Sanctuary

Submitted by leopardskinfynn on June 12, 2008 - 7:35pm
Body: 

I'm new here, I probably should be in bed as its 1.15am and both my children are sleeping, but I found this site a couple of hours ago and I feel like I've finally found a space for me and community of women who share the same issues.
Amazing.
Truly.

I'm 34 and mother to two girls - one of two and a half and a babe of 3 months. I noticed a bulge in the front wall of my vagina a few days after the birth of my new babe and had it diagnosed as a cystocele by my GP who suggested I try physiotherapy with a mind to surgery when I have "completed my family".

I felt like my whole world collapsed along with my Yoni. I struggle to feel feminine and sometimes feel like a used up shell of my younger self.

I've had a look at some of the postings here and read somewhere the sage words to mourn my less than perfect self, grieve and move on, and reading this made me smile. I feel that by finally deciding to look at my situation and stop ignoring it or pretending it will go away I have started on the road to self acceptance, and I have the women here to thank for that.

I will read Christine's book, have Maya massage, follow up on acupuncture and homoeopathy and work with my body and mind to resolve this.

I have so much to learn! So much to let go of and so much to hope for.
Thank you.

Christine

June 12, 2008 - 10:52pm

Hello...we're always glad, too, when another young mum finds this place of natural healing. Sounds like you've been reading a lot already, so I will just add that you're amongst sisters here so feel free to join in the world's longest conversation on living well with prolapse! :) Christine

granolamom

June 17, 2008 - 7:43pm

welcome to the site and congrats on the new baby

your post brought me back a few years, you pretty much summed up how I felt too, struggling to feel feminine and vital, feeling like a used up shell, etc

now, not to compare, because obviously there is no comparison, but you know how you sometimes read stories of cancer survivors? how they tell of learning to live through being ill? of course they never would choose cancer, but are appreciative of its lessons? those stories always struck me, I'd think, G-d, thank you for sparing me those lessons! I'd never be strong like those people, I'd just whine and mope and scream 'why me'.

and while prolapse is so not the same thing as cancer, I whined and moped and screamed 'why me'
and then, somehow, I learned not only to live with it, but to live better. I've made so many changes in my life as a means to improve my prolapse, but those changes wound up improving my life.
so while I'd probably not choose a prolapse, I'm appreciative of its lessons. and the truth is, honestly, as things stand today, I dont' give a crap about the prolapse. no more than the lines developing around my eyes. big deal. so I'm aging. I'm LIVING and LOVING it.

when I first got to this forum someone said (probably christine) that I had all the time in the world to learn to live well with prolapse. whew, that took the pressure off!
so read, learn, take it in slowly. you've got all the time in the world.

and stick around. there will be good days and some bad, but we get it. we're all in the same boat here.

leopardskinfynn

June 23, 2008 - 3:50pm

Thanks Granolamom and Christine for your comments.

Orginally I thought that the birth of my 2nd child was the cause of my prolapse, but looking back it was a long time coming. I've had problems with my core muscles and back for over 10 years.

Both my babies were over 9lb and born peacefully at home in the birth pool, but when I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter I developed a chronic lung infection which aggravated my asthma so I spent the last trimester coughing and retching almost constantly. Not good for the pelvic floor!

I've just started Christine's book and am wondering if the Firebreathing is the same as yoga nauli's. Interestingly enough I felt drawn to start doing nauli's again just before I discovered this site, and I find that sometimes when I do them I feel a pulling upwards sensation in my lower pelvis/uterus. I guess that's a good sign?!

Dealing with my 2 1/2 year old daughter is the thing that makes my POP more noticeable as sometimes picking her up seems unavoidable. I'm hoping that wearing my new babe (in a kari-me wrap) is going to not cause any more harm.

This site it feels like an oasis of sanity to be among other women who are dealing with the same issues as me, and despite feeling less than perfect, I now feel that there is a way to live with my new body and heal.

I am a Shiatsu practitioner and I specialise in maternity care so I can now see my own POP as the wound that hopefully will help other women heal too.

alemama

June 23, 2008 - 9:14pm

but both are really powerful- look in the search engine for Nauli. I have not had trouble wearing my baby- but I use an Ergo in the back carry position. this weekend I carried my niece in a sling with no problem either- but only for an hour or so- not quite the same as all day everyday.
Try to find new ways to connect with your toddler if it is bothering your prolapse to lift her. I mostly just get right down on the floor with my kiddos. And I wait more. Patiently most times...
that lung infection sounds horrible.
I have had fantastic results with this work-try putting your fingers in your vagina when you you use the Nauli breathing it is pretty amazing.....

louiseds

June 23, 2008 - 10:20pm

Hi LeopardskinFynn

Yeah, it is amazing how there is always somebody who has experienced what you have experienced. I had infertility treatment to help with my second conception. It went wrong and landed me in hospital just after conception with a belly blown up to 6 months gestation size from football-sized cysts on my ovaries; couldn't eat, couldn't breath. I caught a virus in hospital which left me coughing until I vomited, then some more. I was unable to sit up to relieve it and it went on for weeks. My ovaries were back to normal 12 week size by 12 weeks gestation, but my pelvic floor ballooned out right through the pregnancy and was comatose in the first few weeks postpartum, until a physiotherapist managed to wake up the nerves, then I was right to do Kegels and get the PF working again. Not nice.

Fast forward about 20 years and the post viral coughing which I had experienced regularly since childhood finally didn't go away, and was diagnosed as asthma. I had heavy doses of preventer and reliever medications that stopped the hacking cough but left me wheezy and prone to chest infections, and never really cleared my lungs. My respiratory specialist got to his wits' end, and said it wasn't asthma but my sinuses. I finally decided I wasn't going to get any further with him. I think he was relieved to see me go, after two years of treatment culminating in unsatisfactory management! It doesn't really matter now whether it was asthma or not.

I weaned myself off the preventer medication and used the reliever for a few weeks while I did a Buteyko breathing course. This course, among other things, taught me to keep my mouth shut unless I am saying something or taking a mouthful of something, learning to breathe slower, and breathing into my belly. I was then able to ditch the reliever after a few more weeks and have been OK ever since. Now I breathe differently, I can get rid of any respiratory virus in a couple of weeks with little coughing in the viral stage and no post-viral coughing. It blends brilliantly with Wholewoman posture and other techniques. Buteyko breathing does allow some people (who really do have asthma) to stop asthma medication entirely, and allows others to reduce significantly the dose of their steroid preventers. I think keeping your mouth shut is the most important factor.

Needless to say, the immediate effect on my pelvic floor was dramatic. Now, if I do have a heavy coughing session for any reason I bend from the hips, and put my vagina at right angles or more to the downward intraabdominal forces generated by the coughing, and coughing, sneezing etc are no longer a problem continence or prolapsewise.

Glad you have found the oasis. Stick around. the improvements continue for years.

Cheers

Louise

babygotback

June 23, 2008 - 10:49pm

because when i do it, it knocks me off my socks pull-in/up/forward feeling. not sometimes, each time and strong. i can now do it in levels where i can pull my muscles forward harder and the up/in/forward feeling is more intense.

i am wondering what i am doing...if not nauli. maybe i am doing something else! it is working great though!

Louise, your history continuously amazes me! What a story. That breathing class sounds fascinating! Thanks for sharing that.

leopardskinfynn, glad you found the forum!

alemama

June 24, 2008 - 10:34am

that is what happens for me too. and I can get the levels too- and if I am feeling around when I do it I can kegel and feel the muscles contract in different parts of my vagina. that is why I still have hope for my rectocele- because I can feel through the bulge (that flattens during nauli) a tiny little muscle contraction- I figure if I can strengthen it I may be rid of the bulge some day......