keeping happy

Submitted by gardengirl on November 11, 2011 - 3:02am
Body: 

I remember a time in my life when the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" ie- Life's idea of giving me more than my share of challenges to overcome - were overwhelming. I reached a point of exhaustion where all I wanted to do was hide under the bed covers - surely if no one saw me, then I did not exist.

I was fortunate to meet a very helpful psychologist who explained to me that I had endured more than my fair share of challenges and that my serotonin levels were getting exhausted. It was OK for me to be feeling as I was and it was understandable.

As mothers, wives. women, we often give and give until we can give no more. Sometimes we have to take stock of ourselves and give to ourself.

I worked at making sure that my diet had as much support for rebuilding serotonin- the B vitamins in particular. I came to understand that depression could also be called serotonin insufficiency syndrome. Somehow, that title made it easier to understand why I felt so miserable.

For 6 months, I did take the prescribed antidepressants but I also continued with regular trips to the psychologist and with lots of TLC for me. Part of my recovery involved acknowledging that I was really sick.

Take good care of yourselves, girls/ladies/women of the world - you are worth it
love to all
di

ikam

November 12, 2011 - 11:00am

It is so important to acknowledge and then accept our condition. I read about some important stages in this process, I think personally that I still oscilate between shock and depression stage, but have started the testing one. These are as follows:
Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.
Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

I am beginning to accept what has happened, but still asking "why me?!"...but I know there is no other way forward than taking a full responsibility for my recovery, which in my is also a process of recovering a female side of me...
Ivonush

Surviving60

November 12, 2011 - 5:56am

Ivonush, I am struck by how perfectly these stages apply to dealing with prolapse, thank you for sharing that. So wherever you are in the cycle, you know there is something better coming. And when you find yourself asking "why me", just look around you and realize that somewhere around half of the women you see are in the same boat......but you are one of the lucky ones because you have found a "home" and given the best tools to deal with it.

ikam

November 12, 2011 - 10:48am

I have always thought that acceptance is one of the most difficult tasks we are given in life.
The stages I wrote about are from the pudendal hope webpage, the full cycle is as follows in the link: http://www.pudendalhope.org/sites/default/files/CycleOfAcceptance1.gif

Yes, I do consider myself as one of the lucky ones, because I have found a "home", which is even more important as my home was a difficult one. I feel as if at last I have found "the mother" here in people who can guide me through this difficult time...

I thought today, that when I was in me teens, nobody explained me much about menstruation, I hide it from my parents, I was so embarrassed. I had nobody to ask questions. I was often in pain when on period, still hiding from the whole world. My father explained to me something (he was a doctor...) about hormones...
My mother was never present in my life...

So I feel as if I have found the mother here, I feel less lonely...

But still I am more in a depressive response to my condition, it oscillates during the day...I have not accepted this yet...
It all happened in the moment when I just only started enjoying my life...so I do ask the question "why???", "why me???"...until I will eventually accept it...

I know, I don't want to follow my mother's journey, she just had recently two proplase surgeries (she is 72 years old) and she will possibly have another one. She is a strong believer of medical world...
So I want to prevent it...

My mother gave me a lesson how not to be a woman.
I want to make a choice and become a woman...I have never been one, although I have been born as a female...I was then moulded into somebody who hide her feminity from the world...

So I think sometimes that my POP (oh, I don't want to have it!) is a call of my nature for recalling these aspects of me that were simply "killed"...my mother was brought up to be a good "slave" to her (abusive) husband. She never liked my independence, my strength (which my father tried to kill through beating me; he never managed to kill my spirit, but my body collapsed somehow and I hide a woman in me for many years. This contributed to my present situation (POP)...
If I don't succeed, it will be as if my father succeeded...(he is dead now)...Any surgery would be giving in to my past and I cannot do it to myself...

So, I need to accept it, but I am still fighting...(either I win, or I feel defeated...)...
I want to suceed...
Ivonush