So happy to have found you all!

Submitted by BrightSideMama on January 26, 2012 - 10:48pm
Body: 

I have been on the search for a community like this since the birth of my gorgeous daughter almost 1.5 years ago. I swear I scoured the internet for what seemed like months and was astonished at the lack of information/support groups for women with POP. I knew there must be another way to manage my POP, and the thought of surgery absolutely terrified me so I knew right away that it wasn't an option for me, and never would be. I'd been managing on my own for most of this time, and I can't even begin to explain the relief and joy I felt when I stumbled across this website a couple days ago! HELLO LADIES! I love you all already :)

A little...I mean A LOT of background...I hope you've got a coffee if you plan on reading this. And heartfelt thank yous to those who do!

Birth Story
I'm 27 years old, and had a wonderful natural vaginal birth on my 26th birthday (Yes! My daughter was born on my birthday! Best present ever...), my daughter was a perfectly average 7lbs 5oz, my husband was my amazing man-doula, and Ina May Gaskin's "Guide to Natural Childbirth" was a godsend throughout the whole process. I had a very uneventful, very healthy, happy pregnancy and had no symptoms of POP prior to child birth. My daughter was two weeks late and after a couple weeks of cervical rimming and trying all the 'natural' methods of inducing labour, my doctor had decided to induce me. Late one evening, they started off by inserting Cervidil which is used to ripen the cervix, and I suppose their plan the next day was to hook me up to Pitocin and whatever else they needed to get things moving along, but we didn't get that far. 4 Hours after they inserted the Cervidil, I felt my first contraction, then another, and another and I was already dilated to 7cm. Before I could even absorb what was happening, I felt the urge to push and so I did. After only 2.5 hours of labour, 50 minutes of pushing, my beautiful baby girl was born. I had a 2nd degree tear, but was happy to not have had an episiotemy. I'm not going to lie, I felt like I was going to die from sheer pain, but I was just so happy to have gone through all of that without drugs or intervention (besides induction, which I was really worried about), and in only 3.5 hours. I never expected a delivery that quick. I prepared myself mentally for 2 days of marathon work, and so I was in shock for most of my PP stay at the hospital. Upon returning home, I found myself full of questions.

Why did it happen so fast? Did I really need to be induced, or was my body about to go into labour on it's own, and the cervidil just kicked things unnaturally into high gear? I was in earth shattering pain, but none of it was across my abdomen, only in my lower back, sacrum and rectum. Does this mean I had back labour? I never had these questions answered, maybe they can't answer them, but I found that my medical support beyond delivery was less than stellar. And whenever I did ask a professional about 'why I felt so much pressure and aching around my vulva', or 'why it was impossible to sit-up for weeks after delivery', or 'why it felt like my pelvic bones were going to split apart whenever I walked', or 'why do I feel flashes of aching pain when I stand up', all they said was "Oh, well you just had a baby!" or "You must be very sensitive to the subtle contractions you have while breastfeeding". That last one was my favorite, I wasn't sure why it offended me so much, but I know now that it was because I knew that wasn't the reason. I knew something wasn't right, but no body was willing to just take the next step with me and help me figure it out. So I gave up on the medical help, and when I was ready I ventured out on my own to figure this out.

Nothing was found at my 6 week PP checkup, but I guess that's typical. By 4 months I knew that what I was seeing wasn't right. I could see a soft, wrinkly mound of flesh just peeking through my vaginal opening, and I could literally push it back up and in, only for it to fall back down again. I went back to the doctor, she said that yes, it looks like a prolapse and referred me to a physiotherapist, who then diagnosed me with a second degree cystocele and first degree rectocele. My PT said that it was very common for doctors to shrug off women's concerns about PP healing (where I'm from anyway), that it was almost as if they had a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy when it came to prolapse. Perhaps this is why so many women are walking around with a prolapse and have no idea! I went to a few sessions with my PT, which I really liked, but stopped going partly because I ran out of work benefits and also because I felt that the exercises I learned with her were something I could continue on my own. I also still felt that there must be something else out there that could help, something that suited me better. And I still needed someone to talk to about it, emotionally.

I still have so many questions. In labour, I pushed a lot before I was told to 'actually' push. Could this have contributed to my POP? Was my intensely quick and forceful labour to blame for my POP? Couldn't I have done anything to prevent this from happening? Why have I never, ever, not even once heard of this happening to anyone? Why don't people talk about it?

My Symptoms:
Following my delivery, I wondered how other women on the unit were able to get up and walk around so easily. I was bed ridden, I couldn't even get up to pick up my newborn baby without help, so I just slept with her in my tiny hospital bed. It felt like all the bones in my lower back and pelvis had been shattered and glued back together haphazardly. I felt like bones were grinding and rubbing against one another the wrong way. It took a good week for me to be able to get out of bed unassisted, or without having to inch my way out slowly, and walking around was incredibly painful if I didn't take tiny, well thought-out steps. Anything more and it felt as if my pelvis was going to separate. I didn't complain much though, I just felt like maybe my body went through a rough (albeit short) labour, that maybe this was normal. Maybe it was totally normal! I have nothing to compare it to.

Anyhow, for the first month or so I noticed that whenever I got up to go pee, I leaked. One time I had even leaked so much it ran down my legs and onto the floor, and I had absolutely zero control no matter how hard I tried to keep it in there. I mentioned this to my mother, and she said that wasn't normal. This was the first time I realized that maybe a few things weren't normal, but my 6 week PP checkup came up with nothing so I thought it was ok. I no longer have incontinence at all, but I also stay away from running and jumping because it feels like I'm shifting things around that shouldn't be shifted. I also make sure that I pee every 2-4 hours except at night. At times I may feel a lot of pressure and get that really achy, bruised feeling. I don't normally feel a tonne of pressure, but almost all the time I feel a sense of fullness, which doesn't bother me enough to say. I still get VERY stiff in the area of my sacrum (often if I'm resting for an extended period of time), and I can often feel it 'clicking' when I get up to move around. I can absolutely still see a little mound of flesh peeking out from where it doesn't belong, my vagina rests open and I often pass air while practicing yoga or having sex. OH! Sex was another HUGE mountain to climb after having my baby (for most women, I'm sure). It was SO painful that I couldn't even muster up the courage to be intimate with my husband. Until recently, it had been almost an entire year with no intercourse - he has been my pillar in all of this, always understanding and very rarely made me feel bad about it, and on the off chance that he did, it was by accident and I was just very sensitive about the subject. We started back up again this year (New Years resolution of mine! haha) and it's no longer painful, so we're enjoying a normal sex life again. Phew.

Getting Pregnant Again:
Because we weren't having sex, the thought of future pregnancies only crossed my mind rarely. This was my top concern when I'd first found out about my prolapse. I was so scared that my body wouldn't be able to support the weight of a growing baby, or follow through with a natural delivery. I'd read stories of other women with prolapses who had their doctors tell them that if something went wrong with their prolapse during pregnancy, they'd have to take the baby no matter how far along they were. THAT in itself was what frightened me most about all of this. Could this actually happen?? We are now not 'not' trying to conceive. Our daughter is 15 months, and we'd love for her to have a sibling relatively close in age, but we don't mind waiting if that's what's meant to be. So we're just throwing caution to the wind and if we get pregnant, then great!! I talked to my family doctor about it, voiced my concerns and she basically said that I shouldn't worry myself about, have fun and enjoy my next pregnancy and if anything unlikely happens we'll have to deal with it then. At first I was upset by what she'd said, but I've thought about it, and really, what more can she or I do? I think she's right, there's only so much we can control in every situation. I just need to enjoy where I am, where we are, my sweet little daughter and hopefully, all of our babies to come.

In the meantime, I've decided to do everything I can to be proactive about managing my POP and preparing my body to bare more children. I am SO excited to have found this website, I'm thrilled to meet you all and I can't wait to share the rest of my POP journey with all of yours.

The End...lol

Forum:

louiseds

January 26, 2012 - 11:46pm

Well, you certainly do look on the bright side, which is a good start. So glad you have found us. The rewards of this community are rich to reap. It sounds to me like your body was rushed along too quickly and forcefully with the induction, rather than being able to take its sweet time. It sounds like your body had a really hard time, and is still not right.

I have asked Aza, one of our midwives, to comment on this. She doesn't visit often, but I am sure she will contribute valuable insight when she finally gets online.

Yes, "don't ask, don't tell" is alive and well, even though we left Dickensian times a long time ago. This attitude can only exist when women refuse to speak up, and won't be fobbed off by the curtain of silence. Good on you for taking your investigations into your own hands, rather than lying down and taking their fear inducing medicine.

So glad you have crossed the sex bridge and that is all working again. The body is amazing!

No, prolapse will not cause miscarriage or early labour in your next pregnancy. Stories like that are just weird. Beware wives' tales! There is nothing wrong with your bladder, rectum or uterus, other than needing to be encouraged to move back to where they all belong. At 18 months postpartum you are getting close to being as reverted as you are going to get post pregnancy. If you become pregnant now it shouldn't pose any problems that will not resolve later in pregnancy or after pregnancy, though some women experience some pain and discomfort at 10 to 12 weeks, when the uterus is trying to come up over the pelvic brim. Eventually it will just pop up and move out front, and become more comfortable. Pregnancy itself is likely to cause more problems than prolapse.

One of the best ways of understanding what is happening in your pelvis is to read the second edition of Saving the Whole Woman. The DVD First Aid for Prolapse is less technical and more action oriented. You can buy these from the Wholewoman Store (click on the purple tab at the top of the page). There are also various excerpts from the DVD's on Youtube, wholewomaninc channel.

You can search the Forums for keywords as well, to read what other women have posted.

Call back when you have specific questions.

Louise

Surviving60

January 27, 2012 - 6:03am

Thanks BrightSideMama for the morning reading! Sorry that it took you so long to find us here, but glad that you had the good instincts to keep looking! Welcome and good luck on your journey. There are plenty of young ones on here (not me, ha ha!) with stories that will be comparable to yours. Get started! It works. - Surviving60

aza

January 28, 2012 - 4:10pm

Hi BrightSideMama,

Welcome! I am glad you found us :) I will try to offer some works of help from a midwifery perspective but the birthing women of this forum have immense experiential wisdom to share...

Your questions - why did it happen so fast? (And 2.5 hrs is extremely fast for any birth, particularly for your first! It must have taken you ages to catch up with yourself from the expeditious nature of your labour alone!) I would guess that your body was about ready to go into labour anyway, so the Cervidil was effective in giving it a little nudge. When a body isn't ready, women often experience lots of cramping and contractions but little or no change to the cervix (here is Aus we call that 'Prostin pain' since cerividil contains prostaglandins). I also personally believe that labours are fast or slow depending on what the baby needs, and that there is a very fine tuned communication between the baby and the mother's body regarding bub's oxygen / stress levels etc and the labour will go at the pace the baby needs it to, if left to do so. SO - who knows if your labour would have been that crazily fast without the induction? Hard to say. Regarding whether or not you really needed to be induced, that is something you will have to decide for yourself in the coming months perhaps after you birth again without induction. What I do know is that no woman has ever stayed pregnant forever, and (in healthy women) placentas don't get the memo that they supposedly up and stop functioning at 41/42 wks or so;)

The pain in your back is interesting to me, and doesn't necessarily mean a posterior baby (though that is what it often indicates). My first thought was that your baby's head had not yet nestled down into an ideal position: synclitic and flexed and properly placed on your cervix. If a head is asymmetrical or tilted backwards (these are very finite movements) then the cervical ligaments that aid in effacement and dilation have to work in different ways, such as the posterior ligaments having to do more of the work, resulting in back pain near the sacrum where they attach.

The way you describe the physicality of your pp days seems very much to me more like a second birth than your first. What I mean is - your body sounds incredibly efficient and births like it had already done it before….the speedy nature, the afterpains, etc. It sounds like you definitely had some pelvic imbalance after the birth, not surprising seeing as how your bones and ligaments did not have much change to shift and explained gradually. Now, having said it is not uncommon, I don't mean to imply that this degree of pain and discomfort is acceptable (in my humble opinion). If I was your midwife I would have been very intent of pp body work, pelvic balancing, postural awareness, and immediate WW education ;) I am interested to know if you feel like your POP was present at birth, or if it took a few months to evolve? If you were a bit incontinent afterwards, that indicates you did not have a cystocele as dropped bladders rarely leak urine.

Re pushing before you were told it was ok - well, one of two things come to mind. One - you were pushing because you were dilated enough and your body didn't really feel the need to wait for anyone's approval. Two - you might not have been fully dilated, but often the cervix needs the head to be well applied in order to have something to sort of pull up against in order to finish dilating. The almighty fear of a swollen cervical lip is so huge these days, but often women will bear down as their body needs them to in order to get the cervix out of the way. This may very well have been what you were doing and why everything happened so quickly. I doubt it would have anything to do with what the problems afterwards, though.

Keep coming back as you work through this and prepare for your next birth ;)

alemama

January 28, 2012 - 10:35pm

a year and a half is a long time to wait to find this supportive community! My eyes are closing- but I didn't want to miss saying *hi* and welcome.

BrightSideMama

February 1, 2012 - 11:51pm

I can't even explain the gratitude I have for you all, thank you so much for your replies, advice and information!

Louiseds, thank you so much for putting me in touch with Aza and for clarifying the incorrect prolapse VS miscarriage ideas I'd had regarding future pregnancies. That is a huge relief and something I'd been holding onto since reading that somewhere online a while ago (the gap in knowledge and wisdom from one website to the next is incredible! there is a lot of misleading information out there!)

And Aza, thank you dearly for your post! Here, midwifery care only recently became covered by our health insurance. It wasn't when I was first pregnant, though I so greatly wish it was, and if we want midwives to be our primary care pre/postnatal we need to book them AS SOON as we get that positive pregnancy test because there are so few of them that they get snagged up quickly. I imagine that midwifery will become much more popular here now that the demand is growing. In any case, I hope and pray that I will be able to have midwifery care throughout my next pregnancy and beyond! Can't wait!

I also wanted to add that, now that my head is clear of the thoughts I was putting down in my last post, I don't think I was in back labour after all. My daughter was not born posteriorly, she was born face-down. I somehow managed to forget that detail in all of this, and your post helped to clear that up for me! I had often heard of pregnant women feeling a lot of pressure low down in their pelvis days or more before going into labour (perhaps the baby dropping and their head settling into the right position?) and I had never felt any thing of that sort until the minute before my first contraction, when I'd gotten up thinking I had to poop, tried to do so, then felt nauseous, started shaking, and lay back down. Then BAM, my first contraction hit like a tonne of bricks.

I don't think my POP was present at birth, that I could tell anyway. I definitely had no symptoms prior to pregnancy and leading up to my daughter's birth whatsoever. Following her birth, my vagina looked and felt as if I was carrying an oversized football between my legs (I avoided holding a mirror up to it for a long time, what I could see while standing in front of one was enough for me ;), but I imagine that this is the case for most! If my POP was presenting itself at this time, I don't think I would have noticed it amongst everything else healing. And as you mentioned, perhaps I had not yet had POP at birth as I was a bit incontinent.

I wonder if my POP has anything to do with lifting heavy objects as soon as I felt up to it (we were in the process of developing our basement and moving furniture from one floor to the next, etc. and I really wanted to participate), or carrying the baby car seat in and out of the car. I did a lot of pre/postnatal yoga with my baby, and actually, I remember the first time going with my baby, I carried her in her car seat for about two blocks down hill in the cold and snow (trying not to slip), then afterwards up hill back to the car, totally out of breath, totally feeling discomfort and pressure, totally ruining the effects of my first yoga experience post-birth, thinking that it wasn't the best choice at the time...why I didn't use her stroller is beyond me! Maybe I felt that I had more control over slipping, holding her myself in the car seat, rather than putting the seat in the stroller and pushing it down an icy hill. My arms and upper back were sore for a few days following that escapade. I can imagine that my pelvic organs were also giving me heck for it.

I am thrilled to know that you think my 'pushing before I was told it was ok' probably has nothing to do with my POP. I always wondered about that, and I feel a sense of relief knowing that it was ok to listen to my body in that moment and do what it was telling me to do. I am SO deeply looking forward to having midwives by my side next time, talking to me and being 'present' there with me the entire time!

Thanks again to you all, looking forward to reading more and getting to know each of your stories!