History

Diving back into WW this week has been a soul journey for me and I wanted to share some of it for whatever it might offer to anyone else. Specifically, bits and pieces of my past have floated to the surface and I wonder how they are each related to my body today. For starters, my mother was taking DES (diethylstilbestrol) during the last trimester of her pregnancy with me. I was told at a young age that I have a "tipped" uterus. My first child, a son now 23, was born when I was 31 - it was a forceps delivery, 4th degree episiotomy, as the cord was wrapped around his neck. I was cut from end to end and wound up with a severe infection sending me back to my ob about two weeks postpartum. He took one look and sent me to the colon/rectal surgeon at the same hospital. He smiled at me - actually I remember it more like a chuckle - and said, "you ladies think childbirth is all so easy..." Anyway, he told me there was a lot of necrotic tissue and he wanted to operate - right away. Didn't even want me to go home and see my new baby first!! I think I started suspecting that he and my ob were trying to cover something up. I suppose I just didn't like or trust him and my father was a pediatrician who believed in second opinions. When I told this doctor that I wanted another opinion, he again smiled and said he was the only one there. I told my husband to call his father who "knew" everyone and loved a project and ask him to find out who else was in St. Louis that would see me. We left. I was livid and scared. Within an hour, we were en route to Jewish Barnes Hospital where I was examined by a gentle giant. He told me there was no necrotic tissue and anyway, he said my tissue was like "butter" and there was no possible way to do surgery - the sutures wouldn't have anything to hold onto! He sent me home with a prescription for antibiotics, told me I would have to stop nursing, instructed me to use a hand held shower attachment twice a day to clean the entire area. Within 2 weeks, he was so pleased with my healing that he recommended biofeedback and no surgery. His opinion was that there was no window limiting the time frame on when I could have anal sphincter reconstruction surgery if I ever found I needed/wanted it (I haven't). I never really thought about that whole episode in my life too much again - except with profound gratitude to the doctor and to my body for healing to beautifully. I have found over the years that I do not have complete control of my bowels on occasion (mostly gas) but nothing major. Rarely, I have used a mini pad when I had diarrhea. I had another child 12 years ago - 4 hours of intense pushing a posterior baby but no episitomy. Difference between a midwife and a male ob. Thank goodness for her. An angel.

I was fine after the birth - hemorrhoids but nothing else and enjoyed a long nursing year with my daughter.

Then, three years ago (at age 52), I went through menopause very abruptly. I had changed my diet pretty radically - vegetarian, high in flax seed oil, etc. in an effort to help nagging arthritis symptoms and somehow that coincided with my always regular periods stopping one month and never returning. Not long after that - maybe 6 months - I noticed the cystocele (and later was dx with stage 1 rectocele by my gyn).

My arthritis symptoms come and go and I've tried everything imaginable and more to relieve them - I used to be pretty active, never a gym or exercise lover to be sure, but I really enjoyed getting out for long walks, especially long trails on the weekends with my husband and kids. For the past two years, I have gradually become very sedentary - I suppose because walking on the beach or in the woods was just not much fun when it hurt.... I think it really depressed me and so I avoided it.

I realize now that the lack of activity has not helped my joints and probably made things worse. And I do hope that doing more walking, yoga (I ordered the 3 yoga dvd's), and fire breathing in ww posture will help me to become more active and strong. I really don't understand the arthritis at all. I don't seem to have swelling just pain in my hips and fingers - really nowhere else although my knees are stiff. i.e. sitting cross legged hurts in my knees.

My cystocele is now stage 2-3 depending on time of day.

I am encouraged so much by this forum. I have a such a wonderful life and am SO grateful to still have all of me - scar tissue and all - I want to get stronger and weller! Thank you Christine and all the other wonderful women warriors here - judith