Could use encouragment

Submitted by Pocketmama on May 4, 2006 - 10:58am
Body: 

I am a twenty two year old mother of one and have a prolapsed uterus that my midwife describes as "nearing 3rd degree". I first noticed that now familiar bulge when my daughter was ten months old. She'll be three in August, so I guess I have been struggling with this for almost two years now. I read STWW about a year ago, when my prolapse was not nearly as severe, but as a mother who is in school and also works, I found it difficut to engage in any serious lifestyle change. Especially since my husband and I seperated last year. It felt like I was in survival mode, and it was hard focus on my own health.

For the past several months, though, I have experienced my prolapse worsen and my fear grow. I have worn a Lea's Shield as a pessary in the past(it's like a diaphram but more sturdy and with a hole for drainage)and tried to mind my posure and seated positions, and I have kegeled like crazy, but I have not made my pelvic health my top priority. And now I can barely walk. I stand at work all day, which is a major challenge, and my cervix (and possibly my uterus itself) sticks out about 2 inches, 3 or 4 when I am on my period. I have been constipated for a year, and that is partly because I am honestly afraid my uterus will fall out when I go. In fact last Monday, I needed to have a bm at work. I was on my period. When I sat down on the toilet, my body told me there was no way I could let that happen--it was too scary. My cervix was also lower than I had ever seen it. I called my midwife and she met me at my home. She, too, was afraid of what might happen if I pooped, and I ended up using an enema so that I would not have to use so much pressure.

I know that story is kind of gross and maybe too much information, but I use it to illustrate that my life has become fairly humiliating ("Excuse me, I need to leave work early so my midwife can help me poop. Thanks.") and uncomfortable. My body feels very, very old. And certainly not sexy.

But a couple of weeks ago, I sat with myself and realized that I needed to decide if I was going to heal myself or not. Because I cannot go on this way. And of course, healing myself is really my only option. Surgery won't solve anything, and I know it. So I sat down with my midwife and my girlfriend and my best friend and made the commitment to make my health my number one priority.

Today I am going to be fitted with a beeswax pessary, which my midwife made. We hope that the beeswax will soften and form to my body, and that it will fight infection (infection has been an ongoing battle). We are really experimenting here, but the Lea's Shield refuses to stay hooked behind my pubic bone. I start "Yoga for the Pelvic Floor" Saterday, and I have seen a nutrition guru who has helped my totally change my diet. I am rereading STWW. I have the support of my wonderful girlfriend, who even came to work yesterday to help me put back in my Lea's Shield (I can't get myself in a good position to properly get it in myself. I'll be so glad to get the pessary!) when it came out after a coughing fit. She is so good at making me feel pretty and loved during this ordeal. And I have a fantastic midwife who is learning how to assist me in my recovery. She has never seen a prolapse like mine in someone my age.

I know this is long, but it felt so good to write my story. I am on the right path, now, but I don't know anyone who has experienced this, and I could really use the wisdom and support of this community of women. I am still afraid--will I really be able to change this?

fullofgrace

May 4, 2006 - 3:49pm

I think deciding to take care of your health is on the right track. You certianly will get a lot of encouragement from this forum. Getting the constipation under control I think is your number one priority and experiementing with various positions that releive the pressure. Hopefully, Christine will have more advice.
Jane

Christine

May 4, 2006 - 8:56pm

Hi Pocketmama,

What a wise and articulate message from such a young woman! Your story brought tears and memories of my own struggle.

Actually, your story brings up a very important issue I’ve been wanting to address in hope of beginning to define the extreme parameters of prolapse. We need to answer this urgent question: How bad can it really get? There are post-surgical women who tell us that their uterus was prolapsed to the 10th degree and their perineum hanging down to their knees. It is very important that we begin to separate fact from fiction so that women can be free of the fear factor when considering their options.

I have an article called “Rethinking the Concept of Pelvic Floor” to download for free from the Resources link on the home page. On page 7 you will see how the uterus really looks. The strong, wing-like structures on either side, suitably called the “broad ligaments”, connect the uterus all along the sidewalls of the bony pelvis. A circle of additional ligamentous supports connect the cervix to the pubic bone in front and the sacrum in back. So you see, Pocketmama, it would be utterly impossible for the uterus to come out much more than you’ve already experienced, because those very strong wings have it secured to the inside of the pelvis. It is extremely well connected and actually forms the hub of a wheel of connective tissue that supports the pelvic interior. I know it’s hard to believe with such a severe prolapse, but it is true that your uterus is still holding everything else up. You are very wise to understand that removing it would not solve the problem. No prolapse is worse than an unsupported vaginal vault.

Here’s what I finally had to be brave enough to do and what I’d suggest to you as an important step in exploring, understanding, and coming to terms with your own condition. The next time you are in a bathtub of plain water, reach into your vagina with your fingertips and slowly bear down. Don’t be afraid, because your vagina can only turn so far inside out and it is very easily pushed back in. Your uterus cannot fall out. It might be good to have your midwife or best friend close by in another room for emotional support.

Explore the shape of your uterus and notice how it widens into a pear shape near the top. As you bear down, reach as high as you can inside and feel the very strong supports that will only let you push your uterus out so far. Gently pull it back up with a pelvic floor contraction and push it down again. Hopefully, this anatomical understanding will begin to alleviate your fear.

With your next bm do the same thing. Go ahead and bear down and learn that the lower vaginal supports are so very strong that your uterus can only prolapse so far. Use your pubococcygeus muscles to pull it back in. The uterus is very mobile and you can push it in and out with no problem. Trying to preserve some vestige of elasticity or whatever in the connective supports by trying never to bear down is just not practical or possible. A much better strategy is to begin to understand that a natural, occasional bearing down movement will not affect your overall condition one iota, as long as you are practicing recreating your natural organ support system with postural and lifestyle change. And for heavens sake, do not bear down against the toilet seat! Always rock up slightly onto your feet and into a half squat.

I think the beeswax pessary idea is very cool and I hope it gives you some relief. We also need to talk about how prolapse changes as we age. This is something I hope lots of women will contribute to, because it’s essential that young women understand that it does get easier. As Jane says, some of it is simply acceptance, which is a wonderful virtue that sets our spirits free. However, there is also the utter calm and natural shrinkage of the menopausal uterus as well as the wondrous affect of reshaping the musculoskeletal system, and therefore the way the organs are supported, through natural female posture. I hope you can see, Pocketmama, that none of us are jumping off a cliff, but rather have leaped joyfully into the creative process of living well with prolapse.

Wishing you well,

Christine

mommi2three

May 4, 2006 - 9:05pm

Oh, sorry to hear that you have prolapse. This forum is extremely supportive and informative. Christine makes a point to meet everyone here (thru cyberspace :)o). Thank you for sharing your story.

At 22 yrs old, I think you are wise beyond your years b/c you have come to this point of acceptance and making a committment to take care of yourself. It is not too late to make changes. I know I feel better doing the posture and diet changes. But I still need alot more rest than pre-prolapse. I definitely have more energy when i can do all these things consistently. But many of us have young kids that keep us busy and runnning around. So it is good to have support from women here to remind us of the importance of taking care of our body as a whole.

Yeah, constipation is a bad thing. Take care of that ASAP and you will feel like a new person. Did you start the posture? I find that it really helps take some pressure off when you are on your feet alot.

Pocketmama

May 5, 2006 - 12:24pm

I really appreciate the comments. I now have my beeswax pessary. The downside to the beeswax is getting the thing in. It's not soft and it's rather large, but I did learn that with enough lube and laughter, I can just about fit anything in my vagina :). Women's bodies are amazing!

It is incredibly comforting to know that my uterus will not fall out. And I know that I really need to reconnect with my body; it seems that I have almost completely dissociated from everything below the waist. I tense up even wiping myself, and I didn't even know I had my latest yeast infection until my midwife told me. It's like everything is so uncomfortable all the time I couldn't even tell. This really saddens me, because I have always been very in tune with my body. I mean, I had a homebirth. I have always known my cycle not by the calendar but by the way I feel and the moon. I have always been the "weird girl" encouraging my friends to know and explore themselves, and here I am now picturing my own womb, vagina, vulva as a beat up old car. Not cool.

I am definately working on the posture, and I really want the video because I think it would be easier for me to do if I could see it. I'm quite a reader, but when it comes to movement, I guess I am more of a visual learner. Also, I think it would be awesome to attend some sort of workshop or retreat. I think a weekend or a week of focus and healing would be incredible.

By the way, I think I have a good start in getting the constipation under control. I am eating SOOO much better and I am taking a dietary enzyme. So if I can let go of the fear that holds me back, I think I'll be in pretty good shape. Thank you all so much for the feedback!

Wendy06

May 5, 2006 - 2:35pm

Pocketmama, I'm very sorry to hear about your distress at prolapse and am full of admiration for your attitude to it. I can't imagine it is easy to be in a job that keeps you on your feet so much.

Christine, how revealing, the experiment you suggest to test the extent (and limits) of prolapse. I honestly don't feel aware of my cystocele or prolapse unless I'm constipated and have to strain on the loo, but when I did that experiment I realised just how mobile things are and how far it descends when I really push (cervix and part of uterus show). And yet I have enough strength and elasticity in my pelvis to hold it in place nearly all the time. It's over 4 years since I had my last child, so clearly time, exercise and now knowing that I also have to be careful about my diet so I don't get constipated, have all had an effect. I hope that gives some encouragement to others who are freshly post-natal or having acute problems at the moment.

Wendy

ann.helen

May 7, 2006 - 10:09pm

Hi poketmama,

So sorry to hear about your difficult prolapse and the other difficulties you've faced but so admire your resolve and the path your taking.. I think things will really turn around for you when you change your diet and come to terms with the many fears that can accompany this challenge we all face when we get informed (and more than this all the information somehow sorta eventually sinks in!)

IN terms of infections, i do think a hugely improved diet will make your body inhospitable to many bacteria and yeasts etc.. And i'm a huge believer in herbs and natural supplements, a wonderfull way to deal with infection, for example grapefruit seed extract seems to knock candida dead pretty effectively.

And i like acupuncture a lot (but i'm biased, i'm studying it).

Best wishes

chong

January 29, 2007 - 12:35am

Dear pocketmama; I am wondering how your beeswax pessary is working? How did you and your midwife make it? Is there any resource for instructions in fasioning one? I am a recent pessary user who is searching for more natural ways to deal with prolapse. Thanks for any information! Chong

michelle henry

July 19, 2007 - 8:35am

i would like to know where your midwife obtained a beesway pessary and where she learned to fit them. I am a natural medicine doctor and this information would be valuable to my patients.

angelakay45

July 19, 2007 - 8:32pm

I am just sorry everbody...I do not see the point in living your life like this...God gave the doctors knowledge.. and if something can be fixed to where it is not hanging out...I mean why live that way..i mean come on...

rosewood

July 20, 2007 - 12:49am

I think the issue is whether or not it can truly be "fixed". If someone were to offer us all a true "fix" -- that is, that our bodies would be entirely as they were, pre-prolapse, with no risk of future prolapse, incontinence, discomfort, restrictions on lifting, etc., would we take it? Probably most of us.

The issue is that surgery may not truly be a "fix"; and, if you read Christine's book, and try to understand what she's saying about the female anatomy, the risks involved are not worth it to some of us.

This is a very personal decision. I cannot pretend to know what it's like for a woman with a stage 3 or 4 prolapse. I know that at one point, I could feel mine protruding out of my vagina. I, personally, thanks to this website and the guidance offered, have found ways to manage my symptoms to the point that my life is as active as it was before. I feel great most of the time. It has taken work, but its' been worth it. Again, however, my uterus or bladder was never hanging out 3-4 inches. Would I feel the same way if that were the case? I really don't know. But, I think Christine can speak both personally and professionally as to whether this work can help someone with a severe prolapse.

Marie

MeMyselfAndI

July 20, 2007 - 1:24am

I agree with the last commenter. Doctors gained knowledge thru reading books and practice - the practice and they - No matter what they think - Are NOT Gods who know all - Nobody knows ALL.

But the mere fact is that if one surgery leads to another surgery that leads to another surgery and so on - It is definitely NOT a fix. Having read the 'diaries' and feelings of women who HAVE had the surgery, that and only that is what made me want so desperately to find a different non surgical way.

If the fix was one operation and all was well - We would all be clamouring for it. But the facts are - The 'fix' is not a 100% cure all of prolapse and after the first surgery there is no way you can go back and change your mind.

So... If my uterus fell out and was hanging around my knees (lol) Then that would be one thing. But the mere fact is - POSTURE WORKS. And after a mnth or two you just are in posture and prolapse - For me - Has not been the problem it was when I got here.

Everybody feels differently though. And I would not judge a woman who decided to go the surgical route - Cos we all do what our hearts tell us to.

I think that posture for women should be taught earlier - Then prolapse might very well not be such an issue for women.

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

granolamom

July 20, 2007 - 7:00am

I think, in addition to everything marie said, this is what it comes down to. I honestly don't mind living my life like this. I feel healthy and whole and my prolapse symptoms don't stop me from being active and enjoying life.

I *personally* would not want to live my life having to catheterize to pee, not being able to lift more than 15 lb, having painful sex. all some of the possible adverse effects of surgery. for *me, its not worth the risk.
again, if my bladder was hanging betweeen my knees (thanks sue for the visual!) I might feel differently.
surgery is a very personal decision, weighing the pros and cons of any intervention does depend on 'how you want to live your life' and what you are willing to give up on should things not go as you hope.

and yes, G-d gave the doctors knowledge, but He didn't give it all to them, He gave plenty of knowledge and wisdom to us too.

MeMyselfAndI

July 20, 2007 - 10:34am

But - Doctors think they know it all.... And there will always be more to learn... Just like learning the posture took thought and looking into oneself and finding what is right for us...

If this is how life is - For me - I can cope with that - I am happy - I will NOT in any way shape or form give myself over to any force that tries it on me - Call me a Bullheaded person (Yes I am) But just as with my Multiple Sclerosis - My Prolapse will NOT rule my life - Nobody and nothing will...

I am the Bullheaded moody woman that I am - And - I am Me :)

It brings me to a question...

You are here saying surgery is the only way.....

Not meaning to be rude but

What do you want from this site - From Christine - From Us? Do you want us to say - Yes Surgery is the only way? Fraid we cannot do that as we have all proven to ourselves that this way is the right way for us...

How can we help you? Please tell - How?

Oh - Btw - When I got here 'It' was peeking out... Every time I stood up and walked 'It' was peeking out. Today - It never peeks out it is firmly back in... So why would I wanna have surgery to fix what I have fixed naturally?
Also - I am sure it's 10lb you cannot lift above after surgery...

I wanna live my life - To the full... I wanna be able to stand and do anything - Man I even walked on the Moor last weekend - That was a first for me :-D So many firsts - Who knows what I can do next :-)

Throw it at me life! - I will cope and I will move forward with a SMILE on my oh so very determined face - And I will grit my teeth and do what I have to do... I will laugh in the face of illness - And I will laugh no matter what - Cos crying really hadn't helped me to cope with the prolapse - Christine did - But Posture - Ahhhh that posture - THAT made it all well again. gave me my life back...

Call me stupid (Maybe I am rofl) But I always feel - Determination has got me through more in my life than anyone will ever know (Well bar one person) And I have more determination within me that most people... I am WOMAN and I am STRONG... So are you... :-)

So tell me - What can we do for you - Really - What :-)

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

Clonmacnoise

July 20, 2007 - 9:53pm

God gave some of us the intelligence to understand - not knowledge. Knowledge is gained by hard work and the human effort of perseverance. Some people are good at what they do, and some people aren't, and that includes doctors. Some doctors pursue knowledge by working to understand, others just wing it, fake it and use it to bully. Doctors practice medicine, and some practice it with success and some don't.

The very idea that we would presume that a doctor's five minute exam and guesswork is sacrosanct is almost funny. In no other corner of our lives would we take the same abuse. Can anyone imagine going to a salon and having a stylist cut your hair without your agreement?

If you go out to dinner to a really nice place, can you imagine the waiter telling you what you will and won't eat?

Can anyone imagine the store manager telling you what dog you will own?

Can you imagine a real estate broker handing you a key and saying, "This is your house?"

It's my body, and I know best. A doctor is welcome to offer his (preferably her)opinion for the price of an office visit, but it's an opinion and only an opinion, and depending on how good it is, and depending on how smart the doctor is - how creative and how competent, I will or I won't take his or her advice.

There are a lot of really intelligent women on this forum who understand how to work out problems that apparently are more wide spread than I would ever have dreamed. It's like anything else - it's a problem which needs help, but help does not come from abuse. It comes from thought, care and good decisions, and more than anything else, it comes from taking right actions to help yourself. Those actions come from a variety of sources. It's a balance.

A prolapse seems to be a wake up call that something needs to be fixed. From this forum, it seems there are a variety of ways to do that: exercise, diet, posture, sleep, and good care - like the kind you will find here.

Judy

Change what you can change; be happy with what you cannot.

Beejay

July 21, 2007 - 5:24am

Sue, what you said was inspirational. I wish I had your positive outlook on life! Having POP is bad enough, but to have MS as well, and still be positive...

Re your telling me you walked on Dartmoor - this morning I heaved my sorry-for-myself backside out of the door and walked half mile to a car boot sale then half mile back. If Sue can walk over the moors, I said to myself, surely I should be able to go for a mile over level ground... Coming back was uncomfortable but not painful, and nothing fell out! My back is still not used to posture but it's early days yet.

Re the doctors not knowing everything - when i saw my doc she examined me lying down, not standing, it didn't occur to her!

Beejay

MeMyselfAndI

July 21, 2007 - 3:52pm

Well done - You have achieved something :)
I must say I walked across the flattest bit we were able to find - But it still was Bumpyyyyy and full of 'priggles' (Gorse)

Must admit I was knackered for a few days after coming home - lolllll

But - I never thought I would say this and kinda hope he isn't reading over my shoulder (lol) But one day I will return - When my legs are a bit stronger - lol
*Checks over shoulder to see if he is reading*

OK he isnt lol - Posts fast -- lmao

*EDIT* He nagged so much when I posted fast - I read it to him and fixed a few typos lololol

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

AnneKane

July 24, 2007 - 5:14pm

the prevelant attitute that women like us on this group are pig headed and lack pragmatism is difficult to contend with.

But it is allway's more difficult to buck the paradigm, think independtly and take the time and effort to make informed choices.

Ultimetly i think we are rewarded for our endevaours. After time, i get the imrpession we've grown, dealt with larger issues of femininity, sexuality and aging, formed a supportive group for one another *and learned effective way's to manage our 'cele..

the lady who posted suggesed that "god gave the doctors the knowledge to heal all us women".. Whilst i'm an atheist/agnostic i couldn't help conceptualising (tongue in cheek) that perhap's we should be greatfull that the goddess gave wise and strong female midwives and healer's and herbalist's from the earliest of times the kind of knowledge that facilitates self empowerment and healing adn we are beginning to have that knowledge brought to us once again....A side effect free package.

And thankfully Christine happened to be one of those wonderfull women who worked so very hard to bring another kind of empowering healing to us for our prolapses and whole self.

x
Anne-helen

Clonmacnoise

July 24, 2007 - 6:27pm

Anne -

No matter if you're a believer or a non believer, knowledge is not issued, given, granted, or lent. It's not a gift; It's not barterable,it's not mine unless it's earned.

Intelligence is another matter.

The point is, how do we use these things?

Judy

Change what you can change; be happy with what you cannot.

AnneKane

July 24, 2007 - 9:32pm

Hi

I simply meant that certain women have been the bearers of healing power and information and worked with and passed on this knowledge since the earliest times.

This is the kind of knowledge, or "information" if you prefer that i think is often is *given from one woman who has made health her field to another who has not..

I don't think it's off point to refer to the fact that the work presented by christine has link's to this tradition, one which empower's women and seek's to engage them in their own healing.

Nor off topic to highlight to the lady who e-mailed that many of us are happy not to be dependant on doctors and the surgical approach (especially those who were often indifferent or arrogant or who insisted we be "fixed up" with a side effect laden western medical approach to our 'cele's.)

Hope there doesn't seem to be any snotty tone in the above! Not at all intended but there's no nuance in bare text... Just wanted to clear up what i meant and re-iterate that i think that stuff's important in relation to what goes on here

Best wishes

Anne-helen

Clonmacnoise

July 25, 2007 - 5:52am

Anne,

Agreed that knowledge can be passed down and shared, and for most of our lives, it probably is.

What I wanted to clarify was the idea posted someplace on this site that knowledge is somehow an automatic - MD=knowledge. We all know that it's not. Knowledge is earned through hard work.

I think you learn that the first time a doctor tries to kill you through ignorance and a lack of knowledge based on a lack of wisdom and poor listening skills. Been there, did that.

I think the sharing of knowledge and understanding which ultimately means comprehension is what this site is all about, and that's why I read it every day. I'm understanding a lot about my body from reading the material here. I thank you all very much.

I may go about things differently than most here, but I've had a very different sort of life, so please bear with me.

I've said it before; I wish more women would think for themselves. If Christine had not thought for herself...

Judy

Change what you can change; be happy with what you cannot.