Why is it so upsetting

I felt exactly the same - and now it doesn't bother me either. I think it's because it's the opposite of the fairytale. It seems like the world has fooled you because nobody warns you about this AT ALL - it's almost a punishment for the hard work/mothering you've done - and like the days of being a pampered princess (which I was kind of waiting to come back) are completely over. Not just because you don't physically feel the part but because those people you would run to - especially husband or even dad, are not the people you would want to go into detail with about this. I told myself that this may be true to some extent - but I'd rather be a queen, someone that has to suffer but is brave and looks after herself and everyone around her - and is proud of those scars - and still strong and beautiful.

I think my experience is similar to yours. I had an amazing pregnancy, utterly enjoyable. I had exactly the birth I wanted; it was fantastic! Then, dun dun dun, I looked. And the looking made me aware of sensation, and well, we know how it goes from there . . . . I thought I had done everything *right* to avoid such a thing! I was an athlete (professional ballerina), healthy as a horse, sought out a home birth in water (I didn't even have an ultra-sound I was so into being intervention-free!) and really rested well following the birth. Small tear, no cuts. I too thought I was, as you phrased it, a fertility goddess. Then, blam. It has been an emotional tunnel indeed. With a rollercoaster inside! Yet the "light" grows stronger by the day. And, like you, I thank God that this happened to me now. So maybe the thirty odd years of doing whatever it was to make me prone to prolapse can be corrected in the next thirty years, and at menopause I'll be free of worry about POP.

I have so enjoyed your posts over the last few days! I'm just loving how you word things. Thank you!

"...and at menopause I'll be free of worry about POP."

Just wondering, does menopause make things better for POP?

For me, I've contemplated medication to help eliminate the depression caused by my POP. Then I think (because I was on depression meds in my late teens) did those meds cause or contribute to this POP?

I try my best to stay positive. For some reason when I have a negative emotional day brought on by my POP I feel it getting worse.

I don't think so. I think my periods have stopped and with it the monthly turmoil. Everything is quiet now, hormone-wise, so I don't get the week of heaviness before a period. I am getting a little more urge incontinence, but I think that is a menopause thing, rather than a POP thing, but UI may be the thing that gives POP such a bad rap with menopause. I am better in my head too. I was a bit shaky there for a while last year, but I am fine now, so I don't get the constipation that goes with worrying and anxiety.

I would have to say that my POP's are better than they were last year. See what the next couple of decades brings.

Louise

I meant that (hopefully) thirty years of giving my organs the best opportuity to be in place through posture, etc, will prevent any sudden worsening. Or else, I have thirty years to come to terms with it mentally.

A lifetime is a long time. I didn't realise this until I hit about fifty, and realised that half my life could still be in front of me. Wow! I didn't understand that when I had little kids. It makes me realise that a young woman has limited ability to make the decision about having surgical repairs because she does not have the perspective to see how long she is going to have to live with that decision. You can hope that there will be a satisfactory long term outcome of the surgery, but you cannot guarantee a good result. I am not much of a risk taker in that regard. But I am going fine as I am, so I don't even think about surgery these days.

L

My biggest thing, besides the emotional side of it, was the fear. I've had this condition for almost 10 yrs. now and in all that time no doctor has ever said "This will not kill you." So here I am thinking that if it gets worse and my insides come out, I will die. Talk about the fear and uncertainty that comes with believing this could kill me! I don't know why I didn't think to just ask someone. I just assumed. Anyway, what a relief to discover this will not kill me. There are still some days that are difficult emotionally.