Sex in movies


I'll kick a topic off here. Christine mentioned the lesbian sex scene in the anal plug thread. I just wanted to comment about sex scenes in mainstream movies and TV series, and how they seem to start and end with penis in vagina sex. Even in supposedly progressive series like "Girls" this seems to be the case. (Although I haven't watched to the end of series 2 of this yet). This seems to project a very male-centric view of sex, and if you were a young person just starting their sexual journey this might be a skewed influence. There are exceptions of course. There was a lovely oral sex scene in the George Clooney film The American.

Anyone else noticed this, or have a different view?

I rarely go to movies these days, so I may be completely off base, but my first thought is that those who profit from the movie industry know who their target audience is and keep the sex more conservative so as not to make said audience feel like they can't relate.

Brokeback Mountain comes to mind. As does Bound, though I haven't seen that. And...Secretary, of course. ;)

L Word comes to mind. Watching these strong and sometimes not so strong women living their lives was fascinating to me. I know there was a strong lesbian following, so I guessed that the relationships in this series was, at least, kind of close the the real thing. But, I also have to wonder if it was made to a appeal to men in some ways, like with the sex scenes which were very erotic and passionate might also draw a male following. On purpose? I always wondered.
A lot of movies seem to have the same theme running through them, action scene, sex scene, dramatic ending to the point of pure boredom. I don't even know if the men are really paying attention to the sex scenes anymore either.

I just want to check in here, wondering if anyone but myself who is participating is a lesbian, as I am. When I realized that my vagina was filled with a rectocele and a large enterocele, I was instantly grateful that I did not have a husband who had sexual needs for intercourse. I have been in a committed relationship with my female partner for 17 years. Before that I was married to a man, so I know that the male sex drive is stronger than many women have. So clitoral sex and finding my g spot is good enough for me. But I wonder? Is penetration safe with an enterocele? It seems frightening to me.

Oh yea, I read a lot of the thread on anal sex and "butt plugs" Having lived in the gay community in San Francisco, I will say most everyone I knew, knew what a butt plug was. Very popular sex toy among gay men especially. I am a retired Nurse Midwife and do understand a lot of gynecology. I can't imagine using one as a treatment option.

I hope I am not offending anyone by being candid here. I know many women can't imagine same sex partnerships. I myself, feel extremely blessed to have a loving and compassionate woman partner. Sex just is not as important to us as it was even when we were in our 40s and 50s. I wonder how it is for heterosexual couples when a woman has such a profound prolapse. I do wonder if I will ever have sex with penetration again. It does feel like a loss to me.

By the Way, most lesbians I know that watched "The L Word" thought it was very unrealistic of the typical lesbian lifestyle. Very over glamorized…I think the target audience may have been men. A lot of my friends got really excited about the series at first, hoping that lesbians and gay men would be more normalized in the rest of our society, but the L Word does not come close in my humble opinion.

Thanks for being here.

Thanks for clarifying that about the L Word. I always wondered about the following in real life. It does seem that overly glamorized people in movies and shows can put people off sometimes, when they want to relate to something of their own lives. I wonder then, what you think of the lesbian relationships in Orange is the New Black? Another over-dramatized attempt?

I don't have an enterocele as you do, so I don't really know how that would feel, but I do have a profound uterine prolapse that can hang quite low sometimes. I feared sex at first with my husband, but found that it wasn't a problem at all. Neither one of us is highly sexual, never really have been. I have heard of these overly sexual men who have to have it all the time, and am glad mine isn't that way!
Anyway, wish I had some insight that would help you more. Maybe someone will come along that might.

There have lots of sex threads on the forum, pretty much all of them coming to the same conclusion, namely that the newly-prolapsed woman was afraid of the effect this would have on her sex life, and needed to be reassured that prolapse wasn't a deterrent to sex. The most that is needed in some situations is a bit of experimentation with positions, a little lube maybe, and open communication between partners.

Regardless of sexual orientation.....Holley, I think that hysterectomy is what changes sex in profound ways, not so much the prolapse. I mean, the sex organs are gone, isn't that much more the point than whether or not something is bulging through the vaginal walls? - Surviving

Holley, I won't edit my post now, but I think what I was trying to say didn't quite come out the way I meant it.

Many newly-prolapsed women come here afraid that their sex life is over, and they couldn't be more wrong. And it is usually the first thing we want to put their minds at ease about. I tend to want to counter any post that suggests otherwise. Hysterectomy, on the other hand, is widely known and understood to cause changes in sexual desire and response, so it seemed relevant to the subject.

i would think that in a committed lesbian relationship, prolapse would be even less of an issue because it would be so much easier for your partner to understand what you are experiencing.

Surgeries change EVERYTHING, and it is easy for other readers to take things out of context, when the surgical history of the writer is not on the page. Someone could also, with the best of intentions, suggest something to you that would not be appropriate or safe. This is why it will keep coming up. I realize I've gotten off-topic here. But we've had many post-surgical women coming onto the forums lately, and the fact that their issues are different can't be ignored. - Surviving

It's good that you brought that up, surviving. I often wondered if the sensations were the same after having a hysterectomy, or if it was even enjoyable having penetrative sex after hysterectomy.
My mom had a hysterectomy when she was my age, she is now 70. I had asked her if she could still have sex, and she said yes she could, but she never said if she enjoyed it or not. I also know she was using an estrogen cream for dryness, but don't know when she actually started it.
Can penetrative sex still be enjoyable for the woman after hysterectomy is what I wonder?
And I do also wonder if penetrative sex could help with entereocele or if that would just cause more problems?
Not trying to invade anyone else's privacy here, but I think other women would want to know. It has been an unanswered question on my mind.

Thank you all for your kind responses.

I will check back in after the next two weeks of appointments. I want to be honest here, and also to be supportive of post Hyst or Post menopausal women. AND I will say that after my hysterectomy, in 2002, my libido just went away; well more accurately, my enjoyment of penetration sex-went away. But, I feel this is something that can be gently worked through with most couples whatever their orientation. I felt too tender inside, even after a few years, that's just me. It sure is a good thing love and commitment goes beyond sex for us. I am very blessed. AND, even in my 60s, in this relationship I want to feel like a Whole Woman. So I am becoming an "elder" and by golly, I am finally getting it. There is more to life (and my self esteem) than orgasmic sex. At the same time, for younger women, I know that you are not at this point in your lives yet.

Does Suzanne Sommers with all her HRT promotion bother anyone but me?

The simple questions above by Aging Gracefully, are good ones. Especially about enterocele:
"Can penetrative sex still be enjoyable for the woman after hysterectomy is what I wonder?
And I do also wonder if penetrative sex could help with entereocele or if that would just cause more problems?"

Dear Holley,
I wish to thank you for your candidness with your sexuality,
and your dedication to support post hyst and post menopausal women on this forum.
Hopefully more ladies with be forthcoming with their experiences after hysterectomy and related issues.

As for Bio - identical hormones, being younger and trusting, having unnecessarily been lured into using "natural" progesterone cream ( sold as a breast cancer preventative) in my 30s for a while I decided after worsening side effects of constipation, lower mood, and stabbing pains under my armpit, to discontinue using it. My practitioner refused to believe that there could be any side - effects. Later, two women I know of while using it developed breast cancer - the explanation was that if there is any cancer cell the tumour development is accelerated.
I have also tried macca, but now can't imagine how a powdered root can travel so far and last so long without deteriorating, and how would I know what it really was anyway...
Christine has some great information on the hormonal process, and her plant based teas in her DVD for Vulva Vaginal Health.
I am in Australia, but there is more than enough annoying celebrity driven promotion/scare mongering in the media here relating to products for women's health, and so called natural health clinics for menopause which lock otherwise healthy women onto a roundabout of unnecessary tests, products, expense and worry.
Best wishes,
Aussie Soul Sister

As I understand it, two main reasons for the sexual changes after hyst are 1) the vagina is now closed off and shortened and has lost elasticity and 2) the uterus itself is what causes the strongest contractions during orgasm, in many women.

The H Word is a must-read for understanding hyst. Christine's interview with Nora Coffey on the Resources page is fascinating. Many post-hysterectomy women have used the book to finally understand these changes for the first time, sometimes years after their surgery. i saw my own mother on many of its pages. - Surviving