Baby Wearing and Rectocele

Hi Breathe,

I can hear the sadness over not connecting with your baby in your plea, and I wanted to write, not to answer your question about baby wearing, but just to say that someone is listening, and wondering if you are ok. I have a very good friend who got badly depressed after the birth of her baby, and when she talks about it now, she wonders that she did not ask for help earlier. There were numbers she could have called but she was in a blur of post-baby confusion.

I don't know where you are in the world, but can you get some support, either from your local services or your family or friends? Or do you have this already, and just need practical advice on managing? If so, I hope that some of the baby wearers will come on and help you with your question.

All the very best to you; it's a very difficult proposition to care for a baby when you are in need yourself.

Virtual hugs!

I believe that as long as you are wearing the baby very close to your body, and you are standing/moving in very excellent WW posture, you will be fine. The weight-loading from above while in posture actually helps close the vaginal space and protect it from the organs pushing into it. The question then becomes, how is your posture? How are you doing with it? Can you keep lumbar curvature while baby-wearing? I would certainly encourage you do hold your baby close whenever possible for your own and the baby's well-being, so do the best you can posture-wise. I haven't worn a baby for a quarter of a century, so hopefully some even better baby-wearers will comment. - Surviving

Coincidentally this popped up in one of my news feeds this morning:

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/birth/after-birth/perinatal-anxiety-and-depression-20081119-6b1i.html

All the best!

I'm not familiar with your carriers, but I always found that holding my baby (more recently granddaughter) high on my chest and the weight is on my chest/shoulder area and in my top arms rather than forearms that the baby's weight did not bother my prolapse. This is when standing.
When sitting to feed of course this is not a good position. Have you tried lying on your side to feed? And alternate this on those days you feel particularly weary with the usual nursing position with baby on a pillow on your lap.
Now if you have a strong back then your carriers should be fine.

@curiousity has shared such a good reference.

The Moby, hands down is the best. We tried a lot of baby wears when our girls were infants and they were all so complicated and didn't seem comfy for baby. The Moby is super easy and comfy for both parties. Unfortunately, I didn't find mine until my girls were 6 months old so I didn't get much use out of it to carry them together but used it for a while carrying them single. I'd send mine to you for really cheap but it's light purple and you'll constantly get people asking about your little girl if you do that And their not that expensive anyway, I think I paid like $40 for mine.
Jennifer Morrow

Hi,

I always love hearing from another Mum. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. How onto it and nuturing that you are thinking of babywearing to help you both - your baby is very lucky. I have put some of my thoughts below, in case they help. I have not commented on posture as am too new for that.

For my second child, I did baby wearing with prolapse but NOT in WW posture (as I didn't know) and over the course of a year it did get worse. I would definitely do it again but in WW posture and it would be so good for it plus a great way to bond as you have mentioned. It is my one regret that I didn't know but I am coming to terms with that (well trying).

I have worn other babies recently (my youngest is now 21 months) and you do need to wear them high so they are off your tummy (well it feels wrong to me otherwise). I really like the moby for the first 6 months and then you may need to move them to your hip or back or I think the weight will be too low for prolapse. I loved my ring sling but I know they are not for everyone and a good woven one is expensive. I have not sorted back wearing as it just seemed too hard for me. I have the right wrap too and I know it is good in WW posture but still I can't get my head around it but who knows how you will feel in time.

I didn't wear my son. I had a standard bond (what ever that means) but did wear my daughter and it was magical (apart from the prolapse bit). My body responded to her and I got on with my day and she observed. I carried her when she was awake rather than using a wrap as she wanted out. I read a book that talked about babies observing from a position in our arms or touching us somehow and Mums getting on with adult things and not having to feel like they had to talk to their baby all the time or bond or make all this eye contact. I mention this as it freeded me. I find it so boring doing baby talk and play. I would do dishes and fold washing and walk and look after my older child and my baby observed. She was loved by my body and when she did want my attention would alert me to that. I don't know if it this idea helps. It does come from a well known book but I don't want to push stuff on you but just mention how I enjoyed my second baby so much more than my first by wearing them and removing my mental focus from them and how she thrived because of it. To other Mums reading this, please don't take this to mean I didn't talk to her as the concept is a lot more involved than that. I also did the no nappy thing for a while but that's another story.

I think parenting is so hard and it is so wonderful as women to acknowledge that and have listening ears in other women. My husband does not understand this at all.

I don't know what bonding means to you but if your baby is close then she will feel the warmth of your body which is what she knows (again just my thoughts, please use if they help or discard if they cause stress). This way of being with your baby means you have time in your own head and hopefully can feel a little like your old self but know your baby feels snug.

All the best and please post again. I feel less alone when other Mums of younger children share on here.

37 yr old, Mum of 4yr old and 21mth old. Prolapse of all 3 organs.

Hello, I am a mum of two, 2.5 and 12 weeks, I wore my little boy who is 2.5 all the time in the wrong posture before I had prolapse not sure that really contributed as much as awful labour and back/posture issues I had ignored ;) I don't wear my little girl that much because I get chronic lower back pain, however I have much bigger issues with my upper back and also prolapse of my abdominal wall and the three I have internally!! Just wanted to say my youngest probably does get little attention in the day but I co sleep at night with her, which I love, cuddle on your side, cuddle flat on your back just not slouched in a sofa chair. I have struggled to feed on my side with baby number two, have very large breasts but I do feed with my feet tucked under and a pillow, or cross legged with a pillow again, struggle more cross legged as feel i use my abdominal to support me. Remember this is a magical time for you and your baby, I was devastated at 4 months when I found out with my first and felt it spoilt some of my time being a first time mum, sometimes have days that I wish I had it when I was older, no offence but you could be a mum and not think about anything like lifting your baby and things but honestly you get there and just enjoy your time, don't panic and think I won't let it spoil it for me and do little bits but you have plenty of time to think about it and for now just be a mum and do the best you can to think posture. Take care

Thanks lifegoeson04 you reminded me I need to try and breastfeed with a pillow. I sit cross legged on a pillow or on the edge of a couch but still find it a bit uncomfortable. I might try putting my daughter on a pillow on top of my knees to lift her up so I can lift my chest up in WW posture better. Perhaps that is why traditional women have their breasts hanging down so the babies can reach them.

I loved co-sleeping too with my second (I didn't co-sleep with my first). I think if I was depressed though I would find it hard to sleep and would want the break at night. It's a tricky one aye but please Breathe1 put your sleep first above all else for your baby, your prolapse and your mental state. I found it hard to sleep with my first and that was the cause of me finding it tough going. That wasn't my fault it was just such a change and I could not switch off or not fear for my baby plus I had restless legs. I had to put him in his own room from day 5 but with my second I slept with her naked beside me from day dot until 1 year (she was in nappies by then) when she was waking 8 times a night and she went into her own bed. So different and such a learning journey for me as is prolapse.

Lifegoeson04 I feel your words re wishing you got prolapse (or the symptoms) when older. Thanks for posting as I love the wonderful wisdom of the older women on here you are wonderful but I also like hearing from other Mums of babies and preschoolers as I also feel the burden of caring for my kids with prolapse and am not free to just run or lift them as desired. They are ok for it but still it's a raw deal sometimes and I find myself looking at how other Mums move, their posture and trying to guess where there organs are (especially the really tiny Mums) and it I find it easy to get sad and frustrated that I might be the only Mum around with all three organs prolasped. Don't get me started on celebrity Mums in their tiny waisted clothes. this is why they choose C-section right!

Breathe1 hope you are doing ok with all this information. There are such wonderful women on here with nothing but support.

Hey breathe1, hoping you are able to get help. As mentioned above mothering is hard work, especially when you want to do the very best & to do that you must nurture yourself. I also just wanted to join in with the mum of young children band. I have 7 wk and 2.5 yr old. Just doing the 2nd wheel DVD exercises - they are awesome and sometimes make me feel like I've had a massage after doing them and I'm sure more effective than a massage. Back has been aching with breastfeeding and holding baby. I usually feed on floor cross legged or on end of couch which I saw in comments above too - will try to get back on here later to read comments properly but just skimming has already been helpful and nice to know others in same boat. When feeding or carrying baby I try to remember to do a check: shoulders down, chest out, belly relaxed and neck back/head up. I'm hoping that this will help improve my posture. Anyway I'll be back on here again another day.

Breathe, why can you not take anything for your depression? If you are worried about breastfeeding on medication, thousands of women do, with their doctor's advice, and their babies are fine. Recent research indicates that the inability of a mother to emotionally connect to her baby or, worse, the loss of the mother because of depression, is much more damaging than the possible ingesting of a small amount of medication from breastmilk.

Please please seek professional advice on this. There's a lot of misinformation out there.

We have not heard back from Breathe1, and it has been 10 months since she posted. A random commenter brought this thread back up to the top. Hope that she did OK. - Surviving

Oh. I replied very quickly before checking the date up there. I really hope so too.

Lovely to hear from you as well, tricky when running round with kids hey! I totally agree I look at mums and see them carrying around 7 year old children who have fallen asleep and thinking I want to be able to do that and not have to constantly worry about the damage I have done/doing. I get on with my life and I have all three and now have separation of the abdominal muscles but posture is always on my mind and sometimes I feel sorry for myself and think I want to be able to run and pick my little boy up, swing him round and not constantly think I shouldn't be doing this :( but then I think people are much much worse off, with the wonderful people here I didn't have a melt down with my second baby and I manage my issues, live better and taken action against my awful posture. But I agree with you it's very hard with hormones everywhere as well, I sometimes have to feed on the edge of the couch or awful positions if out and about etc but sometimes just think I have to. I sleep so much better with baby in bed with me, I stress more when she's not! I did quiet a lot with my first but always listened to "you will never get that baby out of your bed" so I would stress about it. We have to be here for each other and just think we can do this and nowadays I argue with my mental mind and say no don't feel sorry for yourself get on with it. Do you live in the UK or America? Take care, just seen surviving 60 saying this is an old thread but wanted to reply to you.

Just throwing in my two cents, as we so often do here......I often brought my babes in bed with me to nurse and sleep throughout the night, and when I look back, it's one of the best and happiest memories of early motherhood that I have. Did it with both kids and totally recommend it. - Surviving

Hi Lifegoeson04

Thanks for the comments and personal message. Very exciting connecting with another Mum.

I also do the mind stuff and am mostly positive but of course have good and bad days and know that it will take time for me to feel like I will be ok long-term. I can't imagine how I might be in 40 years time but I guess as the kids get older it will be easier on me.

Yes I loved co-sleeping too but also liked it when my daughter moved into her own room. Funny I was totally addicted and committed and then moved into a new phrase so have been in both camps.

I am not in the UK or US, I am down under in NZ but have visited the US before.

Keen to hear people's comments on the celebrity Mum think and prolapse. I do like celebrity mags as a guilty escape otherwise I am a pretty natural, simple, part Earth mother type.