I hope I will be ok

Submitted by wasabi on July 25, 2011 - 6:12am
Body: 

Hello,
I am new here. First, sorry about my grammer. I am a Turkish lady who lives in China with poor English :)
I have two kids. First one was c-section, second was natural. 7 weeks ago I delivered my second baby with a second degree tear. I healed well and I was really active from the first day. Before my 6weeks check, I needed to see my "down part" because of last couple of days creepy feelings like holding a small ball in my vagina. When checked myself with a mirror I was shocked. First I didn't understand what was it, then I started to make research on internet. Of course I started from my own country's sites. But unfortunately I did find just 9 similar cases without a name. Apparently they couldn't find any answer too. Later I was going to understand why.(taboo)

Still I didn't know what is the name of this situation, I was thinking my vagina's walls was coming inside out! After tones of research, I reached an internet site name is babycenter. When I read that page with full of awful stories about who has cystocele and etc. then I found out what was going on with me. I was shocked again and started to cry. I was panicked, feeling sorry about my naturally deliver. I called every friend of me who gave birth naturally, but seems no one had same problem with me. (they were hiding or never realized??) I tried to tell my husband what is going on but he didn't understand what I am feeling. I was horrified because I will never be able to make sex again, also I thought my vagina was huge and he will never have enjoy with me. I started to think about surgery. I was trying to do everything what I hear like kegels, try to feel my finger etc. I was not able to squeeze my finger, even can't stop my urine during pee. My opening is huge and like I have two balls inside. With that feeling I couldn't sleep and enjoy my life. It was like I was turning from a women to a creature, my days passed with sadness. Every time when I went to toilet I was checking (still) myself with mirror. Later I went to see my doctor, he told me I have very mild cystocele and rectocele. He suggested me to use pessery and do kegels.
Couple of days ago I started research again then I found here. (thanks god!)
After all bad and unsuccessful stories it was like taking medicine to read here :) First story was "lilemma"s. Her story was just like mine. I cried when I reading her's. Then I tracked her other posts and her last one gave me hope. I thought there can be miracles. Then I explored success stories, I tracked every single case like mine. By the way I am still trying to fix my posture :) Now I know, there is a really big hope for me too. Thank you very much for your sharing your experiences. Last night was the first time I did sleep with a big smile :)
I also disappointed because I couldn't find any women from my country who shares on the internet their experiences. I think it is a big taboo to talk about organ prolapse. I am very thankful to all of you. I hope one day I can write here "my cystocele and rectocele has gone!"

louiseds

July 25, 2011 - 8:08am

Hi Wasabi, and congratulations on the birth of your second baby.

I am so sorry to hear about the distressing experiences you have had, trying to find out about what has happened to your body. But I am also very glad that you have found us. It sounds like you are feeling very alone with this, which is a common experience. Anyway, you are here now, and that is what matters.

Don't worry about your grammar. We native speakers of English/Australian/American, or whatever, think you are doing very well, being brave enough to try and talk on the Internet when you are not using your native tongue. Well done, in being persistent. You are in the right place. Thankfully the Chinese government has not blocked Wholewoman! We do have other Members living in China, who mostly seem to come from other parts of the world.

Wasabi, you only birthed your second baby seven weeks ago! Of course your vulva and vagina will still seem huge. Your body will continue to revert after pregnancy and birth for two years, and then more subtle changes for years after that.

It is a myth that your body has recovered from birth once you have your six week postpartum checkup. Of course you will be able to have sex again, and enjoy it too! (Penetrative sex is very good therapy for your pelvic organs, when you feel ready to resume sex. A man's penis is just the right shape and size for getting your organs back to where they belong. You might find that some coitus positions work better than others. I am sure you will work it out. Don't hurry back into sex, but don't allow fear to put it off unnecessarily either). You just need to be patient, and let nature take her course. Even if you do nothing, it will get much better than it is.

The next few months could be difficult for you, and you may think your prolapses are getting worse. They may get worse for a few weeks. We don't know why. Once you get to six months or so it should start to feel better.

Try to keep your bowels moving, and don't strain when emptying. Just get up and try again when the urge arises. Constipation is the worst enemy of a woman with pelvic organ prolapse (POP). Keep the clothing around your belly loose so your lower belly can expand outwards. When you bend over, bend from the hips, not from the waist, and let your butt stick out the back. Turn your feet and knees out a bit and bend your knees so your belly can go between your thighs. This keeps your pelvis tipped forwards, and keeps your bladder and uterus forwards, where they are supported on your pubic bones, rather than over your vagina.

Keeping your chest raised proudly pulls your vertical and oblique abdominal muscles up, and makes them tighter, which will help to make your tummy firmer, without pulling it in. Think 'Princess Wasabi'! Sitting is the same, but with your femurs rotated through 90 degreees forwards.

Come back with more questions and comments any time

Louise.

wasabi

July 25, 2011 - 9:08am

I wish I can write to you with my own language, words are not enough to thank you. Finally I feel somebody understand me.
I will listen to your every single precious word. I left my sadness behind already. I promised myself to tell from here my success story one day, so they can feel better who in same situation with me.

granolamom

July 26, 2011 - 6:05pm

congratulations on your new baby!!
louise is right...you are in the very early days. I am sure you will see so many positive changes in the next two years. as you read more and more here, you will find that there are many things you can do to help your body improve. and in the meantime, please do not think of yourself as a 'creature' but as the very beautiful, healthy, strong woman that you are! your body has accomplished the most amazing thing...growing and birthing a baby for the second time! sex will still be possible and sex will still be wonderful.
ask any questions you have!
sending you lots of hugs and encouragement!