I'm worrying again

Submitted by ATS on January 18, 2008 - 3:50am
Body: 

I have just been reading information about prolapse again on the internet. Haven't done that for awhile but have just been feeling low again and started looking. Anyway, it states that up to 50% of women who have delivered vaginally will have some degree of prolapse but then goes on to say that 1 in every 10 women will have prolapse. Surely if up to 50% have it then it should be 5 in 10?

It also said that in some cases the prolapse will protude outside of the vagina - does this mean that it is more rare for our organs to exit and hang outside? I am really worried about this rectocele as the lump is at the very bottom of my vagina and if it gets any bigger then it will come out. I feel it ALL the time.

I know Christine has researched all this and it is probably in the book somewhere but I haven't gotten round to reading it all and just wondered if anyone knew off the top of their head.

Thanks.

MeMyselfAndI

January 18, 2008 - 4:24am

My mother has a VERY bad rectocele - It has NEVER exited her body!!!

So.... Deep breaths...

My mothers main problem was a dragging kinda backache she tells me that is gone with her pessary...

My main problem is cystocele - That - I feel will and can exit as it has :-( But only once (prays that will be the only time)

A gynae once told me that if he were to check every woman who had given birth he would see a degree of prolapse in most of them - I would agree with that in UK especially as we are encouraged to birth on our backs.
But having a prolapse that is a prolapse that is small and you dont even know you have it is really no problem (Cos you dont know) So many women will be lucky and not even know they have one...

I often wonder will i get so used to this feeling that I will cease to feel it in the end as it will become 'normality' - Only time will tell on that one.

I didnt think the rectocele could exit - But i may be wrong on that - I just know my mum had a very bad rectocele, and it never left the 'doorway'

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

alemama

January 18, 2008 - 7:37am

until you read the book. be firm with yourself. It is a hard book to read- some parts are down right disturbing. But the education is worth it.
as to the stats....well maybe they mean that half of all women who have babies will have prolapse and 10% of women with out children will have prolapse.
Honestly I don't know how they would get accurate numbers anyway- most prolapses disappear when lying down and that is the way they examine you at an exam- plus most people are asymtomatic-
My only symptom was a painful perineum which I thought was due to child birth and btw disapeared at about 6 months pp so if no one had told me I would still be walking around ignorant of it. I had one for 3 years that went undiagnosed. Do you know what I am saying? I just can't have any faith in statistics- and then I wonder where did they come from? Hospitals? What population did they sample? on and on

I have a feeling that just because a rectocele presents very low does not make it anymore likely to exit the body.
Try to let some of this go. I know it is hard.

ATS

January 18, 2008 - 8:07am

I know that internet reading does not help but I am going through a real panicky stage again at the moment. I feel really tearful again and I thought this had passed. I think the rectocele being relatively new has got me in a spin and I am having to grieve and re-adjust again.

My period has just finished yet I am getting that bruised feeling more and more these days. I don't know, maybe I only noticed it before during a period as that is when is at is worst but it was there all the time. Since prolapse I focus on my va-j-j 24/7 and I am surprised I can think if anything else. I have what looks like blood blisters on my labia since being pregnant with my daughter and they never go away. One was quite painful which I had checked out just after she was born but they said it was just an enlarged blood vessel. I feel like my vagina has been completely destroyed by childbirth.

I keep meaning to pick up the book and read it throughly its just I find the information a lot to take in - its quite heavy reading if you know what I mean.

I do get what you are saying about walking around ignorant to the rectocele. Maybe lots of women have weird feelings after childbirth that they put down to just that when in actual fact it is a prolapse. But from the symptoms I get I do not know how you could ignore it. Why some women just get an funny feeling that they just live with and it never gets any worse and for others it keeps progressing.

Today I am upset, angry and depressed by it all. I have my son's birthday party tonight as well - hopefully that might make me feel a little better but I tend to find myself looking around the room wondering if anyone feels like I do and if they don't then why is it just me.

So so frustrated.

Anita

ATS

January 18, 2008 - 8:11am

... is it doesn't help having a very umsympathetic husband. I keep wondering if we will go the distance as its only been 6 months since getting this and yet he is completley fed up already. What about what I am going through!

Maybe when the kids get older and are less reliant on us it will get easier.

MeMyselfAndI

January 18, 2008 - 8:28am

If he is bored with it - TELL HIM

Does he not think you are bored with this thing you will carry for the rest of your flippin life?????????

hardly exciting is it
Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

Zelda

January 18, 2008 - 9:52am

Your story is painful to think about. Honestly.
I'm going to share my thoughts here, i wish I could do it all lovingly and
sweet as so many of you dear ladies do. But I guess blunt is more my nature. Sorry.

LIKE ME - you can get yourself worked into a real tizzy ( I blame it on my Irish
ancestry). You must find ways to protect yourself from feeding that vicious cycle.
Now in MY mind, that means not getting into even more research on the web or indulging
in ol' checkermania.

Create diversions. Throw yourself into ANYthing else that will absorb your focus,
giving your mind a break, and allowing your anxiety level to drop. I'm guessing
you know about the physiology of high stress ? if you don't - look into that, it
sure motivated me to keeping myself on a more even keel.

Take comfort that there are so many honest women here telling it as it is, that
you don't have to worry about the Bogey in the darkest corner ? Kwim ? You are
Not going to be the first woman to have all her insides hit the floor. Nope - it's Not
gonna happen !

I am - however - worried about your stand-off with your man. I think you better
get to the bottom of THAT. How about writing him a heartfelt letter ? I'm thinking
things will feel a whole lot more secure for you when you feel loved and understood...
I really do say this from my own experience here. My DH went through a period
of dismissive reaction to my POP as well ( which coincided with my highest anxiety level !)
but we have worked through it and are closer than ever. One of the huge breakthroughs
was watching the "Love and Respect" video series, it's been so helpful for both of us. It's
easy to find too as it's gotten so popular. He's not a fan of that psychobabble self-helpy
stuff either... and he really liked it.

Take all that lovely passion and point it towards your joys, eh ?
hugs to you from me.
Zelda

MeMyselfAndI

January 18, 2008 - 10:11am

What is the physiology of high stress ?

plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

Forestdawn

January 18, 2008 - 10:25am

I saw a pic on the net of a rectocele that had exited the vjay. It often says they wont do surgery unless it protrudes past the lips so yes it can happen. Doesn't mean it will happen. No matter what happens it's not life threatening condition. Take comfort in small mercys if u can.

ATS

January 18, 2008 - 10:48am

... dear Zelda.

I know where you are coming from and yes I do know what the physiology of high stress does to me - PANIC! I am on high alert again and I have been suddenly waking early hours of the morning in an incredibly anxious state. Unfortunately dealing with stress is not one of my strong points but eventually it does settle.

I think I need to start doing my TFT again before I go to bed to try and calm things down. I can hear my therapist now saying colarbone breathing - plleeaassee!

I do try and distract myself and I have been getting out and keeping myself busy but the damn POP keeps telling me its there. I never have a symptom free day, yes somedays are better than others and everthing feels stable but then others are just horrible.

I have thought numerous times today about writing a letter to hubby as I cannot find the words to explain it to him and then I just get upset and nothing comes out. I think a part of me is scared to show him the real truth but he needs to know exactly what I am dealing with and that if not taken care of it can become severe (at least I hope that only happens when you DON'T take care of yourself). I have thought so many times about walking out so I don't have to deal with him or the situation.

Forestdawn - I know I am not sick and this will not harm me but it feels like a HUGE black cloud hanging over me and I can't shake it off. I was doing o.k.ish with all this - I think I have just hit a low again and somehow need to find my way back out again.

Thanks ladies for listening and sharing.

I am off out now to my son's birthday party and I hope the POP behaves so I can forget for a moment at least.

Speak to you later.

Anita

alemama

January 18, 2008 - 11:19am

ATS-ask your husband for 6 more months of patience. Ask him to support you. Give specifics. Honey when you get home I would like to lie down for 1 hour. After that I will get up and make dinner. I am going through a tough time right now and your loving glances and gestures help me so much. I know I will get through this. I need a little time.

My man likes specifics. If I can tell him a time he will work like a dog- if I am vague and complain he will clam up and roll his eyes.
My man likes to solve problems- Honey I am having trouble lifting this heavy laundry basket do you have any ideas for me? he's on it. Ask for help if you need it.
It helps to take the emotion out of it if you can. Look at the situation for places he can help you- things he can do and then remember to be appreciative.

Look- we are rushed in this society to get over things. Lost pregnancies, lost family members, divorces, parents divorces, failed business attemps, rape, car accidents- oh just get over it quick. Well in the great scheme of things if you can come to terms with your new vaqina in a year that is pretty fast-

It is up and down. and after a year or so the ups last longer and the downs are a little scarier for me- but if you develop some stratagies now to handle the down times they will always apply.

Give love to get love. Give support to get support. Ask and you shall receive.

alemama

January 18, 2008 - 11:22am

when looking at internet photos please remember that they can be altered. Most photos you will come across will be surgical photos- and when a woman is having surgery on her vagina they sometimes pull out the prolapse more.
Try to find ones Women themselves have posted.

MeMyselfAndI

January 18, 2008 - 11:57am

If one used a tampon as a kinda 'plug' would this serve as the sea sponge would - A throw away version?

As it block the gap so nothing can escape?

Or is that a stupid thought?

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

stella

January 20, 2008 - 8:52am

hang in there Anita, I send you big hugs. We will have our ups and downs...we are here for you.
S

ATS

January 20, 2008 - 8:55am

Sending (((Hugs))) back.

stella

January 20, 2008 - 9:09am

I think we should just hang out here and all hug each other all day. Ha. If only......