The second reason is OHS. When I am bending over doing everyday tasks, my nipples or boobs get pinched or squashed by things in front of me. Keeping them close to my body keeps them safe from harm. You can imagine what library work would do to wandering boobs!!

Periodically I find bras that fit and buy them in multiples. Occasionally I have a failed purchase, but finding the brands that work is the hard bit. You just have to put in the leg work to find the *one* that is comfy. When you go hunting, wear simple clothes that will not mess up your hair too much with the continual trek back to the racks for yet another armful of different sizes. Try not to do it with a load of other shopping or bulky bag; just a purse you can shove in a trouser or skirt pocket. Just do bras.

I recently had a very good experience at a mainstream shop that only sold lingerie and undies. I scored a professional corsetier who could tell me which brands she would offer me before I even entered the changeroom. She was happy to pass me garments through the curtain, and fetch different sizes for me, then inspect the ones that I thought were OK, before going off for yet another variation. I came away with three bras that day, including one I chose myself from a chainstore. I spent far less time with the corsetier for two bras than I did in the chain store for one.

I think that is why there are so many brands available. There are lots of different women's shapes, none good, none bad. I figure that there are sexy lingerie shops, chain stores, specialist corsetiers, custom makers, both personal and internet, and also a few websites devoted to making your own. There are also lycra tops as Alemama described, but I feel a little vulnerable without a bra. It is not a matter of different brands, more of matching a garment to your particular body.

Cheers

Louise

yeah, mine have lost their perkiness, but I guess that's the silver lining of a small chest. they really can't hang too low. I could probably get away without wearing a bra, but like louise, I always do. wear one I mean.
right now I'm still in nursing bras that are too old, but I'm too lazy to go shopping for new ones until my nursling weans.
and I plan to mark the event of weaning my last baby by a trip to the Lower East Side of NYC where there is reportedly *the* best bra fitter in town. I plan to spend whatever it takes to get at least one properly fitting bra, because I don't think I've ever had one. again, being small, you can more easily (comfortably) get away with that. but I've always had to make the straps smaller, or safety pin them to my tops. I've taken in the fabric between the cups too.
one of these days I plan to attempt making my own, a friend of mine did it, I believe she got a kit from Australia. Boobytraps, I think the name is.

for now I'm enjoying my breastfeeding smallC's but I know the day will come when I'll be smaller than I remember. I went from 32B on a good day before kids to a 38 DD postpartum. I've got more stretch marks on my chest than anywhere else.