Help For Spouse

Body: 

Hi I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to post this. I am having a really hard time getting my family "my husband" to understand my prolapse. He dosent realize that even just standing is very hard for me. Is there any literature or support for the family of women living with prolapse. I know that may sound funny but I have a severe uterine, rectocele, cystocele, and bladder incontinence. SO my daily activites are becoming very limited. I also have small children which require alot of "mommy time". We are a young couple i'm, 32 he's 29. I think sometimes he thinks I am exagerating. Because he is a man and has know idea. ANy feedback would be appreciated. Thank You.

Dirtydancing,

I too find it frustrating at times that my husband doesn't seem to understand what I'm experiencing - but then, how could he? Women with prolapse usually don't look as if anything is wrong with them, and many women - like you - continue to function normally - at least as far as other people can tell. I guess each of us has a responsibility to keep those closest to us informed about our prolapse and how it affects us, in order to help them better understand that sometimes, we simply can't do all that we used to and that we may need to modify our activities to accommodate our condition. You owe it to yourself and your family to have a heart-to-heart with your husband and ongoing dialogue about your prolapse. I would also suggest having him read some sections of Christine's book - the one's that you think would resonate with him. I personally think that the chapter on pelvic floor weakness, with all its graphic detail, would be rather sobering for him. Alternatively, you might have him read some of the posts on this forum.
As if being a full time mother is not enough, you have tremendous physical challenges to cope with, and I sincerely hope that you are able to fully engage your husband's support in this.

My best to you,
Jean

Thank You Jean

hi

having one or more prolapses can certainly be a strain in a relationship. I remember this time last year how very annoyed i was with my partner. Because i had no symptom's he just couldn't get how it was an issue.

theoretically it's just sometime;s hard for them to get.It being mostly internal. With my situation, he did get that it was a big thing for me and he started to really listen then and some penny dropped and he got it.

That advice about showing him some of Christine's book was spot on too. My partner really went for the surgery idea and on reading a few chapter's understood that this wasn't the route to go which was a big help.

Sharing with the women in you're life was a huge help for me, that is - my best buddies, mum etc.. alongside of course the fab bunch of women here. This was a major support while my partner wasn't being supportive, or supportive in the way i needed i suppose.

Best wishes

Hi Dirtydancing1974

I can only agree with Ann Helen. I found it hard to stomach the surgical options in Christine's book, but my husband was right behind me when I said I wasn't interested in surgery, as I had shown him some of the stats out of the book. He now understands what I experience a lot better, and is a wonderful wonderful husband to have by me.

(Sex is all the same to him, prolapse or not. It is not an issue. ;-)

Cheers

Louise

My partner found it impossible to understand so - I showed him...

I told him how it was at that time (It was 'peeking' the 'doorway was closed')
So - He just did not understand... I took him into our bathroom - disrobed - took his hand (figners not whole hand lolol)And placed them at the entrance... He totally understood after that!

Sometimes it is hard for men to envisage that things canmove internally - Drawing a picture may help - But luckily my partner and I have zero 'embarrasment' problems (Well he doesnt lol) So I could think of no other way to totally explain what I meant by peeking and even though he could not tell how that felt to me - He understood how freaky it was to have things out of place and lowwwwwwwwwww down etc...

Sorry for the TMI post people - But I feel we can be open and honest here whatever the issue (I hope)

Now he views it in a totally different way, is so understanding about it - The issue is no longer an issue to me with 'peeking organs' but to have a partner who understands that when things move south - It is really hard to deal with for us as woemen is so comforting.

Hope that helps in some small way? If not then I hope you find the answers you are looking for