postpartum rectocele -solost and depressed

Hi Sequioa – just take a deep breath and know that you have lots and lots of company on here. There are many young moms who discovered prolapse and went on to have lots more kids! You have come here at a good time to learn what there is to offer. Get lots of information before anyone starts talking surgery to you……you don’t need it, you don’t want it. And no vasectomies please!! At least not for reasons of rectocele….

Read lots of posts from the Pregnancy & Prolapse section of the forum. There are many ups and downs during the postpartum period, and you will very likely heal to at least some degree just by being patient and careful.

A good place to learn about Whole Woman in general, while waiting for your book, is to go to the Theater tab above and watch “Whole Woman 101”. This will explain Christine’s work (and no, anyone suggesting kegels and surgery definitely isn’t familiar with her work) and give you an explanation of the posture. This is all about learning to hold yourself in a more natural way, with belly relaxed and chest pulled up (the opposite of the stomach-in-butt-tucked posture we’ve all been taught)… This gives the organs a place to rest toward the front of the body, so they aren’t pushing down and coming out. It takes time and practice, but it does work to stabilize symptoms and even reverse them. Welcome!....this is a great place and it can actually be a wonderful journey if you open your mind and heart to all that's here. - Surviving

welcome and congratulations on the new baby. I bow before you, pushing out that huge baby with craniosynostosis after a c/section. that could not have been how you planned, and I'm so sorry for that loss. I know everyone says the goal is 'healthy mother and healthy baby' and I agree with that, but the loss of the anticipated experience is so so very painful.

I dont have time to properly respond to your entire post right now, but to start...please do not give up any dreams you may have of growing your family later on. things can and do change. colicky babies dont stay that way forever, prolapse can become asymptomatic and inconsequential. you are not necessarily doomed to repeat past birth experiences.

you ask for a starting point. here's what I think. start by loving yourself. you amazing woman who brought forth two unique souls to this world. you fabulous young mother and sexy wife (and you ARE still sexy with all that has happened to you). do you have enough help around the house? get some. are you getting enough sleep? are you getting out a bit by yourself? is somebody pampering you once in a while? these are not indulgences, but necessities (imo) for all postpartum women.
so at the very least, learn the posture here and get out for a short walk -by yourself- daily. and while you walk tell yourself 'I am young. I am strong. I will heal.' or whatever inspires you.

it is possible to heal. I would not even consider surgery until you've given at least a year or two to wholewoman techniques. unlikely you will consider it at that point either.

ok, my kids are calling for me. but stick around! ask anything, vent, whatever. we've been there, we'll help you through.

Hi Sequoia

After only three months in the area, and shifting around, you are still probably a bit socially isolated. Is there a local Mums' group or a playgroup you could attend with your kids to get to know some other mothers?

I have done that sole parenting thing when our three kids were little. I really had to use my ingenuity sometimes to get through the day when my husband used to leave early and return late, working six days a week and umpiring football on the Sunday. DS2 wasWhew! It still makes me tired thinking about it.

Playgroups or even gathering for coffee/juice in a kid-safe place, were wonderful; hard work to make myself go every week, but very worthwhile for the fellowship we all gave each other, and the relationships we built to help, and kept a bit of an eye on each other. I think this is how women work, worldwide, and always have, in one way or another.

If there isn't a group, then how about starting one? :-) But get a bit stronger first, and get to know what is out there in the community. There is no point in re-inventing the wheel.

When you say a 'pendulous abdomen' during your second pregnancy, do you mean that you developed rectus diastasis, where the two halves of the rectus abdominus (six pack) muscles separated during pregnancy, leaving a gap down the middle? Or do you mean that the internal abdominal suturing from the CS has broken down?

Sequoia, I really think you are at a very difficult time of your life right now. Of course things will get better all round, prolapses included, even if you feel like you are falling apart. I can remember having little babies and being so 'tunnel vision' with my mothering that I could not see that it was not always going to be so hard. I also think there was a mild postnatal depression aspect to it, which was not serious enough to address medically, but was nevertheless a side effect of doing what I was doing at the time.

I think you need to be gentle on yourself and nurture your own needs a bit. Try to work out what matters now, and what can wait. Then once you have written down what matters, prioritise what needs doing first, and do that. Give yourself a break.

You are pushing it pretty hard, trying to get everything right at once. When life is floating around you, and so much is out of your control, it can really shake your self esteem. Take care and call back.

Louise

oh boo. I know I wrote a long post back to you, I must've forgotten to save. also forgot what I wrote.
and am out of computer time for today. but thinking of you!
(((((hugs))))))

Keep chipping Sequoia. but don't feel like you have to get the chainsaw out. Just make steady progress and you'll get there in the end. There are no prizes for anyone in this baby raising game. Just remember that it won't be like this always. You'll get there.

You must be right in the middle of moving house right now. Hey, be gentle on yourself, particularly until you are settled. First things first.

Louise

Oh dear, a very sore arm. Don't beat yourself up about it Sequoia. This too will pass. Yes, it is crazy that toddlers are so good at climbing. Yet we insist on lifting them. ;-) I think your osteopath is right about that. You can also get down to her level too. Use the opportunity to sit on the floor more and communicate with her on her level. Just take baby steps. One day at a time. At least you are shifted. Things will get into shape bit by bit.

Louise

is that what it is? iirc that's when the radial head dislocates. hurts but must be common enough that it warrants a nickname.
hugs to you and your dd!

Sequoia, I wouldn't rule out any form of exercise that can be done in WW posture, and doesn't produce symptoms, and that includes lifting weights and running.

But first, go inside yourself (metaphorically), work out what your pelvis and lumbar curve are doing during exercise. Have a feel. Have someone else assess what your pelvis and lumbar spine are doing. Do some measurements. Video yourself and add comments on the soundtrack when you feel symptoms, and what they are. The most important thing you can do with WW work is to make friends with your body and find out how it works. Also, what degree of freedom you have with different activities in WW posture. ie you might be able to lift weight up to a particular level without symptoms, but that weight will be less if you are not able to lift close to your body, eg a bulky carton that sticks out a long way from your body. Or, you might be able to jog OK on grass or a sprung floor, without symptoms, but the extra jarring of bitument or concrete surfaces might not agree with your POPs at all.

You could also put your body under load to the point of beginning to feel symptoms, and adjust your technique (eg relax your belly more, or go into more of a squat, to see if you can make that sensation go away). It really is a personal assessment of what your body does, and being aware all the time of possible onset of symptoms.

Also, stick to exercise where you can move in a controlled way, so you don't get tense and curl up into a C shape. eg I could never play netball again, or even umpire, because speed and quick changes of direction are a part of both. You have to be able to control where your weight is directed, and be free to reposition as needed, without letting the rest of the team down.

Bellydancing? Why not? You always need to be in control of your body and posture during bellydance, whatever style you choose. The art is in making it flow, and look totally relaxed and uncontrolled! Oh yeah, you will need a teacher who is happy to accommodate a relaxed belly. Some are big on zip and tuck, like my first teacher, but even she was willing to accept that 'medically' I could not do that, and would not do that. We got on well. I think we learned a lot from each other. Because your pelvis will probably be anteverted more than 'normal' you will have to learn moves in a way that works for you, ie you may end up using different muscles than the teacher describes because of the different pelvic tilt. You will probably find that teachers and troupes that have women who are not slim will be the ones who are most understanding and inclusive, where you can allow your belly to have its wings!

Christine and I are working on new descriptors for muscles that reflect their different roles in different positions. Watch this space. We will be discussing this, formally or informally, at the Conference. See you there if you are coming.

I learned an enormous amount about my body and what it does during movement, through bellydance. I possibly could have learned the same amount through good ballet classes or through classes at the Whole Woman Center. If you don't find a way to learn during a chosen activity you have to find other ways to understand this wondrous machine of yours.

Louise

Hi Sequoia,

I just wanted to throw this out to you for something to look at. There is something called the Tupler Technique which was designed by a woman to help post partum moms lose that mommy belly. I don't know much about it but a friend who had a twin birth was mentioning it to me recently . You may want to google it; there is a yahoo group as well. I don't know how it fits into Whole Woman but it seems to be legitimate bodywork aimed at a problem you mention.

Also, a big kudos on finding this group before you had surgery. That's a big plus for you. Some of us haven't been so lucky.

Best to you,
Monica

ok, sweetie, first lets remember, 3.5 months pp is still early on in the game. really. I know what everyone says about 6 weeks and I know that it feels right now like this is going to be forever. nobody is thinking clearly at 3.5 mo pp with two kids (refluxy iirc) and a newly diagnosed prolapse. I've got more than one prolapse and when I found the second I was devastated. but ya know what? its real scary when you first find it but once you get it under control (and you will) you realize its not the tragedy you thought it was going to be. dont let the urethrocele scare you. its very typical for a woman to have more than one prolapse. the rectocele and the urethrocele actually form what we call here 'nature's pessary' and will prevent each other from dropping too far.
you say you've been having a time with your two year old, so its NORMAL to experience a set back. your two year old won't be two forever. this is temporary. your body is still vulnerable. personally if I had another baby in my heart I would not take any permanent steps for at least a year. probably two. just to be sure.

I hear your anger and frustration at the lack of knowledge and support out there. I thank G-d daily for Christine Kent and WW, without her and everyone here I would have had surgery and would not have known how wonderfully I could regain my body naturally. I'm not sure how your birth could have been managed differently with a craniosynostosis. that's not something anyone could have foreseen or prevented. episiotomies are really horribly damaging, and I am sorry that you have to live with the fallout. but please know that other women here have had huge episiotomy damage as well as severe tears and have still gotten to the point where their prolapse's are well managed and reversed to some degree.
there is still hope for you yet. I'm betting on you : )