Pregnant and scared

Submitted by woodynjinx on November 24, 2007 - 5:35pm
Body: 

Hi There,

I had my baby boy in August 2004, weighing 10lb 0.5oz - vaginal labour 17 hours.

I never thought anything might be wrong with me until we started trying to conceive another when he was 6 months old (Jan/Feb 2005). We eventually got referred to the fertility clinic in November last year to start investigations as to what was wrong, and had blood tests/sperm analyses, hormone levels etc and everything came back clear.

In January 2007 I finally fell pregnant, only to start bleeding at around 6 weeks, I was given a scan and told the pregnancy was still viable and not to worry. At about 7 weeks I noticed that there was this golf ball like thing just inside my vagina. I called the midwives who told me over the phone that this sounded like a minor prolapse and it was nothing to worry about. however I started to notice that the bleeding got worse if I touched the lump with toilet paper (when I wiped after going to the toilet). The bleeding continued for another 5 weeks - off and on depending where this lump sat but no-one would look at it until I went for my 11 week scan, to be told that my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks - literally days after the first scan. This scan was also an internal one and after it the bleeding got progressively worse. I asked for a D&C as this had gone on for long enough and I was at the end of my tether with all of it, but I was told I was too emotional to know what I wanted and I had to wait another three days over the weekend to make sure I wanted the procedure - which of course I did - 5 weeks of knowing my baby had dies was hell enough but I had to wait another 3 days!!!

After the D&C my periods have never returned to a set normal pattern and this lump drops down whenever my period is due and goes back up when it ends. I also have chronic back ache around mt period - I have asked repeatedly for someone to look at this but as it only really beomes visible when I am bleeding I am reminded by the surgery receptionist that it's not very nice for the doctor!!!

In March this year I also had a HSG to see if my tubes were blocked, but it came back saying everything was.

I was also told that firstly my backache was due to my weight, then it was sciatica from carrying a large baby first time around, and more recently it was attributed to suspected endometriosis.

I had a laparoscopy and dye procedure in September this year, and it came back all clear ant patent and I have no cysts, endo, nothing.

My period in October was very bizarre in that it started to do a little showing on the toilet paper when I wiped (like a scratch) and after almost a week still did not come out, even though the prolapse had dropped, so in desperation my fiance and I tried having sex to see if it would move anything, and it did - once he had move the prolapse, the period came out for 3 days solid and went away.

This month I have happily discovered I am pregnant, and am booked in for an early scan on Dec 10th (when I should hopefully be 6/7 weeks), but today I had a weird feeling, went to the toilet and found a lot of creamy goo and my prolapse had dropped.

Since I found out I was pregnant 3 days ago I have been doing pelvic floor exercises all the time, but I am wondering if it will all be in vain and I am going to lose this baby as well.

The fact that no-one seems to take any interest in my prolapse is worrying me greatly and if it is going to cause any problems I would like to be aware and start taking steps to prevent them - I certainly do not want another 5 weeks like I had at the start of the year.

I am going to the doctors on Tuesday, and was wondering if anyone could offer me any suggestions I can take with me, so that if she does try to send me away, I will be able to stand my ground.

My fertility consultant did suggest that hormones might have affect my conception (he was going to give me clomid in february if i wasn't pregnant and I would love to not need it given current circumstance), so I am going to ask for a progesterone test to make sure hormone levels are safe, but I don't know anything about the prolapse to ask for. I've only been able to search the net, which has led me here (amongst some, shockingly scary photos along the way!!)

Please can anyone help/offer advice?

Christine

November 24, 2007 - 7:20pm

Hello,

First of all, I want to extend my sympathies for having lost your last pregnancy, not to mention the inexplicable way in which you were treated. I am certain some people do not possess feelings.

I think all we can give you is the reassurance that simple prolapse – that is, prolapse uncomplicated by other medical issues – is not an impediment to a safe, gentle, and healthy birth without risk of worsening a preexisting condition. You will find many personal stories here to that effect.

Prolapse is often accompanied by a lot of gooey discharge and all we’ve ever been able to surmise is that it’s the vagina’s way of lubricating against the bulge. But if it is cervical mucous you've lost, that’s another matter.

The very best thing you can do is try to relax. Kegels are not going to help really, but will probably serve to keep you more uptight. Do a few if it makes you feel better, but don’t go crazy with them. If you get a clean bill of health from your doctors as well as their okay to begin this work, look through the website and/or order the book and learn the deeper story of prolapse.

Many blessings to you and your family!

Wishing you well,

Christine

louiseds

November 24, 2007 - 10:22pm

Hi Woodynjinx

Well, what a story. Sorry this has all happened to you. Your story rang many bells for me.

I had infertility treatment for my first two pregnancies, then a spontaneous pregnancy, then another pregnancy that ended in miscarriage at about 10 weeks as the foetus had died. I understand the microscopic examination of every stage (which can border on obsession) that comes with trying to fall pregnant, and the disappointment that follows when it doesn't happen. I understand the curiosity to find out why????? I understand the doubts that plague a woman who does not have the confidence that her body will do the job it was designed for.

On the way I learned a lot about the degree of reproductive wastage that occurs in nature, only because my first two pregnancies were monitored very closely, so I found out all the things that happen both expected and unexpected, and what was normal and what was not. At the eight week scan of my second pregnancy there were two foetuses. At the 11 week scan there was only one, and a lump of tissue where the other had been attached. The first foetus became our daughter, who was enough of a handful to have been two!!! During the fourth pregnancy I had no eight week scan, started to bleed a bit at nine weeks and three days later was raced off to hospital in a pool of blood, and subsequently had a D&C to save my life.

I have observed the same degree of reproductive wastage in our sheep flock which we monitor closely and keep reproductive records for.

I have also experienced different types of bleeding as my bladder and uterus (which has always been retroverted) have occupied different positions in my pelvic cavity between the ages of 26 and 54 as they have slowly descended.

Part of the problem is that the more we know the more we worry about, and much of the worry we do is over inconsequential and irrelevant things that loom in our minds as being earth shattering in their significance.

I would think that the change in bleeding may be to do with the changed position and pressures on your uterus, but it is unlikely that your prolapse has *anything at all* to do with either the establishment of, or maintenance of pregnancy. There are four fundamental truths in all of this.

1 Women have always given birth.

2 Women have always experienced prolapses.

3 The outcomes for pregnancies have never been better in the developed world.

4 Establishment and maintenance of pregnancy and the birth of a healthy child, and a mother alive and in one piece postpartum, has always been hit and miss. That is just survival of the fittest and a helping hand where it is possible.

To my knowledge there has never been any scientific proof produced that prolapse has anything to do with a pregnancy failing.

When you mess around with hormones the body does seem to take a while to re-establish its normal state, and assisted reproductive technologies, as I understand it, will never do any better than natural conception rates, because even normal conception, pregnancy and birthing are fraught with risks to the life of the unborn.

Re the goo, women get discharges during pregnancy, and a pregnancy is so like a ten month menstrual cycle, it is not funny!! Many miscarriages are simply early failed pregnancies that are disguised as late periods. However, sometimes they end dramatically with a lot of blood, drama and risk to the mother's life.

I am so glad that you didn't have that drama that I had, and I am so sorry that you experienced the heartbreak at the end of the failed pregnancy.

I can only give you a ((hug)) and say that your body was designed to fall pregnant, carry a pregnancy, give birth, breastfeed your offspring, carry them around safely until they can propel themselves satisfactorily, and live with your reproductive capacity until menopause, and beyond.

Please trust your body, and don't use up this precious time and energy during pregnancy, worrying about the unlikely. Just doing what you can do to stay calm, healthy and happy is the best thing you can do for your partner and your toddler and your unborn child. I know it is hard, but sometimes you just have to go with the flow a bit. I know how many unanswered questions you must have, and they are all probably just a part of the grieving you are still doing for the failed pregnancy. Just go with it.

BTW, the photos you find are shockingly scary!! But women who come here and work with their bodies on the whole find that the experience of having prolapse and managing it ourselves is not too bad, most of the time, and many women find that prolapses that are quite obvious and alarming in early pregnancy disappear a bit later, and with a good labour and birth experience and good body awareness, don't seem to worsen after birth. Beats the hell out ofl putting your precious body in the hands of somebody who will knock you out and try and rebuild your insides with unpredictable and risky outcomes which can leave you vastly worse off in the medium and longer term.

Go visit www.wholewoman.com and have a look at the FAQ's to give you an idea of how this Wholewoman thing works, and get a hold of Christine Kent's book, Saving the Wholewoman, so you can start to really understand what happens in that mysterious deep belly of ours, and learn to care for it yourself.

Best wishes. Call back to the Forum with more questions.

Cheers

Louise

woodynjinx

November 25, 2007 - 4:31am

Hi Louise and Christine.

Thank you both so much for your comments - they have made me feel much better.

I think that there is a lack on knowledge in general about this in the UK - indeed when I called the hospital to arrange my early scan the midwife (who incidentally was the same one who dismissed me over the phone for 5 weeks and then told me at my 11 weeks scan that "it looks like you were right!") told me this time that she didn't want to alarm me but I should prepare myself that it could all happen again!!

I did start looking over site after posting last night, and I found a lot of encouragement and information, that has been reinforced by both you with your comments.

I also took a couple of points away with me already that have helped - I eased up on the Kegels as I was doing them continually, and this morning the golf ball has gone back up, and also I was able to go the toilet properly - something I haven't done since Thursday as I have been tensing all the time!!!

You are right - in that the more knowledge one has, the more one worries - I have been aware of this in myself for a long time - hence my wanting reassurance from the medical world, and failing that I have come into this board (found through Google) to ask people for their real life experiences!!

I am going to try and take a more relaxed approach now - I am still going to get my hormones checked, just for the reassurance, but hopefully everything will be fine. I am now looking at the prolapse as another early warning sign - if it drops I am doing too much - it happened yesterday whilst I was out doing the grocery shopping, having not stopped since I got up - so maybe now I am pregnant I should slow down a bit, just to be on the safe side.

I have also now been into Amazon and ordered a copy of Christine's book, which should hopefully arrive in the next few days and I will read it thoroughly.

It is just so frustrating that my doctors are so reluctant to acknowledge it - I don't even know which part of me is prolapsing, as no-one will look at it - I'm guessing from what I have read here that it is my uterus, which would also explain how it seems to "block" my period (and to some degree the mc when it happened), but again I'm just going to have to go with that for the time being.

I do think that the mc was caused more to the stress I was under at the time as well - I was being bullied at work and it all got very messy at the beginning of the year, and also we were trying to train our son to go to sleep unassisted, which was very traumatic as all he did was scream the house down every night, so all in all it was a very trying time, and hopefully my stress levels are much lower this time around - I am also having regular reiki sessions which help with this.

But I digress - thank you again so much for providing me with hope, and I am now actually looking forward to my pregnancy a bit more, and do not worry - I will be back should I have any more questions!!!

Heather :)

ATS

November 25, 2007 - 5:37am

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!

Secondly, I just wanted to mention that the book from Amazon (I am in the UK too) is the old yellow cover version. The new blue one which you have to get from this site direct is like a completely new book and has the ballet workout and firebreathing exercises in it which you can do once you have recovered from the birth. I have only just started doing some of the exercises myself but I know they have been incredibly helpful to the ladies on this site.

I made the same mistake by ordering the yellow one as well but now have a copy of the blue version (I actually ordered the whole kit!).

I wish you all the best.

A

mumwithone

November 25, 2007 - 8:16pm

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear of your last loss. I hope that this pregnancy goes full term for you.

I just wanted to add that I am pregnant at 13 weeks and I have had prolapse since my last baby was born. I have had no problems with bleeding, I don't think that prolapse and miscarriage are linked in any way from what I've read or experienced. I think they are separate issues for you, which should have been explained to you by the doctors.

I hope that helps a little to know that. Also, like Christine said the discharge seems to come with the prolapse and I've had it ever since having prolapse. Just put on some panty liners or something like that if you need them. Or if you're worried it's something else I'm sure it could be checked out for you.

Have you thought about going to see someone else this time if you were treated this way last time? I was very unhappy with the lack of information I was given last pregnancy so this time I have a different obstetrician and I have hired a private midwife (who provides much more information and is much easier to talk to about women's issues).