Relaxation / healing / meditation

we go way back. I come from a long line of anxious people. and the POP didn't help any, I'll tell you that.
you don't really want to know how I lessen the anxious reaction to the prolapse sensations, but I'll tell you anyway. I tell myself I could die tomorrow. And that prompts me to move on to thinking about far more interesting things, like if today was my last day would I really want to spend it thinking about my bladder? hell no. so I start thinking about the people I love and that distracts me.
morbid, but it works for me.

Anxiety never leaves my side at the moment! It is with me 24/7 and I do not know how to calm down. Luckily it isn't affecting my sleep at the moment but I think I am so worn out by it all day long I fall into bed and am exhausted. I have lost some hair again recently and it has an affect on my health, I know that. But how to control it is something I cannot grasp. I have had soo much therapy and nothing cures it. I am a worrier by nature but these last few years have been really hard. When I feel new symptoms from my POP and I panic I literally mean I panic, physical reactions!

Not nice. :o(

I do have very brief moments sometimes in the day when I think that this is not going to rule my life but they are brief.

One day I will get there.

A

Our “Medge” (as we affectionately call it at home) has been a life saver and I strongly recommend it for anyone who would not have a religious conflict with it. I, too, am very fond of the Tibetan tradition, Kiki, and have read and listened a lot to Pema. In fact (talk about morbid curiosity) I’ve wondered about the surgical history of some of those old gals – only because so few of their generation escaped – and if hours of sitting meditation might be a good option for women who have extreme post-surgical symptoms. Truly, for some women almost anything besides sitting is a problem…so why not develop your spiritual Self at the same time? Sure beats TV.

I love, love, love Pema as well!

I am a member of the Shambhala group in my area, and I try to attend to sit weekly with some great and truly loving people. Sitting actually places one in the correct sitting posture for POP so is good for body and soul.

The Shambhala tradition, although started by Chogyum Trungpa Rinpoche who was a revolutionary Tibetan buddhist teacher, teaches a peaceful way of living for people following any religion, not just buddhism. We have several people in our sangha from other religions who simply wish to follow the Shambhalian path of a peaceful and good life. This is great because the benefits of meditation can be enjoyed by people of many faiths without conflict.

Pema has many great CD's as well which are great to listen to for us busy Mom's. Sitting meditation has been a soul saver for me many times and I too highly recommend anyone seeking out Pema! :)

I too have had problems with anxiety for a lot of my life. I have to say that now though I don't worry at all about the POP. Honestly I don't think about it too much on a day to day basis. I wish I could say the same about other anxieties I have that seem to have replaced that one. Since I have had my children I seem to have a higher anxiety level which I did not anticipate but I am working on it. I can relate to you Granolamom and Anita. Like so many other things for me it is a work in progress. The quiet sitting does help though.

I think you are getting to the heart of recovery. Taking care of ourselves and keeping our balance.
I have little glimmers when I feel content or calm. But really all in all I think the beast of depression
has me. This POP is only a fraction of the drama that 2007 has been ALL about. The year of my identity
crisis. There is no aspect of my life that has not undergone upheaval or complete re-definition.
My husband and I had separated. Had moved on to dating other people. I however kept my pants on.
Realizing I didn't want to take my pants off for anyone but my husband brought me back to him
(That and I was furious that some other woman was having MY quality time with my son -and husband) I
more or less begged another chance... my prolapse happened almost simultaneously. Now I'm damaged goods.
He's patient but his heart is not really engaged... he's going through the motions mainly because it's easier
on our son to be a family again and his "needs" are being met. It's feeling sort of like a business arrangement
with benefits. I step away from myself and all this and say "of course", why would anyone fall(back) in love
with me ? I am a very unhappy and afraid woman. It would take the most unconditional of love -to keep on
loving me.
I feel like I live in a mine-field and never know where to stand as the bombs are everywhere.

There's the looming foreclosure. It's been slightly delayed but my hope is low.
The weird ballet of paying a little on each bill with enough left for groceries.
There's this loneliness and punishment in my marriage.
There's my angry teen-age daughter thinking she's a grown-up and more of a handful than I'm up to.
On some level I've abandoned her.
Being disowned by my Mother. And Grand-Mother ?

Sorry girls- this is kinda heavy. I mean who the hell wants to hear it ? If I had money ,I would pay someone to hear it.
No matter where I look I don't have any sense of satisfaction - of "Job well done".
I have so much anxiety. Unlike you Kit - dear heart- I haven't had much practice with anxiety. I've always had the
weapon of hiking. I am so angry and grief-stricken and lost without that outlet. It has helped me keep my equilibrium
through divorce and the difficult death of my Dad, and just plain 'ol reinforced my joy in being alive.

I DO NOT SEE how sitting still can replace moving - for me. I am swamped with things that need my attention. The
closest I can come to meditation is Knitting... which I love And it still feels productive. But I agree this is what we each
need to come to terms with. I think over-doing it (abandoning ourselves in favor of others) is something we all have in
common. It's a woman thing - a mother thing.
Zelda

Oh man! This post just slayed me, Zelda. Nothing is so terrifying and soul-stealing than to have your power being slowly sapped away by a dependent relationship. Would things look differently if someone came along and stroked you a check for half a million dollars? Might you even learn to hike again in spite of your prolapse?

I think we all know that nothing is more heart-wrenching than being compromised by a man. NO woman should have to bear that! In a perfect Whole Woman World every woman would have ENOUGH in terms of sustenance to be able to decide who she wanted to be with and what she wanted to do with her Time!

I want to SMACK Anita’s husband for not having the Heart to hear her body stories! If ANYTHING would make a woman anxious it is that! We need to know we are amongst lovers and friends and not sleeping with the enemy! It’s impossible to fake OK when we are SEVERELY struggling, and those men who force us to do so need to SERIOUSLY GROW UP!

Christine

p.s Who said anything about sitting still?????

I could SMACK my husband at times as well. I would give anything to be healthy with no complaints and get on with my life as normal. He made a comment to me the other night about my spending too much time on the computer (I was on this forum) and I just said how nice it must be for him to never have to the visit the doctor and never have any complaints or worries about this health. He is lucky in that he rarely gets sick therefore he never looks for support from others who understand him.

Yes I have endured alot over the last couple of years which means he has had to pitch in a bit more than usual but how nice it must be to have a body that does not let him down or give him trouble.

He is used to a wife who always gets up first and deals with everything around the house and the kids but I have slowed down considerably over the last couple of months and it is not by choice.

I making myself angry now so better wrap this up.

A

Hi there, (love your name) I thought reiki was a 'hands on' experience. Am I thinking of something else? I am often confused. :-) Can you tell me more about your experience with it. I have read a lot but first hand knowledge is so much more interesting to me. Thanks, Kit

I think that is the confusion here- one is mostly hands off and the other is very hands on. this little confusion has given me a tickle......