New to all of this, and really frightened!

Submitted by Starlightcrystals on October 25, 2014 - 8:37pm
Body: 

Hello,

I'm so glad I found this site, because I recently (as of last Saturday) found this lovely BULGE in my vagina. It's more towards the opening, it's not way up inside. In fact, it seems to protrude out from under perineum, where I've had 2 episiotomies. I have no idea how I discovered it, because what followed was a blur of fear and panic! It's really only been yesterday and today, that I've been sort of able to regain some sanity ..... it SEEMS to be about the size of maybe a walnut, but I'm not sure, now, other days it seems to be the size of a grape .... it's soft and feels like a waterballoon, and I spent the first few days literally pushing it back up inside me to see if there was anything hard in there, like a tumor, bec. I was petrified. See, my mother died at the age of 57 (which I will be on the 28th) of uterine cancer that spread throughout her body, so as you can well imagine, my mind is on overdrive with this!

So, for the first number of days after "discovering" this BULGE, I couldn't eat or sleep due to fear...I reasearched until I couldn't think anymore. I'm an avid reader, whether it be on the comp. or books, or whatever I can gain knowledge from. So, thankfully, when I typed in "Bulge in Vagina" on Google, it didn't come up with cancer! No, all the sites were about Prolapse...thank God. Well, no not really, I mean, this stinks and I can feel it some days, and some days not, but at least it didn't come up with cancer!

Well, the first few days all I did was touch it, push it back up inside and it would seem to "vanish" up in the vagina, just sort of melt into the walls .... but there was nothing hard. But then, naturally, I began to experience pains and aches in the lower abdomen, and lower back pain.......and actually, in the anus as well! I laid on the bed, and showed my husband, well, after 38 yrs. of marriage and kids, why not? This is not a visible thing from the outside of the labia, you have to open the labia first, and then he saw it.......now, I noticed that when I pressed down, it seemed to sort of push out further, much to his horror! lol .... but seriously, that's what happens. Now, I've read that, that is exactly what does happen. He said it looked like a reddish/pink "healthy" sort of "thing", like the inside wall of the vagina, which I guess it is. But, for a few days all I could do was touch it because it felt like there was something in there, and THERE WAS! It almost feels like a very heavily soaked tampon, that is so soaked through, that it is now lower in the vagina, sort of at the opening. This is maddening!
The natural reaction is to push it out, but I'm not going to do that, obviously. I was so frightened I felt sick, I became very very tired, and slept and slept....in a fetal position. Finally, a few days later, I could take this "not knowing" anymore, and ran to my family dr.s office to have him look at it, but he wasn't there so the PA did......she is very nice and intelligent, she looked at it and asked me to bear down slightly, and said it was a stage 3! Now, I don't know about anyone else, but when you hear words like that, you get scared. She agreed with that, and told me that, that was really only a way of categorizing it ......which I understood. She felt it, and then felt inside my vagina for any tumors or what have you, and there were none. I asked her to check my ovaries, and she said I was a bit to heavy (well, since I've been in perimenopause for the last 7 yrs. I've gained weight, esp. around the middle area, and I had always been a rather nice figured woman....so depressing) ...... so she said I'd have to see a GYN to do that......and I couldn't help but think to myself, if SHE can't feel my ovaries, how is a GYN going to.....magic? So, ok, at least she reassured me it wasn't cancerous, and that it doesn't stem FROM cancer, nor does it lead TO cancer........but then again,she didn't feel my uterus or ovaries. She said that was not her specialty .....well I understand.

Now,...........it's been a week. I am finally KIND OF getting used to this, but this feels so wrong!
I've read how so many women just live with this, but I am not having surgery! To risky! Besides, it's not hanging out of my body ! But I know so many GYN's who will recommend surgery, and that "mesh" stuff....NO WAY! The PA had suggest a "pessary"......now, when I read up on that, I discovered this thing is made of latex or plastic!!!!!! UM, I don't have a good feeling about putting latex or plastic, up in my vagina! NO THANK YOU! Plus, the side affects are things like vaginal ulcers from the irritation and just plain discomfort......oh, and it's apparently trial and error.....you have to keep going back to the GYN till you find one that fits and is comfortable. Then, there's the natural route, which is ME totally.....I am very much into natural healing....ok, so then it would be the sponge approach. Has anyone here tried that? I've heard so many mixed reviews on that.

They say on a lot of very reputable medical sites, that this only gets worse....is that true.? Then, I've heard other women on other forums say, no, theirs stayed the same for years! UGH! WHAT IS THE TRUTH HERE?!!!! To top all this off, the thought of my mother dying of uterine cancer at the age of 57 never leaves my mind now, and I keep thinking ..."WHAT IF...."....WHAT IF this is really coming from cancer in my uterus, or cervix.....I haven't seen a GYN in about 6 yrs.now......I don't care to, I hate it! I mean, it's demeaning unless you find a really good nice gentle dr.....which is again, trial and error! But by that time, you've been through the mill trying to find one! I'm glad I read the info. here on Kegels exercises, bec. so many other sites recommend doing that.......however, the info. HERE, makes a lot more sense!

Let me also say here that, I have been feeling very exhausted, OVERLY so.....since I found this last Sat....so, I just hope that's from fear and anxiety. Also.......I've been feeling this pre-period feeling down there, in the lower abdomen, that area right above your pelvic bone and across from side to side. It's that awful, heavy, sort of "churning" feeling down there, that feeling you get when you're just about to get your period. I haven't had a full normal regular period since March of 2013, and then it went for quite a while without anything....then, about maybe, 10 mos. ago, I saw a blood streak on the T.P. after urinating.....and realized, that after almost 11 mos. of NOTHING, here we go again, and it was time to start counting again........well, fine.........so, on we went. There was nothing, for MONTHS, nothing. UNTIL, on Sept. 4th I noticed some blood with clear mucus on the T.P. again! UGH! (now realize though, that I had been having clear mucus discharge for about a week or so BEFORE this on Sept. 4th) .......now, this was more than a streak, but not really "bleeding"...I mean, I didn't have to wear a pad or panty liner either, it would only show up on the T.P. when I'd urinate....but that went on for about 5 days.

So, that was Sept. 4th. Then, once that was over......the next thing to happen was THIS BULGE....last SAT. ............. now, obviously, it must have been getting bigger and bigger inside me first (stage one and stage two I guess), but I didn't notice. UNTIL, last Sat......and again, I cannot for the life of me, rem. how the heck I noticed it! I just know, that between perimenopause kicking the daylights out of me, (yes, I'm one of those women who had it BAD!!!!!!), then my 27 yr. old son, had a nervous breakdown a year ago, and has gotten better, but is still not really himself, so this last year has been HELL, literally! It put a TREMENDOUS strain on our family, and on my body! We are a close family, and we stuck it out with him, but HOLY COW, I've never seen anything so heartbreaking, and my heart just broke into a million pieces, I don't even feel like myself anymore...........to say the least about my hormonal state in peri. NOW THIS! I feel like standing down on the beach (we live on the beach) and just screaming my head off! There are no more tears to be had, they're all used up. I take xanax for anxiety, and believe me, I've been taking them!

So.................there it is. I'm going to end up seeing a GYN, I know I am, because I have to put my mind at ease, I need peace of mind. But then of course, there's the thought of "what if he finds something?"...... now, I'm sure he'll recommend a pessary or surgery..........so, that's why I'd love to hear from anyone who has worn a pessary, and what it was like..................if you did the sponge thing, did it help and where did you buy it from? We women have been around long enough by now, to have figured something out for this! I mean, what did women do in ancient times for pete sake?! There HAS to be something to address this!

Well, thanks for reading all of this, and I hope to hear from some people .... I am so glad I found this site! I will be glad to help in any way if I can as well!

Sincerely,
StarlightCrystals

Forum:

Starlightcrystals

October 25, 2014 - 8:39pm

SORRY, I forgot to add that I have had 2 children......and yes, they were very long hard horrible labors.....and from what I've read, that can do it, whether it does it then, or years later during perimenopause when the estrogen needed to keep those muscles supple, drops drastically.......but my sons are in their late twenties and early thirty's now.

Aging gracefully

October 25, 2014 - 9:11pm

Hi starlight crystals and welcome,
I do remember finding my prolapse and starting perimenopause at the same time. And I too had a pretty hard time of it. I was lucky though that I found this site, and was able to read about Christine Kent's fabulous work. The best thing to do now is sit down, relax with a cup of tea, and start reading about Christine's method for managing prolapse without all the invasive techniques out there.
Through her research, she has found that we can allieviate symptom with whole woman posture, and her work has helped so many of us, not only with prolapse, but our hips, and whole body well being.
I also studied up on relieving the scary perimenopause I was going through. That was a process for me. I started on the alprazolam, but weaned off it by changing my diet, cutting out caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and any extra hormones. At the same time, I was delving into whole woman. The exercies used to help strengthen our bodies to better hold whole woman posture were also very meditative for me. I also started my whole woman walking. It was these things that helped me to come to a calmer place, and to also manage my prolapse symptoms. I am in a much better place now.

As far as pessaries and sponges go, some women use them, but the best thing you can do for your prolapse is learn about whole woman posture. You didn't say what your prolapse was, but from what I read, it sound like a rectocele, and pessaries really don't work as well for that.

Please read around on this site, you will find a wealth of information to ease your mind as well as your prolapse.

Starlightcrystals

October 25, 2014 - 10:43pm

Hello,

Glad to meet you! Thank you for replying so quickly! Yes, well when I saw the PA, the nurse in the room with us, said to her "bladder prolapse?", and she sort of shook her head "yes"....but then, when I was getting dressed again, and we sat and talked about this, she said it was my uterus! I think I was in to much of a fear daze to really think and ask questions .... I just wanted to know if it was cancerous or not...since my mother had had died of cancer of the uterus back in 1988, and she said no, it wasn't cancer....but naturally she told me the conventional methods of handling this, and that this is not reversible, which I didnt' believe to begin with, I believe that almost anything can be reversed IF YOU KNOW HOW! This site, will show me how! See, this is why in a way, I see no point in continuing on to see a GYN, it's all CONVENTIONAL Western ideas, and they're not going to deviate from that ...and in the end, that's all they'll offer me anyway. I try to stay away from CONVENTIONAL medical techniques and procedures, because so many of them are not only invasive, leaving you feeling violated, but they don't take into consideration the WHOLE person! I'm just so glad I found this site, I cannot begin to tell you how much fear this has taken away from me, just sitting here reading and learning...........knowledge is the key! Thank you so much for replying! :)

Starlightcrystals

October 25, 2014 - 11:47pm

Yeah, perimenopause has really kicked the daylights out of me, literally! I had so many scary symptoms it was incredible. I ended up joining a very good and supportive perimenopause group online, and I'll tell you if it wasn't for those ladies, I'd have thought I was dying .... yes, perimenopause mimics so many other diseases it's not funny! But again, once you have knowledge,you're back in control!
What I wanted to ask was......did you just find your prolapse ONE DAY, SUDDENLY? Do you even rem. how you discovered it, I don't! I was in to much fear at the time. Now, see, that's another thing, because the day before, I was "normal".....well, ha, what is normal anymore during this time in our lives? But what I mean is, I was "okay", I was my "normal" perimenopausal "me".......I rem. because we went out for pizza, and yes I felt the normal drag at the end of the day, and the normal peri "fatigue", but I was "okay",...... same old me. Now, the next day, Saturday, I cannot rem. how I discovered it, but I did...... and that was the beginning of this last week living in total fear! But see, it obviously must have been going on beforehand, for it to have progressed to what it is now, which the PA said was a Stage 3 ...... I just don't understand how I didn't notice it before. ALSO ..... since perimenopause began, I've had 3 UTI's...the last one, which was just a few wks. ago, was a STREP B group uti ..... now, I had never heard of that, nor had that, I had had the usual E-coli ..... so that kind of freaked me out. But, I took the Amoxicillan and it cleared it up, but I don't want to get on the antibiotic merry go round bec. then it becomes resistant to it .... I take colloidal silver, and it is great for anything! It kills only the bad flora and bacteria, leaving the good. IT also kills of viruses! But that's beside the point here, I just wondered if these UTI'S were perhaps a red flag so to speak, of a prolapse already in progress? I don't know, it's just a thought, but i always think things through, until I am satisfied with an answer... lol .. well, I think all people should .... anyway, thanks again! :)

peacelilly

October 26, 2014 - 2:37am

I am a fairly newbie here but regarding the uti's .. I have found Christine's tips of slightly lifting off the seat when doing a wee helps to empty the bladder as it tips it forward and also doing a wee on all fours (maybe in the shower) to eliminate any stale urine that otherwise might be left... this has been helpful as I was getting a lot before doing this...(also helps strengthen thighs) .... I have been debilitated majorly for 10 years (after an op) and only found this site a few months ago... the posture is the key... it is a godsend and you are fortunate to be here... hope this helps... take care

Surviving60

October 26, 2014 - 5:26am

Just wanted to say hi.....what you describe sounds like pretty normal cystocele/rectocele to me. This is what I have, and is quite common. Mine became symptomatic seemingly quite suddenly at age 60 but I remembered it as something I experienced post-partum and just didn't think anything about at that time. You are correct that the gyn is not going to have any helpful suggestions and very likely will recommend surgery, which you absolutely want to avoid! I have never even had a formal diagnosis - don't need it and don't even want to hear what the doc has to say on this subject. I have been managing my 'celes successfully for 4 and a half years with what I have learned here. I too experienced a huge relief from my fears, as soon as I found the site and began the work. That is the biggest gift of this work.....you can once again face the future, you no longer wake up in fear of starting each new day. I feel and look better than I did 10 or 20 years ago. So welcome and good luck! - Surviving

Aging gracefully

October 26, 2014 - 7:54am

Yes, starlight, I did find mine suddenly, but hindsight always being 20/20, the symptoms were actually there for years before I found my cervix sticking out during a shower. You would know a uterine prolapse because the cervix is a long firm tube, unlike the squishy cystocele or rectocele. And, don't worry about these stages, because our organs are always moving about. With this work, you can learn to relieve the bulgy symptoms, but do remember that at our age, complete reversal isn't as likely, although some women can experience many symptom free days in a row, including myself.
It's the whole woman work that does it, so the sooner you just delve yourself into this work, the better you will start to feel about all this.

p.s. Prolapse and cancer are completely unrelated to each other, but if you have worries about having cancer, it is best to get checked out by a doctor. Prolapse has to do with our organs falling back from the lower belly into the vaginal space. So ease your mind about that anyway.

Starlightcrystals

October 26, 2014 - 10:52am

Oh Ladies,.....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! You have NO idea how much better I feel being with other women who are dealing with this, and to know that there IS hope! I felt so fearful, so frightened...so, hopeless. I didnt' know what to expect! All my life, I was basically "healhty".... I had 2 miscarriages in the '80's (when I was in my 20's and my husb. was in the Air Force), they were separated by about a year and a half.....the first one I ended up going to the hosp. with to have a D&C, which my dr. recommended.....now, after everything I've learned about those, I would have skipped that! But, I was young and didn't know......by that time, we had already had our first son, he was only about 2 when that happened. Gosh, that was traumatic! I just cried and cried for weeks, and nobody really understands what a miscarriage does to your heart, it breaks it. Sure, I was only 10 weeks along, but still. Then, about a year and a half later, once again, another miscarriage which I later found out is NOT uncommon AFTER A D&C! (not that the dr. even told me that at the time!..ggrrrr!)...but that one, I had AT HOME, thank you! IT was sad. I was about 10 weeks then too. But, finally, about a year later I was preg. again, and holding my breath, but thankfully, that went fine, except for the delivery, oh my gosh! THAT WAS HORRIBLE! It was LONG (well ,my first baby was a 26 hr. labor, that was actually hard to describe because it was so shocking and traumatic)........but my second son was also LONG and HORRIBLE (this seems to run in my family though), and STUPIDLY we ended up going to the hosp. in the last minute due to FEAR! We had planned on a home birth, which I really believe in, and had a midwife and the whole thing. Then, I guess it was taking SO long and I just panicked, and DEMANDED my husb. take me to the hosp....WRONG MOVE! They were cold, hard, harsh with me, and of course laying down is the WORST position to be in when giving birth! My husb. later told me that it was such a freaky sight, because, as the baby's head was coming out, so was the inside of my vagina! That didn't happen the first time. So who knows, maybe this all has to do with this! I didn't mean to get off the subject here of prolapses, I just wondered if all this had to do with this bulge, NOW. But you know it's funny, bec. after all, as women we are BUILT to have babies.....our bodies are designed to do that, and yet, SUPPOSEDLY we later experience prolapse from something our bodies were meant to do? Just doesn't make sense to me. To me, I think it's a lot of OTHER stuff that causes this....posture, for one! I am not good with that, I have poor posture! I'll admit it. Plus, yes I'm overweight. NOt horribly, but I could stand to lose about 40 lbs.....but I cannot drop this weight no matter what I do! Then, I get depressed from not being able to eat the things I like, which I think is normal! IT's a crazy cycle, and it just goes around and around and around. But, I do think posture, breathing, and what we eat, has a LOT to do with this prolapse....oh, and STRESS! Stress does unbelieveably horrible things to your body and mind! I have been under SEVERE stress for a number of years, and then last year my 27yr. old son had a complete nervous breakdown. So yeah, this has been REALLY bad! I have lived on edge every minute, a nervous wreck,.....and I have a tendency, and always had this, to tighten my muscles, esp. my abdominal ones, bec. I'm so darn tense and nervous. So, I bet THAT as well has something to do with this. But, I'm so darn thankful I found this site!!!! Thank you all so much for responding, you made me feel so much better and self empowererd. As women in today's world, we have lost the feeling of SELF EMPOWERMENT as far as our bodies are concerned. Sure, in the outside business world, we've gained prominence and "equality".......but they've succeeded in brainwashing women to think that they don't know they're own bodies, and NOT to listen to your own body, bec. you don't know what you're doing! This makes me very angry. This is all done to promote fear, and send you running to every specialist in town, and then some....to do some OTHER invasive procedure to your poor already traumatized and worn down body, just to have it fail in the long run and have to have more surgeries or whatever! NO THANK YOU! No, i believe in the natural approach........I believe our bodies DO know what they're doing, and we just don't know how to listen anymore....unfortunately in this so called "modern" world, we've lost that "intuition" that women of the old days had, but I for one, and determined NOT to let that happen to me! I was raised in a home of old fashioned values, and a lot of the old ideas of how to deal with things, whether it be some situation in life, or your body. I'm not going to let this new "modern" lifestyle and THINKING (as it says...."as a man thinks, so is he"..._) brainwash me into believing my own body doesn't know what it's doing!
Ok,......I'm veering off the subject here, but in a way....not. Bec. as the name of this site suggests, WHOLE Woman.....yes, that means our whole beings, and what's gone into them........matters a heck of a lot, for both spirit, mind, and body! So.........having said all that, (lol) I'll stop blabbing, for now! LOL

Anyway, I'm so glad I'm here, and thank you once again, for all this encouragement and support! When I went to bed last night, after sitting up until about 2 am. just reading and reading here,....wow, I felt much more SELF EMPOWERED, AND NOT SO WORRIED, ..so, THANK YOU!

Christine, ...THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, all the work and most likely ridicule you had to withstand from the conventional med. profession, has helped so many people, and now,...including me!

Thank you all!

Sincerely,
StarlightCrystals