Back again and really down (in more ways than one)

I got the same BM thing. Yeah it sucks. But I got used to it. I'm just crossing my fingers everything doesn't get worse. I can live with things as they are. I have bladder issues, bowel issues and uterus issues, but the last thing I'll do is let the medical community take the knife to me. I just deal with it. It's not like I have a really terrible disease like having to go for dialysis or something, so I look at it that way. It is really minor compared to what some people have to put up with. That helps me keep it in perspective. Don't know what to tell you about another baby that would be a real dilemma for me.

Nikki,

When my second child was born - 8.5 pounds, I herniated a disk. Nobody told me anything except they were going to cut and paste my body and I said "NO!" and literally healed myself.

I've had two more herniated disks since the second child, and I've treated all of them with bed rest - now to the point. I've never been able to carry any of my children around. I've had four - two more. I know it's not prolapse then, but I had the same problem more or less.

I taught my children how to climb into my lap, how to climb into their high chairs, car seats, and how to walk. I got an umbroller which I used all the time.

It's possible to never lift a child who is walking. Sometimes when you are out you can sit first and then lift. It takes a bit of thought, but it's worth it in the long run. My children who screamed to be picked up and carried just screamed - once. Then they understood that mom just couldn't.

My children turned out to be the most responsible, independent, loving and caring young people I know - much more so than their friends who were carried. It didn't hurt them a bit. I was always there to sit and love on them.

Try eating less food (and absolutely no white flour products) for a couple of days and see if that doesn't help heal your prolapse a little. I do yoga and it helps mine. It doesn't have to be at a studio; it can be at home. Relieving the stress for a while might do you some good.

Try taking an elaborate step forward, both legs heading in the same direction and then reaching down and touching your front foot. Keep legs straight but don't lock your knees. Try putting your head to your knee. Now while you're in this teetering position, squeeze your legs, buttocks and hips together and hold and lift everything inside - squeeze and hold. Reverse legs. I find this helps keep things up and strengthens everything down there.

Affections galore,

Judy

Change what you can change; be happy with what you cannot.

Hi Nikki,

Sorry to hear you're having a bad time of it.

I just wanted to add to what Judy said that it's perfectly okay not to lift your kids by that age. I stopped lifting my daughter at all before that time and she's completely fine with it. She's never worried that I don't lift her. We have loads of cuddles and kisses and wrestles on the floor and bed. I often sit on my knees and she leaps into my arms. She's really clever at climbing and is very active, so in a lot of ways it can be beneficial for them to learn to do things themselves. Like dressing and feeding themselves, the more they practice the better they get and the more independent they become - which is our job as parents in a way anyway.

I started teaching my daughter by giving her a boost up onto a couch, into her pram etc. She gradually got stronger and does everything herself now. She loves it! If she wants to get up to see what I'm doing in the kitchen or something I just get her a chair and she climbs up next to me so she can see. I also use buckets around the house for the sink etc and a little step for lower things.

I know for some it's okay to keep lifting but for me it definitely aggravated my POP to do any lifting. If it's the case for you, it's definitely better to try not to lift at all.

I can't answer your thoughts on having another baby but it took me a long time to decide to have another baby. I'm now 14 weeks pg but my other daughter is two and a half. For me, I had to wait until I felt comfortable enough to decide on having another one. It was a very difficult decision but I guess you can only weigh up whether you feel your body could cope. Time does help. My body has healed a lot in the last couple of years since having my first.

Judy, I'm curious - what is an umbroller?

maybe you need to approach the bathroom a bit differently... try not sitting at all and try splinting before you start- basically you have a little trap for the stool to get stuck in- work on straightening that out - possibly a few times a day (not just for a bm) and I think you will have an easier go of it. I have no clue what you mean when you say your uterus is to the right- how can you tell?
Also my feeling is the front and back wall come together at the cervix- so if you feel your cervix and then you can feel behind it then yes you probably have something going on.
I have 3 little ones and the only way to not lift them is to let them climb- so it takes much much longer than if you just popped them into the car seat- but in the end it is so much better.
I can feel my rectocle bulge sometimes when I lift my toddler- but not everytime.

One lesson I had to learn was to slow way down- so instead of carrying the baby around while I cooked I had to wait for him to sleep or have peanut butter and jelly for dinner. It is so very hard to carry a baby, maintain the posture and then try to clean or cook or shop.
When I feel very tired I get on my knees and elbows- It really helps and my kids think it's funny and climb on me.
Maybe you might try a seasponge to keep everything inside for a few days

Don't let fear dominate your decisions. It is so much better to regret an action then to regreat the lack of action.
Get your bathroom habits straighened out and then go for it. I just love babies......

I know you are upset right now. and it sounds like you have been for a little while. For me once I realized that prolapse is NORMAL and lots of women have it- especially after birthing multiple babies- I felt better- also once I realized that I had some practical tools to help me prevent further prolapse- well = it got me a long long way away from crying every day.....feel better-

Mumwithone,

An umbroller is a little light weight stroller that folds up like an umbrella. It weighs about 2 pounds and is small enough to go just about anywhere. I've always had one - kids and now grandkids.
I see all the big strollers at the mall sometimes that must weigh as much as a car, and I wonder how the modern mother handles it. For me, an umbroller was perfect, easy to maneuver in any situation and even goes up stairs well.

Judy

Change what you can change; be happy with what you cannot.

I lost my first post but thank you for that Judy. That's a great idea that I'd never heard of and I'll look into it for my next bubba. Prams are often ridiculously heavy. If I'd known about my POP with bub number one I would have ditched my heavy pram instead of lifting it in and out of the car constantly. The midwives tell you not to lift anything heavier than the baby but then the pram weighs three times as much.

Hi Nikki

I was just reading Mumwithone's latest post where she mentions getting her DH to do the big grocery shop, then Alemama talking about slowing right down.

It made me think about what a stressful activity shopping is, with heavy loads to lift and also the bottle neck that always seems to happen with packing bags into the trolley as they are scanned and finding the damned card in your bag, and paying and trying to get the trolley and children away from the checkout before the next customer's shopping descends on you. The pressure really is on the shopper these days, now all the checkout operator has to do is scan each item and put them in a bag. It is really hard work being a customer.

Likewise, there is always so much to do when you are home (Think mother bird flying herself ragged to keep the worms coming for the babies!). It is as if mothers are genetically programmed to work at full speed and get everything done in order to raise happy, healthy children.

WRONG! We need to rise above this primitive thinking and slow down. Speed and urgency are as much a risk in the home and family as they are in the workplace. Things go wrong when we are in a hurry, and it is so tempting to just get the job done, no matter what bit of our body we damage in the process. I kick myself now when I think of myself as a young mother, juggling that extra parcel, or carrying that awkward load, or lifting that child because there wasn't enough time to let them climb or walk by themselves. I am so looking forward to old age, if only for the more leisurely pace that oldies can take. My Mum always complains about being too slow, but I love to be with her in her slower pace when we go for coffee. It reminds me every week how important going slower really is, for our wellbeing. You can't smell roses while driving a formula 1 racing car!

Cheers

Louise

i just wrote a post as response to "getting worse". so please look at it. i am having a very similar rectal problem and although my husband knows about the organ prolapse, he has no clue of how bad things are with my rectum because i know he will be grossed out...and it won't help our sexual life...he makes the same comment about the baby. i just cry all of the time.

Hi Jsync

I am just about to read your other post. Look, don't get too het up about you husband's comments about the effect of your baby on your sexual life. That will all change as babies role in the family changes and his/her personality starts developing, and DH falls in love with him/her in a few months. This is also the period when much of your healing will happen in your pelvic area, and there is not a lot you can do to hurry it along, other to work on some appropriate physical exercise and mental and emotional healing that will enhance it. You sound pretty vulnerable at the moment, and it is probably worth considering seeing a professional if you can see that it is going on and on.

Early parenthood doesn't have to be a time of unhappiness and unanswered questions, a babies certainly have a way of worsening existing issues in the family! I think this is particularly pertinent where the pregnancy has been an all-consuming event from beginning to end. It is too easy for that to distract partners from each other. Now you are three, and this real, gorgeous baby is here and part of your family, the work and the rewards really start.

Jsync, you are the only person who can start the process of getting past these difficulties. I have yet to meet a man who could start the process of healing a marriage and a family. And if you don't, I suspect nobody else will. Be brave, be sensible, and be gentle on yourself and your little family, but be the one who starts the positive changes. Then you can start enjoying each other a little more.

I'll be away from my computer for the next two weeks. Looking forward to catching up with you all around Christmas.

love from Louise

Hi Jsync,

I'm sorry to hear of all the problems you're having at the moment. I know how awful and scary it can be.

I know a lot of ladies find it's better not to go into too much detail with their husbands but I wanted to share that for me he's my greatest friend so I talk often and in great detail about my POP and the troubles I have. He knows what I'm going through every step of the way and for us it's been a positive way to go. He helps me with lifting things and does the vacuuming because he knows those things irritate my POP. He understands I might have to stop off at the toilets a lot and it's a great relief that I don't have to feel embarrassed about that like I am with other people at times. Our sex life is great and I just say I'm 'not feeling well' if I don't want it because of the POP that day. On the other hand we joke about how sex makes it a bit better and have fun in that regard. He checks I'm okay and slows down if I need him to when we go for a walk. Most of all, he's there to listen to me when it's got me down that day because I can't do things I used to enjoy.

It may not be right for you and your partner but there's always the possibility your husband will understand more if you share more. See what's right for you but I just thought I'd let you know how it's been for me. The early days with a new bub are hard on the relationship even without POP, I think it's all just part of adjusting to parenthood and the more difficult stage of settling a baby and caring for this new person you're so responsible for.

Thinking of you,
Mumwithone.

Your husband sounds so lovely, understanding and caring. I had a complete meltdown when I first realised what I had and that there was no cure and my husband seemed really concerned and helpful. Well that lasted all of 24 hours and then it was back to normal and now he just gets irritated with me for not doing what I used to and if I go into any detail at all he just screws his face up and stops me saying he doesn't need details.

Oh well.

A

Nikki that must have been ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING! Thank god you and your son made it out safe and sound and I am sorry for those families and the people who did not make it. I am not surprised you have not been around, that must have taken some serious time to get over emotionally and I am sure something like that will never leave you.

As for the POP during that situation well we go into fight or flight mode and we do what we gotta do even if that means lifting something we shouldn't and your sons safety was your main priority. Yeah POP is really scary and so very hard to get your head round at times. Being 36 I can't imagine handling this for 50 years if I live that long. I don't know what the future holds but then even without POP I wouldn't know what was in my future. I get so angry sometimes wondering why I could not have been the 50% of women who don't get or aren't bothered by POP and I want to turn back time so very badly. This is no fun at all.

Going back to the Mall incident, have you had any sort of counselling?

Anita

yes, I did hear about that, but its not supposed to happen to people I *know!
Thank heavens you and your son are ok, how're you holding up emotionally? I'd be a wreck.

Take good care of yourself and your little one-have you sought out any counseling? How terrifying that must have been!

You can pick up your child, but stay in that posture mode. That will keep anything from heading south. I would limit that fun stuff and just get down to the little tyke's field of vision. More fun that way.

With toiletrie issues. Magnesium and colace. Exercise and don't push. I understand BM's stopping at the entrance, thus the colace so that it slips right on through. Also if one applies pressure and release just under the tailbone, that should get things moving. Don't know why that is. Seems to work though.

sybille