Tired of Doctors

Submitted by arunnergirl on March 8, 2008 - 8:04am
Body: 

I went to see a urogynocologist yeterday and nearly started bawling in his office. He basically took away any hope I had. I feel like my prolapse isn't even that bad at this point so was hoping for something positive. Instead he said that it won't get any better than it is now and that I'll probably start being incontinent at some point and things will get worse and I'll need surgery. He wasn't advocating surgery now as I'm only 28 but said that when I'm older and through menopause that I'll probably need it. It was all just so depressing. What really gets me though is that he said I won't see any improvement from what it is right now. That bothers me a lot because I've seen so many posts on this site that said symptoms were the worst at 2 months postpartum and that's what I am! How does he know I won't see any improvement?? He said my pelvic floor muscles were pretty good and to keep doing kegels. That's it. Lovely. I wish I hadn't gone. I was feeling positive and hopeful before I saw him. And I just don't understand how one doctor can say that things will be fine and go back to normal and another can say that things will never get better. If I went to the doctor for a broken arm, I'm not going to get a lot of different opinions, like, one doctor saying leave it alone and it'll heal itself and another saying no, it'll never get better just live with it and another saying you need a cast to fix it. I don't understand why with prolapse there are all these differing opinions. It either can heal or it can't. Why would my regular OBGYN say that they see it all the time and it heals itself and this guy who says that it won't get any better at all????? I just have no faith in doctors and don't know who to believe anymore. I'm so frustrated.

Clonmacnoise

March 8, 2008 - 9:30am

Dear ARG,

I know you want to say ARRRRRRGGGGG, but once your feelings are retrieved from your recent dance with stupidity, you will come to see that doctors practice medicine - they are not God Who doesn't have to practice.

You have met an idiot, and there are many in the medical field. The only times I've ever been ill is when some doctor has tried to kill me or at least convince me that I was dying of some trumped up disease.

We are supposed to believe that doctors will make us well. But as you age, you will come to see that well doesn't come from a doctor; it comes from a complexity that begins with you. How do you live? How do you greet the world? How good is your word and how often do you keep your promises to yourself? HMMMMM?

That's what this site is about. It's about keeping promises to ourselves about this little inconvenience. I say little because I'm older and know that a big inconvenience is breast cancer, bone cancer, the loss of a husband, the loss of a child, a fire, a big no return life change.

This is a little no return life change, but it's not life threatening and it's not guaranteed to make us miserable forever. The living proof of that is the incredible Gmom who is my heroine at the moment.

"When you're older," said the moron in the white coat... how does he know that? He doesn't, so relax. Just remember not to go to any more morons, and if you do see one, remember that they are the only working wonders whose mistakes end up on a slab.

Now back to your life. Congratulations on your new baby. How delightful for you. Now SIT and enjoy your baby and nurse all you can and wrap your arms around your baby and enjoy your healing. While you're recouping, learn to watch your diet, it's a good no matter how old you are,and our bodies change all the time, and sometimes we miss things, so keep a watchful eye. Learn about standing properly, and don't beat yourself up.

Nobody can predict the future. Don't let one horse's neck - now move down the horse - upset you.

Fondly,

Judy

kiki

March 8, 2008 - 2:01pm

REally, don't!!!
I don't get these doctors--how can they be so negative?
I realise how lucky i was. Everyone just kept telling me how much better it would get in the year following the birth. THE YEAR! and they were right. i really had a year of improving, though it didn't really really start till about 3 months PP. to be honest, i found the prolapses at about 3 weeks, and they got worse for the next few weeks whilst they all made themselves known--so at 2 months i was probably at the absolutely worst. then it started getting better.
only at about a year did it really plateau. yes, there were ups and downs but at about 9 months i hit the best when i didn't notice them. then i got sick, and it got worse for a few months, then it got better--and then even better still.
so, i have to say--i had a specialist, a physio, 2 general doctors, and a midwife all tell me i'd have tons of improvement in that first year, and they were so right. i did a ton to support that, and really focused my year around healing. but even if i'd done nothing i believe there would have been some improvement.

so please, IGNORE THAT DOCTOR! focus on healing your body and reassuring your mind.
and don't worry about in 40 years time...you have wisdom they don't--posture / diet / lifestyle!
you'll be amazed at what that can do...

alemama

March 8, 2008 - 7:26pm

it is no mystery to me......why would he say it is only going to get worse? MONEY. how does the man make his living? you got it. surgery. have pity on him. he's just mortal.

I am now 17 months pp and I am considering pregnancy again. That is how good I feel. I have bad days- I rest a little more- but my bad days now are nothing at all like my bad days at 3 months pp. Back then it was PAIN on a bad day- now it is just a sensation of something not quite right- oh man and I hardly ever have them anymore- at 3 months it was like- wow I had one good day out of 7 now it is one bad day out of 15 or 20 and sometimes I have a whole month with no bad days. You are going to get better. Don't worry.

granolamom

March 8, 2008 - 8:04pm

I hate morons in white coats. now there's plenty of GREAT docs out there and there's plenty of times when we might need one, but this is not a great doc and this is not when you need one. THIS is when you need HOPE and COMPASSION.

doctors plain and simple don't know about prolape that's been untampered with by the scalpel. so HE thinks it'll get worse as you age? ok, worst case scenario, it does. ok. so what good does it do to put the fear of that in you now? aside from that being the only thing the doctor is able to do for you. argh!

life is so unpredictable. how dare anyone predict what you will be like 30 years from now? I think that's arrogant and unprofessional to say the least. and to be insensitive enough to say that to a postpartum young mother?! unbelievable.
well, thank your lucky stars you aren't married to the jerk.

and I agree with alemama. $$$$$$$$ its business, baby.

fullofgrace

March 8, 2008 - 8:36pm

Try hard to focus on what you know to be true. What you are learning here, what your original dr told you. The emotional battle is sometimes worse than physical battle when dealing with prolapse. This is not fatal, it is not going to get worse, and you can stabilize it and live well with it.
Jane

Soupy

March 9, 2008 - 3:22pm

Hi ARG,

I wish I could say your experience wasn't typical of doctors, but unfortunately I was told something similar by both a gynae and an obstetric physio...Its a good job some of the women on this forum have had sensible advice that we can 'borrow' in place of the shocking stuff we have been told.
Try to take his comments with a pinch of salt and hang on to your former positivity, because what he said, especially about not getting any better from how you are now is complete poppycock! and when you are feeling better COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN about his negative attitude and tell him how good you are feeling :)

I'm nearly 8 months pp after my second baby. At 8 weeks I felt truly ghastly, after getting myself up and dressed I felt like I needed to lie down for the day it was that bad. By 10-12 weeks there was enough improvement for me to enjoy a pretty active holiday. From 12 weeks, things started feeling reasonable for a big chunk of the day, then went to having the odd FULL GOOD DAY in a week, to now having only the odd bad day or two per month and things keep getting better and better! I started seeing real improvement from 16 weeks. Of course you will improve to your own schedule, but you will feel like a comepltely different person within a year, I am sure.

Be gentle and kind to yourself, enjoy that lovely baby and don't be afraid to hold your baby as much as you want and as much as your baby needs.

xxx

shellymum

March 9, 2008 - 6:14pm

Hi there

I haven't been to a specialist apart from my OB/Gyn. He told me I'd see some improvement as long as I do all the right things. He said he doesn't like to do surgery as it leads to more surgery and/or complications and isn't always effective. I really like my OB/Gyn!!! He told me I'd never be back to "normal" but then who is after having kids - especially after 3!! He said that in time, the prolapse should be less symptomatic, maybe I won't even notice it anymore, as long as I continue to look after myself long-term.

Don't listen to that man....it seems the women on this board are so full of understanding, hope and compassion that you should focus your thoughts on the sentiments expressed here, and also focus on healing over the next few months. That's what I'm going to do too.

Everyone I've spoken to, including my women's health physio, said anytime less than a year after having a baby is still early days. She said don't expect the healing to take weeks - it will take months. A rehab pilates lady I spoke to said the same thing, and she said 99% of postpartum women she sees with prolapse do find a huge improvement in the first year.

Best wishes
Shellymum