Positive thoughts ...

Submitted by takecare on April 8, 2012 - 9:52am
Body: 

Sometimes it's difficult to see too far ahead when you are in the midst of life challenges in particular an extreme physical challenge like POP ...
Without going back over the past year with all its challenges I wanted to post something positive on Easter Sunday ...
Today I went for a long walk - and in WW posture took lovely lengthy strides, breathing deep and feeling uplifted about the future and grateful that our bodies can endure such dramatic changes and still manage to carry us through life efficiently. Not perfectly and some days not very well - but good enough.
I have come a long way and the work being done is not just physical - it's mental, emotional and spiritual - Whole Woman is just the beginning.
I have learnt a lot about myself and I have changed the way I see myself and what I expect of myself. It hasn't been easy and there have been many tears .. but I am in a good place now and I have such great appreciation for my body, no matter the disarray it is in - because I am here and I am okay.
Good days and bad days - but many more good days lately because I have backup systems - posture is first and foremost, diet, exercise (we must walk - miraculous things happen when we walk and our organs and bones and ligaments move as they were designed).
I truly believe that our emotions are strongly connected to our prolapses - I have had experiences recently where it was heavily reinforced - and I also think it's important to find your passion, look within to find what makes you happy and do more of that and less of what makes you sad.
So in simple terms - posture, exercise, more leafy greens, less meat and dairy, trying to be seated less and laying down on my tummy while on the laptop rather than always at a desk (I work from home) - managing emotions and staying more balanced, interacting more with others from all walks of life, having deep trigger point therapy and myofascial release massage and techniques - if my back or hips or legs are tight the prolapse is worse. Using Vagifem (yes I can hear the gasps of horror) but it works for me. Making plans for the future which include goal setting so that you have something to work towards.
Constipation or slow transit is my enemy - everything caves in when that happens. When I walk the peristaltic response is strong and sometimes I don't even need to splint - but - I do believe splinting is not a big deal any more because it is assisting the rectum to empty more efficiently and completely which means less time feeling uncomfortable and incomplete.

I have some very exciting times ahead and I never thought I would be where I am now emotionally - physically I still have prolapses - I just manage them well.

When I was a little girl my Mum wrote this in a card to me - it's well known but apt in our situations ...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

- The Serenity Prayer (Reinhold Niebuhr)

Many blessings and much courage to you all xx

Forum:

peacegarden

April 8, 2012 - 12:07pm

Thanks for the positive message. I was needing one. Woke up this morning - the new bulge everpresent - and felt like crying. My body feels like a stranger to me. But - the Serenity Prayer has saved my life many times during the past sober 16 years and I so thank you for the reminder that it works in all aspects of our life and being!

Walking feels good for me too. I'm just brand new so learning to walk and breathe in this new position is challenging. When I relax my belly, I am relaxing everything (!) and that is causing my pop to feel like it is falling out. I need to isolate my belly muscles from my lower abdomen and between my legs. Any suggestions are welcome.

Your mom sounds like a special person. Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope! Happy Easter!

takecare

April 8, 2012 - 12:27pm

I know the struggles you feel - it will get easier but it will take time and you need to go through the process - be kind to yourself and treat yourself to things that make you feel nurtured - a good book, beautiful music, relaxing bath, treats etc.
Perhaps for me my main focus is lifting the torso so that my chest is up front and open, lumbar curve in place, shoulders low etc., and that automatically lifts the belly and with beautiful deep breaths allows it to round out forwards - and allows me to relax it without it feeling like it flops ... it also lengthens everything internally and creates space for the organs to move to the front so that I believe you are kind of 'hauling everything up and forward' rather than sucking everything in and down....
So a good started for me was to just 'stick my chest out' and ensure I always had that lumbar curve.
Believe me, it hurt a lot and felt very uncomfortable for months but now I can hold position for a much longer time ... and when I walk I can stride out and I feel quite brazen with my chest up and out - however my husband is even more amorous since I adopted this posture ...
Don't think too much though - I did at first and it frustrates you because it's not familiar ...
In time it will become second nature and you will see the possibilities ...

ang411

April 8, 2012 - 4:14pm

Thanks takecare all good reminders and uplifting. I still get sad and angry. My body has been a source of struggle for me ever since bearing a child. You are spot on about emotions and I believe in cellular memory as well and the link there. I am grateful for a lot of discoveries ... Namely this site and WW work right now. At 41 I find the idea another possible 40 years or so with PoP daunting, but I hope to turn this around. Thanks again.

peacegarden

April 8, 2012 - 4:29pm

Well, I dearly wish I had more of a front to stick out... :) But, my husband told me I looked like a belly dancer in my new WW posture this weekend and suddenly I felt sexy again! Since I discovered my pop last month, I've felt anything but! So this was a real boost for me. I shared one of Christine's movies with him a few days ago and, while he was very supportive, I sort of wished I hadn't shown it to him. I didn't know it was as graphic as it was and wondered afterward if he would ever think of my body the same way again - sexy and beautiful - and not less than... Anyway, then I also remembered that he had watched my daughter being born and he still thought my body was beautiful after that very difficult delivery, so maybe he's tougher than I give him credit for. We made love later that night - I think I was determined to prove to him (and to me) that everything down there still worked. It was good - reassuring for both of us.

My hips are really hurting when I walk - dont' know why? Maybe it's the new position or longer strides...

I'm taking your advice and keeping my focus on lifting my chest. Thanks!

Surviving60

April 8, 2012 - 4:44pm

Thanks Takecare for the uplifting Easter thoughts! Makes me want to go take a nice walk before it starts to get dark.

Peacegarden, I'm not sure why WW posture is making your prolapse feel worse....if you bend over, or get down on all fours, does that not make it feel better? The relaxed lower belly is all just part of trying to train you body to have that same dynamic even when upright, where the organs have room in the front. Still think you are "trying too hard" but just can't put my finger on how....

takecare

April 8, 2012 - 9:44pm

I think your hips might hurt due to tight muscles/fascia etc.
Last week I went to my long term masseur and I have always had problems with my hips being aligned and level which in turn affects everything else - I have scoliosis and also problems with degenerative discs.
Hpwever the other very good news about the posture is that if you are diligent you have to keep everything level - rather than shifting weight from one leg to another - which many people do.
He was surprised to see my hips were aligned - even though I had severe problems with pain in my hip, thigh, knee and foot - he said it was a good thing.
So he worked on a smaller area of troubled tightness.
If you are fairly new (and I would say the first year is that way) there will be a lot of issues with discomfort - if it wasn't for the prolapse I would have 'lapsed' due to pain of tightness and aching.
But I have to tell you now in perfect posture there is no pain the muscles and tissues are elongating and I can take much longer strides! My husband says I walk differently and much faster ...

Cellular memory, emotional memory, physical memory - our bodies are little storehouses of our lives ... and for many of us they are a house of pain ... but we have to do the work to protect them for the future - whether it be emotional processing, physical action or purely feeding ourselves positive energy - because for ALL of us we have sad and angry and frightened moments ...

I am amazed at how our bodies can change according to our behaviour ...

louiseds

April 9, 2012 - 12:23am

Hi Peacegarden

Well, if you stick your chest out you will feel like you have more. :-)

I was just thinking about bellydancing when you were posting about feeling like when you relax one bit, everything flops. I have found bellydancing to be a very useful way of learning to isolate movements, and isolate muscles. It has been a great help learning about the machinery of my musculo-skeletal system. THe more I am able to isolate, the more confident I am that I can learn new isolations.

BTW, after a bellydance class I feel a lot of soreness in the region of my hip joints. I think this is because I have been working the muscles very hard, and they are simply sore and tired. I used to feel it the day after as well, but now it is only after my class, particularly when I am getting out of the car after the 45 minutes' drive home again. I say, take note of any acute pain or chronic pain, but don't worry too much about discomfort during the activity, that says, "This muscle is really working hard right now". It will get easier.

silverfox46

April 9, 2012 - 1:22pm

Peacegarsen: you and I seem to be dealing with the same feelings when we wake up in the morning about the bulge! Lying down, I feel like the lithe, sexy older woman I was last month before the POP hit. Then I get up and it wasn't just a dream which can be hard for me in this first month. My partner and I staggered out of bed to get to a sunrise service in the woods at a fellow church member's home. Imagine 14 degrees overnight with a roaring fire and hot chocolate and coffee to mute the chill. There was a four person guitar choir playing from across the pond. Rebecca, the minister, asked us all to get up and dance around the pond at daybreak while they played Lord of the Dance. Did I ever think of the dancing at the end of Christine's DVD just then!! I think it would have been fabulous if we hadn't had the men along with us to make us self-conscious! Anyway, it did lift my sadness temporarily.

I fight having a dialogue with my body where I accuse it of letting me down just when my exercise world was jelling well and I had a great love life and sex life. Then I have to make an effort to turn off that second critical voice. I remind myself of Charlie Brown in my 30 year old, vintage Peanuts glass. He's trying to paddle a canoe and he's saying: "Why is having fun always so much work?" Being positive and remaining so can be real work for me! I can be like Eeyore the gloomy donkey in Winnie the Pooh. On Easter morning I gave real thanks for this forum and the internet although I am not the ultimate techie type. It has let me meet so many women whom I'd been very much poorer and more desperate without. So sorry I cannot attend the conference because my older son is graduating from business school on May 18th.

jaylove

April 9, 2012 - 6:23pm

Thanks Takecare for your positive thoughts - I've not thought about my emotions being connected to my prolapses. I've only been with the program for a month - I am going to take note of that for now on. I'm so glad you shared your thoughts and experiences. One more thing "The Serenity Prayer" was my mom's favorite prayer. She believed it and she lived it. I believe it too. I love that prayer. My Mom has passed and I miss her . If your mom has passed I'm sure you miss her too. Many blessings to you!!!

Jaylove

louiseds

April 9, 2012 - 8:48pm

Silverfox, you made my day. Peanuts and Eeyore, and many other memorable book characters were very much a part of my childhood. Reading to kids, valuing reading as a skill, and having plenty of books around the house gives kids a rich set of resources for handling all sorts of life difficulties, just by seeing them through the eyes of another character.

When I come up against an unexpected challenge, which might have several possible outcomes I think of Pooh, when he was trying to figure out how to get the honey, "Hmmm, you never can tell with bees!" Having kept bees, I know what he means. I used to live with a very dear friend, a fellow Pooh lover, during our uni days, and we both used to use that term a lot. Nobody else could figure out what we were talking about. We were a couple of wierdos, even then. ;-)

And I do agree with you about silencing that second voice, that can be so hurtful, both to ourselves and to others. I have one too.

Sorry we won't be seeing you at this conference. All the best for your son's graduation.

Louise

louiseds

April 9, 2012 - 8:55pm

Another thing I have found useful is to band the word S-H-O-U-L-D from my lexicon. It is a word that has two three functions.

One is to induce guilt, which we can do without, because it eats away at us.

The second is to encourage us to do what we need to do.

The third, in its negative form, is to stop us from doing things that would cause harm to ourselves or others, or the Earth.

The second and third are necessary but the desired result can be arrived at via more positive dialog with ourselves.

Now, I either do it, or don't do it. Eventually the essential things get done, or else they get done via the different dialog.

Should has no place in my home.

Louise

alemama

April 9, 2012 - 10:22pm

Takecare said 'Cellular memory, emotional memory, physical memory - our bodies are little storehouses of our lives ... and for many of us they are a house of pain ... but we have to do the work to protect them for the future - whether it be emotional processing, physical action or purely feeding ourselves positive energy - because for ALL of us we have sad and angry and frightened moments ...'

Well put! I enjoyed reading this perspective and needed to hear it today.

and Louise- I also make an effort to avoid 'should'. I replaced it with either 'choose, decide, or might like to consider' which I find to be very powerful.