Depressed

Body: 

I just found out I have cyctocele. I do not know what stage exactly the DR made it sound like no big deal, it will heal on its own. He said it may never be completely normal again but shouldn't cause me any problems. After reading all kinds of info on here and other places I believe I am a stage 2. It buldges at the viginal opening only rounding out a bit not coming out completely. I am devistated reading that running and ab work are no-nos. Will I ever run again? How will my "flat-tire" of a belly go away if I can't work on it? I am only 2 weeks post-partum. I was planning my first half marathon for next summer. I am also a triathlete. Are all my dreams gone? I'm sobbing writing this. I am a very sexual person, my husband and I enjoy each other very much! Is sex ever going to be the same? Am I really not supposed to pick up my beautiful children and dance with them, play tag ot jump on our trampoline? Will I really miss out on some of the most beautiful moments in life because my stupid bladder is falling? My heart aches! Please offer me hope! I just turned 30 a week ago. Unlike many of my 30 someting friends I was thrilled to be 30! I kept saying it would be the best 10 years! I would run my marathons, do my triathlons, raise my three precious children and love my hubby. I feel like it has all been taken away. Can anyone tell me I am wrong? Please?? :(

Thank you, Goo

Goo one month ago I was told by my GYN that I have third stage cystocele. Yes I was scared....Yes she pushed surgery. BUT not to give up I found this site and now I have a new, fresh hopeful outlook. No surgery now...Just thoughtful baby steps back to health. You have come to the right place. Here you will find others who share this problem and have overcome it's life altering effects. When I came here I was so depressed and scared. I felt lost. Here the women took me under their wings and I now have a calmness and a bright outlook that I can help myself to recover what I once thought was lost. So take heart. I am a newbie too and was told to ask questions. Put your questions such as cystocele into the search box. Read and learn. Talk with others who share your situation. Welcome to Whole Woman. ((hugs)) Rose

Yes. You are 100% wrong. :-) Two weeks pp is no indication of how you will be in two years. You will likely be able to do everything on your list, just in a modified way. Read the FAQs here, read all the pp posts you can find, especially ones titled "update." Get the DVD. Don't strain on the toilet and start this posture. Deep breath -- you will be fine! As an athlete, you will probably enjoy nauli -- a yogic breathing that really helps cystocele and tones the belly like no other ( but not till you stop bleeding). Keep asking questions too. You will be fine. You will.

Thank you ladies. I have been reading, crying, smiling and praying over the last few hours. I am becoming full of hope and ordered the WWbundle. I will keep you updated on my progress.

*Smiles* & ((hugs)) for you Goobug.....We start our journey together. I just received my WW bundle a couple days back and already I feel more self asured in my quest for better health. Llike I am getting intune with my body. Remember, with this journey, we all can help each other along this path...to offer solice and our own experiences...to foster hope and renewal. So happy to see that here, in this WW place, we can come together. Wishing you peace of mind and calmness of spirit. Rose

I'm so sorry that you're depressed. I battle with it as well. I am 3 months postpartum, found my cystocele at around the same time as you but didn't get it confirmed until 6 weeks pp - the midwife also basically blew it off like it was nothing. Mine bladder sounds just like yours, and I also have a rectocele (my PT confirmed that) and I believe a mild uterine prolapse. I am also in my 30s and couldn't believe one birth could do this to me. Please read my first post - if you click on my name and then on "track", you will see it. I had a very traumatic birth experience and to end up with POP was like adding insult to injury. I was as depressed as you are now. I still worry about not being able to be the kind of mother I want to be. I was also afraid to have sex but at 12 weeks pp I finally did, and it was great - no pain at all, and hubby didn't notice a thing. I was so grateful that at least that wasn't taken from me, too.

I am currently seeing a therapist to help me cope, and I think I have become less depressed. I won't say that I feel good, but not as bad. I think the initial feelings of shock and loss are pretty devastating, especially for women our age. I cry as well when I read or write on the forum, and I often cry just for the loss.

I will see a urogyno tomorrow, but basically just to have him confirm what I already know - I'm interested to know if I do in fact have a uterine prolapse to add to my repertoire of 'celes. I'm afraid to go, afraid to find out how bad it is, afraid he'll tell me there's no hope. I'm also embarrassed because I saw him 2 years ago for something totally unrelated, and he told me then that if I was only planning on having one more child, I should have another c-section to avoid bladder problems. I had a VBAC instead, and here I am. I am filled with regret. Therapy is helping with that, as well.

I can't offer you much in terms of hope right now, because I'm still trying to find it myself. However, I can offer you understanding and a virtual shoulder if you need one. Please feel free to contact me via email if you need to talk.

Christina

only have a moment, have to get the kiddos to school soon but a few years ago my bladder was where yours is. didn't find mine pp though, but I was early-thirties and depressed with the same worries/concerns you have.
am SO happy to tell you that now, a few years later, I have two more kids, I lift them, play with them, jump around and dance. sex is fabulous. my belly is firm and strong. my life is full of beautiful moments.
and my bladder, while still prolapsed, is higher and smaller than where it used to be and causes me no symptoms.
and you are right about something too, I just turned 38 and I can honestly say that so far, my thirties have been my best decade!
get support for your depression (I feel like I can say that having had ppd with all my babies) and be gentle to yourself. two weeks pp is so very early, you need some serious tlc.
slowly slowly you will wrap your mind around what you need to do to manage this and you will get better. lean on us all you need.
(((((((hugs))))))))
and congrats on the new baby!

Hey ladies

Thank you so much to everyone who gives back to Wholewoman by assisting Newbies in their hour of need.

It just fills me with wonder the way women like Chrsitnabf and SweetRoseMarie, and our old friend Bad_Mirror, who all arrived grief-stricken like Goobug, and countless other women (Gmom, the other Mods and me included), can turn around just a short time later, after allaying their own fears and starting on the way to recovery, and start giving back.

I get such a buzz out of seeing tears turn to hope.

This Wholewoman thing is awesome. Keep it rollin' ladies!

Louise

Wow, I'm an old friend now? Sweet! Newbies, please help me fulfill my "vision quest.". When I first arrived at the forums, I found a lot of partial stories -- women who came and sobbed, but never let us know what became of them . Especially as a pp woman , I craved a blueprint of what to expect. I suspect you do as well. So please, remember as you get better what it felt like at the beginning and how you too craved some knowledge of what was to come. And post your updates! I think that is the best way to help Christine build data about these methods, and the best way to pay forward some of the comfort and confidence you receive from these forums. Thanks!

I'm 31, I have a rectocele (and 4 children) and just did a triathlon this summer. It was great. I did good bit of running too- mostly sprinting (no more than 2 miles) but once a week for a few months I would do a long run (5-6 miles) and there was no problem.
and that was how I spent my summer vacation :)

You are gonna run and swim and bike and it's all going to be wonderful.
and....is this your first baby? Cause I am here to tell you that you are just going to have to accept that your belly will NEVER BE THE SAME! Ha! I can say that cause I thought mine would be. Well, my belly got flat- and even to the point that you can see good definition- but it is not the same as before baby. And, I'm ok with that :) and you can be too. My kids love for me to tell them who made which stretch marks :)

Is sex gonna be the same? nope, it's gonna be BETTER :)

You can do this mama!