Friend's mum just had a hysterectomy and major bladder lift etc

Submitted by louiseds on September 26, 2010 - 9:48am
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Hi Everyone

I was lost for words today when a friend told me that her mother had just had a hysterectomy and bladder lift because she had prolapses. Her gynaecologist was the same man who tried to do the same to me about 6 years ago.

I was boiling inside, and expressed 'extreme dismay'. I didn't do my Wholewoman rant, for fear of upsetting the apple cart even more. Then my friend said, "I didn't know you had prolapses". I have commented on it in our dance class that we have both attended together in the past. Maybe she was just not listening, or it was TMI for her at the time. I try to be upfront about it so I can let others know that it is not the end of the world, and that I manage it myself. How loud do I have to shout it?

How should I respond to this, the unnecessary mutilation of another woman by this same gynaecologist? She has just chosen to walk through the wrong door!!!!

DH tells me not to do anything stupid. I asked him if he would bail me out if I ended up in the East Perth Lockup for the night. His response was, "It depends on what you did". That's love for ya!

Louise

Oceanblue

September 26, 2010 - 12:15pm

Gasp, for you Louise,

You know where my Two Doors hang and that is UP :)

Hugs,

Oceanblue

kiki

September 26, 2010 - 1:38pm

Oh Christine, I am so sorry. That is really upsetting. We know the surgeries are out there, but when it is so close to you...
People make choices. Maybe if it comes up again, just letting your friend gently know that you found WW to be the answer, as have many women, including some women with post surgery POP if they return...and leave it there.
If her mom has problems, she knows she can come back to you. and if her mom wants to talk, you are someone she could turn to. But ultimately, sometimes we have to send people healing vibes from a distance, and keep doing what we do to promote this great work and know that more and more needless surgeries are being prevented--just not all (yet!)

granolamom

September 26, 2010 - 9:01pm

I really dont know what I would do
I'm not sure there is anything you can do. I'd let your friend know (again @@) about WW, just incase her mom wants to check it out (better late than never?) but sounds like she's like lots of people, who don't/can't/won't hear what they aren't ready to hear.
and I agree with dh, dont' do anything stupid. but at least you know dh is honest ; )

louiseds

September 26, 2010 - 11:05pm

Thanks Kiki, Granolamom and Oceanblue

I value all your opinions highly, as I will those of other women who respond in future.

The horse has indeed bolted for this poor woman. I pray that she will be one of those who experiences no serious problems. She is not a physically active woman because she suffers from arthritis quite badly (more inflammation, eh?). You never know. She might be OK, but that does not excuse her doctor from doing this to her.

After this experience I am tempted to get in touch with all my female contacts and put it right in front of them that there is no need for surgical repairs for POP and incontinence, and indeed that these repairs cause a high enough incidence of complications, side effects and subsequent prolapse, that they can be regarded as being potentially or actually harmful to a woman's future health, especially when hysterectomy is involved. I will also encourage them to do their own research which will include this site, and the HERS Foundation, and hope that my friends and family will not be offended at my assertions and my *suggestions* (as opposed to advice) of avoiding pelvic repair surgery and hysterectomy for non-life-threatening conditions for, even if a doctor uses scare tactics to convince her that without surgery her future is doomed.

If we don't tell, they cannot hear.

Is that a stupid response?

What would you do if one of your friends told you that his/her mother has just had hysterectomy for POP?

I was also thinking of picketing the footpath outside his surgery, but that only attacks one surgeon, and does not inform the women in my life of the risks they take when they trust a doctor with the decision as to the fate of their pelvic organs. However, I think picketing would also potentially expose me to potential harm from those who would disagree with me, and save DH a trip to the East Perth lockup to bail me out after the public brawl which could ensue, or worse, Sir Charles Gairdiner Hospital Mental Health Ward where I would probably be taken in the ambulance.

As you can see, I am still feeling very rattled by this disclosure by my friend, 24 hours later. I want to use my rage constructively.

gardengirl

September 27, 2010 - 5:22am

I would like to march the streets, hold up placards, get petitions going, you name it - POP is an epidemic. It may be part of aging tho many popped women are young mums, but it doesn't have to be.

Not all surgery turns out badly. There can be a tendency to make the most noise when things do go wrong. Sometimes this makes it seem that the problem is far worse than it really is.

I don't know about surgery. I sure as heck would not want a hysterectomy. My sister had a repair job done for her cystocele and rectocele- 4 years ago. She says it has given her back her life and she has had no problems. My mum had some kind of repair done 20 years ago and she has had no problems.

On a positive side, the things we needs to do to fix our popped bodies are things that we need to do for so many other health reasons. I used to think I was doing a reasonable job of being responsible about my own wellbeing. There were a few niggly things I needed to change but on the whole, I was doing well.

That all changed when I discovered a golf ball hanging out my fanny! Suddenly, I found the impetus to lose those few kilos that had started to creep on. I realised I was not as flexible as I needed to be. My posture was not right. I needed to be really strict about my diet for a heap of other reasons. I love chocolate and icecream but that is only a rare treat now.

It may be that it seems easier for many people to off load our own work that we need to do for ourselves and believe that a surgeon can fix it. So people will continue to be slothful and unhealthy because it is easier to believe that a knife can do the job.

But how do we get the women of the world to sit up and take notice? We need serious funding to investigate POP and then to get the message out to all women of all ages.

I believe that Christine has some very significant and valid concepts that deserve consideration and validation. The advocates of the Kegel paradigm and/or surgery are holding tightly to their positions unwilling to think outside the square.

louiseds

September 27, 2010 - 7:11am

Hey Gardengirl

I wonder if we could get www.getup.org onto it? I can see Getup mounting a campaign to reduce Australian Medicare rebates for non-life-saving hysterectomy.

Policies could be changed to stipulate that women have to do active, non-surgical management of POP for twelve months before they are reassessed for surgery, to qualify for Australian Medicare rebates for pelvic repair procedures. That would mean that women still had the choice of surgery, but they would have to wait for the surgery and try non-invasive techniques first, which we recommend for our own Members. My guess is that many women would not end up having surgery, and Medicare would save a lot of taxpayers' money, both directly, and indirectly over the following years.

ps. in Australia, Medicare is our public medical and hospital scheme that is taxpayer funded. Everyone has a Medicare card can get Medicare benefits. No Australian is excluded.

christinabf

September 27, 2010 - 10:13am

I think that research and investigation into POP, as well as a more open attitude about it, will only happen if we grow penises. How many commercials do you see every day for erectile disfunction? At least in the US, we are bombarded by ways to achieve erections, and no one has a problem with it being out in the open. But ask a women about POP, and you're lucky if she even knows what it's called if she has one. Personally, I tell everyone who'll listen - men and women - because people need to know. I'm 38 years old, and I've earned the right to be straightforward with anyone I bloody well please!

new_mamma

September 30, 2010 - 8:33pm

I am with you! Keep it up!

louiseds

September 30, 2010 - 11:45pm

Yes, and isn't it just as strange that evening TV is crammed with police dramas where the assault or murder victim is more often female, young and good-looking, and the hero/actors/actresses are household names. I think the world looks through sick glasses that do not recognise that they are 'filtering and refining' community attitudes by what we do or do not talk about, and what is and is not suitable for evening entertainment.

'Funny' how we never see an evening medical drama about a woman who was confronted with her own cervix when she went to change a sanitary napkin and ended up in ER in a state of distress and anxiety. We know that this happens in reality often enough to be significant, but it does not have the ability to pull viewers like the 'porn-sexy' body of a mutilated middle class woman with stylish clothes, (just like ya sister) on a post-mortem table in a morgue. This sort of TV makes me want to puke. In my opinion it reflects such twisted standards.

>:-(

Louise