sad...................

Body: 

We went to a superbowl party last night. The host's Mother is a dignified, vital, strong woman whom I love and admire. She is visiting from out of state and I had heard that she recently had surgery for prolapse. Of course I asked her how she has been doing. Well, inevitably and sadly it turns out that it failed completely! She stated that she is in a worse state than she was before, and is feeling very low. The recovery was in her words "extremely painful", and she is no better off. She had a hysterectomy over thirty years ago and has been dealing with a severe rectocele and cystocele for many years. She is a nurse and knows enough to explore her options thoroughly. Before the surgery she told her surgeon that if there was any chance that she would be worse off after the surgery than before that she didn't want it. He assured her that she would be "fixed." She stated to me that she feels let down and lied to, for which I don't blame her. Now she doesn't know what to do or where to go, and is having problems working as a nurse as she is on her feet all day. It all made me so sad to see her like this, and of course made me fuming mad as well. I wish that I had had the chance to speak to her before she had the surgery. It might not have made a difference but at least it might have. I swear I get madder every day about the conspiracy of silence surrounding this issue among medical professionals. It is nothing more than criminal in my mind! Sorry to rant but well, I am sure you all know...................

It seems as if the medical profession is based quite a bit on lies or partial truths. How can one make any sort of informed decision about any procedure?

Something that has made me mad for years - the way doctors want to do painful procedures without any kind of sedative or anesthesa - such as endometrial biopsies, catheterizations, needle breast biopsies, etc. That routine "this will be a little uncomfortable" or "this may pinch a bit" translates to, this will hurt like heck and we know if we tell you that you may not do it. My sister, who has been a nurse for about 30 years, did agree with me on that, so I know it's the case. I read where one kind doctor did say, it's not medically NECESSARY to sedate someone for a colonoscopy but we do it because it's humane. Where does the humanity go with all these awful things they do to women?

If the doctor had told me the endometrial ablation could fail, that I ran the risk of the fluid used during the surgery not draining back out like it should (which it did in my case), that I could develop bladder problems or possibly prolapses, and that my insides might be rearranged once he got thru with me, I don't know if I would have had the procedure. It's been two months now and I'm still having problems.

Oh - that is terrible. It is so hard to handle all this at times. Knowing that I have at least another 50 years in this body, and that in the past two years my problem has certainly gotten worse. Of course, I hope beyond hope that there will be some miracle medical cure. (I know from this site...it isn't here now, but I still hope)

To read about this poor woman, and to know she is just one of many, many, many others like her. I'll cross this bridge, like her, when I get to it (and I hope I never do). But....I'm scared and angry - like so many others of us here of what the future holds.

I hope and pray she finds some relief in this not very fair world of ours.

Your post sounded so very much like something I would write, just wanted to send (((HUGS))).

Anita

Dear Nikki,

I am so sorry, I in no way wanted to make anyone feel worse by writing my post. I think I just feel so outraged right now at the entire medical system which is one which entirely fails to inform us that these issues occur when we still have a chance to prevent, or minimize them, and then lies and misinforms us after they have happened to lead us down a path to many more problems.

I know this lady well, and she is so tough and resilient, and she will be OK. It is amazing because no one else would ever know all that she is going through, and neither would I had I not had the experience that I have. It is just so important I think to reach out to others so that things can change, and so that things can be better for us and our daughters.

Hugs to you. You have been through such a lot recently and I am thinking of you. xxx

I actually want to read these things as I often thing I'll be a surgical candidate someday. Then, I read these and think -- ok - maybe not. But, what about when the uterus actually gets outside the body. Then what? Wahhhhh - makes me want to cry!

You know, this could be way off base, but I wonder if anyone has ever sued their doctor for misinformation or lack of information. Now, I'm not a litigous person (my husband is a doctor), but it makes me wonder. People sue for things the doctor had NO control over. What about this situation...this is an epidemic...how many of us were even told prior to birthing our children that this could occur? Anyone here ever heard of it before finding their bulge or whatever else led them to think something was wrong? I think at a minimum they should TELL us about the possibility and how we can help minimize our risk....anyway...I guess I'm just angry and want to blame someone.

Thanks so much for your good thoughts - right back at you. I pray every day for all of us. Maybe with stem cell research they will be able to create fascia, inject it where we need it and - wa la - fixed. That is my dream of the day.
-Nikki

I am SO with you and all of your thoughts Nikki! xx

I note you say your husband is a doctor - what does he say about your situation being in the medical profession? Sorry this is probably VERY nosey of me but was curious - don't answer if you feel me being rude.

Anita

Hello - you aren't nosey at all. You ladies know all about the configuration of my girl parts - I'd tell you anything! :-)

My husband is a general surgeon. He fixes things like hernias, bad gallbladders, appendixes, does weight-loss surgery, etc. He had done many female exams back in his training days. But, his personality is well---pretty quiet. He is one of the smartest people I know, but isn't very outspoken in many situations. This is one of them. He doesn't say much about it at all. I'll vent to him sometimes, but he just kinda looks at me. Oh - I'd love to tell you my whole birth story and how frustrated I was at him. He didn't speak up when things were happening that were bad. So...for my third birth I had my mother-in-law there to help (who is a labor and delivery nurse). Now, I wish I had only know about midwives....the labor and delivery personnel truly have no idea that all that forced timed pushing on your backs is bad. My MIL had 6 births and has no problems (lucky gal).

Anyway....I guess I can sum it up in that while I love my dh - he is odd and quiet. I don't want to say too much in case I turn him off sexually as he isn't aggressive in that area anyway.

And...once I found out that prolapses even exist in this world, he said something like "oh yeah - other docs always tried to refer cystoceles to me so I'd just refer that right on to gynecology." ACCKKKK - I wanted to hit him over the head and say "YOU KNEW about this? YOU knew it could happen and you let me birth YOUR 9lb. 6oz. baby out of my 96 lb (pre-pregnancy weight) body?" Thank God murder is a mortal sin. :-)

Did she birth all 6 on her back?

My fathers mother had many kids and she had a problem - Had the bladder fix - Which made her worse (nincontinence)

Sometimes i think to myself - Its not fair - others can have sooooooo many babies and yeah I have 3 - But others (like the duggar lady) Have like 12-15 or more kids and they seem fine...

Guess it's just luck of the draw?

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key...
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

.... have 17 and she keeps popping em out so I can only guess that if she does have em (and you MUST have some sort of prolapse after that many births) that they don't bother her. Damn lucky if that's the case.

It does seem to be luck in my opinion. I mean how can one lady have 6 children and no problems but another have only one birth and it all collapses afterward. My cousins have lots of children and one day I will ask the question when I see them.

Thanks for sharing. I can feel your frustration at your husband and I think I would be the same. If someone had told me about this before I got pregnant I would have been so much more careful and probably would have gone to a natural birthing centre rather than the hospital.

My husband didn't speak up at all during my birth either but then we were both completely naive and just did as we were told. He wasn't there for the birth of my daughter as I was so distressed about the whole birthing thing and I knew he wouldn't be very good, as did he, at dealing with things so my mum was there. She was a c-section so it was a very different scenario. I am guessing the fact that your husband doesn't say much probably says it all really. He MUST be aware of how common it is and the complications that surgery can bring.

Your MIL is lucky to have had 6 children and have no problems .... oh I wish. I always wanted 3 children but having my son nearly put me off having more than one! I eventually plucked up the courage but now I have prolapse I know I would not cope emotionally as well as physically having more. I am happy and feel lucky to have had one of each I just wish my body could have been left intact during the process!

Like you I guess we are left hoping that one day they will come up with a miracle cure and until then continue to get through each day as best we can.

Anita

maybe she keeps getting pregnant to keep it above the pubic bone ;-)

When I had my son I was 20... He was forceps delivery...

After I had him for a LONG time I felt like there was a brick inside of me about to fall out (Obvious to me now after the fact it was prolapse - dragging feeling - But I had not heard of it back then)

Then I had my second son - 15mths later...

After him the 'brick' feeling went away - It was great...

So after another child you never know you may feel better (My Gynae also said the damage is done - A normal birth should not ake anything worse)

So do not worry - Do NOT let prolapse take your lives away

Then - Yearrrrrrrs later (13 to be about exact) I had my daughter...

I found my prolapse when she was about two...

So I had had the prolapse for over 14 years not even knowing abut it - Living my life and not freaking cos it was not something I knew about (I had stress incontinence but at that time i thought all women got that - Since coming here I dont have it like I used to)

So...... LIVE life

You only get one...

LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST

Tomorrow you may get hit by a bus or your life could be changed through disability or anything...

Just live - And live well - Do not let any malady tell you how or when you will do things

Be a Bullheaded stubborn woman...

It may seem mad - But hey - Live while you can - Tomorrow may bring many many things!

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key...
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

Yes, all 6 were on her back, or semi-sitting. Actually - she had 7, but the last was a c-section. And, some were BIG. But, she was very young - maybe that helps as things are a little more in-shape? One set of twins - those were smaller around 6lbs. each. The others were in the 8 and 9 lb. range. So.. she delivered five different times for a total of 6 vaginal births all 30+ years ago. And...she has NO problems. She did have a hysterectomy in her mid 40's, and STILL no problems and she is in her mid-50's now.

In reading a lot of medical journal entries on this I do think there is a familial predisposition to this. Some of us don't have the elasticity in our skin and connective tissue that others do. My Mom is in her mid-70's and has very wrinkly skin, and has had prolapse surgery 2 times (once in her mid-40's and once in her late 50's and she still has a little bulge). My dh's Mom is in her mid-50's - no POP - BEAUTIFUL skin - no wrinkles whatsoever despite years and years of tanning. Her kids are the same.

In one article I read they attempted to make a connection between POP and stretch marks. Makes sense to me - the skin in some isn't as elastic as in others - hence POP and stretch marks. My belly looks like Freddy Kruger went to town with a knife! :-)

I'm so glad all you ladies are here and are willing to share. I wish I could take it all away from each of us, but in that absence I'm glad I'm not alone.

I bet she does have some degree of POP - Just not that which she notices...

Some women are just plain stretchy maybe? lol

But - as much as I am jealous of them, that won't fix mine so we hafta go on with what we have and work with it somehow...

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key...
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg