Patience!!!

Submitted by jb on June 25, 2008 - 2:13pm
Body: 

Hello all,
I realize that my final post here will be controversial. First, I want to thank everyone for the kindness they have offered when I was really down.

Next, I want to briefly explain my story: I am 35, had my first baby 6 months ago (vaginal birth with a long, hard labor). I carried A LOT of extra weight (gained 75 lbs+ during pregnancy), and had a lot of constipation. I also attempted some strenuous exercise (running) at 4 weeks. Anyhow, I feel I set myself up for problems!

I found my 'bulge' not long after restarting the running, ran to my doc who said it ws a cystocele. I freaked and cried and felt totally broken. I stopped exercising for a few more months. I continued to take it easy and nursed and enjoyed my baby. I felt my cystocele all the time (like a tampon falling out of me), especially when I held DD, which was pretty much constantly. I thought about my vagina every few seconds and checked with the mirror sevral times daily (and cried and cried...my poor husband). I ws totally depressed... Got the picture???

Things really started to improve around 5 months or so. Now I am just about 6 months pp. I recently weaned DD (not b/c of cystocele, but b/c she now has teeth, wasn't ever satisfied with nursing...even every 2 hours, and I am going back to work and I hate to pump). I think I regained a more 'normal feeling' vagina after weaning within the first week, I assume due to decreased prolactin and subsequent increase in estrogen.

Unbelievably....I FEEL 100% DOWN THERE!!!! I feel like myself again. I'm even running a couple of miles everyday.

If you're stuck in the obsessed-depressed world of finding your postpartum 'cele, please keep in mind that your body needs time to recover. I think that losing most of the weight helped, but time was the key. I also believe I needed to wait until I started making more estrogen! Have faith in your body's ability to heal, climb back in bed with your baby, and try to ignore it as much as you can. I fully expect menopause to cause a cele, but I'll deal with that later! :)

Months ago, was unable to find any woman who said "Yes, I had a postpartum cystocele, and it went away completely and naturally." No one I knew had these problems, and the people online had more permanent celes, so just assumed I would be like that forever. I was wrong! Thank the Lord!

I just want new moms to know that cystoceles can, and often do, go away. DON'T DESPAIR!!!!

granolamom

June 25, 2008 - 2:40pm

so good to hear from you, and to hear that you are doing so well
its always wonderful to hear about the happy endings. thanks for taking the time to share yours

I do hope you pop in anyway from time to time just to say hi. its ok to stick around even if you no longer have a prolapse

jb

June 25, 2008 - 3:05pm

Your words are always kind. I will pop in (cute pun), as I suspect I'm one of those girls who will have those saggy premenstrual symptoms, as well as a return of my cele in future pregnancies (God willing) or menopause. By then, I hope I'll feel more comfortable with the little imperfections below!

alemama

June 25, 2008 - 6:08pm

Jb this is great news. I love to hear women saying they are feeling better. And what an amazing turnaround for you. I have had wonderful success with this work. I hesitate to report that my postpartum cystocele went away completely and naturally- but for now it is gone. But it took work on my part and many lifestyle changes.
So exciting to hear that you are running.
Did you incorporate ww posture into your life? Do you think it made any difference for you? Or do you think it was just the passage of time?

arunnergirl

June 25, 2008 - 6:35pm

for posting this. I've been feeling really great down below lately but am still not running. It has left me feeling really sad and depressed and I'm still hoping to run again one day. I'm planning to wait until my cycle resumes just to give my body time to recover. Hopefully I'll have the same sort of recovery as you and be back to running in a few months. Post like yours are definitely nice to see. Congrats!

ARG

jb

June 26, 2008 - 2:05pm

I did try to stand in ww posture when I was still dealing with the prolapse. I have a cold right now, and I'm coughing a lot. When I cough, I remember to sort of brace myself and make sure I'm not bearing down. IDK if this is really necessary, but in my mind it is.

I've tried to run in posture, but I don't think I'm doing it right. Plus, now when I run, I don't feel any dragging or pulling down there. I'm much more concerned with just breathing, controlling the running stroller, and keeping my feet moving. It's a long road back, I guess!

Arunnergirl---I think you are very wise to wait for your cycle to return. I went back on Ortho tricyclen-Lo this week, and I'm actually excited about getting a period in a few weeks! Please don't be sad or depressed about the running. It will be part of your life very soon. Do you like to run in the fall? I think it's the best time for people to begin (or restart). Maybe that will be the magical season for you to get your wheels back!

Someday, when your churning out some serious mileage, you can drift off in your runner's zone and think of these gloomy days (on that day, I hope you smile ear-to-ear about feeling so strong and whole). I have yet to get to that place (the zone), but I can't wait until I think "What? That's 10 miles already?" Hahahaha!

That day will come for both of us. ((((hugs & the very best to you))))

kay

June 29, 2008 - 6:41pm

I have been feeling super desperate this past couple of days and seem to find myself here when I need a ray of hope! You were all it this time round. I have had a busy couple of days planning and hosting my daughters' second Birthday as well as looking after my 3 month old and WOW was I feeling it in so many ways! Mainly this pressure and pinchy bulge that makes me want to scream! I try to mentally shift and be positive but it can be so hard sometimes! As my husband heads out for a run and I look after the kids I can't help but wish, wish, wish I was running, feeling back to my old self, and think I would be able to enjoy caring for my kids more! As it stands now I feel it everytime I move around, carry the kids, have a bowel movement. I just want it to go away! At the same time I LOVE my kids and wouldnt trade them for the world!~
tryin to be positive!
Kay

jb

June 30, 2008 - 6:02pm

Hey Kay,
I now how you feel about the husband running. I had many days when my droopy postpartum body (complete with droopy vagina) made me feel almost suicidal. Not joking at all. If it was not for God's beautiful gift of children, I probably would have ended it. My state of mind combined with sensation of living in my postpartum body would have forced me over the edge of the nearest skyscraper.

Don't despair...just wait. Healing is such a gradual thing. Husbands, although often the greatest friends, cannot understand this. I remember telling my DH that he needed to hep me more with everything, but (at the same time) I didn't want him to touch anything (laundry, baby, dishes, etc.). Poor guy. Then, I started to really resent him and his freedom (even his freedom to MOVE). I felt so trapped.

Not now. I think obsessing (like reading all the posts on these websites) did me more harm than good. I think you should keep the fact that you will be normal again in the back of your mind, and just go take a nap rather than logging on. The sleep will do more good than obsessing about it.

You and your sanity are in my prayers. God bless you and your family.

alemama

June 30, 2008 - 9:18pm

Jb. I respect that we all come through this prolapse thing in our own ways. For me obsessing was an important part of the process. Many times logging on here saved my sanity. Heck, it even helped my sleep to read all I could about prolapse. Christine's book and this forum have been the only reliable sources of information I have found. This forum is really special to me. I can not imagine discouraging someone with POP from reading this site and I wish you would not either.
I am glad you are feeling so good. When I read that you are not moving in the posture I felt genuine worry for you. It is the way we women are made to move. I agree with your theory that many times postpartum prolapse resolves. I sincerely hope this is the case for you.

Kay. It gets better. it really does. I still wonder about the pinching you are feeling. Also I wonder (in light of recent discussions) if some extra lubrication would help. Have you tried a nice long walk in the posture doing large arm movements? Do you have a copy of the WW ballet work out? Maybe you could find a little time to get some exercise for yourself in here and there through out the day. Rest well. I know in the early days I spent a lot of time on my elbows and knees and got great relief that way. At three months postpartum I was crawling around on the floor to pick up toys.