I don't think I can cope!

Submitted by nefertari2 on October 7, 2005 - 6:22pm
Body: 

Hi, Shirley here - Please, somebody help me, I literally feel as though I am going out of my mind (beginning to cry already)I am in need of some major support if I am EVER going to come to terms with my prolapse (cystocele). As I explained in my first posting (25th Sept)I have practically been living on my couch following a severe nervous breakdown for almost 4 years. Despite being diagnosed with a cystocele way back then, it is only now that I have discovered that it actually means a 'bladder prolapse' (my GP did not tell me this- just told me to see a gyn, which I did not want to do). I know it may seem hard to belief - that I should suffer for this long before discovering the meaning of the word 'cystocele' but I was so freaked out (understatement), that I thought I would just live in denial. Once I did find out what it meant - I freaked even more. You see to me, being diagnosed with a prolapse of any kind only meant one thing - the dreaded 'H' word. And as I have had an acute Phobia of illness and hospitals most of my life, I cannot seem to accept what has happened to me. The thought of having this 'condition' for the rest of my life, is tearing me apart. Has anybody else out there dealt with a prolapse and a 'mental breakdown'at the same time ? I know this might sound somehwhat selfish (apologise in advance) but after reading many of your postings in this forum, I still feel as though my situation is somehow different to everyone else and that you all seem to be much stronger in dealing with prolapse than me. Now - to cap it all, my couch bound existance has started to bring on other ailments on top of everything else. I am 60 years old and feel as though my life is suddenly over!

Sorry for going on, but I really need peoples help!

Bright Blessings, Shirley

fullofgrace

October 7, 2005 - 6:36pm

Shirley,
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time coping. I've never had a breakdown, but discovering prolapse was difficult for me. So much so that even the thought of my daughter's birthday (I discovered prolapse shortly after her birth) made fear rise up in me. I was so angry and devestated and trying to deal with a newborn on top of that. Standing and espeically holding her while standing made the falling out feeling much worse. I felt like a terrible mother and I hated what had happened to my body.

Fortunatley, I have a strong faith and group of prayer warriors who supported me. I burried myself in God during that time and soon the devestation of it lessened and it became an okay situation. After all it wasn't fatal, mainly just a nusance. Then after I found this site and began to discover how ineffective and how worse surgery can make prolapse, mentally this knowledge helped me because I did not want to have surgery I was glad to find a site where I could learn to live with something that really is beginning to seem normal. So many women deal with this young, old, mothers, non-mothers, natural birthers, and c-section birthers.

You're not a freak. To say you are is to say I am. :) I do not know how to help you other than to pray, Shirley. I hope that the situations that have caused you to break down, will relieve their pressure on you and that you will begin to be built up. Fear is a terrible thing and I pray also that you will be released from its grip and that you will be able to live in faith and hope. Because the future really is bright. I don't know if changing your diet, increasing your rest, and or increasing your sunshine will help you disposition or not, but if you have the strength any of those things might help. I hesitated to mention those because I do not want to place a burden on you. You are worth whatever care you can give yourself though. You really are. Blessings to you dear Shirley.

nefertari2

October 7, 2005 - 7:36pm

Dear Jane - Thank you so much for answering my posting so quickly. It is the early hours of the morning here (England)and it is the best time for me to post things on the forum since I guess it must be your daytime. I am an acute insomniac, sleeping when I can during the daytime and awake all night. (a bit like a vampire - lol).I cannot thank you enough for your kind words of comfort and support. My own 'babies' are 33yo and 29yo now, and I can only imagine how you must have felt when you wanted to carry them around and cuddle them. In the past 4 years since my prolapse was diagnosed, my faith has in turn both supported me and sometimes felt distanced from me, but it is still there. I guess everything comes to an end eventually and I can only hope and pray that I too start to feel 'more normal' again in the future.

Bright Blessing, Shirley

Christine

October 8, 2005 - 7:34am

Hi Shirley,

Can

BaNa48

October 9, 2005 - 4:31am

Shirley, I felt devastated also! Never heard of this problem before me! Fortunately my sis-in-law talked about her problem and I then realized that is what I had! I thought it was a tumor! She used to tell me not to work the way I did, that my insides would fall out and I always thought she was crazy for saying things like that! Well I am also 61 y/o but I started taking life a little easier now. I let my husband help me more! He's not too well either! That's why I did a lot of things that I shouldn't have done! But anyway, you are not alone as you can tell from the membership count here. When I joined in April? I think I was around 470, and now we are hitting near 600! So read and study, go to the library and read everything you can get your hands on! I did give up red meat completely and that has helped me a lot. Keep posting and asking for support and you will gain the courage to get through this. I also am using the sponges for support and I just sent for the V2 support garment. Got to go, take care, Nancy

Christine

October 10, 2005 - 9:30am

Dear Vickie,

Thank you for writing and sharing your story. What we are discovering at Whole Woman is that the uterus and ovaries are vital for proper support of the bladder and large/small intestine. There is a particular shape to the human female spine that, combined with the totality of organs and their connective tissue, creates a self-locking system that is very resistant to prolapse. The problem for many of us is that we've been compromising this system for much of our lives. Once we reinstate all of the components, the system begins to work again, albeit not quite perfectly. Once the hub of the system (uterus/cervix) is removed, the posture and exercises that we are utilizing don't seem to have much affect. You might check out the V2 supporter at www.birthjoy.com to see if that may give you some relief.

Your poignant story reminds us how crucial it is for our doctors to treat our ovaries and uterus with utmost care and to search out all possible alternatives before resorting to hysterectomy. No organ in the human body is treated with more care and discernment by the medical profession than the testicle, and it is TIME the ovaries and uterus are given the same treatment. I'm certainly not questioning the necessity of your initial surgery, only underscoring the importance of these organs and the urgency to raise public awareness about their role in the support of the lower pelvis and the need to do everything possible to conserve them.

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words to our other members, I agree that there is no greater healing energy than God-in-Nature.

Wishing you well,

Christine