Is this improvement or wishful thinking - Also needing some emotionally encouragement

Submitted by shiloh on June 13, 2008 - 12:22pm
Body: 

Hello everyone:

I am 12 weeks pp today. I have not seen any improvement even in the mornings until about three days ago and now in the mornings you can see that the rectocele and cystocele are about 1/4 to 1/2 inch inside the vagina. My husband looked yesterday morning and said it had moved up. I had him look at it last night as well and he stated that it look about the same as the morning maybe a little lower. My cervix feels like it has gotten higher I was able to feel it at the 2nd knuckle and now I have to use my whole finger to feel for it. I am hoping that this is improvement. I am still holding on to hope that both will significantly regress to a grade 1 or slight prolapse, of course if I could I would just wish it away. I also hope that I am not jinxing myself before another big fall.

I am slowly doing exercises to help and start accupunture tomorrow. I am hoping this will help immensely. I started doing some exercises that seem to strain my stomach around my hip bone a week ago then the pain went away the next day. The pain began when I had what feels like a tearing sensation when I went to put my shoe on. Then I laughed a few days later and it nearly doubled me over. I bent over then came up and it hit me and then the pain went away. My husband thinks that it is a strained muscle from trying to stay in posture all day long and the exercises.

I am having so much trouble trying to figure out what I can and cannot do to make things worse. I am so scare of making it worse that I basically shutting myself inside for fear of hurting myself more. Saralove's post scares me to no end. I am hardly doing anything, hell I am almost afraid to walk. Really need some encouragement again. I feel so damn needy I hate this. I feel fragile and vunerable. I have never felt like this before and I hate it, hate it, hate it. I was always able to do just about anything I wanted but now just putting a car seat with my son in it is seems to much. I now takehim out of the car seat taking him inside before going to retreive the car seat. I also find that I don't carry him as often. I am now putting him in the stroller inside the house and rolling him around. I hate this. I don't know what I am physically able to do without causing more damage.

I have such a wonderfully husband. He is great. I am driving him nuts and I am almost phyiscally paralyzed by this.

Alemama:

Did your rectocele ever improve during postpartum, I know your cystocele went away from a 3rd degree and your cervix went back but did the rectocele ever improve?

Christine

June 13, 2008 - 1:37pm

Hi Shiloh,

Glad to hear you’re sensing some improvement. I wouldn’t discount it at all, but rather have faith that your body is trying to return to normal.

I’ve actually been thinking about posting a reminder for women new to WW techniques that they Not overdo the posture. Burnout is a very real risk as is disappointment that you’re working so hard for a return that can only be slight in the beginning. Listen to the women who say they are still seeing improvement after some years of this work.

Try to have fun with it! I know it sounds impossible, but it can be so enjoyable to just live in your natural shape. Maybe try not to focus so much on every little bit that might be changing, but just have fun being in your womanly body. The head and shoulders lead the rest. Right now I’m seated at my computer with my chin slightly tucked and shoulders down. My tummy sticks way out with every in-breath and I am completely and totally relaxed – there is no effort at all, nor will there be when I stand up, for nothing changes when I do. For that matter, nothing changes structurally when I go into my studio and jump, because everything above the thighs is being held in exactly the same way. My only complaint is lung power, which you have plenty of. Don’t forget to relax! Christine

alemama

June 13, 2008 - 5:47pm

I remember you were having some problems with pain, shaking, and having trouble passing a BM. Is all that getting better?
I know the feeling of having total focus on the actual "look" of things- and it truly sounds like you are seeing improvement- how are you feeling?
You know it is so hard to say if I have had improvement in the look of the rectocele- but if I think back to a year ago or even a year and a half ago I am feeling so much better. I don't feel the pressure all day the way I did back then and my tailbone doesn't ache. I can go and go all day long and not have any symptoms. I can do things now that a year ago took me a week to recover from and now I don't have any change at all to my rectocele (although some things will still send me right over the edge). So ya- it is still there- I know it if I look- and my whole perineum (well what is left of it anyway) still gets sore during a period-and I ache for a day. I think it is still getting better. Stays higher up for longer and longer during the day.
One thing I will say is that I think our babies are born 10 lbs or so for a reason- that is all we need to be lifting- then as the baby grows so does our strength and healing- so that when they are 20lbs at 6 months we are able to carry them as easily as we did when they were infants. I prefer to take my baby out of the carrier- I found the carseat carrier useful once or twice that first year when the baby actually managed to sleep through dinner out- but mostly I like to use a soft wrap or pac like the ergo. I love the closeness I feel to my babes when I carry them close to my body. But as soon as my baby can walk I let him/her.