One of those days..

Body: 

Don't you hate when you start feeling somewhat "normal" and then bam! it gets you worse than ever??

And taking care of a 5 month old while sitting on the toilet in pain, and jumping in a steaming hot bath, whilst trying to feed him a bottle and not cry in front of him (i just don't want him to see)

Last night, while tring to deal with the pain of a pulled groin muscle and a bulging cystocele and rectocele, my boyfriend asked "but he's all worth it" and i just cant believe i said "sometimes its not. you dont have to deal with the pain at all"
i love my son to death but its so emotionally draining sometimes. its like...i just want to go number two! and i cant!
i also texted him today telling him i was having trouble and the first text i get is "go see a doctor, do you want the surgery?"
no i dont want surgery, i just want to sit on the toilet like a regular person an not have to jump in the tub to relax me so i'm actually able to go hours later...yes, i have a whole days worth of working my bowels out, its exhausting.

i wish i had people to talk to about this. i mentioned it to family or friends and everybody is completely shocked and has nothing to say, and i really dont think they want to listen.
i'm sorry for ranting. i just feel bursting in tears and wish i had ashoulder to lean on or just had someone that understood.

((((Hugs))))

We may not be able to be there in person for a shoulder to cry on but we are here to listen.

Is this pain you are having from your recent surgery?

It must be so incredibly frustrating for you and its so hard to deal with little ones when we are going through this. I had a few weeks of constipation and I know how I felt then. Luckily I have managed to find a concotion that works for me to make things really easy. I take 2 psyllium husk capsules after dinner and then 2 flax seed oil capsules when I go to bed and that seems to work a treat at keeping everything really soft and easy.

It is hard for other people who are not in our situation to understand as its not them. They are not the ones going through the pain or discomfort and its easy for them to say have the surgery. Its the same with everything in life, we can't truly understand until we have experienced it.

I love my kids to bits but I have thought many many times over the recent weeks that I wish I had not given birth. Not that I don't want my kids but that birthing has destroyed my body.

I sincerely wish you better and hope that you can find a way of easing your BM's which I am sure would be a weight of your shoulders.

Take care,

A

I hate saying this, but it makes me feel a little better knowing someone just knows how I feel.

The pain isn't from the recent surgery at all actually. I believe everything is healing quite nicely. It wasn't related to my prolapses at all, I had been dealing with that well before even becoming pregnant. I think having the rectocele made it worst, and I fear that it's happening again and it'll have made that surgery pointless.

Do the pills you take make your nauseous at all? I take Colace about 3 times a day. I try keeping up with my fiber and taking dairy out of my diet has not gone well at all...apparently I eat cheese with every meal! haha

I've had small tears and its feels like I am passing razor blades when I have one so I cannot imagine having a severe one to deal with. You poor thing. Its sounds like you need things to just sliiiide out for you to give your body a rest. The capsules I take do not make me feel naseous at all but it was a bit of trial and error finding something that did the trick. What works for one person does not always work for another and it is sooo frustrating finding the concotion that works best for you. I also find Senekot works well for me but that can't be taken long term whereas the other things I take are natural safe supplements. If I do get a bad day which I did last week I just do a warm water enema and that shifts it!

Have you been constipated/having trouble since your surgery? I wonder if because you are experiencing such awful pain you are afraid to go and it is making things worse. I only say that as I know stress and anxiety can do awful things to our bodies.

I eat things also that are not good for a light colon like cheese and white bread but it is hard making soo many changes all at once.

I hope things are easier for you today.

A

So sorry to hear how uncomfortable you have been feeling lately. Try drinking a cup of Smooth Move by Traditional Medicinals before going to bed - it is an herbal tea which you can purchase at any health food store - voila, next morning you should be cleaned out - hope it works for you! Best of luck with your newborn!