New Mom - Love my baby, not my prolapse - My Story

Submitted by Lacy Ann on August 18, 2017 - 4:29pm
Body: 

My baby girl is now 8 months old! Yippie! I had a vaginal birth, took all but 30 min of pushing to get her out of me, all 7lbs 2ounces of her, unfortunately I bled a lot afterwards. Two doctors, one very unceremoniously (a man in his 60s) inserted their hand inside my vagina to "inspect" me and try to remove the excess clots which I was having. This did not work and I had to go down to the OR, where the older doctor again went in there and shuffled around and even though I was supposed to be numb on drugs I could feel how aggressive he was being inside of me. I did not remain a full 48 hours in the hospital, after giving birth, before being released home. Post pregnancy I was not told to restrict movements, having a bath in the second story of my house I was going up and down stairs once to twice daily; I tried to minimize it, as I noticed it left me feeling very sore. I tried to go about my business as usual. I eventually healed and at my 6 week check up was told that all is well. Fast forward to 7 months later and my dreaded period returned, even though I was still exclusively breastfeeding! Lots of bleeding ensued. I used to wear a cup, I immediately went out and bought a size 2 and for the first day all seemed ok, albeit that I was bleeding enormously and filling my cup up 4x the normal rate. However by day 2 and 3 the cup kept slipping out of me, much to my horror! I kept trying to reposition it, but to no avail. I am or was an avid baby wearer and noticed that the pressure of wearing my baby was causing everything to sink downwards. I stopped wearing her, but still the cup wouldn't stay put. I went to the emergency, by now in enormous pain and was diagnosed with a prolapsed bladder. No grade. I also scheduled an appt. with my doctor and received the same diagnosis. Both doctors say it is minor, happens frequently, nothing to be worried about and that I should try physiotherapy. I also wasn't told to restrict any of my daily activities or movements. However, a month later now, I still feel discomfort. If I spend too much time on my feet or carry my baby too much or breastfeed her sitting down, I experience enormous pain and discomfort in the hours or days following this. My baby is a high needs baby and constantly wants to be held, baby wearing had saved my sanity, but now I can't seem to do it without it causing me pain, so I avoid it, much to my disappointment. I'm at a loss. I've had injuries in the past and physio never helped, so I'm a little weary of trying it this time.

In hindsight I probably had this problem before. A year or so before being pregnant I started to have to tinkle, only when it was cold out, I'd get this immediate urge to go. During my pregnancy, all 9 months of it, I was constantly going to the bathroom, every 30-40 min, day and night. My baby was low and pressed against my bladder the whole time. I've struggled with low self esteem all my life and being tall and with a rather ample bosom, left me feeling ashamed. Im a huge sloucher! I drag my feet when I walk, look down on the ground, sink my shoulders down. Horrible! On top of all that I've had irritable bowel syndrome for 15-20 years now. I've also been overweight most of my life, my biggest problem area? My belly! Skinny arms and legs, huge belly! At my heaviest I weighed 217 lbs. for 10 years now my average weight is 195, I'm 5 ft 8", but that's still 35-35 lbs overweight. During my pregnancy I lost an enormous amount of weight and then at the end, within a few months, literally the last two off my pregnancy, I gained a ton. Low point 175 lbs, end point 211 lbs!! And the post pregnancy, within a month I dropped down to about 185 lbs. I've since lost more weight and I believe am now at 175 lbs. needless to say all these changes and medical conditions have taken its toll on my body.

I'm 27 years old. I don't feel like it's fair. I don't want to be dealing with yet another health problem, especially one as embarrassing and taboo as this. I didn't even know I could have prolapsed organ!
Anyway, sorry for the long post. I have no friends or family really and feel very alone. I feel like my body is failing me and that in turn I'm failing my daughter, as I cannot do the things that she needs and I need.

Forum:

Surviving60

August 19, 2017 - 7:27am

Hi Lacy Ann, welcome and congrats! All of this sounds pretty normal for post partum. It can take up to 2 years or more for the body to recover, and there is much you can do to move things in the proper direction. In correct posture, carrying a balanced load close to your body (like your babe), actually improves prolapse. Watch this video for an overview of the WW work, then come back with your questions. - Surviving

https://wholewoman.com/newpages/video/ww101.html

cynical

August 29, 2017 - 1:19pm

Hi there -just wanted to say I can relate. I was 31 when I had my first baby and the prolapse horror started (and I must admit - it was pure horror at the time!). I managed to have another baby (and got considerable relief from carrying her, as the bubs holds up the uterus beyond a certain point). I had undiagnosed coeliac disease through my pregs, am very bendy and did a huge amount of exercise as a young woman. To this day, I don't know what caused the prolapse per se, but I have mostly made my peace with it (and found ways to cope) - I really hope it doesn't detract too much from your new mother experience. It completely darkened the days of mine and my first baby's life and I feel incredibly sad about it. Try to trust that as much as it sucks, you will find a way to cope. Look after yourself (like really look after yourself - eat well, sleep well, be kind to yourself - follow what this page tells you - these women know), treasure that baby. Things will improve xxxx

Lacy Ann

January 19, 2018 - 9:20am

Late reply. Life is crazy. Just read it. I am now pregnant again, I found relief (as you mentioned), but have been so constipated that now the prolapse is back. I am halfway through my second pregnancy. I feel alone and terrified. Baby #1 is still breastfeeding, but it's been extremely difficult this past week with my prolapse. I've been reading a lot about posture, but that just doesn't seem realistic with a 12 month old baby around me. I'm so sad.

Aging gracefully

January 19, 2018 - 9:49am

Hi Lacy Ann,
Posture isn't some new thing, but the forgotten natural alignment of our bodies, and Christine does discuss the importance of posture during pregnancy and post postpartum. She writes about how in the past women had this natural posture, and in some societies still have, and they would be able to do everything including lifting and carrying as part of their daily routine. We have spent too much time in our westernized culture sitting around in soft furniture, and not doing those daily routines that help us maintain posture.
Working on your diet and toileting posture can really help with the constipation, and the postural work, done gently, will really help with the prolapse.
There is much discussion about this on the forum, so type some key words in the search and you will find similar stories to your own. You are not alone out there. Many women have experienced the same thing as you.

Lacy Ann

January 19, 2018 - 11:24am

Thanks. My diet is truly optimal, so is my posture on the toilet. I've had years of bowel issues and managed to resolve them almost entirely, except during pregnancy where things are just horrible! This happened with my first pregnancy as well, went from regular daily bowel movement to weekly, if that. So discouraging. I also agree with sitting around in soft furniture, it doesn't help. I just don't know what else to do with myself, stand or lay down? Doesn't seem feasible, nor comfortable.

Surviving60

January 19, 2018 - 11:01am

Hi Lacy - did you ever watch the video in my first link up above? It is a great overview of the Whole Woman concepts. - Surviving

Lacy Ann

January 19, 2018 - 11:22am

Yes, I actually did and just watched it again as a refresher. I totally understand, or think I do, keeping a good posture; as my mom always told me to do, but I didn't listen. I'm struggling in integrating this in my daily life. I'm often sitting, like right now. My little one is 12 months old and naps on me during the day, as well as breastfeeds regularly; I am also currently pregnant with baby #2. I am currently in a lazy boy, which is obviously comfy furniture and does not promote good posture. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I am also very uncomfortable sitting with correct posture (mainly attempting this at the dinner table). I've been trying to be more mindful this week as my prolapse is back, but I'm so used to slouching that sitting up straight seems strange to me.

Aging gracefully

January 19, 2018 - 11:36am

The posture Christine shows us is more than likely not the same thing your mother showed you; there is a little more to it than just sitting up straight.
Check out the some of the videos in the store for a good look at what the whole woman posture is really about. Some good choices for starting are the First Aid for Prolapse, Fundamentals videos, Whole Woman Solutions to Pelvic Organ Health. There are also many postpartum options that would be very helpful.

Lacy Ann

January 19, 2018 - 11:51am

I imagine it is different. I don't just sit up straight. I am mindful of my pelvis and back and curvature, etc. I am just so uncomfortable, since I've been used to slouching for 20+ years now, it seems unnatural to sit in a natural position. Also, that still doesn't address the issues of soft furniture, which are a part of my daily life. I'd love to purchase a dvd or two, but having a small child and being on a one income budget, it is not feasible at the moment, esp. given the huge financial problems our house is giving us.

Aging gracefully

January 19, 2018 - 12:08pm

Hi Lacy Ann,
That's why Christine came out with the fundamentals video at an affordable price that still covers the basics of posture.
She has also discussed sitting in the soft furniture and actually has a segment in the First Aid for Prolapse covering the different sitting positions in more detail.
It is really up to you how you want to proceed, and all we can do is direct you to the materials that will best help.

Lacy Ann

January 19, 2018 - 12:24pm

I am looking for support, understanding and wisdom...I understand $30-50 isn't a lot for some, but to me that's over half a weeks worth of groceries. I'm struggling with my baby and now pregnancy, this week with the return of my prolapse. I feel highly depressed, struggling with dark thoughts and I'm not feeling the love at all. Maybe it's just the hormones, but this is just making me upset.

Aging gracefully

January 19, 2018 - 12:36pm

Hi Lacy Ann,
The best answers to some of your questions are in Christine's work, and the best support we can give you are in her work and the pages of this forum. Did you see the link I gave you to granolamom's post? If you click on her name in that thread, you will find she has much wisdom in her experiences with pregnancy, postpartum, and prolapse symptoms that are well worth reading.

Lacy Ann

January 19, 2018 - 1:32pm

Yes I saw the link for granolamom... Bit overwhelming...over fifty pages of posts, trying to shift through isn't easy, esp. being busy with baby.

Aging gracefully

January 19, 2018 - 1:47pm

Don't think you have to take it all in at once; when you do get some spare time, just sit down with a nice cup of tea and do some reading, a little at a time. There is so much on this site to take in and it can be overwhelming at first, bu the more you read, the more it makes sense. There is a comfort in these pages that will help alleviate those initial fears of prolapse.
We have all been through it at different stages in our lives and are we are so very fortunate to have found this wonderful site. There are answers here that will help you.
Best wishes.

Surviving60

January 19, 2018 - 4:21pm

The purpose of this Forum is provide support for those interested in the Whole Woman work. You can click on the link above left on this page, to read the guidelines. Anyone can post here, if they stay within those guidelines, but we do tend to assume that women come here to learn about and discuss Whole Woman. I'm not getting those vibes from you, but as Aging Gracefully says, there is plenty of information here to get you going, should you decide to really look into it. - Surviving

Lacy Ann

January 20, 2018 - 7:28am

It isn't that I'm not interested. I cannot afford it. I was looking for women to share their stories, if similar to mine. I didn't expect to simply be told to purchase a dvd.

Aging gracefully

January 20, 2018 - 7:50am

Hi Lacy Ann,
Were you able to find some of those stories here on the forum? There are many helpful posts and full threads on here that offer much insight.
But, the answers do come from the whole woman work, and those women that do this work really reap the benefits, and doing your own research is what is going to help you the most. It is also the most empowering thing women that come here can do for themselves.

Lacy Ann

January 20, 2018 - 7:56am

Thank you aging gracefully. I'm not really finding my "niche." I guess I will have to wait until I can afford this or consult a physical therapist in my area and seek help there.

Surviving60

January 20, 2018 - 10:41am

We have lots of post-partum moms on here who can give you some better perspectives. One way to find these posts is to filter by Pregnancy and Prolapse:
http://wholewoman.com/forum/forum/105

You can also click on the Blog tab above, enter search terms and look for articles of interest.

You will get much more for your limited funds here, than you will from a pelvic physical therapist. Theirs is a kegel-based, conventionally-driven approach to prolapse which will only aggravate things. You can look for articles about these things (the pitfalls of kegels and PT) on the Blog. - Surviving

Choosing Joy

January 23, 2018 - 3:52am

Hi Lacy Ann, I'm a PP mom (one daughter who is 17 months) and I'd be happy to chat with you. I think our first children are around the same age and I can imagine how overwhelming it would feel to be pregnant again!! What specific questions do you have?

Oh, and I totally agree that, unless you find someone very unique, PT is a waste of time and money. So is visiting your gynecologist for prolapse. I think so much of our lives in the western world (and increasingly in the 2/3 world as well) are medically managed and we put so much trust in doctors that we want someone to definitely tell us what is going on (ie: what "stage" we are) and what the future will look like. The truth is, the stage of prolapse varies throughout the day and there isn't this perfect, normal vagina and then an abnormal, prolapsed one. Many PP moms have some degree of prolapse but just don't have symptoms so they don't think about it. Also, the PT I visited really knew nothing about prolapse and didn't even think I had a rectocele when that was the most symptomatic prolapse at that time. Everything she told me was all wrong, including the toileting posture (to put my legs up on a stool and lean back) which I think aggravated the rectocele. I'm still angry when I think back to that 6 wk PP visit with my gynecologist when he grimly told me I would need surgery in the next few years. I can imagine how certain symptoms of prolapse might lead someone to think they needed surgery, but I absolutely 110% do not need it!! Anyway, that's a long rant about the conventional approach to prolapse, but I'm frustrated and saddened by how it's failing so many thousands of women. Long story short, the WW approach is so so so much better than the conventional medical one!! And if you don't have the budget to buy the DVDs right now, there is so much info on this forum and I'd be happy to dialogue with you too about any questions that are coming up.

Sending hope and hugs your way.

Lacy Ann

January 23, 2018 - 11:55am

Thanks choosing joy! That's very sweet of you! I'm definitely happy about this second pregnancy, even though we were surprised by the speed at which it came. Haha! My daughter is 13 months old, still very much attached to me, cosleeping and breastfeeding. I guess the struggle I'm having is barely beginning to be able to take care of me, which I'm horrible at and always procrastinate at doing and then being faced with the reality of a newborn coming into my life again in a few months. I feel like taking care of a child, let alone two and making sure they're safe and well is enough to handle, without having to take care of me; other than in its most basic form. Mom struggles. Haha! How do you balance it?

Choosing Joy

January 23, 2018 - 9:39pm

Yep, I think parenthood is significantly more life changing than most people in non-traditional societies realize! We’re also still breastfeeding day and night and co-sleeping. I do feel like each month has gotten easier in terms of being able to have physical and mental energy for something in addition to my daughter. We live with my parents which is also a HUGE help. They both work, but we can share household responsibilities. Do you have family/friends/neighbors nearby who could help with stuff, especially bringing over meals and cleaning?

Re posture, let your daughter be your teacher!! Sit in pulled up posture on the floor with her, crawl around on hands and knees with her, breastfeed her on elbows and knees and do pelvic rocks (my daughter thinks this is hilarious!), lie down frequently throughout the day Pelvis untucked and read books together, take short walks outside in WW posture, if you have a place to walk, walk on tip toes inside with your daughter. There’s a great YouTube channel called Cosmic Kids which is yoga stories for kids. We really limit screen time but sometimes I’ll put that on for my daughter and do my own yoga video next to her.

Re constpitation, do you feel like BMs are getting stuck in the rectocele pocket? Do you have the urge to go? If things are getting stuck, manually breaking apart stool through your vaginal wall with your fingers is super helpful. Taking high doses of magnesium can also be helpful. Doing half squats before and after going to the bathroom can also be helpful.

I know it’s not easy and I’m not trying to downplay how you feel by giving these suggestions. I’ve found in my own life, stress is as much my internal state as it is the external factors around me. Even just taking a few minutes to center throughout the day (I often pray and intentionally breathe deeply when I’m nursing my daughter down for a nap) makes a huge difference in my stress levels, regardless of the external circumstances. How open are you with your husband? Does he have capacity to do more around the house or with your daughter than he’s doing now? What thoughts have you had about how to surround yourself with support in the PP period?

Typicalme

January 24, 2018 - 10:20am

thought I'd chime in ladies - it's definitely been a struggle for me to find time to self care - with 2 little ones, holidays and now we've been through hand,foot,mouth AND the flu since the new year and we're still not all healthy.... plus I work full time!
but here are some things i've incorporated - maybe some of this will help...
unfortunately, you're going to have to get off the laz-boy. I myself bought a nice glider with ottoman in hopes of snuggling and breastfeeding... i used it for the 1st month before i found my prolapses....
getting down on all 4s as often as possible works wonders, especially elbows and knees - i color like that and read like that with my daughter and like choosing joy said - my daughter thinks it's funny. she also copies me! little whole woman that she is.... this position will help position your little bub in the oven as well, so double bonus.
sit on the edge of the couch and put a cushion under your bum if you're still leaning back - keep that pelvis tilted forward.
sit cross legged on the floor or feet straight out - i can't sit with my feet out unless i curve my back so whatever you do, keep lumbar curve in place.
bend at the hips - let your belly hang in between your legs.... breastfeed side lying....
if you can at least order the book - or first aid for prolapse - there are some dance-y moves on there that i try to do when i'm just standing around or playing around with my daughter.
when i wash dishes i stand with my feet far apart and focus on relaxing my belly - i'm washing a LOT of dishes so i use that time to practice belly breathing....
i bought a lumbar cushion for the car since it's an hour commute each way, i also bought a wedge cushion for my office chair to tilt me forward and i never lean back at work. I try to walk in posture any time i'm walking and i just keep tweaking and reminding myself - although i'm not at the 'forgetting' stage yet since my pop's are on my mind pretty much 24-7 still.
and then whenever i've got a spare hour or while i'm breastfeeding in the evening i get on my phone and search these forums and read read read.
there's a ton of little tweaks that you can focus on without having to spend any additional 'time' working on this - you kind of incorporate it into anything you're already doing. at least that's how i've been managing....

Lacy Ann

January 24, 2018 - 11:05am

Thanks Ladies! I feel better reading your supportive words and stories! :) I've noticed in the past couple of days that sitting on my couch doesn't hurt as much as the lazyboy, I can position my pelvis much more freely to relieve tension.
I spoke to my midwife and she suggested I start taking raspberry leaf tea, to aid with the constipation, as this will also relieve pressure from my prolapse. I've been drinking it for four days now and have had a bowel movement everyday! I still feel backed up, since I've not been going regularly in a long time, but it's progress.
I already take a magnesium supplement, so I guess that's a bonus.
Per going out, I am so lazy, honestly I hate going outdoors, I know it's terrible to say. There are no sidewalks on my street and cars drive by fast, I'm always scared of getting hit with the baby. It is the dead of winter right now here in Quebec. It's been a bit milder the past few days, but honestly the past month or so it's been hovering at around minus 30-35! I don't feel up to going on my own with the baby and when my husband gets home at night I'm usually so tired from my day that I just want to collapse. Excuses, excuses, as my mother would say. I would like to incorporate some prenatal yoga in my day and I've even been failing at doing that.
As far as help, nope! I have two neighbours I talk to, just like that, but not to say they'll come over and help. I have no friends to speak of and family is very ... Difficult. We have minimal contact with my husbands family, as they were highly abusive during my last pregnancy and although my mother wants to help and tries to help, I've realized that she isn't much better and that I must be careful this time around, unless I want to end up with high blood pressure again. She isn't supportive at all about my parenting decisions and so it makes it difficult for us to get along. Also I have no license, neither does she and she lives a little ways, so we have to go get her and bring her back and usually she stays overnight, but like I say that's not really working so much anymore.
So as far as when the new baby arrives, I'll pretty much be on my own...I don't necessarily mind it, I mean I have no choice really and I've made my peace, kind of, with how our lives are, but it is scary, simply because I'm not at my best physically and yet somehow I lack motivation to fix myself; probably due to my personality. What a joke.
As far as my husband is concerned, he honestly is a child...and you can't change people, it's hard enough to change yourself. We separated, shortly, last year, but then decided to stay together, so I must accept him for who he is and what he does here is unfortunately pretty much all he can, which is way more than he did before. Let's just say that for the first 7-9 months I was basically on baby duty 24/7. At least he takes care of her in the evening now if I need him too. And as far as housework is concerned, well the deal was that since I'm a stay at home wife and mom, that was my job, so I cook, clean and do everything in between that needs to be done.

Typicalme

January 24, 2018 - 3:06pm

I hear you Lacy - there are a lot of similarities in my experience with what you're writing.... down to the sidewalks!! I've found it impossible to take both kids for a walk because my sidewalks are so narrow I can push the baby in the stroller but my daughter has to walk behind or in front of us and there's no grass between the road and the sidewalk so I'm too terrified to have her do that. I have her walk on the sidewalk and I go in the street with the baby in a stroller but then she's 2 so she's always telling me to come back on the sidewalk lol and she stops until I do... it's not smooth sailing. And it's been cold here too..... (chicago).
We also get no help -my mother in law is unwilling, my mom would be willing but she's not able (she doesn't drive due to macular degeneration. I could drop off one kid there once in a while but it's half an hour round trip - not really worth it, especially since she can only handle a few hours at a time).
When we're not at work, we're with our kids. We haven't been out anywhere without them pretty much since my daughter was a baby and even then it was 2-3 hours, twice!
but on one hand - i wouldn't have it any other way :) I want to be the one bathing and feeding and playing with my kids - i figure we're at work so many hours, the rest of the time really *should* be us.
This time is so precious and it passes so fast, i'm trying to soak my kids up as much as I can.

but you do need to take care of you - i'm one to talk lol i don't do my nails anymore (which is probably for the best - nail polish can't be great for you) I barely have time to wash my hair much less cover up my grays, forget about the gym... it's all I can do to try and cook up big pots of stuff 1-2x per week and keep the house somewhat presentable. I'm someone who would always have hair/nails/toes done - never leave the house without makeup... now there are days when I think - when WAS my last shower??
has my daughter gotten more 'junky' food than i'd like? yes... has she gotten too much tv time certain days? yes.... but i do my best.
I really try to incorporate the whole woman work into my day to day activities as much as possible... i'm not perfect at it, but I've read on here that it takes a long time for it to become second nature...
i'm focused on the posture.... that's a no dealbreaker thing for me... I need to live with this prolapse and I want to leave the option open for another child maybe so to me it takes precedence as pretty much the only self maintenance thing I'm doing just for me.
once it gets a bit warmer out, I hope to get back to going on long evening walks with the kids but I'm cutting myself some slack now. (my little boy is 4 and a half months)
so what i'm saying is - try to do even small things to help with the prolapse issues.... especially with another baby on the way. :)