Update

Submitted by mindful on August 13, 2011 - 11:26am
Body: 

I am sharing this only because as I was desparately Googling 12 wk miscarriage and the results were lacking in what to expect.

You've been warned, this is for those who want to read how my 12 wk m/c went down this morning. I will be sharing it all.

Went to ER at what I thought to be 11wks 5 days. Hcg only 7,640 (about 7 wks equivalent). Declined tranvaginal u/s b/c I didn't want a catheter. Requested a transabdominal u/s due to what I thought my pregnancy was at. U/s showed nothing, no baby, no hr, no sac, nothing. I knew right then what I had hoped in my heart wasn't true.

I came home around 1am and proceeded to labor my baby out through contractions, heavy bleeding, and cramping. I labored mostly sitting on the toilet or in the bathtub. I passed a soccer ball sized clot or portion of the placenta around 4am.

Then had a constant cramping and pain and heavy heavy bleeding in my pelvis for the next 2 hours until I birthed the rest of the placenta, baby and umbilical cord while on the toilet. The cramping and pain stopped immediately, but the cord was still inside of me. After hanging out on the toilet for 15 minutes, weight shifting and all that, I called the mw. She quided me through wrapping a paper towel around the cord and gently tractioning the rest of the tissue out of me.

I cleaned up and was able to get some sleep around 630am. I have changed my pad maybe twice since then.

I was able to save the fetus and it looks to be about 7 weeks which would make since according to Hcg levels.

I labored and birthed my baby at home, in my bathroom, in candlelight, with my husband running hot water over my back. Just the way it was meant to be, albeit 28 weeks too soon.

This experience has shaken my faith from top to bottom. I don't know why God took His baby back this morning, but it is a heartbreaking reminder that He gives and He takes away.

mom30

August 13, 2011 - 2:00pm

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is aching for you. (((hugs)))

apismellifera

August 13, 2011 - 2:15pm

All our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Nobody can understand or guess what the great plan for us is going to be.

Take care of yourself,

bad_mirror

August 13, 2011 - 2:44pm

Oh.
I have also had a miscarriage at twelve weeks, my first pregnancy, and also chose to be at home for it. I would not wish this on my worst enemy, and as I read your story, my heart felt that wound again. I am sorry for your loss.
At the time of my miscarriage, one of my friends confided in me that she was the baby born following a miscarriage that had devastated her mother. She told me that she would not have been born if not for that loss. This friend is a tour de force of life, a very special being. She told me she knew that her words held little consolation, but now, as I look into the shining eyes of my son who was born after my miscarriage, they do. Don't get me wrong, I want that lost baby back, but I treasure the baby born after who may not have been if not for that loss.

God bless you and your children, both living and angels.

granolamom

August 13, 2011 - 8:57pm

as soon as I read 'googling 12 week mc' the tears started to flow and my heart began to ache for you.
Yes, G-d gives and He takes, and we are not always granted understanding. May G-d comfort you as you move through the pain, and grace you with strength and peace.
I am so sorry for your loss :*(

kiwigirl

August 14, 2011 - 3:09am

Dear Mindful, I felt such sorrow and sympathy for you and your dear husband, when I read your post :-( that I had to wait before I posted.
You took me back many years to my first pregnancy where I got to 19.5 weeks,and started spotting.I did type the whole event here , but wiped it as its not what you need to hear at this time...so in short form, I was told I'd had a missed abortion, and was also told no heartbeat baby or anything to be seen on u/s.I saw the prof. of Obstetrics and he advised induced labour,.I wanted more proof and didnt take to him, so my doctor did tests over the following few weeks, and asked me to visit him every weekday.Once I got my head around the shock of it all , my doc. arranged a D & C for me, as I'd got much smaller in the abdomen over these weeks.The procedure took much longer than ususal and I took longer to wake up, so my dear hubby thought Id flown away! Went home the next day , but had naggy pains and then on the 10th day I got an immediate feeling of something wanting to pass out, had to run to loo, and lost a large palmful of matter.That was the last emptying.My doctor said there was definite foetal & placental tissue.
I can't imagine what you have just brought yourself through, birthing your own wee baby and with dignity and love.Everything is for a greater purpose and meaning than we can understand at the time.
I went on to have 2 more miscarriages and subsequent d & c's before birthing my first full term baby boy.Oh how much that baby meant after the first traumatic pregnancy! lost next baby after him, then had a lovely daughter. few years later another little boy that threatened but he decided to stay and be our 2nd boy.My childen are grownup now.Time does heal in its own way.
It's early days for you, and you need time to heal yourself and your body. Take care and thankyou for sharing your story. I remember when you first told us of this pregnancy and how happy you were. A time and a season, a reason but not ours to question .... you will be happy again... now is for grieving in any way you feel is right for you.
My heartfelt sympathy and love xxx

louiseds

August 14, 2011 - 8:38am

Dear Mindful

I am so sorry to hear that you have been through this. What a scary way to end a pregnancy that had just started.

I too had an eight week miscarriage, which would have been our fourth pregnancy. Just when we were getting used to the idea of having another baby unexpectedly, and being quite contented with the prospect, it was suddenly all over, the same weekend our three children were baptised. What a week that was. You are right in the thick of trying to make sense of this right now. Hang in there, and stay positive. Sometimes it is hard to find a reason. Sometimes it just happens. This too will pass, another step on your journey.

Take care, and keep coming to the Forums.

Louise

Christine

August 14, 2011 - 9:55am

Prayers and sympathies to you! I had that happen, too...but at around 14 weeks - ugh!! A well-meaning neighbor gave me a book written by a doctor and published by Rodale Press (I trusted and benefited from their organic gardening magazines). He suggested massive doses of one of the B vitamins - can't remember now...B3?...for morning sickness. Anyway, at my next checkup there was no hb and the bleeding started a day or so after that. I was by myself with, thank goodness, a helpful neighbor (different neighbor than the one who gave me the book) next door. It got kinda dramatic and she took me to the hospital where I was put out and given a unit of blood. That blood challenged my immune system (thank God it wasn't HIV+, which it could've been in those days!), in ways I think were long term and "deep".

Please rest and nourish yourself well. There is never anything to do from our tragedies but move on with an open, if tender, heart.

Christine

moominmama

August 15, 2011 - 12:09pm

Although it was for far too short a time from a human perspective, that little soul was welcomed, loved, nurtured, and treated with dignity.

May God bring you to healing, both in heart and body.