Next time around (labor question )

Body: 

Hi all! I'm not pregnant with number two yet. Not planning on it for awhile now. Origionally my Hubby and I were thinking about trying when our daughter is about 1 year but now I'm doubting this because I'm concerned that my body won't be ready. With the "celes" I have going. In your opinion should I wait longer between kids? Anyone have any advice or experience on this??

My first (and only) labor was not a good experience. Of courses it was intense and amazing to feel my child coming out of me' but it just so managed! And it felt so "off". Being a really excited ftm I went to hospital when I noticed My contractions about 4 min apart though they weren't really that painful yet. When I got there, I was only 1cm dilated. Thru had me' walk fir one hour to try to get things moving. This put my contractions to 1 min apart. Stil 1cm dilated. Admitted me', broke my water, started pitocin. Cranked up dose because I wasn't dilating. I got an epidural. I laid flat on my back for 10 hrs, still not dilating. Fetal hr dropped suddenly to 60-70bpm, talk of emergency c section, nurse checks me' - now I'm 6cm, I went from1-6cm in a 20 min span of time. Felt tremendous pressure, epidural not working at all. Soon I'm at 8, then at 10. Pushed for two hrs in lithotomy position. I can only describe pain as absolutely horrific. It did not feel right. She was caught on remnant of my hymen. It was intense, but when I knew it just wasn't right. I was BEGGING to turn over on my side or to squat but they refused to take my legs out of stirrups. It was a horrific pressure In my groin. A couple times I refused to push because the pain went up my spine and to my neck. (I know, bad idea but I was out of my mind). Finally after three hours of pushing doctor was ready to use forceps, they topped up my epidural and I managed to push her out. I felt so out of control, like I had no say in my labor. It makes me' terrified to go through that again. Of course when I saw Emma I forgot about it all, and I would go through that again in a second for my baby. It's so worth it and the pain truly does stop. I guess my concern Is that I felt like I was so out of control during my labor. I felt like I did not get to have a birth experience that I could truly participate in. As mentioned before, I am a medical provider and I was truly disgusted at the way my labor went. What can I do fir a better experience next time?? Like I said, I felt out of control, like I didn't have the chance to listen to and be guided by my body. I was terrified and didn't really know what was happening. Despite this- of course I want more kiddos! Maybe two or three more. Advice please! What was your labor like? What helped? Whst would you change?

Hi, ok to share my opinions with you? And they are just that -- opinions! I know that I don't want to be told how to birth, and I bet you don't either. So please take what I say in the spirit it is meant -- creative dialog.

I personally think that 2-3 year spacing between children is ideal for the woman. This way, your body can revert as much as possible to a pre-pregnant state before undertaking the demands of another pregnancy. (and, it gives you at least a full year to take control of your 'celes). This is what I chose to do. It also helped me BF my son for slightly over two years. If I had gotten pg again sooner, I would have had to wean sooner, I think. By 5 months pg, I was really wanting to stop with him. But that's just me.

Yep, sounds like you had a classic "works" of a managed birth. I mean one hour of walking the halls as the litmus for whether or not your labor with a first baby needs augmentation??? Yikes. "What can I do for a better experience next time?" Well, to quote from the film, The Business of Being Born, "Get the he!! out of the hospital." (Try and see this film if you haven't. It's amazing! Best explanation of the pitocin cascade into c-section I have come across. Gorgeous footage of how amazing birth can be). If a home birth is not an option for you, then get very picky about the hospital and practitioner you choose, as some are more "enlightened" than others. Use a midwife instead of a surgeon (OB). And try try try not to augment with any meds. I don't say this because of some femme-macho perspective of the "need" to be natural and boast about it later. It's just that once you have any drugs, pitocin, epidural, whatever, you *do* give up control. You and your baby must be monitored and managed to avoid the facility's liability. Of course they can't let you out of the stirrups or let you squat. You are a fall risk, right? And, you can't possibly listen to your body -- the messages are being scrambled by the meds -- that is their purpose. Please know that I am not saying you made "bad" choices! You did exactly what was recommended to you by professionals in their field according to a protocol that is accepted by the vast majority of the public. It's just that there *are* other ways to birth that are so rarely explored, but can be oh so much better.

What was my labor like? Probably the exact opposite of yours. It was 30 hrs. from first Cx to grand finale, and I spent about 10 of them sleeping. DH and I took long slow walks in the autumn foliage. I watched a funny movie, going to hands and knees during Cx. I was naked and moved from room to room in my house, depending on what felt right. There was candle light and good cheese and cold apples to eat. Cx were kind of painful but more exhilarating than anything else, like riding powerful waves in the ocean. My midwife talked softly and encouragingly from the corner, unobtrusively checking FHR with a doppler when needed. My water broke spontaneously about 3 hrs before the birth while I was squatting at my kitchen sink. I floated in a warm birthing tub, and pushed vertically for less than 40 minutes. I was not scared. I was running my own show, saying when I wanted vag exams, when I wanted to be left alone, when I wanted to hang over the edge of the bed. When it was done, I felt this incredible high -- like I could birth a few more babies that morning if need be! I got to crawl into my own bed with DH and my sweet new baby and rest. I really had a great experience. The only thing I plan to do differently this time is nap more. I was so excited and wanted to be present for every minute of the process that I felt pretty fatigued towards the end.

Best advice I can offer for your next time is to leave no stone unturned -- read everything about birth you can get your hands on (Ina May Gaskin, Henci Goer, Odent, Spinning Babies etc.) Read the research on pitocin and epidurals and home births and cesarean rates, etc, etc, etc. You probably already had a good knowledge base because of your profession, now make it an arsenal!

Hi Lilemma

Read Alemama's post and my post in Looking Forward To Delivery topic. I will stick my neck out and say that the first birth is usually the most complicated and unsatisfactory. Practice does make perfect. You have done it once. You know what to expect. You are now better informed. You will write the next story differently.

Louise :-)

my mw said it best, I think. she said whats great about having lots of babies is that we have the opportunity to keep improving on our birth experiences.
my first was very similar to yours,except that thanks to my anxiety disorder I got to the hospital already in transition. but it quickly spiraled downhill to a managed birth that left me feeling robbed of my own experience.
each of my successive births got better and better. our last three were glorious homebirths. I was in complete control and by the time I was holding my baby I felt so empowered and capable and strong and awesome.
I hate hearing stories like yours, imo, you were so let down by those around you. I know that most drs and l&d nurses truly to have your best interest in mind but I also believe that they are misguided. I wish every woman could be supported in a more positive way, encouraged to allow her body to lead her through labor.
maybe you could find a dr or mw who is capable of doing that for you. hiring a doula was helpful for me as well. reading, educating yourself and thinking about how you'd like your labor to go is useful too.
at the very least...if you plan another hospital birth, stay home as long as you can!

as far as spacing goes, I'd say to wait at least a year. my kids are all 2-3 years apart and no regrets here.
more importantly, I'd say to wait until you feel you have a handle on the POP. confidence in your body is priceless : )