Please help with self-diagnosis

First of all, congrats on your lovely new baby!
I know it can be hard to figure out what our bodies are doing, especially so soon after giving birth. Prolapses are so common after birth, but so many resolve as our bodies heal.

I'm not quite clear on what you are feeling / seeing, but I can share with you my experience of a cystocele. Initially it was very obvious--think a golf ball hanging down into the vaginal entrance. You couldn't miss it. That is the grade 2 - 3 kind. However, when I lay down it retreated quite a lot.

Now it has healed quite substantially, and is much subtler lying down. Standing up, there is a softening of the frontal wall into the vagina that you can run your finger around. I can push it back into position, and when my bladder is full it feels fuller and harder than when it is empty.

Your body is bound to feel tired and nothing feel the same for quite a while. Healing from babies takes a long time. My little one is 2 years old, and I'm still feeling things change and improve.

I don't feel like I've been of much help, but wanted to at least reply with some thoughts.

Take care, try to relax (so hard i now!) and know that no matter what is going on, things will improve. Check out the posture on the FAQ's, and start with that. If you have a prolapse it will help, and if you don't it will help prevent anything in the future as your organs sit where they are most supported.

well- I don't have one second right now- I am typing blind since my two year old is on top of my head- but I read your post and have some information to share- I'll get back to you this evening after bed time!

1. "Could I have a cystocele? I asked my midwife at the 6 week check, and she said she did not feel "any mass." BUT she checked me lying down. I will see a Doc soon, but in the meantime . . . . . " .Yep you could have one- but it isn't a death sentence or anything. You can have a super active life. Mine started when I was 23 and I found out about it 2 kids later at 27. I am now on baby #4 and 29 years old. I feel fantastic- and though these days I am having some discomfort from my rectocele I know by the time the baby is 18 months or so I won't even be thinking about it.

2." When I look at myself standing, I see what looks kind of, though not exactly, like this picture: http://www.obgyn.net/women/articles/indman/Vulva.jpg I am most concerned about that expanse of tissue labeled vagina below the "pee hole." I have a hard time telling the difference between that "picture of normal" and the Whole Woman illustration of cystocele in the self exam. This flesh retreats somewhat when I lie down, a few centimeters in, but never disappears completely. I feel like anyone having a look while I'm lying down would see it." In that photo what is in the vagina space is the hymen- You would not have that part anymore (sex, tampons, birth, sports- it's gone now)- FWIW it sounds like a prolapse to me.

3. "Is that flesh the part that bulges in a cystocele, or does it come out of the vaginal opening, pushing said flesh away? Would it be the same color as the surrounding flesh, or a different color, as injured tissue is apt to be? Would it be really rounded, or does being flush/flat with my other bits qualify it as a bulge?" After the birth of my second child my husband noticed a bulge (when checking my stitches) that was blueish (like how your veins are blueish) but by the time I went in for my pp visit it was gone. After I had my third baby it came back and that is when I got diagnosed. It stayed kept that blueish tinge for about 4 months or so. Now the tissue stays inside (not visible unless I hold open the labia area and bare down a little- but the color is pretty much like the rest of that area.

4. "I have none of the symptoms attributed to cystocele by medical websites, for which I am very thankful. However, I have also read that "significant prolapse may be asymptomatic." Sometimes I *think* I might have a feeling of tiredness, but I am always so tense in that area now, that it could be self-imposed. I certainly don't feel like my old self, but I had a baby, and expect that to some degree". The only symptoms I had before I knew what I had going on were tiredness and aching at the end of a long day. Once I knew what I had I was able to be much more in tune with the area and what was going on- and then I could monitor the area myself to see how things were going. I also noticed the tiredness and ache much sooner- and took to resting on the kitchen floor when I was making dinner.

5. "When I have a feel on the inside, it feels soft like the inside of my cheek, only thicker or bulkier. The front wall has a kind of half pipe shape all the way up. Would I feel more of a round bump instead of a long tube? Would the bladder feel like a water balloon, or just generally soft, as I describe?" So I can only speak for myself here. I first found my rectocele and then in the months following I developed this same half-pipe shape feeling and my cervix started dipping down lower into my vagina. It was not there before. Over time I was able to reverse this "softening" of the anterior vaginal wall with Nauli breathing. I am now about 8 months pregnant and I recently felt this "softening" return. I have great confidence that I will be able to reverse it again. I have read here of this half-pipe many times- and also of a water balloon like feeling- I think the water balloon is a more advanced cystocele- and that it does happen in degrees-
Now just how it all happens and why is still not well understood by me- I don't know why I was able to firm my anterior wall back up- perhaps I caught it soon enough and was already doing all the right things- posture and lifestyle. I do know that often one wall will collapse to meet the other wall- to kind of recreate the previous space. I think my front wall was going simply to meet the back wall-

"I want to break this mirror obsession with the "is it? isn't it? maybe?" I just want to know, either way." well regardless- buying the book and adopting the posture and other life changes will only keep you healthy. Hope this helps a little.