Been awhile and I have questions!

Hello All,
Some of you may remember me, I was around consistently for a bit I guess about a year ago?... then not so much. I have had surgical repair (sling-mesh) two back to back surgeries, for cycstocele/rectocele which once repaired then removed the shelf they created that was holding up my uterus, which started to stick out of my vagina, so I had that repaired two weeks later., as well as a vaginal vault tack. That was in 2000.

Since then, I successfully had two children via c-section. I am grateful my children are here of course, three beautiful healthy kids total. And after my traumatic first birth that is at least in part responsible for my initial prolapse, I thought that following my surgeon's advice, that his failure rate corresponded with women who chose to have vaginal birth by 98% (as in those who delivered vaginally after repair were the ones whose repairs failed to hold), combined with the trauma and the fact that I was scared witless to go through more prolapse surgery (my only option I thought) I submitted to more surgery to bring my children into the world safely without tearing anything out. No one wants to hear "tearing" when referring to parts that were already "broken" and "repaired."

My current problem is this: I am 35 weeks pg with number 4 (SURPRISE :-)) and I am just dreading and I MEAN DREADING the c-section itself and the hospital stay and recovery. My poor scar and uterus do not want to be cut into a 5th time. :-/ Does anyone have any information on specific risks of post-prolapse surgery on VBAC? should I treat this as VBa5C? I can research multiple sections and find out if I am even a candidate for midwifery assistance at this late date, and of course, no hospital will touch me here after two c-sections, it will have to be a home birth, which actually I wouldn't mind if I knew I could reasonably attempt such a thing, midwife assisted of course ... am I at greater risk for adhesions and bleeding out because of my mesh surgeries?

Sorry for the book, but any information and support would be so lovely. My section with my son was horrible, I had bruising from how hard I was rocked on the table and they took him away from me while I was strapped flat and I kept asking and asking where he was... I held him for the first time almost 10 hours after his birth, and never did get an explanation. When I had the second section, with my daughter, we planned things differently, and she was delivered onto sterile drapes onto my stomach and I was able to touch her (through drapes mind, sterile field!!! ack) and greet her before she was whisked away. I got to hold and try to feed her in recovery about an hour later. In both cases, the hospital stay was bad, with nurses waking me to bathe off my privates at odd hours like 3am while they watched... sleep deprivation has been a huge issue for me recently and it was awful in the hospital last time and just thinking about the whole thing makes me want to run screaming!

Anyway, I guess I need to weigh whether, in truth, vaginal birth will add strain to my repairs and recreate prolapse (I used the posture but it doesn't jive well with what was done to me... I wonder if I should reverse the surgery? ha is that even possible??), whether it decreases my roughly 75% (or 50%) chance of having a successful VBAC etc.

If you got this far, thanks for reading, really truly!!!

I know one way or another I will meet my beautiful new son soon, and I will try to focus on that.

Blessings to all of you,
Jennifer