When I first “cracked the code” on stabilizing and reversing prolapse, and wrote and published Saving the Whole Woman, I set up this forum. While I had finally gotten my own severe uterine prolapse under control with the knowledge I had gained, I didn’t actually know if I could teach other women to do for themselves what I had done for my condition.
So I just started teaching women on this forum. Within weeks, the women started writing back, “It’s working! I can feel the difference!”
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melhop
September 19, 2010 - 9:47pm
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My Husband
DH says I feel great. He can't tell any difference. There have been postings here that say your pelvic organs go back to their proper places when you recline. Try not to worry.
Melly
granolamom
September 20, 2010 - 8:37am
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some questions....
this is not vain at all! I think many, if not most, of us have had thoughts/worries like this. of course I don't want to look/feel different! even if I am symptom free.
personally, I believe that some questions are best left unasked. this is one of them, its like the 'do I look fat?' question. dh says 'no' and I think he's lying to be kind. dh says 'yes' and well, we all know how that plays out. for me, no good can come of that type of question.
I have come to terms with the fact that I probably do look/feel different but have convinced myself that dh doesnt have preference. it certainly hasn't made a difference in his behavior.
only difference it made was in my own head. once I got past that, its a non-issue.
I prefer my version of reality to the risk of hearing that dh wishes I looked as I did 12 years ago. others need everything out in the open and totally upfront and honest. whatever works for you.
but not vain at all. very much a part of coping with POP.
louiseds
September 24, 2010 - 9:25am
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Different to look at
Hi Kay
Yes, the appearance aspect is another aspect of prolapse. However, it is important to remember that your husband loves you for you, and not what your vulva looks like with your knickers off. Your vulva was probably one of the last bits of you to be revealed to his eyes. Men are very visual creatures but there are things that are much more important to them than what your vulva looks like.
There are some positions where it probably does look different, but mostly it is hidden under your clothes or under the bed clothes or between your legs. Prolapse or not, we are not brought up to display our vulva to the world, or to regard it as a visual highlight of our feminine allure.
We are curious about each other's genitals as kids, maybe because they are always hidden from view, and have had names that imply or mean shameful. Why? Half the world has one!
We continues that curiosity as our adult sexuality develops, but only in pornographic settings are a woman's vulva portrayed, heavily airbrushed, plucked and polished. Even the tiniest g-string still hides it. Display of the vulva is just not done. So why are we so sensitive about what it looks like? Only one person besides yourself sees it.
I think it is because our minds play tricks on us. When I feel the pressure of my bladder inside my vulva it feels about 80mm wide, but when I feel it with my fingers it barely separates my big labia. That means that it is only about 30mm wide. This perception is the same as feeling the space in a tooth when you lose a filling or a corner off a tooth. Feeling it with your tongue, it feels about four times as big as it is.
I am sure your cystocele doesn't look the size of a teacup, even if it feels that big in your vulva. Your husband is probably not just being nice to you. He is probably being honest. It really is not a big deal. He experiences smell, taste and feel as well as sight. Try and keep it in perspective. I will bet there are parts of his body that are different from when he was a lad. Are you worried about the appearance of those? Well, maybe a little bit, but you keep it in perspective, right?
Louise