hello

This is my first post, though I have been following the conversations in this forum – almost daily - since I first discovered the symptoms of uterine prolapse nine months ago. In the earliest frenzied days following the discovery, with the usual painful and unsatisfactory diagnostic visit to the gynaecologist, the usual recommendations for a radical hysterectomy and/or a pessary (I hated the pessary and pulled it out painfully one night a week later) and many hours on the Internet, researching anything and everything, I eventually landed on this site. The knowledge and accumulated experience in the posts on the site, combined with the book and DVDs that I purchased, resonated strongly with my attitudes to health and have since become the guiding principles leading me through the confusion and difficult, sometimes catastrophic, feelings (that I now realise every woman seems to go through when she first discovers a prolapse.)
I will try to be brief but have noticed that each time somebody posts for the first time they need to fill in some details of their individual story to provide a context for all subsequent postings. So here goes:
To speak of the good things first: the mindful posture work really has become an integrated part of everything I do and every time I move, sit or stand. I have learnt to recognise the way I have habitually clenched my belly, in many ways that have been surprising to discover (such as when eating dinner), but awareness is the first step towards correction (and I seem to need to consciously relax my belly thousands of times a day). My diet was already good, but has become more finely tuned since becoming acutely aware of digestive cause and effect (now truly necessary to keep everything moving). And without doubt the overall effect of dealing with the presence of prolapse has been to improve my general health and further focus my sense of priorities in my work and life.
However, I have some related problems that are making things difficult. The background to my specific difficulties is as follows: the prolapse ‘arrived’ following a severe lumbar spasm (a recurring problem), this time whilst working abroad. In order to keep going professionally I wore a tight support belt, which proved fatal. Not only was it squeezing my belly and flattening the lumbar curve but it was also squishing the large hydro-salpinx that was pressing on my uterus, until something had to give way. I had first discovered that my fallopian tubes were blocked and full of liquid (as a result of multiple adhesions, that were in turn probably caused by chlamydia many years earlier) when I had a diagnostic laparoscopy procedure 15 years ago, following the discovery of several dark shadows in my pelvic area in a routine checkup. I refused surgery, but as the tubes were quite large – like two fat sausages – I decided to go for an annual scan to make sure they were not getting worse. A few years later the scans revealed that the left tube had ‘spontaneously’ drained but the other had grown in size and I had also developed ovarian cysts. I again refused surgery and researched how to heal the cysts using traditional herbal remedies.
But then my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I looked after her as best I could until her death nearly five years ago. Two months after her death my brother was diagnosed with young-onset dementia and I looked after him until his death two and a half years ago. Meanwhile I became the legal guardian of one of my closest friends who had developed multiple sclerosis and could no longer communicate. I was responsible for her health decisions until her death a year ago. (I have noticed, by the way, that several regular forum members have also been involved in caring for seriously ill loved ones and wonder if this is coincidence.) During this time I also led a very busy professional life, work that I am lucky enough to adore.
My mother's illness made me now technically "at risk" but I continued to refuse surgery, though thought it prudent to continue the yearly scans (to make sure the ovarian cysts were benign). Following the prolapse I studied the previous scan reports in closer detail. Yes, four years ago my uterus had moved from anteverted to retroverted. This had of course gone un-remarked and at the time I was not aware of its significance. The ovarian cysts which had previously gradually got much bigger had now, however, reduced in size by about 50% following some years of daily herbal tinctures, one of which I had ‘received’ in a dream. By now the gynaecologist doing the scans had become supportive of my self-help, anti-surgery choices and, following the prolapse, instead agreed to aspirate the heavy blocked tube which was pressing down on the uterus. It was a very painful procedure – imagine a very long needle puncturing the top of the vagina in order to get into the fallopian tube - but a pint of liquid was removed and the initial effect was a great improvement in the prolapse symptoms. I was told, however that the tube would probably refill, and despite my willfully optimistic attitude to the contrary, unfortunately it did. I went through a second needle aspiration a couple of months ago. This time it made no difference to the prolapse, if anything it seemed to make it slightly worse. Or perhaps that was the effect of the prophylactic antibiotic (never touch them, normally).
Again surgery was suggested (this time just to remove the right fallopian tube, in order to avoid having to do this draining procedure every six months) but once again I have refused it. Apart from my loathing of the idea of any pelvic surgery whatsoever I also worry that even this so-called (relatively) ‘minor’ surgery could make the prolapse worse and also create many more abdominal adhesions, causing even more problems. So, more research, and I am now trying a combination of enzymes and herbal tinctures to try to dissolve the gluey adhesions that are blocking the tube, (plus occasional sessions of ‘visceral manipulation’, which I have found helpful).
I need no convincing about the need to resist pelvic surgery. Apart from my own instinctive ‘no’, my husband developed rectal cancer 15 years ago and was pressured to accept mutilating surgery, which he refused. We worked as a team trying everything (including repeated visits to a healer in Brazil, a radical diet, homeopathy and supplements, heat treatment and - eventually -targeted radiotherapy). To the doctors’ astonishment he recovered completely without surgery. To their credit they have subsequently changed their treatment protocol accordingly, in similar cases.
I have experienced other surgeries, at least one of which was life-saving (a branchial cyst that threatened to choke me, eventually) but know that each general anaesthetic and surgical procedure (and the protocol of prophylactic use of antibiotics against hospital infections) comes at a cost to the physical system as a whole. I live in the UK and grew up believing in the National Health Service – free treatment for all - so the profit motive for surgery thankfully did not apply. Despite the integrity of many of the ‘mainstream’ doctors I have met, however, for anything other than acute or life-saving situations I prefer herbalism, acupuncture or various traditional and self-help methods, including visualisation and meditation - and of course good food and keeping moving - and have generally kept healthy.
I have searched but not found any posts on this site of other women who have the same combination of ovarian cysts, plus blocked fallopian tubes, combined with prolapse issues. I have a rectocele, a more bulging urethra than I ever remember (this developed recently, to my horror) and a uterine prolapse that can - at its best - remain tucked up until the evening when the tip of my cervix starts to ‘peak out’. On a bad day – which seems to happen more and more - it is right at the entrance from the moment I get up. I remain confused about what causes the bad days or why the urethra problems have developed despite following the WW recommendations practically to the letter. For a while I kept a diary to see if I could trace a reason or two, perhaps in my diet or some aspect of my activities. But I found that keeping a diary led to a slightly obsessive state that was counter-productive and did not lead to any insights.
Emotionally I find that I know when my cervix is low without having to check because I also "feel low". This seems to be a physiological state of depression, as if my uterus has a direct line to my brain. The feeling (or perhaps fear) of everything falling apart, or falling down physically, is inseparable from my mood. (I have recognised every state of desperation described by women posting on this site. It has been curiously comforting to know that I'm not alone in this.)
On the good side, I keep reminding myself this is not a life-threatening condition and that to the outside world I look exactly the same as I always have. The ‘disability’ is like a strange hidden secret. I am doing my best to see it as a teacher, a constant reminder to keep on course. (I only manage to maintain that attitude some of the time). I recently purchased a ‘fit-bit’ (pedometer) that has helpfully nudged me to (mindfully) walk more and climb more stairs. I keep going with the morning routine of stretches and exercises, (adapted to the needs of my earlier back problems), taichi, the good diet, the chest up, chin tucked, lumber curve prideful stance, the helpful tips about toileting procedures and so on.
Other than the simpatico scanning doctor I have not returned to any gynaecologists. I wish I didn’t have to keep tangled with the conventional medical system at all - if it was ‘just’ the prolapse I would not. But these additional pelvic complications mean I need to be vigilant (therefore the scans). I feel like I am doing everything I possibly can to stay self-responsible, pro-active, in charge and living as if I have no limits.
But then I wake up on a day like today, where, despite all my efforts, the symptoms are worse, yet again. I seem to be on a downward slope. I am almost ashamed to admit it, but I feel in the pit of despair, which has prompted me to write this post.
My goal at first was a complete reversal of the prolapse. Absolutely determined. Then, in the name of ‘realism’ and following a close reading of many of the posts from the more experienced women on this site, I reluctantly modified the goal to stabilizing it and just not getting any worse. But if I am honest what I really passionately want is the following; for my various ‘alternative’ strategies to lead the ovarian cysts to shrink and disappear and the gluey adhesions to dissolve so that my tubes can drain naturally, and for the WW work to enable my uterus to cozily tuck herself back into place. I figure that anything is possible as long as one is alive. I have witnessed healing before. But I wish I could feel more genuinely hopeful that healing is possible in my case. Actually I would wish total healing for every woman who faces these issues. If bones can heal, why not ligaments, fascia and so on?
Apologies for such a long post and thank you to whoever is reading it. And of course above all a huge thanks to Christine and her team for all the research and pioneering work, including running this invaluable forum.
To end on, here is one nice thing I discovered. Cats purr at a frequency that speeds up the healing of bones and ligaments. I looked it up after a nice purring session of a cat on my belly that felt really good. Here is one of many links:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-cats-purr/