new and stressing out

Submitted by Norah on May 3, 2012 - 4:25pm
Body: 

I was diagnosed last week with a mild rectocele (I would guess a very mild cytocele as well but dr says no...) and I have been obsessing over it ever since. A bit of background about me...I am a diagnosed hypochondriac, I suffer from anxiety disorder (currently controlled, although less controlled since the rectocele diagnosis,) and post traumatic stress disorder. I have also had severe IBS with alternating diarrhea and constipation since I was a teenager. Now at 26 I have 2 sons. Otto is 2 1/2 and was a drug free, posterior birth with intense back labour ending in nearly 3 hours of hard pushing and a very mild tear requiring 4 stitches. Myles is 10 months old and had a very complicated pregnancy due to dr negligence, I spent three months on bed rest with a suspected shortened cervix. He was born at 35 weeks weighing 7 lbs, 4 hour labour with 5 minutes of pushing and no tears. Anyways, enough rambling...
I only noticed the rectocele when I was using the bathroom and I never gave it much though, as I assumed it was just the aftermath of pushing out two adorable, but very large headed little boys. It had never been noticeable any other time until my husband and I were intimate a few weeks ago and I was left feeling sort of swollen and saggy. After seeing the doctor and having her confirm that I do in fact have a condition and it isn't just in my head, I can't stop thinking about it :( It feels like it is always there just waiting to drop out of my body and take everything else in there with it. Probably didn't help that that doctor made a "hysterical" comment about making sure to go to the ER if I turn inside out like a pair of pants :( wasn't impressed... Now I am terrified to strain in the bathroom because it feels like I am going to come undone inside. Luckily my IBS has been very much on the diarrhea end of the spectrum lately (sorry for the TMI) so it hasn't been too bad. I am still breastfeeding my 10 month old very frequently, and haven't had my cycle return yet. I have read that I might see an improvement once my period returns and then once I stop nursing. Is that true?
I guess I just really needed to ramble and vent and write this all down. I don't have a female support system and live 15 hours away from the family I do have (not that they would be anything other than offensive and grossed out if I told them about this.) My husband is supportive, but I don't think that he gets just how affected I am by this whole thing. I want to have another baby and now I am second guessing my self in fear of making the rectocele worse. I am now constantly aware of how my pelvic region feels and I am totally over thinking every little twinge. I find myself going back and forth between being very motivated to heal the best I can, and very angry that after altering my lifestyle so much to be healthy I am having to face yet another health hurdle (I don't eat sugar or yeast due to a candida overgrowth, I have lost all my baby weight from my last pregnancy, plus 30 lbs bringing me down to a fairly idea weight for my height, I don't drink, I don't eat refined, processed or packaged food...the list goes on.) It's just so frustrating.... And the lack of support from my doctor didn't do anything to boost my confidence.... I am not sure what I am hoping for posting here, like I said I think I just needed to vent to people who would understand. Thanks for reading...

Forum:

Surviving60

May 4, 2012 - 7:05am

Hi Norah – For starters, relax. Many women have been where you are and lived to tell about it! I would say that you are still within the post-partum time-frame and could still possibly see improvement if you are taking proper steps and care of yourself. Beyond that, rectocele and cystocele do have a tendency to keep the uterus from slipping down too far, which is a plus.

Have you poked around much on this forum and the Whole Woman website? Our goal is to help women manage their prolapse through re-training their bodies to natural female posture. Please go to the Theater tab and watch Christine’s video called “Whole Woman 101”. This will get you started. The first part talks a lot about the surgeries we are all determined to avoid. The second half goes into the posture principles in depth. Glad you have found us…..and I think you will be glad too! - Surviving

(PS: Please don't strain! Your doctor's comment was totally off-base and I assume she was trying to make a joke. Nevertheless, straining is on the no-no list for any type of prolapse.)

Norah

May 8, 2012 - 6:39pm

Surviving60- Thanks for the encouragement. I have had a look around, although my boys are very unhappy when I spend any time on the computer, so it's taken few days to navigate through what I am sure is only a tiny percentage of the information available on this site.

I did meet with a PT who specializes in pelvic disorders and incontinence, and it was reassuring...To a degree. She has heard of "whole woman" and seemed very supportive of the site and any information I might find here. She did tell me that I do have both a rectocele and a cystocele, which I suspected. She did an exam and I have good pelvic tone, she gave me some info on the best way to pick up my children (with a 2.5 year old and a ten month old, it isn't optional.) I am trying my damnedest to stay in posture, although it is taking some serious effort as it turns out I am a huge slouch :( bad bad posture :( I have also being trying to avoid reclining on the couch to nurse, which is a position I have spent a lot of time in. We've been doing it either laying down or sitting against a wall at as close to a90 degree angle as possible. I do find that I have been more uncomfortable in the last few days, feeling more of a bulge despite the fact that everything looks the same, if not a tad bit tighter and more lifted (I would assume, due to the exercises the PT has me doing.) My urethra also seems to be a little irritated, it doesn't look red or angry but just feels a little off. So I am not sure what that's about but I am going to give it a few more days and then maybe see the doctor to rule out an a UTI...?

As for the dr, I really do have a sense of humour....Maybe in another situation I would have found it very funny, I can see the humour...But at the time it was seeming very unfunny to me. But with that visual in mind, believe me there is as little straining going on as humanly possible.

Thanks again for the response and the hope!

alemama

May 10, 2012 - 7:28pm

I really want to reassure you that everything is going to be ok. Most women with children (I'd go so far as to say ALL) have some form of pelvic relaxation going on. There is nothing life threatening about it and it doesn't set you up for anything life threatening either. It's just your vagina doing what the rest of your body does, wrinkling, sagging, aging. It's ok!!!
Many women have reported that PT exercises cause irritation, so maybe stop for a while and see if it goes away (and to be fair, women have also reported that they help).
I have 5 children and I understand about the lifting problem (I have a rectocele). Our baby is a year old now and I am *wearing* her in my Ergo carrier daily. The next in line is 3 and I also lift him, but mostly when we are playing, not for functional things like getting in the car or up to the table, he climbs beautifully! I do watch it though. I sit down on the floor as much as I can to hang out with them (instead of lifting them).
Dangle nursing is awesome! baby on floor, you on elbows and knees- feels great for the prolapse.
I know what you are saying about them not liking you on the computer- you might want to just bite the bullet and get the dvd, so you can really get the information in a quick easy way. This forum is really a treasure trove of ideas and advice from gardening to sex to recipes- and when you have time, searching the forum will rock your world. But for right now, getting into the posture is all you need to know how to do and you can find video of that pretty quick right? wholewoman youtube channel.

Norah

May 12, 2012 - 8:09am

alemama, so nice to hear that other woman are carrying little kids and living life as a mom to young kids. I am trying my hardest to adapt, I've never been careful about lifting things or posture or being on my feet for excessive hours and it is certainly taking a concentrated effort to slow down. I find that I am ok most of the time, but when I am not ok...I am really not ok. Probably too much info, but last night my husband and I were intimate for the first time since this problem reared it's ugly head and it did not go well. I don't think he realized just how much this whole thing was bothering me until last night. I felt like a big squishy mess...He said it felt the same, but it didn't for me...Funny how attached to that feeling I was....Sorry...I am sure with more time and more practice it will be good again. Once I have some self esteem back and stop feeling quite so broken. Anyways...

"I really want to reassure you that everything is going to be ok. Most women with children (I'd go so far as to say ALL) have some form of pelvic relaxation going on. There is nothing life threatening about it and it doesn't set you up for anything life threatening either. It's just your vagina doing what the rest of your body does, wrinkling, sagging, aging. It's ok!!!" This helps, thank you. I came back and read it a few times last night while I was feeling not so ok.

I think I will order the DVD, and I've seen the youtube video. I think that the posture is coming to me, it's hard work but I am making progress. Thanks for listening...

Aussie52

May 15, 2012 - 2:44am

Hi Norah I was first diagnosed with my Rectocele at about your age after having 3 babies between 9 and 10lbs. First one was forceps delivery after a 2nd stage of 4 hours which was probably much too long. I am now 52 and can honestly sayathat it never gave me any problems unless I was constipated. Recently due to menopause I think. it has started to cause some discomfort and that is how I found the Whole Woman website. I wish I had known about these exercises years ago because I believe if I had I could have prevented the discomfort I feel now. I have just received my DVD and am confident that doing the exercise and practising the posture will stabilise my prolapse. I didn't do anything for over 20 years and survived so I think if you start now that you are young you have a great chance of preventing your rectocele from getting any worse. Hope this helps you feel better. ps I also tend to be a hypochondriac. LOL