Oh my goodness

Submitted by ATS on March 15, 2008 - 12:17pm
Body: 

I little birdie has alerted me to the updates to my last post and I certainly did not expect this. I apologise for my post, I just felt as people were starting to wonder about my absence that I would just say how I felt. I am not great at the written word and perhaps I got it wrong. I certainly did not mean to cause any upset to Christine or anyone, if you knew me you would know I would not set out to hurt anyone.

I need to step away and try to heal, emotionally as well as physically (geez that sounds melodramatic!).

I have asked you all for so much support time and time again and I still haven’t reached my turning point of acceptance. I have watched many of you arrive, go through your grieving and suddenly something falls into place and you find your way. I continue to have such sadness about me and its time I start to seek out the help I really need to bring some calm to my anxiety-ridden life and deal with the underlying issues I have going on. Talking surgery and looking into that avenue is part of the journey I feel I have to take. I KNOW the risks and it may be that when I am sat in front of the surgeon I feel I need to turn and run in the opposite direction, who knows.

At this point in time I am lost and unsure about a lot of things which is why I need to sign off … for now maybe. This is a place to support each other with uplifting and encouraging words and mine just do not fit. I certainly do not in any way mean that you have made me feel that way, this is something I feel about myself. This was the first forum I was really a part of and I just wish I could have made it work.

I have agonised over this post and hope I got it right and you understand what I am trying to say. I sincerely appreciate those offers of continued support despite which road I travel. I know you guys will continue to support each other in the way this forum was meant to.

I do wish you all the best and I am sure our paths will cross again someday.

Anita xxx

goldfinch1

March 15, 2008 - 12:28pm

God's speed to you. My prayers are with you always.

Love, Goldfinch

Zelda

March 15, 2008 - 12:53pm

As our energy ebbs and flows. As we "have" to give, and "need" to take in.
You will find your way I have absolutely no doubt.
We are connected to each other by heart and awareness, and are of each other
as we try on each others skills and work it.
Even in the quiet place you need now, our hearts follow you.
And you know however you proceed we will be here and will greet
your return with joy, or remember your dearness. I for one am indebted to
you for the lessons in your generosity, perseverance and desperation.

I will argue that your voice belongs here, fits here, and is part of what makes us whole.
Big Squishy love to you dearheart !!!
Zelda

jb

March 15, 2008 - 3:53pm

Our bodies are the only thing we truly own outright, so we should do what we wish with them!

I wish you the very best in your surgery, and I pray for a quick healing process..and, God willing...sweet relief!!

Clonmacnoise

March 15, 2008 - 3:54pm

I wish you the very best in all you do. Keep your head and listen and weigh before you make your final decision. Write down all the questions you could possibly have that you have learned here so that you will be fully informed. Don't forget to ask about recovery and the possibility of failure. It's your right to know. Don't let your doctor talk down to you, and make sure you trust him because he's offered you his best. Then if you decide to try this, please let us know. We will all be praying for you,

Judy

stella

March 16, 2008 - 3:15pm

As far as I am concerned, you can always come here and be yourself, as ugly a day as it might be.
Much Love to you

alemama

March 16, 2008 - 8:19pm

I think if it was all sunshine and roses it wouldn't be real. I needed to hear other women cry out in pain when I first found this forum. I wouldn't have stayed if they were not here too. If everyone was saying how great it was and I was alone and in pain I would have left. So Anita you are a valuable part of this forum. Love to you.
It would be fantastic if you decided not to go the surgical route- but if you do would you please post here- the good the bad the year down the road?

mom30

March 16, 2008 - 9:39pm

I have to say that I too needed a break from this forum. I did not come on here probably for a good six or so months. I was going to the Uprise forum instead. I wanted to follow at least one person from start to finish surgery-wise. Well, I did. And, in my opinion, that forum is pretty much the same as this one. Except for the fact that everyone is going to or has had a surgery. All I saw was women supporting each other and giving encouragement. The one woman that I was following had a million and one problems after her surgery along with other back problems etc. I figured if I had ever decided to have anything done that the option was always going to be there and the more time that went by maybe the surgical world would be a little more advanced anyway! I have also realized that I am different now and I would probably be so paranoid that I would rip out what ever I had done that my life would be different anyway.

I think for me, once I stopped fighting the prolapse and trying to "suck it in" all of the time, I just felt better. Don't get me wrong I still wish I didn't have it, but oh well. Every once in a while I look at the pregnant mom with her three other children and wonder 'i bet she doesn't have it', but what good does that do anyway???

You are meant to have a happy and fulfilling life, and you should.